Problems with Daycare Provider

I understand your frustration, I have an 18 month old son who has been taking only 1 nap since shortly after he turned 1 year. He sleeps from 12-330 every day like clockwork. It seems to be enough for him. My daughter dropped her 2 naps and went to one nap only at about 10 months. I think if it is her honesty in why she isn't giving him a nap in the after noon that is concerning you, you need to address that issue first, then come to a nap schedule everyone can be happy with. We actually switched sitters when my daughter was 3 months old b/c she was letting her sleep all the time and not interacting with her at all. Maybe switching to a new sitter is an option you need to consider. If you both can not be honest about your feelings about something like a nap, it may cause bigger honesty and communication issues in the future. I would just tell her that he is really cranky in the evening and isn't getting the sleep he needs. If she isn't willing to work with you on the sleep schedule, then you really do need a new sitter. Let her know that if she isn't willing to make accomidations for him like she does the ones she is picking up from the bus stop, you will have to find a new provider that will. If you start subtly threatening her with taking away part of her income, she may be a little better, but just be careful she doesn't start making up stuff just to please you. Where do you live? I have an available spot for a child his age if you are interested. His nap schedule isn't a problem with me. LMK

my daughter started a commercial daycare at 14 months and we had a similar concern. how would she survive without 2 naps? she had the same nap schedule as your son at home, however, the the commercial daycare only allows 1 nap from 1-3pm. i was concerned at first but my daughter adapted nicely. she still took 2 naps on the weekend at home but only one at daycare. she still slept from 730pm till 8am every single night.

i did some research and the sleep requirements for a 1-3 year old are 10-13 hours a day. once i found that out, i just kept track of her sleep and she still was at or over 13 hours every day. i was worried about her mood without the 2nd nap but she is just fine.

i would keep your eye on the hours of sleep he gets total in a day and if it isn't adequate and keep him in good spirits, then i would talk to the daycare provider about it. i've included the link to the sleep requirements i mentioned. good luck!

http://kidshealth.org/PageManager.jsp?dn=KidsHealth&l...

Ok, this is a tough situation.

First, I would say that if overall you have had a good relationship with your day care provider that you work with her to find a solution. You are the only one who knows your history with her, go with your gut. I would NOT assume that she is lying to you for her own convenience. Generally folks don't get into the day care business because they want a "convenient" work life. = )
Unless you have other trust issues with your provider, see if you can work with her to a) get answers to your quesions and b) figure out something that works for your son. The questions you've written up above seem to be the first things you need answers to - and it is not a bad idea to know exactly when other people/staff are in the house with the kids anyways. I would recommend that you set up a time to talk with her to discuss your son (talk about his general progress as well), preferably at a time when she is unoccupied. My daycare provider has some time to talk each day when the kids are all down for their naps, or set up a time to call her in the evening or on a weekend. The best way to have this discussion is all at once and when you're not rushing to get out the door (and when other parents aren't coming and going as well.)

From what you say, it does seem that your son might be needing that little pick-me-up nap in the afternoon, perhaps he can be put down for it a little later, say 4/4:15. Then when you pick him up, he'll be fresh and hopefully in a fun mood. My little ones are both into lots of sleep - the oldest is 4 and still takes a nap most afternoons at home, but only once in a while at preschool. It wasn't unusual for her to sleep for up to 4 hours for her naps - often we had/have to wake her at 5pm so that she would be tired enough to go back to bed at 8pm! My new little one (6 months) takes a little nap in the late afternoon also for about 1/2 to 1 hour. I pick her up at 5:20 every day. She's in a sunny mood with that little nap, so I'm glad she gets it!

However, from what you're saying, your son is getting the same amount of sleep with one nap at daycare that he is getting with two naps at home on the weekend. He is also old enough to *want* to stay awake, especially if there are other kids there to interact with - older kids are fascinating to younger ones. It's very possible that he is excited enough when the other kids come over that he doesn't want to go upstairs and lay down.

You may need to consider that he is naturally moving on his own to one nap - although it is longer, so he's still getting the same amount of sleep - and rather than trying to push his bedtime later, you may need to move it earlier, if you truly think he is cranky from lack of sleep and he still is not taking an afternoon nap. Try putting him to bed at 7pm and seeing how that works.
Unfortunately, he can't be forced to go to sleep, so if he won't take that second nap, then that is the way of it.

I understand about wanting more mommy and daddy time - I work full time too and my youngest goes to bed at 6:15/6:30 - that means I have less than an hour with her each night. Same thing happened with my older child when she was this age. It sucks, but it is what she needs, so we do it. I spend more time with her in the morning than in the evenings most weekdays and I try to make that fun time (and I love having weekends with her.)

