Problems with Sleeping at Night

Does he possibly have acid reflux? We all know how this feels and it can be painful. Just a thought.

If you do not pick him up when he crys,the crying will become less and less each night. Its hard but if you want to get sleep you'll have to do this. It doesnt usually take more than a few nights.consistancy is the key with little ones. Also just know that if he has to go to sleep with music or rocking you are training him to go to sleep that way,so its best they learn to sooth them selves or that is the only way you'll be able to get them to go to sleep. Its so hard when their teething,he probably is just unconfortable,it probably just bothers him more at night. My kids had the toughest time with the molers. good luck!

Hi J.,

My daughter had a similar problem with one of my grandsons, I told her it was because he sensed he was losing his position. At any rate she needed sleep and so did he, I suggested soft music, or soft spoken word (ie relaxation tape, spoken lullabyes) she chose water sounds it worked great. He's 3 now and starts his own music before he bed.

I wish you well.

Pat

Hi J.! I really feel for you--I went through a tough time w/my first. Be encouraged that this is most likely NOT your fault. Some babies respond to the cry-it-out system (not my preference), others don't. Babies are different. I think it's really unfortunate that moms get blamed for everything when they're the ones who need the most support. People who have easier babies are always ready to see the fault w/the parent, but they just have limited experience. So believe in yourself and trust your intuition! When I was going through a tough time w/my son, I heard from a few moms who'd had tough times as well and were finally driven to cry-it-out. Their kids were rather high-strung, like mine, and it took their kids a couple weeks of hours of crying a night to do it. Just b/c some kids manage it w/in a reasonable time frame doesn't mean all kids do that, and your tolerance should be a guide here.

As to what you can do--Elizabeth Pantley has written "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" w/many helpful ideas. It's a very "user-friendly" book w/good info and specific strategies to try. It works for lots of families. It didn't work w/our son, but I still highly recommend it.

Another simple solution (you may be hesitant to try--I understand) is to consider putting your son to sleep on his side or tummy (if he's not already doing that). Once the child can roll over on his own, then tummy sleeping is not a danger. I know one mom who did this when her son (her 2nd child) was only a few months old b/c it was the difference between him sleeping 3 hrs/time and all night. You might want to consult w/your doctor before trying it, but I know that my kids both slept on their sides (I made sure they couldn't roll over) and later on their tummies as soon as they could roll around b/c they hated sleeping on their backs--it made them feel insecure and uncomfortable.

W/our daughter, I know that her nighttime wakings are related to her daytime naps and nap schedule. For example, my 20-mo-old daughter cannot sleep past 1:30 if I want her to be asleep by 9:00pm. She cannot nap for much more than an hour if I want her to sleep all night. I also know that if I let her go to bed too early, she'll think it's a "nap" and wake up an hour later ready to be up for several hours. I have always had to carefully control when and how long she sleeps--and it does change every few months. SOme babies REALLY need less sleep than others.

So one thing you can do is think about how often and how much your son sleeps--can you manipulate his naps in any way, like make sure he's awake by a certain time and then try to put him to bed a little later in the evening? (This actually runs counter to Pantley's advice, but we tried everything in her book, and it didn't work for us, but we found some other things going on w/our son. You have to know your child. Her suggestions might work better for your son than do mine.)

About reflux--it doesn't always involve spitting up. SOmetimes it comes part way up and goes back down and you never see it. You might think about whether he seems to be fussier after meals or fussy when he's hungry (like more than normal fussy). Teething can make a difference, but when we give our kids motrin and it's teething, the sleep improves.

Another thing I would ask is what your baby's temperment is. Reflect on him for a moment. Would you call him an easy, compliant baby? One who adjusts well to new faces, new places, new foods? One who is generally happy and content except at night? One who smiles and babbles and plays w/toys?

Or would you call your baby sensitive? Is he the kind who doesn't like unfamiliar people to hold him, who doesn't do well in the nursery, who is prone to being fussy? Does he dislike car rides or diaper changes? Dislike being on his back or swinging or being moved quickly (or the opposite--likes lots of vigorous movement?)? Does he seem to have a high sucking need or like the security of blankets or swaddling or being held?

