Problem Child in My Son's Kindergarden Class

I agree with Lara, go and talk to the principal. Don't wait. If the child is disruptive now what will happen in a few years if it is not stopped now.

Hi. I am a certified elementary school teacher. I have taught 4th and 5th grades. I live in a neighborhood with mixed socio-economic and racial people. What I have found is that when I introduce myself to an "offender" and personalize the situation, then "attacks" lessen or even go away. Two little boys recently threw a rock at my car as I was driving down the street. I stopped, backed up, and pulled into the driveway. I rang the bell and the grandmother came to the door. I introduced myself, said why I was there and then asked if I could introduce the boys to my girls and me. She agreed. I told them how scary it was for me to see them throwing a rock at the car. I told them I could tell they were good boys that made a very bad decision. I asked them to no to that anymore and then I asked for an apology. The older of the two had to fight from laughing but I ignored it b/c I figured it was due to nervousness. I thanked them and thanked the grandmother. I did all of this in my "teacher" voice whick is authoratitive and loving.

I hope this helps and good luck!

p.s. make a partnership with the boy, his family, and the teacher if possible.

If you are not gaining ground addressing your concerns with your son's teacher maybe they should be addressed with the principal. At the very least if the child is hitting and kicking your child you can establish a permanent record of it in the childs school records. The more that is put into the permanent record the more the principal will be forced to address your concerns. Also, the principal may not even be aware of the problems if the teacher has not addressed them.

I understand your concern, and I know from that concern you arent trying to blame him, that you are trying to look out for your child.

I have a friend that her grandson was bitten by a child & they ended up having to put him in the hospital! I would be as concerned as you are.

I would go to the next PTO meeting and adress the issue, you never know how many parents feel the same way, and when you speak up they will back you.

if that fails, I would write to a congressman, its election time in a lot of areas, and demand something be done to keep the children safe, not from the child, but from the outbursts.

I would also contact someone with social services and see if they know of what more to do.

The little guy may be acting out because hes being abused/neglected and this needs to be investigated before it goes any further, and the problems gets even worse.

I hope things are better now.

I am not sure what the SC guidelines are, but in TN, children are mainstreamed into the everyday classroom unless there are MAJOR learning problems (Severely mentally retarded, severely autistic, etc). I know this b/c I am a daughter of a 2 1/2 year old and an elementary school teacher. In my class I have seen all kinds of students, (mildly mentally retarted, OCD, austic, Severely ADD/ADHD, turets (SP?), ODD...you name it and I have probably seen it or had it). This is true because your child is attending a public school. Unless there are like I said MAJOR problems, you will run into this for your sons entire 13 years in public school. It is unfortunate for the child that he not getting any support for his extreme home life...they should make you take a parenting class before the allow epidurals!

I am guessing of course, but the teacher's reaction is that because 1. she can not share any information about any child with anyone except their parents and/or 2. the teacher has had kids like that before and knows that she can only help as long as he is at school. Unfortunatly, we as teachers cannot go home with the kids to help parent them...boy there have been times that I wish that I could!

Please try to be patient with this poor child. Express your concerns with the teacher and with your son. Maybe your son could end up being a great role model and friend to this boy.

Be patient and understanding, if you can.

Hope that helps!
M.

I can understand your concerns, I have delt with a similar issue. We talked to our 5 year old about why his classmate was acting the way that he was. Come to find out that he didn't have any friends (per my 5 year old son), which made him an angry child. After my son and I talked about why,my son decided (although the child could be very mean) we wanted to invite in over to play. My 5 year old felt that if he was his friend that he wouldn't be so mean, he could help him around others. So far, it is working out just great! It's amazing how well a negative situation can turn around with a positive attitude. I learned that from my son! Good luck.

I think that maybe what I would do is go straight to the principal of the school. If going to the principal doesn't work, call the Board of Education and tell them the story. Voice your opinion and remember, the wheel that squeaks the loudest, gets the oil!

I would be scared the child comes from a abusive family so any attention brought to the parents about him might cause the child more problems? If possible maybe look into getting your son moved to a different kindergarden class? Is the soccer a after school commitment or during recess? Maybe you could get closer to the mother of the child if after school, and see if she says anything about trouble she has with his behavior? I wouldn't go right up and attack because there may be underlying issues as to why the child acts this way that may be none of your 'business'. I know you feel it is your business because it effects your child, but you never know what that troubled child could be experiencing. I would just probably encourage my child to avoid him if you see a real problem in their interaction. Or ask more about how the teacher is disciplining the child when he misbehaves such as hurting others. Sorry, don't have much experience in that yet.

I agree with some of the other responses, I don't feel like this child should be taken from the classroom. If it were your 5 year old, would you still feel the same way? This child needs to be in a loving, caring enviroment and taking him from the class does not teach him to change his behavior. If your car starts acting up, do you just throwit away? No, you keep working on it until you figure out whats wrong. Comparing a child to a car is not a very good example, but I believe you get the point. I don't want to be rude, but this is your first child to enter the school system, give it time...No one is perfect, and some do need extra guidance but we shouldnt look them over just because they do have behavioral problems, instead of trying to ease your mind of guilt for the way you feel, and trying to get other readers sympathy, I suggest maybe reaching out a helping hand to this child and see if there is anything you can do to help...example: volunteering in the classroom so the teacher would have an extra hand. I am sorry if I have come across as rude or arrogant, that is not my intentions, I just have worked in a daycare when I was younger and too many times I have seen teachers and parents look down their noses on a child that they didnt want to deal with because they did require extra attention so they either kicked them out of daycare or requested the child be put on Attention deficient disorder medication when all the child really needed was love, affection, and some extra attention.