Good luck!

I am by far not an expert, I can only comment from my own experiences with my 4. First, somepeople have said that she is "horrible" for not putting your child's needs first but would they feel they same if their child was the one waiting at the bus stop? She needs to be able to care for all of the children. With that said, around 12 months, I start to get my kids on a 1 nap schedule. Also, i have always had my kids take a shorter am nap and a longer pm nap. This allowed for more awake time in the evening. But like I said this is what worked for me and my kids. I worked with the first 2 and stopped working sfter the 3rd and have used the same nap scheule for all of them. In my opinion, home daycares are more "real life" than centers. they have the benefit of giving children exposure to a variety of ages instead of being in a classroom with children the same age. Last year I had one in preschool half day and would have to wake him up from his naps to pick up the one from school and even now, if the 2 younger ones are sleeping, I wake them up to pick up the other 2 from the bus stop - we are in a rural area, so they can't walk or believe me they would. I guess what I'm saying is if you plan on having more than one child, a "schedule" may not always work. If your child is getting enough hours of sleep, I feel like he should be fine. If he naps longer in the pm, he will probably be more rested for you in the evening, which means more fun time for you.

It sounds like he is getting plenty of sleep at night 12 hours, what time are you picking him up, are you stressed? Children tend to sense thier parents anxiety, and one way you know is by their crankiness. It is allergy season as well which may be causing the dark circles..You did not state what time during the week he wakes up etc... Are you sleeping in on the weekends which will interrupt his daily routine? Are you consistent with your pick up time of you son? How much time are you spending with him? If you are picking him up at 6pm and you only have him home for an hour and half and try to start putting him to bed in an hour and half he may be needing more mommy time. Causing his crankiness. Is he teething? Remember she is caring for your child likely for at least 9-10 hours a day and she should be respected. Daycares may not have such a big nap schedule either usually one a day after they are a year and a half old. You chose this person for a reason likely more economical than traditional day care, or other personal reasons. Maybe you should try keeping him up until 8 30 and play with him and enjoy him, and see if this helps. It sounds like since he gets your time and attention on the weekends he is a happy baby then, so try a little more during the week and see if it improves. By being a working mother myself I understand your need to feel like you have some control in your sons daytime life, however with our needs and choices to work we must remember that we must be reasonable, is he being well cared for, is he being fed, is he being changed and kept clean? If your only concern is the nap issue maybe you should just tread slowly and remember the older they get the less sleep they require, they will decide this not us, if they are tired they will sleep regardless.
UPDATED RESPONSE: Maybe she could try giving him a later nap, so he would be more rested later in the daylike at noon after he's had lunch. And sense there are older children there in the afternoon he may be too excited to nap later in the day. Another possibilities with the allergies is ear infections. Is he being weened off the bottle, or something else like a pacifier, if so this could as well be causing issues, some providers have been known to give in when parents are trying to make such changes , if so this confuses a child for one and makes them really, really cranky. And parents are none the wiser. It also appears the differnet routines are causing changes in his meal schedules, which as we know at any age when we are hungry we are cranky. There are so many more things that could likely be causing the crankiness. I empathize with you whole heartedly, For when my son was this age I was loosing my mind, I worked 6 am til 2 pm, my husband worked evenings, My day started at 5 am and didn't end until midnight, sometimes 1 am, Dad kept him during the day and mom kept him in the afternoon and evenings. And he was very fussy at this age, I was so distraught, i finally realized he was cutting his 2 year old molars, they took quite a while to come in but they did start at this age your son is at. They were the worst for him. I am sorry that the nap part just doesn't seem me to be the problem. And again he appears to be getting sleep, but I wish the best

I look after a 14 month old who I have been caring for since he was a newborn. He was taking two naps during the day but I also have my son with me and so I take them both out to places a lot.

Does your son really get that cranky without his morning nap?? Because I stopped giving the 14 month old his morning nap and instead keep him up until after lunch, playing and outside for a walk then he takes a long afternoon nap from about 1p until 3p. This has been working and his parents say its a lot easier as well in the evenings he still goes to bed at 8:30.

The number of naps isn't as important as the number of hours he is sleeping. If that is fairly consistent, then I think that the second nap controversy doesn't matter.

I'm mainly a stay at home mom (when I'm not home my husband is), and even though my husband and I have full control of when she(is almost 1) sleeps, her schedule still varies with us- for example we have two other kids- they don't nap anymore. If you add more to your brood, you will find that being so strictly regimented is impossible, and really not so bad!