If any of these are the case, then his sensitivies might be affecting his sleep. It's easy to focus on 1 behavior, but as w/adults, you need to take a more holistic view before treating something like sleep, esp. if you've already tried many things that work for most people. It's true that 40 weeks is about the age most babies settle into a helpful sleeping pattern and do it through the night, but waking every night after midnight is not normal and not necessarily your fault.

From what I know of my kids, I would see this as a sign that my kids are getting too much sleep during the day and going down too early at night. My son was also sensitive, which very much affected his sleep.

If you have any questions or feel his sensitivies might be part of the problem, feel free to email me--I have a lot of experience here. Sleep deprivation is SO hard--a form of torture, as my doc reminded me, so I can only imagine what it's like to go through this pregnant (our kids are 4 years apart for this reason!). Take care of yourself--J.

Congrats on your coming baby! I'm an old mom of seven, and in the "old days" I would have told you to let him cry it out and toughen up. But I've changed my tune - and I would recommend holding him in a quiet, dark, comfortable place and just enjoy the opportunity. It sounds to me like he just needs more mommy time. At the risk of sounding soft, I have found that whatever we think we should be doing for our kids, the bottom line is that they grow up and out of our arms far to quickly. I have purposed with my latter three to snuggle them all I can before they get away. You can tell if they are really taking advantage of your kindness and take steps to teach them to stay in bed when they are older, but as smart as infants are, I believe they are more tuned into what they know they need than to pulling our strings. That comes later. :) Enjoy the fact that your baby wants you - and culitvate it so that when he is older, he'll still want a hug and kiss from you. And don't worry about when the new baby comes - you'll get the knack of holding two at once, or having one nurse while the other hangs on your arm. It's a normal mom thing!

SAHM of seven, 23 yrs - 16 mos, all well adjusted, who sleep through the night and let me hug and kiss them in public. (Even the eldest -a USMC 2nd Lt.!)

Getting his ears checked out is a great idea just in case. Also, making sure he's not over or under dressed. There are crib vibrators that I know would have helped my son. At 6 months we did have to let him and I cry it out! He screamed forever, for a couple nights and then he became an awesome sleeper. There are stages to crying it out that you can use, so it's not quite so harsh. I think Dr. Ferber has softened/updated his approach in his newer book. There are also several great books out there...one of which I think was mentioned. Each child is so different, there's rarely one thing that will work for all. Good luck!

You are pregnant and need your sleep, too! I would talk with your husband about getting up with the baby. Crying it not harmful for kids either. Plus, they need to developmentally learn how to get themselves back to sleep. It always broke my heart too to listen to our kids cry, but it gets less and less, and eventually they learn to just fall back to sleep with out the fuss. They do however at that age still need to feel safe. Going in and talking to them or rubbing there back, and then quickly retreating, wait ten minutes and then go in again, but do not stay in there. They need to know they are safe, but they also need to learn how to fall asleep on their own. My sister was terrible about holding her son til he fell asleep, then going in and holding or bursing him everynight til he fell asleep again. Now her son is five and a half and still wakes up in the middle of the night and has to go find her and cuddle with her for hours until he goes back to sleep! My kids wake up in the night, go potty, mostly go back to bed or crwl up to our room and lay on the floor near us, but they never wake us up. Take everyones advice with a grain of salt, and find what works for you. Don't let anyone guilt you about needing your sleep becausee you do need it to be a good mom when you are awake. Good luck!

I recommend taking him to his pediatrician. You would at the very least be able to rule out an ear infection.
If this is a new development, something else may be bothering him. It can't hurt to have him looked at.

First don't let others make you feel bad for holding your baby while they are going to sleep. There is nothing wrong with that and can be some of the most precious time you have with your baby. That being said, it can make it a little more challenging once you need them to start learning for them to get back to sleep on their own. I know, I've been there twice and soon to be a third time. This is what worked for us. It's called sleep-training and although similar to the "cry it out" it doesn't seem quite so hard. When there was no longer a need for our baby to be eating at night then when they woke up the first time we would let them cry for five minutes. Go in, pat their chest, say something soothing, like "mommy's here" but don't pick them up and walk out of the room. Next time let them cry a little longer like 10 minutes. Repeat again, return to the room, pat the chest say something soothing and walk out. You will probably have to repeat this several times. The longest we ever went without going in was ten minutes at a time. But it could take an hour (or more) for them to get back to sleep. You will probably have to do this for several nights but both times (for us) within a week they were sleeping for longer periods of time and able to put themselves back to sleep if they did wake up. One other suggestion, if he isn't actually crying try not to go in. Lots of babies make noises while they sleep and also as a self-soothing method to help them get to sleep. Hope these suggestions help.

