Preschooler Issue with New Clothing and Other Things

Updated on October 13, 2012
N.T. asks from Downers Grove, IL
8 answers

My almost 4 year old son has a very difficult time handling certain kinds of change. Specifically, changes such as starting to wear a jacket in fall, and then changing from a fall jacket to a winter coat. Once he’s used to the fall jacket, that is the only one he will wear. Moving to the winter coat involves tears and tantrums for a few days, then it’s completely fine, but we better not try to revert back to that fall jacket! Same thing with different kinds of shoes—such as switching from sneakers to boots or water shoes. Almost impossible to get him to try new foods--even ones we know he would like. (Chocolate colored ice cream is ok—he will not touch any other color ice cream, regardless of the flavor.)

We’ve spoken with our pediatrician and are currently working with a therapist to do some evaluations (done OT, scheduled for speech and PT). First they were looking toward something sensory, but in the example above, he doesn’t actually have an issue with the jacket or coat itself, just the switch to wearing it. Almost a control factor? So nothing specific has come to the forefront during the initial evaluations. While we are going through the process to try and understand the underlying issues, I thought I’d post and see if any of the parents in this community have experienced a similar situation. Although we will definitely be pursuing this with the therapist and our pediatrician, I’m trying to also research what I can. In general, he’s immature for his age. He goes to daycare full-time and had a difficult time potty training (willingness to try, not ability). Because of this, he wasn’t moving forward with the kids his age and is with kids 6-12 months younger. I think some of his immaturity and skill development just goes to the fact that he hasn’t worked on that skill set yet, but the clothing and food issues seem to be something different. Thanks for any insights!

Edit--thanks for the info so far. I should add that our pediatrician and the OT therapist do not think it's autism, so while not firmly ruled out, that's not what they are pursuing. He doesn't have a lot of the repetive or emotional signals that show with autism. (I know that's overly generalized and there is a huge range on the spectrum, but just wanted to say we did investigate that route and they don't think indicators lean towards autism.) Also, we did work with our school district on the evaluations. he would not participate in first one we scheduled in March. he's going to one later this month. So I do know about those programs and we'll see how that goes. Lots of evals but little actual info or game plan so far!! Also, he doesn't have an issue with things needing to be exactly in place or with all change--it's just particular things, and more specifically new or novel things like snow boots, gloves, swimsuits, etc.

I like the info about letting him choose. We could try working that into more situations. Only problem is he does not seem to fully grasp the implications of his choices at his age. We went to an outdoor event and he refused the jacket. He was freezing cold, we wrapped the jacket around him and he knew he was warmer. Still would not put it on that day or the next few.

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N.P.

answers from Chicago on

My now 10 yr old was like this really bad as a preschooler, and my 13 yr old not so bad. Almost all the daycare kids are to some degree like this when the weather requires the change from long to short or vice versa with clothing.
I am irritated that the modern way of handling this is to assume a disorder of some sort. How bout a kid just not liking how something feels? Or being a kid and exerting some independence?
Honestly, just tell the kid, tough, or let them deal with the consequences and let it go. If the child goes to a school enlist the teacher for help - I have had to email my younger daughter's teacher and say, "can you tell the class that coats, hats and mittens are now required every day?". And guess what - she gets over it and each year it's a bit less. Now that she is older I know to make her try on every clothing before we buy it, I know she doesn't like collars around her neck or lace anywhere it touches the skin. But this does not make her having sensory disorder. It just means she is normal. Do YOU like every clothing you have ever tried on??

Let it go. Stop concentrating on it. It's really not that big of a deal.

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M.L.

answers from Chicago on

Oh wow - I had to look at my personal questions to know I didn't post this!!!!!!!! My son is exactly as you describe. In fact, last night when we were picking out clothes to wear for today he chose his striped fleece that he wore nearly everyday last winter and a pair of plaid shorts. We are in northern IL and it's 40 or below in the mornings right now. I've gotten over trying to control this - if he's cold, he's cold. He hates the season changes due to the clothing and is EXTREMELY picky with what he wears. If he likes one shirt or one pair of pants he wants to wear it EVERY SINGLE DAY! We pick out a few outfits that he likes and mix n match so he's not wearing the same thing and he is wearing clean clothes. Again, with him it's not so much sensory but control.

My child has been evaluated - no firm diagnosis just basically, "shows signs of PDD-NOS (autism spectrum), ADHD, and ODD" Nothing firm - just 'could be'.
My son is now in kindergarten and is in a special class that helps children develop maturity and, when ready, they are mainstreamed. As he has no definitive diagnosis we, as parents, and the school decided we'd use the 'emotional delay' as it's not necessary for a dr. to diagnose for him to be placed as such with the school and get the necessary help.

Here I wrote a ton and I was going to simply say - "I get it, I'm there, I understand, etc." and tell Angela G. TX that posted before me I feel better than what I am doing she did and it proved to be beneficial!!!!!

3 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Dallas on

My 8yo son has always had issues exactly like you describe, although he is advanced academically and is mature for his age. He is not autistic. I have had him evaluated recently because of some emotional/sensory/control/anxiety issues that he has, but he is fine (meaning he isn't labeled with anything). We are simple having to help him cope with his perfectionism and anxiety at this point.

As for the issues with jackets and such, we let him decide what to wear. If he is too cold or too hot, it's his decision. He learns from his choices. We did the same thing with our 14yo, and now he generally makes better choices. Our boys have made poor decisions, and there have been times when they wished they had a jacket and they didn't, but they didn't actually freeze to death, and the next time they brought a jacket.

As others stated, you may want to have your son evaluated, but maybe not. You know your son best.

2 moms found this helpful

J.O.

answers from Boise on

I'm with your son on this one, I hate adjusting my clothes to suit the weather :)

Winter to summer leaves me feeling naked, summer to fall leaves me feeling closed in, fall to winter is like being confined and then the circle continues.

The thing is, a few of my kids are the same exact way, while the others love the change.

My question really is how does he do with others types of change? I know food is an issue, but that could just be something as simple as an overly picky eater.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Where I live, the school district does early intervention and preschool intervention as well. The evaluation is free and you can qualify for special services. My son was evaluated at 4, and showed up on the Autism Spectrum (high functioning). He qualified for 1/2 day preschool help, and continues to receive some services in kindergarten to help him with social skills and transitioning. Check with your school district to see if they offer help. What you describe doesn't sound like immaturity alone, but with the right kind of help, he could "catch up". Good luck!

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Sounds like Autisim. Autistics do not like change of any kind.

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K.H.

answers from Chicago on

I read your question to my husband, and he asked If I wrote it. :-) My son is not autistic, but he is on the spectrum. I would recommend a full evaluation to determine you son's specific needs. Little Friends in Naperville is one of the bet facilities in the state.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I remember a friend telling me about her autistic son. He HATED change. And it didn't have to be major change. If she just accidentlly put his shoes in the wrong place in his closet, he had a meltdown. Everything had to be in it's place in perfect order or he just could not cope.

btw, he is very smart and in fact has completed college and is now doing graphic arts. He did all the graphics for one of the characters on a disney movie 2 years ago!

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