If I were you, I would address this problem to the schools principal, since the teacher seems to not do much when you try to talk to her about the issue. I'm sure there are other parents that have children in the classroom that feel the same way, so it maybe a good idea to talk to them and get their opinions also..and if your brave enough (which I probably wouldn't be lol) you could even try talking to the problems childs parents. Hope things work out for you... Good Luck! T.

my child has sensory progress disorder and this sound a lot like what he has done in the past. the problem being is that they are trying to find a feeling that their brain is not letting them feel.....ie; sensation. pull up the disorder on the net it is very helpful and could be the reason why this boy is acting out like he is. they look perfectly normal and seem normal until they need to feel a sinsation that we do not feel, something as comman as using sissors, they can not get the mind frame to do so, so they get frustrated and look to feel sensation...it is hard to explain you will need to read up on it, but that could be the case. but, the parents are going to be the ones that have to make the choice of getting him tested for anything and if they go through the county they will have about a 2-3 month period so patience is in hand.

Your child has the right to be in a safe environment regardless of others disorders. No child should go to school and worry about being hit, kicked, or slapped. I understand we do not live in a perfect world but safety first. Go to the principle if necessary maybe there are other solutions than removing the child from the classroom like putting in a teacher's aid for extra assistance.

D.,

I understand how you feel as a mother but I think you should look at the flip side for just a minute. Many good points have been brought up in previous messages and I hope you will give them some thought. The child is 5 years old. Give him a chance before you label him a "bad child". My own son has Sensory Integration Disorder and it sounds exactly like what you are describing. Once this child settles in to school and gets in a routine, hopefully he'll calm down and go with the flow. I hope you never have to endure the pain of realizing that your child is different than other children. If you approach this now it's just one more strike against a child who may not be able to help it. The teacher says she is addressing it. She knows that some children take longer to adjust than others. Trust her experience and knowledge as a teacher and let her discipline her own classroom. It's only been a month of kindergarten. There will be many challenges along the way with your child so I would say pick your battles. If your child is in danger, then discuss it with your teacher. I would avoid taking it to the principal until you feel all measures have been exhausted with his primary teacher. It's going to be a long year if you label a 5 year old a "bad boy" and the teacher labels you one of "THOSE" moms. I hope I'm not being too harsh but from my own personal experience with my own children, IMO this is the best route. I have now been on both sides as a Mom so I see the difference. Good luck.

Being the parent of a child with Epilepsy and my 6 year old daughter being on anti-convulsant medication (which this particular one has made her have extremely aggressive behavior), I beg you to give the child a chance and maybe approach the teacher (or parent) again if you continue to have problems. When I meet other parents and/or children that tell me my daughter is being mean, I try to explain that she is currently on Epilepsy meds that make her this way, but she is being weaned off. However, it takes 10 weeks to wean off, so if they can just be patient, this really isn't her temperament and to give her a chance and she will get better. Teachers are not allowed to disclose this info due to privacy issues, but as a parent I have no problems sharing this information with others.

This may not be this child's problem, but try to have an open mind and like some of the other Mom's here said, this child may need more time to adjust, or maybe this child, like mine, truly cannot help it at this time.

Seperating this child from his peers doesn't sound like the answer, it will only take away from his opportunity to learn and grow. Not all children rush into kindergarten and mesh immediately. It's great that the majority of kids do mesh, but young children act out physically when frustrated or scared. While I don't support children hitting or tackling I think taking your concerns to the pricipal to 'mark' this child as a troublemaker when school hasn't been in session that long, the teacher told you she was addressing it and it is the first school setting the child may have been a part of makes me think give this poor 5 year old a chance.

If he does come from a broken home or abusive home he already has enough strikes against him, he doesn't need other parents targeting him too.

I would create an opportunity out of this situation for your child to learn not all people have the same loving home, or loving parents you seem to be but treating others equally is a great lesson to teach at any age.

Maybe instead of alienating this child your son could learn a lot from befriending him and showing him some one does care about him.

There may be more to the situation than meets the eye. When my daughters were younger and in elementary school there were a few students like this. They needed extra attention, but they can't just be isolated from all the other kids. They need love and guidance too, they usually need special attention and more of it than the average child. There have also been similar instances of this in my sons preschool this year since the school year started. I talked to my pediatrician, regarding the affects of this type of behvior on my son. He stated that it usually takes kids months, to adjust to any significant changes in their lives and sometimes the only way they know how to deal with those changes or express their frustration with adjusting to those changes is with physical behaviors. It is hard to know what is the best thing to do or say if you don't know what the exact circumstances that attribute to this child's behavior are. In in lots of cases, it is not public information.

It's all in how you approach. Teachers can understandably feel defensive when often parents barrell in with demands about how the class should be run (not that you did this necessarily but it does happen). If you have genuine concern for your son's safety or educational experience and the teacher is not able to field your concern, go up the ladder and request a meeting with the principal. Approach the principal with respect for the fact that THEY are the educational experts and you simply have concern for the well being of your own son. Don't make it about the other boy. Make it about your son and be open to having your son moved to another class. And when approaching teachers, I find and advise parents whom I provide coaching that you always acknowledge that SHE/HE is the educational expert and invite their advice and wisdom to address your concern - If you approach the teacher with respect for her/his years of experience working with children and ask for her/his help, your more likely to get a cooperative and supportive response. Good luck with it! Let us know how it goes!