Hi J.,

Part of your problem is that you are too close to your sleeping baby...he knows you are there, and he knows that if he whimpers you are at least going to touch him. It has become a habit, unfortunately a bad habit. If he were in another room you wouldn't hear every noise he made and he wouldn't hear every noise you make. I don't know if moving him is an option, but it definitely would help your problem...it would take a few days to get better sleeping habits established, but if you could keep yourself from giving in to him it could probably happen in about 5-10 days. You really need to do this before you have two little ones to contend with...and then remember with your next one to put him/her to bed to sleep and not to go pick them up at every whimper.

Good Luck!

Hey J. -

What are you using for his gums? I tried the Orajel & was not impressed at all. However, Walmart carries a homeopathic teething tablet that works wonders! I've used it & so have many of my friends - we all recommend it to everyone, so much in fact that it's typically part of our shower gifts! Let me know if you have any questions about it or can't find it!

Don't get down on yourself for holding him to sleep - I did that with my daughter until she was at least 6 months; it's simply a parenting preference.

However, if it's not his gums that waking him up, maybe try shutting the music off for a night to see if that helps, moving the crib position in his room, maybe he's too warm? Try all the different factors once you rule out that gums being the cause. That's just my opinion. Hope that helps!

I really feel for you. Pregnancy is so exhausting. Your sleep is so important right now. We have 7 kids, none of them as close together as yours will be, and this is what worked for us:

I held them constantly the first 6 months. I didn't rock them to sleep though. I laid them down just before they fell asleep. We taught them to sleep through the night as soon as they doubled their birth weight. Around age 6 months, when they got a regular two nap a day routine, they started trying to manipulate us! Oh, fun! By this time we were very well bonded, as I'm sure you are. Kids are realizing they are separate from Mom. I really believe that once you've taken care of the physical needs, it's okay to let them cry after age 6 months. I'm thinking not only what's best for your baby, but also what's best to prepare him for your having another baby soon.

What if you tried not sleeping in the same room with him? Maybe you wouldn't hear as many of his wakings. Then do what you've been doing, patting or rubbing his back and stretching the time between those reassurances.

I shouldn't suggest this only as a last resort, but one of our boys didn't respond to anything logical. The only thing that helped him was when we took him to our pastor for prayer at the suggestion of one the elders' wives who had watched him in the church nursery. The problem was immediately solved. He was about 6 months old at the time.

Be encouraged! You're doing a great job trying to get over this hurdle before the next baby comes. I hope you can all get some good sleep soon!

J.,
I don't have any good advice but I wanted to let you know my son is 18 months and doesn't sleep much past 1:00 either. So don't blame your holding him as a baby habits. The only thing that I have found to work is to put him in bed with me and even then he doesn't sleep well. I wouldn't recommend this because it is going to be a hard habit to break but I get up at 5:30 am so I need to be able to sorta function. I can't let him cry it out cause i have two other children. Good luck

Have you read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution"? It has some great suggestions on how to get your baby to sleep through the night, gently. That's what helped us! Good luck.

My 18 month old will still wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, granted not every hour, BUT... many times he's hungry - so I'll sit with him (in the dark) and have him munch on a cereal bar and some milk or water then put him back to bed. If you haven't tried it already - maybe send dad in to soothe. That has helped in situations too - which can break the cycle - if he knows that mom isn't coming in and dad isn't staying too long it may correct itself? Good luck!

Jen-
Please stop ignoring your child's crying- letting him cry-it-out for 2-3 hours is crazy for both of you. Keep going in there like you have been; comfort without picking him up and quietly walk about the door. Give him a minute of crying and then go in to re-assure, quick! then back out. Stand out and let him cry for 2 minutes, back in for a quick comfort and then out.. repeat increasing the amount of time.

Just a thought: do you think he may be having nightmares? Maybe he's really not awake when you hear him.
Deb.

I personally think that you should look into co-sleeping. My daughter slept with us until she was two and then all of a sudden she was ready to sleep by herself and it was the smoothest most peaceful transition ever. Every child is different and sometimes the expectation that Americans have for children just are not very realistic or considerate for the child. Such as infants sleeping by themselves in a differnt room. For some children it works maybe because of there personality type or sleeping needs and some children eventually give up but sometimes they just need to be closer to there parents until they are ready to make the leap.
Good Luck and hopefully you will find some advice that works for your family!

