Preschool Teacher - Sorry, I'm Long-winded!

I would tell the preschool teacher that you would like to set up a brief meeting with her after class one day next week. At the meeting, you can say you have no real concerns, she likes school but you just want to get a better idea of what goes on and how she handles everything...something like that. Then, you can also get to know the teacher a little better.

At my son's preschool, the assistant is way more warm and fuzzy then the lead teacher. I'm just thankful that one of them is because my son still needs a little of that. They're both good, just different personalities.

When our daughter was in elementary school, it seemed like each grade had that teacher.. the one that the parents did not want their children in that class.. The kids did great and loved the teacher, but it was the parents that had the problem with them.

The one teacher that the parents cared the least for on campus, our daughter had her for math in fourth grade.
I was a PTA officer almost every year our daughter was at the school. I also found this teacher aloof.

When our daughter was finished with 5th grade and it was tie for middle school, i asked our daughter who was your favorite teacher at school.

She said "I had a lot of favorites." She then listed them.. "But the teacher i learned the most from was, Mrs. F." Yep, the teacher that so many parents demanded they did not want their child in her class.

I actually admitted to our daughter that this teacher was really disliked by parents. She was shocked..

When i told her the reasons.." The teacher, never smiled, She seemed brusk, defensive, stand offish.." Our daughter said "No Way!" "She is so funny. She is so patient, and she can teach math in so many different ways so we all could understand!", She made sure the kids behaved, while it was time to work, but when we all finished our work, we had the best time in her class."

And so I learned that teachers, may not be great with parents. Maybe shy, maybe intimidated.. Maybe feel judged.. But that does not make them bad teachers.. Could be that is why they are successful in the classrooms, but not popular with parents.

Get over it since she likes school. When my son was in the 4s, one of the teachers was an old, grouchy lady that probably should have retired 20 years before. I thought, "wow, he is going to hate being with her." But you know what, he didn't mind her at all. None of the kids did. She brought the order and discipline and the other teacher brought the warm and fuzzies.

In the grand scheme of things, there will be many many teachers that you will not care for, but your kids will be stuck with for the year and you will need to overcome your dislike for. My son's first grade teacher is a giant meanie head (his words, not mine). But she is teaching him to read and write and I have told him that he will not always like who is in charge. Some day he will hate a boss, but will need to pay the bills. And yes, even in preschool that I was paying for, through both kids, there were several teachers I didn't like.

We just moved to this school district. A friend of mine told me that she hated her daughter's second grade teacher, Miss B and I should avoid her at all costs. Talking to my neighbor this morning about next years teachers, she told me that Miss B was the best teacher she had ever had for her son and I should request her (and her son and my friend's daughter were in the same class, so it wasn't a case of them being in different years), so to each her own I guess, some like certain styles, some don't.

Maybe this teacher doesn't do well with parents. maybe she is the orderly one that takes learning to task. Who knows. But your daughter seems to have adjusted, so take it as it is.

One thing I've learned through the years (8 kids..lots of teachers) is that you don't always have to like the teacher. you are basing your idea's of her off a few minutes in the morning and a few minutes in the afternoon.

Your DD clearly likes school and has no complaints. That means something is right in the classroom. If your DD has a problem and didn't like school, then it would be different.

ETA:

My kids have had some great teachers, but short of parent teacher conferences..or something going wrong: I didn't hear from them a lot. Now if my child was failing and I didn't hear about it till parent teacher conferences I might get pissed, but sometimes no news is good news. She may not be chatty cause there isn't anything to say....

Well, since your daughter is very happy with preschool I would not be too concerned. But I would go volunteer a few mornings there and watch her in action. If she was really lacking as a teacher then I would talk to the director about my concerns.

If your daughter enjoys going and she is learning, then you need to let it go. It's only preschool - not even pre-K (which I still wouldn't worry about). Sorry, I don't mean to belittle your complaint. When you look back at this after she graduates you will roll your eyes that you even gave it a second thought.

You're entitled to be in the loop about your daughter's days at school. Since she likes it so much, I wouldn't be worried about the program, and she must be responding well to the classroom environment. But I would push for some answers and feedback. The teacher may be fantastic, even if she isn't all that likable. You don't have to love her, but you do have to be confident that your daughter is in good hands, and it sounds as though you aren't.

If the teacher really is so unapproachable that you can't ask her for a meeting, go to the director: "Hey, Jane, I'd like to set up a meeting with Sarah, but I'm finding it difficult to catch her at a good time. What's the best way to get that on the calendar?"

Also, don't hesitate to involve the director if you do meet with the teacher and still have doubts afterward. Good luck.

Hi C.,

I can completely understand why you are feeling sensitive in regard to the teacher. Part of the reason I chose the preschool we sent our son to was primarily because, even with *the knowledge*, the women were warm and caring.

I knew my son would have other caring, comforting people in his life, and that was of tremendous value to me.

I agree with other posters to reach out. Let this new teacher settle in, for sure, but do reach out. Some teachers are a little more reticent and slow to warm up and some simply really should not be working with kids.

When I had my preschool, I never gave out my email. I find that unless it's to schedule something, most communication should be conducted via phone or face to face. My reason for this is that parents often try to problem-solve via email and start off assuming there IS a problem instead of first confirming that the problem exists, or if something gets stuck in the spam filter and I don't see it, then they might get upset that they didn't receive a response. So, it may be that she has very good reasons for not giving that out. However, I always made myself available to talk on the phone in the early afternoon, or later if they needed.