This is for example: If she decides to wake up early one day, then she will probably have two naps. If she wakes up late, one nap is usually sufficient. If her first nap gets interrupted by a dirty diaper or something else, then she would probably get another nap later.

Another suggestion- give him a short nap right after you pick him up and THEN do dinner, bath etc... maybe you WILL have to put him to bed a little bit later.

I was much more particular with my first kid, too. Now I find that all those details really don't matter, just as long as everyone (I'm including myself) is happy and healthy.

I think you are correct- you know your son needs his nap whether it is convenient or not! Since you are paying this person for her services, I think it is appropriate to insist that she respect your wishes for your son. If this is something she can't accommodate, perhaps its time to find someone else. Not having enough sleep is linked to so many health issues in our children, I don't think you should compromise your gut feelings. Good luck!

Maybe it would you should consider finding a daycare that 1. has younger, non school aged kids so that she isn't running out to get them from school or 2. hire a nanny to come into your home. If the key problem is that he isn't getting his afternoon nap because it overlaps with when she has to leave to get the kids, there isn't much you can do except change daycares. The kids at school HAVE to be picked up at a certain time. It wouldn't be fair to them, THEIR parents or the teachers to have a group of kids sitting on the sidewalk for 30 mins. while your son finishes his nap.
Just my two cents worth.
M.

you might want to concider putting him down for one afternoon nap. My son is now 18 months but by the time he was 14 months he was taking one 2 1/2 hour nap and still only takes one nap. He seems fine and yeah some kids do fall asleep in the car I did until I got my permit. Every kid is diffrent

I run a home daycare as of right now and until the school year ends. I know what you both are going through. Her time is limited as she picks up and cares for other children besides yours. Be patient with her, sit down with her and maybe see if she can put him down a little earlier for his morning nap, and end up pushing his afternoon nap earlier, so that he is awake by the time she needs to go get the other children. I know it goes against "your" plan, but it won't hurt the child, or you if it is rearranged just a tad. "Us" Home Providers are busy and try to work with all of our "parents" as best as we can. It really is better having him at a home daycare, rather than going to a center. It is truly up to them what the day will be like, not so much the parents!

Also.....He is at the stage where his sleeping schedule is going to be changing.
Work with her, and she'll work with you!!!!

It is time for a new babysitter that will put your son's needs before their own. The problem with in-home daycare is that there are no witnesses, and she can tell you she's doing one thing and do something else. I had 2 in-home childcare providers with my oldest daughter and ended up switching to daycare when she was 2. They keep to a regular schedule, there are cameras around and they get to socialize. FIND A NEW SITTER IMMEDIATELY - even if you have to take a few days off from work. Your baby boy deserves to have his needs met by this lady, who is obviously more concerned about his own. A rule of thumb - if you wouldn't trust someone with your checkbook, don't trust them with your children.

K.,
this is just my opinion but at 14 months of age he should be dropping his second nap, like you said his second nap is for half an hour only. that's enough to get him cranky. and the kids are supposed to have longer naps, like 2-3 hours and i think he is getting that. also if she has to pick up her kids, what else could she do? leave your child napping, all alone in the house?
my kids dropped the second nap at 9 months of age, instead they started taking 2-3 hours naps. just my opinion

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Thanks, R. Gagnon

If you really want your schedule followed, you could stop working outside the home or hire a nanny. What your child does in his own home without the distractions of other children and sounds is not going to be the same as how he reacts at daycare. So, if you cannot mimic home, you will need to keep the baby home.

Providing daycare services, and balancing the needs and requests of multiple families, is very challenging. It's easy to say, "I'm paying you to do this and you better do it," but she has 5-6 families all saying the same thing, equally entitled to such personal attention. Everyone has to compromise with a daycare situation so that it works for everyone involved.

I agree with the ideas that (a) your child is of an age where they often transition from two shorter naps to one long nap--a transition that often has them crankier in the evenings until they get use to it--and (b) the issue isn't how many naps, but how many hours of sleep.

I am a daycare provider and I do my best to work with the parents of the children I look after. I do have to pick up at 3:00 too for school so I do understand from her side too. Having said that if you wishes are not being met for your son and it is affecting your time with him i would move on and find a new provider..perhaps one that doesn't not have to pick up at school because they are on a bus route. It sounds like you have tried many times to work it out with her and she just doesn't care....cut your loses and move on. You and your son will benefit in the long run.