Problems with Siblings

Tell her that she only has one brother and he needs to be a priority in her life. It shouldn't be an option for her. I have 4 children and when one is in need the other 3 are there to offer support. It's because I told them that their father and I aren't going to be around forever and they will eventually only have each other.

Start putting her on notice.........and tell your son to do the same.....if she doesn't help, she is grounded.......if she takes something and isn't given permission, she is grounded......take away her favorite whatever....cell phone, TV, going out, etc.......

Tell your son that he has to stand up to people like her, sister or not......he can't be taken advantage of like that.........

I think it's time to talk to them both together......let him tell her, with you there what upsets him that she does........

Also, you might take her to a place where she has to volunteer to help people less fortunate than you are........a Children's home, or homeless shelter where she can see how people need each other and how it is beneficial to help others......any place where it shows that families need to be able to count on each other and love each other.......

She's at that age where it is going to make a difference to her world........and right now, that's all she sees, is her world.....

Good Luck and hang in there.

She may not take things that are his.
She sure does not sound"well balanced" to me. Pretty selfish.
He on the other hand sounds like a delight.

Perhaps she will grown up, meanwhile you can keep her from abusing her brother.
best, k

This sounds just like the issue with someone I know with her son and daughter. But there was a bigger age difference. She finally pulled her children out of private school and put them in a public school. That was all it took. It completely changed them. They became wonderful children. When in the private school the girl was always getting into trouble at home. Once she was placed in public school she became a lot better person. Not sure why but that's all it took. My daughter had a close friend that went to a Christian school all her life. She is 24 now and feels that her parents deprived her the right to participate in the many things that public schools do that private schools don't. Her only goal in life is to get married and have children. I am not saying there is anything wrong with private schools but everyone I know that has ever attended one has had issues through out their lives that could have possibly been avoided. Two of my neighbors did home school their children. They are now all in public schools. They are doing a lot better since they have been going to a public school. I think the children learn more about social life and are move involved in school activities then if in home schooling or private schools. You might want to consider a semester in public school to see if it makes a difference.

Please look up the definition of a narcissist, as that is where your daughter is headed, if not already there! Sounds like your daughter may have a "big head", and feels, the "I am better than" syndrome. Also sounds like you are her parent needs to bring her down a notch and to reality...let her know in fact she is only a little fish in a big pond, as we all are. If she is popular, as you describe socially and he is not, she might be "too full of herself" to have compassion for him and instead looks down on him. Her friends may also be feeding that thought process! Sympathy, empathy and compaasion are needed to make us well balanced, she obviously is missing one or more, so your self observation that she is well rounded is flawed. How objective/subjective are you being in your analysis of your kids? Parents, generally are not the best ones to assess what their child is about, we have too many bias's to be objective enough to do a good job at it. Another idea, would be some counseling sessions. Good luck, get her to change ASAP for her and others beneit!

This is just my opinion, but i don't really see a huge problem... unless she is rude about it... what does he need help with? Homework? Who wants to do someone else's homework all the time? or make tutoring a priority when you have your own school and growing up issues to worry about? i can't imagine what else he needs help with that can't be fulfilled by his parents - if he's a teenager he should be pretty self sufficient by now and if he's not - look out - my parents babied the heck out of my lil bro - always made him his food never asked him to do chores like mowing the lawn or anything that involved "heavy" things - he went from homebody to lazy to drugs to daddy before 19 in and out of rehab etc. - not that your son is on that path - i'm just saying i can't think of anything a teenage boy should need much help with... maybe thats how your daughter sees it - she feels she's self-sufficient and feels he is at an age where he should be too.... I wouldn't call the borrowing without asking manipulation - taking advantage of his good demeanor yes - but not manipulation... instead of focusing on her try focusing on him - if an item is supposed to be exclusively his and she's using it and he wants or needs it back - he should know the respectful way to get it back and do it himself - how else is he gonna learn for the real world? when you grow up there are those people that will walk all over you if you don't put your foot down - not all of them do it intentionally - teach him early how to handle those situations. I don't quite get what you want from your daughter on the "looking out for her brother" front... to me that would mean watching out for him at school and standing up for him when your not there to do so yourself - maybe thats why she hasn't responded to your talks... your not making what you expect from her clear enough. I don't know to many teenage siblings that are close to each other during that time of there lives - they separate - become their own person and then become good friends again when their older - it doesn't mean that you are raising them wrong or that your daughter will always feel this way towards her brother....
Anyway, good luck and God bless :o)

PS- To everyone else - being "good socially" does NOT always mean that a girl is a snotty stuck-up brat! Not all teenage girls are just like the one that tortured you growing up!

well personally i think that she is a very lucky girl to have such a good brother! me and my brother are 11 months apart and i was the wild child and he was the shy kid, and we were very close when we were little. we used to pretend that we were twins. but when he turn probably 8 and i turned 7 for some reason he didn't want anything to do with me. none of my siblings did. (i have 2 sisters and 2 brothers, all older than i) so i just leaned on my mom. it was very hard for me cause i never had a brother to take care of me or whatever growing up. so maybe tell her that she is a very lucky girl to have such a great brother and if she doesn't treat him better one day she will probably regret it! my siblings and i are now very close. so it all worked out in the end, but from the time i was about 7 untill i was probably 21 when i had my son it was like i was not part of the family. except for with my mom. she really needs to really think about how she treats her family especially cause they are the ones who are always there for you! and will always love you! i am seriously soooo happy to finally have a good relationship with my brothers and sisters!

She wants to act manipulative and rotten? Someone needs to say something. I'd start by asking very bluntly why she feels that she's 'better' than her brother and expecting everything and giving nothing in return.