Do ask to schedule time and find out what's going on. My son's kindergarten teacher did not give me the warm&fuzzies the first time I met her, but now I love her, because I see that even though she's all business, she does look at the children in a way that shows love, respect, value and care. I can see it on her face. But with the adults, she is all business.

Good luck!

I have not read what the others have said but from what you have written Im wondering why you still take her there...I would have been on the prowel by now looking to move her to another teacher in the center or another preschool altogether. you don't have a problem (or as you said " are the one with the problem) you have M. senses and its not just the communication cause you would have said something by now. something may have happened on that leave that has changed her who knows but you should not be paying for her not to do what you expect her to do...you can try to talk and communicate with her but if i were you I would just cut your losses. You said that your daughter will have to learn to deal with different situations yes that is true but not at preschool paying level. M. trust your instincts on this one. if they shoved me and my kid out the door, I would just walk back in and wait till she addressed me!

It sounds like you are more upset about how the teacher has treated you and the lack of communication with you. I get that, but how does your child react to her? Is she engaged with the kids? You really don't see how the rest of the day goes...playing devil's advocate here, maybe her mornings are more hectic and she loosens up after the kids get there in the morning.

I would just request a parent teacher conference personally. If you have no email, I would just walk up to the teacher during drop off and ask for a time to meet with her. I can't imagine that she would tell you no. If you had some one on one time with her, you would probably get a feel on the answers to some of your concerns...

Being a teacher at a daycare myself, and having worked with multiple teachers with different personalities, I have to agree with most of the speculations that it is possible that she simply is not the best at communicating with parents. That being said, however, I believe in following your instincts. I would not be as quick as pulling your daughter out of this class yet but I would attempt to engage the teacher, preferably informally, so that you can have a better understanding. I can usually tell who is going to be a good teacher in a classroom by watching interactions with children and by engaging them in small talk to encourage them to feel comfortable enough with me to let me see their personality. I believe as you do...teachers should be engaging, happy and warm in general but there is also give and take between parents and teachers that needs to take place in order to come to an accurate conclusion. Do not be so quick to dismiss your gut instinct though, I always trust mine! Good luck! BTW: I had a teacher my mother hated when I was a child, but I loved her because she helped me feel comfortable in class. My mom did not really engage with the teacher much...maybe if she had she would have understood why I liked her. Also...completely objective here from an early childhood education teacher's pov- no children myself just yet.

well I for one think it is important to have a GREAT first teacher as I do kind of think that it sets a precedent for the child's education. Ever watch the movie Matilda (or the book)? There was Ms. Trunchbowl the horrible principal and Miss Honey the sweetest kindest teacher that ever lived. Kids really need a Miss Honey. My Mom, Aunts, and Sisters compare teachers to Miss Honey. In the beginning that is important. To engage a child a let them feel your love for learning. My sister's first Kindergarten teacher was probably going through menopause and was hell on wheels. She was actually very rude and condescending to my mom when my mom tried to conference with her about some of my sister's struggles. My mom left going "no wonder you hate her." My other 3 siblings and I all had "miss Honey's" and we had great learning experiences. My one sis with Ms. Trunchbowl barely graduated HS. As you maybe get into 4th grade and beyond I can see having different personalities but when you are little you NEED WARM FUZZIES!!!! Try to have a chat with her to see if that is what it really is like or if your perception might be off.

C., I'd like to know what age set she taught before she came to this school. Honestly, it sounds like she taught much older kids and that she didn't actually like her job, much. Maybe she moved to the younger set because the older ones got on her nerves.

I have never met a preschool teacher who is remotely like your description. I would have to go in and observe (that's me all over, to be honest.) I'd tell the director that you need to observe the classroom so you can get a sense of what goes on during your daughter's day. And push until you get to do it. If she tells you no, I'd seriously consider changing preschools.

Dawn

What exactly is the status of the teacher assistant? Could she be interning and is actually the one doing it all, while the teacher is "mentoring" or "grading" the assistant? That is my first thought. They all have to do internships, right?

Then, assuming that this TA will be there all year, or that another is coming in half way through, then I would just let it go. Your daughter is loving it. Focus your energy engaging with the TA and see what happens...
?

well i was surprised at how little "communication" i got when mine started preschool, too. luckily, i adored (and so did he, incidentally lol) his teachers there. but i literally never heard a word other than "good morning! happy friday!" casual chitchat, when i picked up or dropped off....i asked a couple times how he's doing and kind of got the brush off, "Ooooh psh! he's doing great!" and the like. i rarely heard anything unless he misbehaved. (when he mooned his whole class at 4 years old, yeah, i heard about that one...)

like i said we got lucky and he was in a great school with wonderful, caring teachers...i can see that if things had been just a bit different i'd be right where you are. but the lack of communication thing is normal. and as far as his teacher (thank goodness the assistant is so awesome), maybe she's still getting a feel for things. preschool is a LOT more warm and fuzzy, hands on, than gradeschool - you can actually hug the kids occasionally. she may be finding it strange and hasn't loosened up yet. as long as your little one is happy, i would try to accept it.

our school was always willing to talk to me if i had any particular concerns, such as when we were going through things at home that i worried might affect him, so maybe that will be the case here too. oh and we never had conferences. at all. so if you do, count yourself lucky!