Private Boarding Schools.

My husband went to a boys school as a kid. He still is detached from his mother. The positive is that he experienced a lot of positive activities and friendships that he still maintains.

I went to a private boarding school.
The school I went to, the student population... was international. That is nice and a good broadening and diverse experience for a child.
It was a good school. Not all are.
Yes, you can get home sick. Sure, that is normal.
Yes, the children typically go home on weekends and/or school breaks. Otherwise, there will be no one on campus, to watch them. The school is "closed" on vacations and breaks. It is a break for the Faculty too.

Yes it is a good experience all around.. IF the child wants to attend. I wanted to go to this school. Thus, it was a positive experience for me. BUT... you have to make sure... the school/Faculty/philosophy of the school, is proper. Not just some place parents send their kids to get them away and out of the way.

I only lived about a couple of hours away, from home. I came home on weekends if I wanted. Same as the other kids. If a kid had NO family in the country... then they would go home with friends and stay with their classmates families... IF they were invited etc. Some kids... have no parents... coming for them... because they are living abroad too far away.

LOTS of the kids, my classmates... were at this boarding school... BECAUSE the parents themselves, were just too busy... very wealthy people who traveled a ton, had jobs or owned companies in which they traveled a ton... or they worked and lived, abroad in foreign countries.
BUT, the kids... seldom grew up with their parents around... so thus, they were very independent... but not 'close' to their parents... because they had been going to boarding schools... for years.
So... they grow up.... with their classmates as influences. Their Parents... were not present a lot, IN their lives... nor personally.

The parents, in the case of my classmates... just were off doing their own thing. Some of the kids, actually said that. Their parents were "too busy" or just wanted to get them out of the way... and have the "school" take care of them.

What a child gets out of it and the experience... depends on them... and their parental interaction.
To put it bluntly, as far as my experience at a private boarding school... some of the kids, are just totally conniving precocious 'brats' and put on an 'act' for their parents... and other kids who are respectful and really appreciate the whole environment and are developed/mature enough to become emotionally/spiritually/diversely developed...
It is not the 'school' itself or that it is a 'boarding school' that makes a child... grow fundamentally. It is the child... themself, and what they derive from it. Not all kids, are "deep" thinkers nor even care. Even at a boarding school.

all the best,
Susan

I went to a private boarding school as a day student (8am -9pm M-F of classes and activities). I always had the boarding students over my house. It was a prestiguous school that gave me an education that exceed any subsequent college degree, but I have very mixed feelings. I felt like I missed out on being a teenager. There is a time to "grow" and I had the rest of my life for the type of independence that I was taught at 14. When I see girls now that I had gone to school with, there is always bittersweet talk about that time. We all grew apart from our families and bonded with eachother. Even now, we can only talk about thosed days with eachother because you just don't understand unless you were there. There were a lot of messed up "thrown away" children that spent their whole lives in boarding school and I will never forget their pain. It was strange because they could buy anything they wanted, but what they wanted couldn't be bought. Every child is different, maybe I just was not ready for it and I was not even living there.
C.

My friends in the UK are on a campaign to get my son in school with theirs when he turns 11 (3 more years of campaigning to go... and I may or may not... although it's highly unlikely we could afford it).

I know many kids who went to good boarding schools, or who currently go... and Susan really nailed what I've observed as well, so it's cool to read a first hand account of what I've observed and heard via my friend's kids :). As long as the school is good... it's really what the child themselves makes of it... and that is determined by personality & luck & family involvement by and large.

My adult friends who boarded in the UK & Europe all LOVED the experience. Mostly because their families took them on all breaks and holidays... so they felt really close to their families (but none of the daily fights/squabbling... no rebelling against their families, because they weren't with them every day... etc), but were also really independent... because at school they were on their own. My UK friends are rather horrified at the idea of "day school" (like US public schooling), because they don't understand why 2-3 hours a day with your kids when it's spent rushing out of the house, to and from activities, squashing in homework, meeting with friends for playdates is a stress anyone in their right mind would want. Versus 24/7 family time over breaks and holidays where everyone is thrilled to be with one another. The also don't understand the "helicoptering" that is necessary in such an arrangement (waking kids up for school, getting them dressed, driving them everywhere, arranging playdates/ coordinating schedules with other parents & families, badgering about homework, getting them to bed at a reasonable hour, etc)... and see it as an extreme form of sheltering/ crippling. Ditto, they think that day schooled children tend to be horrifically socially stunted, as well as responsibility impaired.

HOWEVER... I also have several adult friends here in the US who were sent to boarding school for "troublemakers" type schools. Essentially behavior mod / military type schools that absolutely LOATHED the experience. Parents dumping their problem kids.

I homeschool... which is on the opposite side of the spectrum from boarding school (almost full circle, really)... so no first hand experience here from either myself or my son. Just what I've observed and the "good stuff" / attitude surrounding it from people who really love the system.

