Pro Choice

I am a woman, a mother, a wife....

and I am Pro Life

I find it to be an easy, and realistic, decision.

I am pro-life, and I know many, many women who are pro-life. I think one of the reasons it may not seem "realistic" is that pro-life organizations focus so much energy (and publicity) on trying to convince people that abortion is wrong or that the unborn child really is a human being from the moment of conception that they forget to say, "We're there for you."

Those who find themselves with an unwanted pregnancy do not need to be bashed over the heads with why having an abortion is wrong, they need to know there is hope. They need to know someone will be there for them if they choose to carry the baby to term.

Abortion seems the easy way out, but often times it is not. Many people who choose abortion can never make peace with their decision.

Being pro-life is not unrealistic at all. But it is a huge challenge. Adoption isn't the easy way out either.

Once the pregnancy exists, there really isn't an "easy way out." It's more doing the best you can with what you have.

But choosing life is not unrealistic.

I think that the govt has no right in telling me what I can and cannot do with my body. It is beyond their powers.

I am pro life
I think it is a realistic view.
I don't understand what you are asking. Are you asking if all of us on this board are pro-choice? Or are you asking if your husband is allowed to be pro-life? Or are you asking how to be married to someone that feels differently than you?
I just don't get the question. If you are both die-hard on your feelings than this would just be something that you don't talk about since it causes fights between the two of you (which is kind of ridiculous).

i think you are more invested in being "right" than having a happy marriage.

let it go.

it's also not a good question for a forum like this, since everyone already has their minds made up and all it will do is spark conflict. just like in your home.

pushing this subject suggests you're just looking for drama. that's what i think.

Sorry you and your husband disagree. I cannot imagine my husband changing his mind on this one. It is really a strong belief in our family that our bodies are our own and each individual gets to decide exactly what to do with them. No one I know is "pro-abortion" that's just a label pro-lifers use to demonize the pro-choice movement.

There are many people who believe our government should force women to carry unwanted pregnancies to term. Then after birth when there's a fully developed oxygen breathing baby they're on to the next fetus to save.

From the very same voices I hear cut "entitlements", educational programs, food stamps housing assistance programs that would help that baby to grow into a healthy contributing member of society. Ah, the miracle of life, as long as it's still in another woman's body. After birth you're on your own, kiddo.

No government, church, man, animal...or other person...anything/anyone...should get to make rules around what I do with my body.
Period.

I am pro choice 100%.
Could I make that choice? I don't think so, but you never know in certain circumstances.
But no one. I mean no one, gets to decide what I do with my body.

Let's take another look at the topic. I am going back about 60 years when abortion was illegal and women didn't want the child for whatever reason and they went to back street "butchers" or abortion clinics where you life was literally put on the line. Many women died because of the techniques and lack of cleanliness.

Rowe vs Wade came about to help women make their decisions and to make them in a safe way.

Yes, there are women who use the method as a means of birth control and there are others that need to use because their back is up against a wall with no way out. Also never say never until you are put into a situation where you have to make the decision and live with what you do. Every woman is different and the reason she did what she did is hers and hers alone and she will answer to the Almighty when it is time as to why she did what she did. But then again the Almighty already knows why as the decision is not done lightly.

Christina N, Jo W, and B have valid thoughts on this issue.

I have seen too many back street specials and some current street issues that might make your hairl curl.

You also need to remember that people in different countries and cultures think a lot differently than we do here in the USA so that is another point that must be cosidered. Life value here is not the same as life value there.

Once you walk a mile in someone else's shoes you may understand the reasoning as to why this choice is or was made and not to criticize the person.

I will now stand down off my soapbox.

the other S.

PS 1. A child knows when it is not wanted and can feel it and may act out.
2. Adoption is not the end all to every child. I lucked out and adopted a 5 week old - that does not happen that way.

I agree it's not a fight worth fighting since the two of you are not needing to make a choice. It sounds like your husband took your views very personally. I suggest that for some reason this is a really hot topic for him and I'd stear clear of it from now on unless he's willing and able to tell you what this affected him in such a strong negative way. Still you might decide to not talk about it again. In my family agreeing to disagree works quite well.

I am pro-choice. Not because I advocate killing fetuses. I don't think anyone does. Let's face it- women have been terminating pregnancies for centuries. Women are going to do it whether it's legal or not- there is just no stopping it. However, I feel if a woman chooses this route under whatever circumstance, it should be safe. Outlawing abortions just forces women back 100+ years to back alleys and coat hanger clinics. That's my stance.

