Preschool Transition

At 4 can't he be home with you until he adjusts? Think he just needs more transition time. 20 plus in a preschool class sounds extremely big. The chaos in that class is probably fueling that behavior. If you can, I'd let him stay home and adjust first before going to school.

Is preschool mandatory?
If not, then why not keep him home with you another year.
A good preschool can be a very good thing but if the school is not a good fit for your child then why bother with the aggravation?
Certainly you can do some things at home but I'm not sure I'd call it homeschooling for preschool.

Wow. Just wow. One teacher, 20 kids? Can't get his work done? Sounds more like first grade to me. This would not be a fit with my family.

Preschool has many variations. I'd suggest homeschooling is one. So is a good NAEYC accredited preschool, with age-appropriate activities and learning. And yes, there is a lot of learning done in a quality preschool, but not with paperwork. All the age-appropriate reading, math and social skills can be learned through fine motor activities, storytime, group singing, dancing, drama (not the kind you mentioned) and organized and free play.

I would very seriously consider taking him out of this setting. He is justifiably "screamin" for your help. All my best.

I'm baffled by a preschool with "work" and a 20:1 student/teacher ratio. Is there an aide or assistant teacher you didn't mention? Don't you think he could use a smaller class experience and a more nurturing, less academic or structured experience for his first preschool? I think he feels lost - new home, new neighborhood, new schedule, end of summer and losing his sibling to school, new friends/classmates, new teacher. Who can blame him? He doesn't have the vocabulary, so he hits when he's frustrated. He's trying to be heard over 19 other kids?

No, you can't keep going to school with him. But let's re-evaluate the purpose of preschool. It's NOT to learn to write or do numbers or read. It's to learn to separate from Mom & Dad, to function in a group (sitting in a circle for story time, moving to the eating area for snack, lining up to go out to the playground, waiting your turn when doing the day's weather chart (sunny/rainy, cloudy/clear) or sharing and show & tell. That's IT.

So what is the "home schooling" you feel you need to do with him? Yes - at this point it would be a disservice because it accomplishes none of the goals of preschool. He does not need more time with you - he does fine with you. He doesn't act out when you're in the school. What he needs to do is transfer his sense of authority to another adult and be able to function when you are NOT there.

So, if this environment is too chaotic for him, pull him out. If you can find a smaller and more nurturing, non-academic preschool that has an opening, you can consider it. But I'd give him a break right now and think of another program after a month or two..

Meantime, go to shorter term interactive experiences. Don't just keep him home with you. Go to story hour at the library. Join a local children's museum and go to the exhibits but also to the "classes" where a leader sits with the kids and shows them an animal or some fossils or whatever. Let your child practice sitting in a group and listening. Let him play with the other kids. You may find that some of the kids are younger, but that's okay - let him be the "big boy" and the role model for good behavior. You may also find that many 4 year olds are in preschool MWF so their parents are looking for and signing up for activities on T/TH.

Take him to the park to meet other children. Sign him up for swimming at the Y with other kids and a teacher besides you. Join a gym yourself and let him play in the babysitting room with other kids, supervised by another adult. Call your local Newcomers Club and find a play group so he can meet friends and connect with other adults; then schedule some play dates with other parents where you actually leave and he has to connect and work in a group.

Your child does not have to start kindergarten at age 5 if he's not ready emotionally. Keep him out another year, let him do preschool next year at age 5, and go to public school at age 6. That's what I did with my son. It's fine. It has nothing to do with how smart a child is academically - it has to do with emotional maturing and confidence.

I think, if you reevaluate your expectations of a 4 year old, and accept that your 2 children have different personalities and are learning/maturing in a different order from each other, you can figure out a way to expose this little guy to a better environment for him.

So stop sending him, he's clearly not ready. Preschool is not required, it's OPTIONAL, and there's no way I send a child as young as four to a class with 20 kids and one teacher! That ratio is unsafe and would be illegal here in the US.
You don't need to homeschool him, just keep him home and send him to real school when he's of age.

he's only 4! he's just too young, on top of all the changes.
homeschooling is terrific for those who want to homeschool. you don't sound as if this is the case. but if you CAN homeschool, why not keep your tiny fellow at home for another year and let him adjust to his new life at his own pace? he's been hit with transitions that would rock an adult. take some pressure off the little guy.
khairete
S.

It is possible he needs to transition. It takes a child two weeks to transition to a change in schools and two more weeks to be fully transitioned and have improved behavior.
I can see why you are stressed. I am sure the teacher is also stressed, 20:1 ratio....WOW that is absurd for preschoolers.

Did you ask your four year old what is going on? Maybe he needs a little more mommy time. It is a big change for our children and sometimes they need to talk it out and understand what is going on.
The teacher on the other hand, she should be spending more time with him. Are you paying tuition? I would consider speaking with the teacher and asking her what she see's. Maybe she is causing the issue.
Increased stress from a teacher in turn stresses some children out.