I don't think you have done anything wrong by wanting to cuddle your baby to comfort him! I would be the same way!!
Also, babies do not have the cognitive capacity to understand cause and effect at this age. They don't realize at this point in their little minds "if I cry, they will come." I doubt very seriously your little baby is having a powerplay with you. When he is older that might be a different story, but what you are doing now is right on the money. You are showing your child that he can count on you and are making him feel safe and secure in his environment.

While I don't have any great tips to give you that you haven't already mentioned, I have found with my son that if I give him a little more to eat before bedtime that usually gets him through the night. I also have a sound monitor and a dimmer on the light in his room that seems to help. Sometimes we sit and rock. My son likes to be held very close and I gently tap his lower back/bottom. I do try to put him down first to see if he will go off to sleep. I do leave the room and wait. If he is just cooing or making sounds, I don't go in, but if it is an all out wail I do. I even still swaddle him tightly because he seems to fall to sleep the easiest that way. Just really watch your baby for signs like this and it helps to write them down too. Never hurts to have a big bag of tricks!! Hope some of these ideas will help!

A.
married 2 years, mom to 3 month old son, elem. teacher, but will be sahm after this year!

My son was always a good sleeper until about 6 months when he started teething. Then soon after he had problems with ear infections that caused waking in the night. But then it became a pattern for him even though he wasn't teething and his ears were healthy. We tried a softened Cry It Out method (at 9 months) but I could tell he wasn't developmentally ready to sooth himself. We tried again at 10 months and it worked like a charm. Now he is an awesome sleeper again.

Eliminate a physical problem being the cause. If he has discomfort waking him, he definitely needs to know you are there for him. Then keep doing what you are doing except get your husband involved. I think you are on the right track with not picking him up but instead just patting him, no talking, and letting him just start working at learning to self sooth (a skill that most 6 month olds do not have). With you being pregnant you need to get some nights with good sleep. Alternate nights with your husband.

My son woke up between 6 and 12 times a night for an entire year. Everybody said I was crazy for thinking it was dairy that was doing it, but as soon as I got him on soy milk, he slept SO much better. (within a month, he was waking only 1 or 2 times a night! and usually sleeping 6 or more hours in a row!)

You might want to consider the possibility of lactose intolerance even if nobody else thinks it's possible. It was amazing the difference with my son as soon as I eliminated all dairy from his diet.

I have recently heard that soy can cause reproductive problems in little ones, so we are switching to Rice Milk and lactose-Free whole milk. I doesn't really cost much more to try milk alternatives and stop feeding dairy products, so if I were you, I'd give that a try. I wish I'd trusted my gut and done it earlier with my son.

Be aware that the effects from dairy can linger for two weeks, so if you decide to try this, give it a fair trial. I gave it 4 weeks because we were also still breastfeeding a little and some dairy does come through the breast milk.

If you are on WIC they will replace regular milk with Lactose-free milk if you ask.

I feel your pain!!!! having done it for as long as I did with all the night wakings. I hope you get everything resolved quickly so you can both get better rest. {{ HUGS }}

My 4month old son (2nd child) has been sleeping in our bed since birth and sleeps just like an angel from 9:30pm to 7:30am like clock works since he was 2 months old. So my suggestion is cuddle him to sleep with you...mom's warmth always soothes them. The only reason that I suggest this so that you get some sleep since you are pregnant and I understand the value of sleep during pregnancy. Good luck.

J.,

First of all, don't listen to everyone who says it is your fault. Every child sleeps their own way. You are doing things right. Don't worry, he will eventually outgrow this. Let him cry a little before you go in, so he doesn't learn that you will jump the moment he wimpers, but he needs to know that you are there for him. Stick it out for a while and see what happens.

L. :)

J.,

You might find that one of those dolls that you can put warm water in that has a heart beat would work. A night gown or t-shirt of yours may help. It may be your smell he misses. It might also be night terrors or bad dreams some babies and young children have these. You can reasearch it on line or ask your Dr. if that could be a posibility. I hope this helps.
My daughter did not sleep through the night until she was 3.