No one can/should breed like rabbits or like some bacteria colony until the collective waste and/or depleted resources kills the whole thing off.
Pro life is fine with the whole concept that someone somewhere will want that life and raise it but it gets kind of nebulous from there because there is way more life that needs looking after and not enough adoptive parents willing to do so.
Foster homes are filled to over flowing and plenty of kids age out in the system without ever being adopted.
So maybe your husband is saying he wants to adopt some kids?
Probably not.
It's fine to say 'that child should live' but it falls flat when the next thought is 'I'm not paying for it'.
There are 7 billion people on the planet and the number is rapidly going much higher.
At what point do we realize that 'be fruitful and multiply' is not so much a blessing as a curse when it's carried out in the extreme?
If the people who conceived the life are not interested in raising it, I am totally fine with them aborting it.

Did he walk out over your position of the issue, or the way you two fought about it? Did you respect each other positions, or did you put it down or be disrespectful to each other? I could be reading into this wrong, but it just doesn't make sense to me that he would walk out over you being pro-choice. This can't be the first time he heard that you were pro-choice. I think it has something to do with they way you two fought.

Just because you don't think it's a realistic view, he clearly does and you shouldn't discount his opinion. My husband and I disagree on many issues, but we respect each other's opinion on the issues and we never once have fought over them.

He needs to stop seeing pro-choice as pro-abortion. Not anyone I know who is pro-choice is pro-abortion. They are exactly what the words say, pro-choice, the right of the woman to choose what is best for her.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I do not believe in abortion. I will try every which way to talk a woman out of it, however, at the end of the day I believe that they make the best choice for themselves. I believe that it is only a decision they can make for themselves.

I really do not think that you can say that most women are pro choice like you. I am pro life. I 100% feel that abortion is murdering your baby! There is no way in the world that I would be ok with that.

Why does anyone have to be "pro" anything? The only person that should be worried about my body and what I do with it is me. It's no one else's business.

There are some things in a marriage that aren't worth fighting over with your spouse. This is one of them. Basically you have just said for you, personally, you and your husband are on the same page as you would not opt for an abortion and he thinks getting one is wrong. Do you see how you all are on the same page?
Don't bring the fight of the decisions of millions of other women into your home and marriage. For your marriage it just doesn't matter. This is one of those topics no one EVER is going to change the other sides mind through fighting, chanting, picketing, reasoning, etc. So drop it. Agree to disagree. Done. go to him and tell him that things got heated. It is a polarizing issue and while you still believe how you do, you respect his right to have his own opinion and moving forward it is something you don't really want to debate with him.
That is what I think.

i think you're opening a huge can of worms.
i am virulently pro-choice.
http://suzsmuses.wordpress.com/2012/08/30/i-am-a-frigging...
and it's a stretch that i'd have a partner this far apart from me on an issue this big. but if i did, i'd be in a place where we agreed to disagree (as i do with many things between my dearly beloved and me.)
some people can debate this issue calmly and without adrenaline and rancor. i'm not one of them.
if you think your partner is stupid, find another one. if you think he's unrealistic but you love him anyway, let him be. if you think the fight's not worth investing in, decline it.
khairete
S.

I think your reasoning is lame! "His opinion (pro life) just isn't a realistic view of a fight worth investing in."

Tell me, what is a better fight worth investing in? To me, the unprotected life/voice of the child that is going to be taken is a great reason to fight!

If everyone took on your attitude that "well we are a minority and it's not a fight worth investing in" our country would still be in the middle ages.

Your husband is right to stand up for something he believes in, and not to back down just because it's not worth the fight!!!!

I think you're asking for a fight on this board...
I could not marry a man with whom I was not in sync politically, morally, and who didn't share my world view. I'm not saying we don't disagree on things, but not on any of the major things that are important to us. And some political issues are important to us. I know people who disagree with their spouse 100% on these issues, but they choose not to discuss them or they aren't that important to them.

I share your view on the issue -- abortion would never be my personal choice in that situation, but it is also not my choice to make for anyone else. I resent when some people who are pro-life say that pro-choice people are "pro-abortion" - I am not pro-abortion, but I am pro-choice. But that's my personal view -- I don't expect the world to agree with me (although it would be hard if my husband didn't).

But I don't really know what you want women here to say -- a lot of the women and men here DO disagree with you and me and ARE pro-life, despite your personal experience with "most women." And I agree with Adansmama -- you are more vested in being right than having a happy marriage. You sound young - not meant to insult, you just do (as I speak from my lofty 40s). If a relationship is to last, you must learn what hills are really worth dying on. My husband and I have molded each others' world views over the past 25 years, no doubt. But I never stormed out on him or demanded those changes. You both need to become less emotionally charged -- you didn't storm out, but you engaged in the disagreement long enough for him to.