I was not happy with any preschools around due to they were more like 'daycare centers.'
My daughter never responded well to them, ever. She fought me every day, kicking and screaming that she did not want to go. She would not talk to teachers or children, she wanted to do work on her own, even at 3 years old. The teachers and assistants said she was defiant, and did not follow directions, they said she lacked in some areas. And I knew she didn't. What 3 year old tells their mother it looks ominous today, bring a umbrella on your travels??? The issue was--- she did not enjoy those learning environments.

So I pulled her, did some research and found that she would most likely do very well in a Montessori School. And believe it or not, I was right!
She has attended there for three years now, including Kindergarten and she does so well. Her teachers all love her, she is friendly, she is very intelligent and she really likes where she is. There is NEVER a fight to go to school.

I am assuming you or your husband is in the military?? If you consider homeschooling, which many military families do...you may want to see if any other families in the troop are doing it as well and you can with them. Otherwise, you will need to ensure you are socializing your son.

At 4 he doesn't need preschool. Since you moved so recently, I'd keep him home until he feels secure at home.

Is this a highly academic preschool? Because my kids didn't have "work" they needed to complete. Sure they had different projects, but they weren't concerned if the child wasn't interested and only did the basics.

Are there other preschools? Preschools should really be about socializing, no academics.

I don't think the word "homeschooling" applies to preschool. Preschool should be all about helping kids learn to socialize with other parents and other adults. Obviously you can teach him his colors, shapes, number s, letters, etc. If you decide this preschool is not for you, find ways to help him socialize with other kids. That's the big thing he needs to learn before kindergarten.

Your move and all that came with it is a HUGE disruptive change that would make some adults want to throw a tantrum. Your son is only 4 and it is too much for him to deal with on his own. He needs your attention and patience right now. Does he even have to be in school at 4 years old? I think he should be home with you.

First, he has been in school a matter of DAYS. You said you moved just a week ago and he immediately went into school. Move to a new country, new house, new school - each one alone would be a huge change for a child of four; he's going a bit bonkers handling all three major changes at once. Is the teacher aware that he has had so much change in just one week? He may simply need more time to adjust though the teacher should be able to handle him and you should not need to spend every day with him.

Is this a full-day program, five days a week? If so, and you have any option at all for, say, three half-days, please, please go to the shorter option! He does not need to be there all day, every day, unless this "preschool" is really a form of day care because you work -- and the fact you're going there with him tells me it's not the case, is that right?

But it's a different situation if this is not American-style preschool which is optional, but is instead the first year of official public school in your new country. Is that the case instead? .

I ask because in some countries, full-day, all-week "big kid school" begins at age four, not age five as in the U.S. and a child like your son would indeed be expected to be in a regular classroom with a larger number of kids and sit-down schoolwork. Are your kids in the local country's school system and your four-year-old is required to go?

If the latter is true -- if he is not required to be there -- he just sounds like he is simply not ready for this setting. I'd pull him out and keep him at home, attending plenty of play dates, library story times, kids' swimming or other classes at the recreation center, etc. Get him into activities where he has to listen to adults who are not you and not dad. He needs experience with that so he can adjust better when it's time to go back into school.

If he is required to be there: Your APO address makes me figure you're military -- wouldn't your kids be at a U.S. DoD school on a base? If you're posted somewhere where that is not an option, I can see how you'd want to go with local schooling but...your younger son still sounds immature for the classroom setting.

Yes, home school. I teach and have taught overseas a lot. I home schooled my son when we were overseas because he did not fit into the culture. It was grade 7.

I have extensive literature and grammar skills, but no math skills. He went back to the US for grade 8 and did not miss a beat--even in math.

At age 4 it is very easy to catch him up academically, not so easy to erase months of unhappiness.

All real school programs have sit at the table and do something time. It might be coloring a picture and it might be writing in a journal with scribbled lines and some drawings and it might be doing a worksheet that has a letter and some pictures of items that start with that letter.

It's not sit down for hours at this age, it's usually 15-20 minutes then back to another activity or play time or lunch or naps or something. They don't sit all day at the table in that country I hope.

I still turn this back on the teacher, what do they normally do when they have a kid that acts like this? In our elementary school they got that teacher an aid and then after Christmas when that aid quit they got 2 aids in that classroom to help with the kids.

The school should have some sort of system for working with kids that are having behaviors at school. They can't just not let them go or make the parents come to school with them every day, that's ludicrous.

Let the school handle this, go to the principle or if they have a mental health program make an appointment.

Hm. I guess if it were me, I would keep him home with me for a few months. Then I would look for a play based preschool. Then there will be no work necessary to catch up on. This kind of preschool focuses on making sure kids are comfortable in school and enjoy themselves and learn the correct social behaviors. They do have work stations at times, but it is not mandatory to complete anything. It's much less stress for a 4 year old.

I would consider calling the pediatrician. Also, I would not stay at the school. I hope they are equipped to handle a few rough weeks but he will adjust. What kind of "work" does he have to get done? Is this a traditional 9-12p preschool?