J. C

I am not laughing at you but I am laughing, I ahve 4 kids 15,13,11,9 and with my 4th child, my only boy, he did the same thing. Reading your words was like reading my own. IT was so frustrating. Espicailly the part where people blame you for loving your kid too much (asme thing as holding :) and the only difference is that I had already 3 kids. I kept thinking I should know what to do and I have tried it all and so cuz I am a mom of 3 and he will be fine and he isn't hurt and he will grow out of this. Thinking all that DIDN'T HELP HIM SLEEP OR ME FEEL ANY BETTER AS A MOM. It did get better, and I can't rememebr when, I was so sleep deprived it is a bit of a blurrrrrrrr now ;). But the thing that really helped ME was singing to HIM. I found COMFORT in singing "Jesus loves me" and replaced the word ME to YOU. so it was "Jesus loves you this I know..." I know GOd is good in all situations and for all involved and for even the people who get to hear of the situation in the future are going to grow from HIS love. This too shall pass. Pray too for God to show you.. He might be preparing you for something else. I have seen such things in my life :) of course not realizing it at the time.

Babies don't sleep through the night. Teething, the fact that they sleep off and on around the clock, and the newness of life predict this. I would begin by not expecting him to sleep through the night and letting go of your need to sleep. Babies are the most disruptive thing to sleep of anything known to humankind.

Giving meds is counter-productive because babies get hooked on meds and then their sleep patterns are forever interrupted. Wake up, bring him to bed with you and let both of you fall asleep. Consider putting him in bed with your 7 year old.

Some babies respond better to a warm body than to anything else you can do. Think simple thoughts like: "Some day I will sleep through the night," as you snuggle your baby to sleep again. Don't let people tell you that you have "spoiled" you baby by holding him. What a load of guilt that is! Babies are born to be held, cuddled and kept warm and safe by their mothers.

You won't sleep restfully again until they move out of your life to college. Accepting this now will help everyone to relax. Believe me, just when you are getting a good night's sleep (when they are three or four years old) they get the flu or something else.

Enjoy being a mother J.... snuggling them when they are small is the most fleeting and wonderful part of it!

J., I feel for you. It is very hard to get through a time like this especially when you are getting blamed for doing what a mother instinctively does--and ought to do--hold your baby and ease them into sleep gently. The cry it out method teaches a baby that the world is not a safe place and that nothing they do will spark a response from the people who are supposed to be keeping them safe. I do not agree with it at all, and you are right to want to cry those times you did try it. There is a reason it didn't work--it's not healthy and your baby told you in his own way (2-3 hrs. of crying!) just how unhealthy it is. I think your baby is looking for comfort from you and for an infant that is physical comfort. It will help you in the long run if you give in and let him tell you what he wants...because for a baby, wants and needs are one in the same. Why not cosleep and transition him to a big mattress on the floor in May where you can share the bed with him and then the next month, with your new baby as well? Doing things that way caused me to have very, very good sleepers and my two children are 3 1/2 and 6 now and we have absolutely no sleep issues whatsoever. I don't know why people torture themselves with cribs because they are so opposite of the womb experience. I suggest reading The Baby Book by Dr. Sears for excellent cosleeping advice. By the way, it is very good to pick up your baby when they cry and you are definitely not spoiling them when you do this.

My son had the same problem and how I did it was cold turkey. The first time you can go in and check on him to make sure he doesn't have a problem but if he doesn't than don't go back in after that. My son cried alot which was hard but not long after we started this he quit crying and sleeping all night long.

Get Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth MD. It is a lifesaver. It saved my life and my marriage.

You are doing really great!!! Don't let anyone tell you different. Just keep up what you are doing. Don't hold him, just put your hand there to let him know you are there. You have done a great job weaning him from being held to sleep. Neither of my sons slept throught the night until 16 mos old. My daughter came home from the hospital sleeping 12 hr nites and still is an excellent sleeper. It will come, he is learning to soothe himself, each time you soothe him, make your touch less time and lighter and eventually he will be able to do it on his own.

How much does he sleep during the day? And how does he sleep during the day? I would talk to your baby's doctor about it. He may have a tummy ache from his formula or food. Or, what do you feed him before he goes to bed? May be he is needing more solids, and just doesn't want his bottle..

Hi J.
is he to hot or to cold try dressing him warmer to see if this helps good luck:)T.