I agree with Adansmama -- let go of the drama.

I'm with you: I'm pro-life for MYSELF, and pro-choice for everyone else.

I can only choose for me. Another person's choice is between them and God.

I am pro life but this falls under my, "would I answer to god rule". To me it is waste of time, energy, and resources to try to change the law. So I work with groups that try to make it a real choice. To me that is what I would answer to god for, allowing someone to be cornered into an abortion just because they had no other choice.

Whether there are women using it as birth control that I cannot reach or change, god isn't going to hold me accountable for that.

Just my opinion but it seems like the extreme sides of this issue are so vested in wanting to be right they ignore the human side of it. On one side most of the time it isn't a choice. You don't have money, you are too young, you don't want your parents to find out, you are about to lose your house, the baby has health issues...those aren't choices! Then on the other side they want the law changed and don't see that they could give women a real choice.

Work with women centers, work with groups trying to solve the causes of birth defects, get women out of poverty though education. That is energy better spent.

I am completely fine with people who are pro-choice and pro-life. I just have a big problem with the constant lies that OBGYN's and the abortion clinics tell to women and their families.I feel that the abortion industry has become so comfortable in perpetuating the lies to cover up what abortion really is. My deal with this is that if you are going to go and have an abortion, don't you deserve to know exactly what you are getting into? Don't you deserve to be treated with dignity and for the doctors to be trained properly in safer abortions? Don't you think that they should regulate the offices and surgical suites for safety and for violations??? Don't you think that women deserve to know what is inside them? The truth is that babies hearts are beating at 8 weeks they have perfectly formed little hands and feet. The abortion industry doesn't want you to know that the fetus is alive, a pre-born baby and is able to do incredible things in the womb. I want the truth to be told.

If you or someone you know is going to have an abortion, you deserve to know the truth about you, your pregnancy and the risks involved. It is not ok with me that women are told these lies over and over again. I have no problem at all with someone having a safe, informed-consent abortion.
This is a conversation I have heard over and over again from being on both sides of the clinic. One that is pro-life and one that is pro-choice. I witnessed births and abortions. This is how you are taught to speak to the woman--to figure out if its a wanted pregnancy, you say its a baby. If its not wanted or the girl isn't sure---you say "it" product of conception, blob of tissue etc. It can't feel any pain. Its no big deal. Etc. You have to "SELL" the abortion.
For example :
OBGYN says : So....how do you feel about this pregnancy-was this planned?
Woman: I'm so excited, I can't wait to have a baby! When does it look like a baby? Is it have any arms or legs yet? When can I see the heartbeat?
OBGYN: Your baby has tiny, perfectly formed arms, legs, and a beating heart at 8 weeks. Most people don't know they are pregnant until after this time. Don't worry, we will take good care of you and your baby.

OR

OBGYN: So....how do you feel about this pregnancy? Was this planned?
Woman: I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to continue or not.
OBGYN : Thats ok, there are other options.
Woman: What do you mean?
OBGYN : Well you can terminate the pregnancy, or give "IT" up for adoption, or parent.
Woman: Will it hurt? Is it a baby yet? What do I have to do?
OBGYN : No, you may feel a little cramping, like a period, but its fast, safe and it will be over soon. I will just have you lie back in the stirrups and I have a a machine that will help me get all of the tissue out. Its very safe and takes about 10 minutes. Its just a little bit of tissue, product of conception etc.

Do you see the difference? The woman wanted a baby--so the ob says congrats on having a baby.

The girl is thinking about abortion--so the ob sells the lie that its nothing--there isn't a baby---just tissue. Both are 8 weeks. Both fetus's have detectable hearttones etc.

I don't want hate mail on this---just wanted to give my viewpoint like you asked.

As for the simple short version of my answer to your question: It it is a fight worth investing in. If one person's life can be changed, its worth it.

I am not pushing for abortion to be changed. I am pushing for the safety of clinics and doctors' offices, for the education and information given to the patient and for both sides of the issue to calm the hatred and look at the facts.

Almost everyone I know is pro choice. But I don't know anyone who ever had their opinion changed, so I doubt your husband will change his. It is something you probably have to agree to disagree.

I still have mixed feelings about this but lean now towards pro-life..

This changed when I had a child... and then tried for a second, which didn't happen but made me have a HUGE realization that wow, it's a baby when you want one.....

Also, I saw how many women in my life (ALL pro-abortion) whom most of their lives always thoughts they could get pregnant easily but when it became difficult and they finally did so.... even at two weeks pregnant, they were so over-joyed and elated and IF they lost the pregnancy (even within the first trimester) they always referred to it as " I lost my baby" .....

so I go back to the statement.. it's a baby when you want one... Therefore, I find it less about rights and more about peoples' wants and desires which depending upon a person's situation, they modify to accommodate what is more convenient for them , which doesn't always take into account the baby...

