Problem with Hitting

It's very normal (and that's awesome out of your six you haven't had the issue...seriously!), so hopefully she doesn't feel too bad or like she's doing something wrong. Even the best, most attentive parents can have kids that hit, spit, scratch, scream, kick, bite, etc...

With hitting (or any negative behavior like that), at that age, they don't really understand what they are doing. We give it very little attention beyond a "People are not for hitting", then focus on the person that was hurt and give all the attention to them. We aren't mean or negative to the child who hit - they simply get no attention while we tend to the other child. Then, we take the child that was hitting, and have them practice being soft. We talk nicely and we say "You be soft like this" and have child pat softly. Then praise them for that.

So basically we give the hitting VERY little attention and then give lots of attention to the behavior that we want. If he gets a strong reaction from hitting, he's going to find he has power with the behavior. Give the behavior no power, and he's more likely to drop it.

Also, since he's so little, he's probably quite frustrated at not being able to verbalize what he's wanting. Then he's probably quite frustrated at being "misunderstood". So, I'd keep an eye open to stopping any situation that might lead to hitting. Sit nearby and grab his arm if he's about to hit, and say "be soft". Then ask him what he's needing (since he's hitting because he wants something), so a "Did you want to play with that toy and she said no? Here, come play with this" and try to redirect him or something like that.

And I know that's easier said than done. Baby #5 is due to arrive soon, and life is busy with so many little ones! I can see that it's not always realistic to sit and monitor, waiting for a hit. But IF you can, it might be helpful.

Anyway, hope that helps. I used to do what you say you are doing, and I never got anywhere. But I read this different approach from a book, and the results were MUCH better. I'd try really hard to approach it positively and focus on making the child feel good for doing the right behavior (even if I'm helping child to do the right behavior) and just ignore the bad since ANY attention gives it power and more chance it'll continue. Say "People are not for hitting", focus on the hurt child, then practice doing the right behavior with the child, and give THAT the attention...Good luck!

One thing I'm curious about: where did your Godson learn to be aggressive, particularly since it's increasing at a very young age? Has he seen it in his home, or on TV (which has been linked to aggression and why it is now recommended that TV watching not be allowed until toddlers are 2, and even then that it be very limited and monitored)? Cartoons have gotten excessively liberal in their portrayal of violence, I know because I see what my 10 year old nephew watches and more than often have to remove my little guy from the room.

You and your Godson's mom should try holding his hands firmly at the wrist when's he hit someone until he relaxes, tell him sternly, "We do not hit," and remove him from the situation immediately to a time-out, in his room with the door closed if he's at home, whenever he pushes, bites or hits. These are all some of the "intolerable" offenses (along with kicking) that need to be stopped NOW. If he cries and screams it's all for the better, the time-out will make an impression on him and teach him he can't hit without a consequence. When he's calmed down and is removed from time-out remind him that "We do not hit anyone, ever" before he goes back to an activity.

Also teach him that "we do not touch anyone's glasses," something I worked on with my now 27-month old and he gets it, has for awhile. My nephew had his brand new glasses broken by another child in kindergarten when another child grabbed them off his face, the other parents would not accept responsibility and the school said they couldn't make them, so my sister unfairly had the financial burden of replacing them. The other family, rightly so, hid their faces in shame the rest of the year.

And, I have no problem with the moms who recommend a quick, firm, not-in-anger swat to his behind, which I would do after the first time-out for an offense. He is acting out of frustration but words of reprimand and distracting him are meaningless at this age, he doesn't have the verbal ability to fully speak his thoughts or understand them at this age, and the explanations more than likely add to his frustration. And I also agree that spanking when necessary doesn't make a child more aggressive or violent.

Last but not least, be consistent with consequences or he will figure out he CAN keep doing what he wants, and only be confused when he is sometimes disciplined. "Work the program," so to speak, until you get the desired results, as with anything worthwhile in life.

With 6 kids I can't believe you don't remember this phase. They want things but don't have the understanding of why they can't have something or do something NOW. They don't have the ability to verbally express themselves so they do the only thing they can do: hit, bite, push, shove.

Your friend needs to get in the habit of using more words to explaiin things like if there's a toy he wants tell him that he needs to wait for his turn and then make sure his turn comes a minute later. When he's frustrated redirect him to something else. Put words to feelings so that he'll be able to identify them when he's a bit older.

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Often folks say that the aggressive behavior comes from frustration at being able to express his or herself in words. What you are doing sounds fine and just needs to be oft-repeated. You could try to supplement by giving him some example phrases - "can I have a turn?" or "I was using this", or even starting with just "please" or "no thank you" to help him express himself. Even if he is not ready to speak yet, it should help over time.

There's some good advice here. I would just be consistent with what you choose and set firm, fair respectful guidelines. Kids seem to thrive on boundaries and consistency. I grew up with inconsistency and it was confusing. My mom was submissive and my dad was aggressive, but in the military and was gone quite a bit, a whirlwind of confusion haha.
I thought it was strange that the posters that seem to be screaming their physical punishment (I'm not arguing one way or the other in that sense) have had posts about their kids hitting and being mean (if you see their past questions one particular mom has a child that is quite mean and hits a lot). You don't need to take desperate measures to get him to stop. I remember when my little one was 17 months, they all go through a hitting phase. He's experimenting reactions, just let him know it won't be tolerated :) Most daycare providers will try to teach him as well, so unless it gets extremely out of hand I don't think he would get kicked out of daycare.
I'm pretty new to the site, but I can tell who the mamapedia bullies probably are (it's sad really).

Interesting how people feel the need to attack others posts to justify their discipline. God forbid, I have an opinion on an opinion based site. Not sure what I did other than expressing my opinion to have another mom attack me in my post and PM me nasty letters about how I'm wrong. Guess I'll find a more mature site.

I have two boys ages 4 and 7. We held a ZERO tolerance for hitting. I knew this could become an issue since they are boys. You need to find out what he likes and use it as currency. Find out what works and use it EVERYTIME.
C.