Mom, just wondering how or why you would consider sending a child away like this unless your child has lots of serious behavior issues that are very out of control and you have had no luck with counseling etc? The tween and teen yrs are so important in a child's life;they need love and so much guidance from their parents, even more than ever at this time. I would think your child would be very resentful of you if you sent them away. Please reconsider this Mom.

I know that my father-in-law was sent to a boarding school. It left him very disconnected to his parents (which my have happened anyway because of their family structure...the parents were more hands-off in the raising of their children.) It also gave him a false sense of superiority. He spent the bulk of his life shunning neighbors and coworkers because they were beneath him (peasants). Personally, I saw no benefit. He went into the military as a career, then was a certified teacher.
Hope this is helpful.......

My daughter spent 18 months in a private boarding school but it was a behavior modification program not a regular boarding school. yes it was worth the money. cost us altogether close to $50,000 but was it worth it oh yeah....

I think everyone is different. My neice went to a boarding school Freshman & Sophmore year...she loved it and had a very good experience. In fact she was not happy that her parents "made" her finish high school here at home. With each decision they were making a choice based partly on her preference and partly on their parental wisdom. She was not a problem child so this was never a factor in their decision. Her brother on the other hand had no interest in boarding school AT ALL. He was very happy staying at home and attending school here. We are a very close family and having her away from home made us no less close, in fact she saw that some kids were there for the wrong reasons (mostly for the parents convenience) and she realized how very loved and important she is to our family. You will hear many people who are going to give you a very negitive opinion on this...as if sending your child to a boarding school means you somehow don't love them as much or you are trying to get rid of them! Don't listen to that...what it comes down to is that it is NOT right for everyone and your child may try it and love it or they may hate it...and that's ok! That's what makes our world go around, the fact that we are not all the same!

I boarded at a private school from the ages of 12 to 18 (in the UK) and it was a fabulous experience. My parents lived relatively close by and i was able to go home most weekends so it was the best of both worlds. I was also given the choice of which school i went to and whether or not i boarded and i knew i could stop whenever i wanted to. I actually think it enhanced my relationship with my parents as life at school was often less complicated than at home. I received a fantastic education but more than that i made a group of friends who are still, 20+ years later, my rocks - i consider them family and I'm not sure where i would be today had i not met them all. From an emotional point of view i learnt the valuable lesson that people other than my family could love me and support me unconditionally. I also learnt that there were many different ways of being and doing things and if i didn't like the way my family did something there were many other options in life. I'm not sure i gained anything spiritual from the experience but that's a whole another story! From a self-development perspective i think it helped my self-confidence and definitely made going to University easier when the time came. My parents didn't have a lot of money and sacrificed a lot to send me there - i cannot count the number of times i have mentally thanked them for the start they gave me academically but also for allowing me a window into the lives of people who came from some very affluent, interesting and high-achievieng families - it does leave you with an impression that there is a huge world out there to be enjoyed and grasped with both hands.

I have many many friends who went to boarding school - there are a few who i feel it was not a good choice for and it has affected their long term well-being. The ones i think it affected most were the ones who went at a young age (pre-teen), boarded overseas from their family (or indeed lived a long way from the school) and didn't have a close relationship with their parents to start with. Arguably, they might have had problems anyway. I think it takes a particular type of parent to be able to send a 7 to 11 year old far away for long periods of time and now i am a mum myself the thought of it seems even more barbaric. I'm hoping that we can end up near a good private school so my children can be day pupils there as i want to spend as much time with them as possible (so more for me than them!) but if they want to board (because that's when the fun starts) then i'll support them with that.

I attended a private, college preparatory boarding school during my high school years and had an incredibly positive experience that has shaped me to this day. In fact, I still frequently thank my parents for supporting my decision to go away to school. I was never homesick, probably because I was ready for independence. It was an intense social and educational experience that exposed me to a much more diverse group of students than were at my local public high school. And, the relationships I forged during that time remain strong today--I was just communicating with one of my dearest high school friends (she's now in academic science) even though we've been living across the country from each other since we left high school, but she remains a close friend and we commiserate over everything (our kids, looking for schools, household division of labor, etc.).

I also remain very close to my own parents through the years. I admire and appreciate that they were able to let me go, perhaps a bit earlier than they had been expecting.

If any of my children expresses an interest in attending a boarding school, I would be delighted to send him/her.

I don't know what age group you are looking at but this may help. I did not go to boarding school, but I went to Harvard for college. Many of my college classmates had attended prestigious New England boarding schools for high school (Andover, Exeter, etc.) They were incredibly well prepared academically. In some ways, it was as if they had already attended 2 years of college. I took the most advanced freshman chemistry class offered and there were Exeter kids there who had used the same text book we were using at Harvard in their junior year high school chemistry class. Also, because so many people from those high schools go on to the Ivy League, they all came to college knowing about 50 people before school started. I was thrilled to know about 5 people from a summer program I had attended the year before. They seemed to have the inside scoop on everything and I was a little awestruck. But would I send my kids to a school like that....I doubt it. I still think that 18 is early enough to leave home. Good luck!