I would also add that the same women I knew whom are pro-abortion are the ones that during the first trimester of pregnancy gave way to thinking that oh don't tell anyone until you know for sure the pregnancy is gonna stick... then after 3 months would tell people... to me, if you don't think it's a "baby" early on... then what's the big deal..

again........ there is that convenience factor and rationalization...

I'm pro-life, but do not judge anyone else for being pro-choice. It's everyone's choice what they want to believe or have an opinion.

However, I do believe that abortion's should not be used as a method of birth control. I know a friend who has had three of them. All due to circumstances and her fears of not being settled. I think when you have sex you need to be responsible. Not using protection and then aborting because you don't want the child is just irresponsible and cruel.Especially if you have had a previous abortion.

There is no such thing as "no abortion", only safe legal abortion or unsafe illegal ones. No one has the right to make that choice for another human woman, ever.

Not sharing core values with your spouse can pave the way to divorce if you're not careful, but there is a solution.

After one last "agree to disagree" statement to set a boundary, never speak of it again. You know his stance, he knows yours. You have to respect each other enough to accept the differences and let it go.

Sorry, but your statement of most women being pro-choice may be the most ignorant thing I've ever read.

And being pro-life isn't a fight worth investing in? Why don't you ask a child who had parents who wanted to abort them and ask them...you'll have your answer.

I think the two of you just have to "agree to disagree." You are not talking about aborting one of your own children, so he has no reason to be so angry.

I'm surprised this issue has never been discussed before between you. Certain beliefs say a lot about your worldview and your politics.

Just a question - what made you believe that life begins at conception?

What is your definition of life?

Sounds to me like you need to just not engage him in the subject. He has no right to try to make you agree with him. He's your husband, not your owner.

Tell him that the subject is off limits, and make it that way.

Dawn

I am Pro-Choice but feel abortion is wrong. But....

I also feel as a society we need to see the all of the reasons and circumstances many women choose abortion. Women who have repeated abortions are women who have damaged lives. Many of them are incest survivors who were taught at a young age that the only value they have is pleasing a man. These women can be successful in many areas of their lives and believe in their hearts they are okay. But their personal lives are are a hot mess of failed relationships, abusive partners and very low self esteem. To lift their own self esteem they sleep with men because they believe it is their only worth.

Until we as a society can stop child predators from preying on young girls and put into place low or no cost counseling services for anyone who is a victim of child predators and help them to get back their power we will have risky behaviors and adults with little or self esteem.

J.:

I don't get your question. What exactly are you asking of us? What our personal stance is on abortion?

I do NOT agree with abortion. I will not take away your right to chose. So that makes me "pro-choice". However, I do NOT agree with abortion so that makes me pro-life. So really - you two are arguing over a decision you will not make - why?

Being pro-choice does NOT mean that you want abortions. At least not in my book, it means that you want the W. to be able to chose. You have stated that this is NOT a choice for you. So really - unless there is another problem in your marriage that you just want to pick a fight over - drop it. Believe it or not - you are both on the same side.

As to his view of being pro-life? HOW IS IT NOT realistic? Did you know there are people in the world who actually walk the walk and talk the talk? They had unprotected sex. They will either accept the consequences of their actions and raise the baby or they will put the baby up for adoption. How is that NOT realistic?

You want women to be counseled towards adoption? Sorry. You aren't pro-choice. you are pro-life. A person who is pro-choice, in my opinion, would give them the options and then say "do whatever you feel is best for you". You want a person counseled TOWARDS adoption.

But really? I don't get why you would even have this fight with your husband. You both want the same thing - in reality - so WHY waste time fighting when you could be laughing???

I think it is sad to terminate a pregnancy. But the woman should have the choice to do what she wants with her own body. BUT should the father of the unborn child have any say? She would basically be terminating his child. I am on the fence with this one for sure.

I think that there are many other options for women who do not want to care for a child nor do they want one. I do think that adoption is a good way to take care of it.

If a woman chooses to terminate her pregnancy I do think that she should be educated on how pregnancy occurs and offered free birth control so that she might not find her self in that position again. I know some women are going to become pregnant no matter what form of birth control they use. They must use abortion for their form of birth control I suppose.

All in all, I'd recommend that the woman consider many many many options before choosing to have an abortion. It is hard on their body and it does take a mental toll at some point.

I'm pro choice. Have had two abortions and don't regret either one. In fact, many times over the years I have said to myself I am so glad I didn't have those other two children.

I am in complete agreement with Laura's answer.