Hello, I'm sure this situation is going to bring up several different comments but here it goes. I have a soon to be 4 year old, She is extremely bright, very social and VERY head strong. Our home is pretty conservative, we dont watch R rated movies, my husband and I are very appropriate in front of our children, We do want them to see that we love each other and are affectionate towards each other so they may see us hug, dance in the kitchen or give each other an innocent kiss but that is it!. My daughter is obsessed with getting married, she wanted a husband for Christmas (along with a TV and a remote for the husband LOL) She didnt get either this year. There is a 5 year old boy at church that she calls her "husband" They really dont spend that much time together but she has taken a liking too him. Last night we watched this little boy and his sister. My daughter wanted nothing to do with the little girl and wanted this boy to be with her all the time. She was playing house :"you're my husband, I'm your wife, these are our kids" I watched and listened for awhile without her knowing and she tried several times to kiss this boy, she wanted to be alone with him and wanted the door shut. At one point when she closed the door we went to her room and when we opened the door she was dancing with him. She looked very happy but he had the "deer in the headlights look". The whole time she had the whole look going on, dress, high heels and walking very sexy! UGH I know she must have seen this somewhere but cant imagine where, She goes to a conservative daycare where the provider knoes what we will and will not let her watch. She was letting them watch Mamamia because the kids liked the music but once we all were sitting down visiting as they watched this we realized that this isnt a kids show and it hasnt been shown for several months now. So, my question is is this normal? I seem to think it is but WOW she really is taking this playing house a bit too far I think and wonder how I get her to settle down a bit.
Imaginative Play/Emotional Dev./Social Dev./Language Skils...very appropriate at her age. Congratulations she's hitting several of her milestones with this play acting. :+) No worry...leave her alone.
It's really ok... dont' worry. It's her age. My daughter is 3.5 and she's doing the same thing. She's even picked out her wedding dress that she wears around the house and says she's going to marry her best friend Aaron from preschool! EVEN goes as far to say " I'm going to dress up in my wedding dress make my hair beautiful then I'm going to walk down the isle and everyone is going to stand up for me and clap for me... " It's all fun for them... they're just playing around. I feel like she learned a lot of this from Disney movies to be honest with you... (One of the other moms mentioned this as well)... I totally believe it. She even calls me the queen her dad the king and she's the princess in the house. She just wants to be like you and her dad... it shows she loves you guys :)
Happy new year!
Completely normal. :) And pretty wonderful.
As Kim said
"Imaginative Play/Emotional Dev./Social Dev./Language Skils...very appropriate at her age. Congratulations she's hitting several of her milestones with this play acting."
(And if you let her watch disney... where all the princesses do the sexy/allure thing... you've got your primary place she's imitating... from pathetic damsels in distress to the stronger mulan/pochahonts... they all do it. In fact "kids" programming has far more "sexy" stuff than most adults programming. Just think of how Jasmin pretends to seduce Jafar in Aladdin.)
To share a head slap moment:
When my son was 3, he was running flat out, saw a "pretty girl" (around the age of 5), did the head turn thing to follow a moving target, and ran into a brick wall. Literally. The corner of a brick wall. 8 stitches.
I only saw him run into the wall. It was later, when he shared/mimed what he was doing for his grandmother, that well... here are his words:
"I was running running reeeeeeally FAST, and then I saw a pretty girl," he then mimed slowly turning his head to watch her as he mimed running by her,"and BOOM! The wall jumped out Nana! Jumped! Like BANG the wall got me. She was really pretty though. She had long shiny hair and big eyes and she was laughing. But not at ME Nana, she was laughing before the wall moved. I didn't know walls could move like that," and then he paused looking thoughtful "I don't know what she did afterward. But if she was a nice as she was pretty she wouldn't laugh. But I was crying, so I don't know what she did. Maybe I shouldn't cry when I get hurt by girls. That way I can watch and see what they do?"
Oy.
Normal. Wonderful. It is the highest honor she can bestow upon somebody -- to marry them. At this age saying they want to marry someone is akin to saying they want to be best friends. It isn't always gender specific. You may find that your daughter says one day that she wants to marry you. Say thanks and give her a hug. She may want to dress as a bride and act out a marriage. Over and over. She will definitely want to set up house. Mama Mia is all about a beautiful girl getting married -- I'm sure that really resonated with her. She is the pretty girl getting married. All is bliss. It will never in her life be this pure and uncomplicated again. Let it be. Congratulations, mother of the bride!
That's so cute. When I was 4 or 5 I was in love w/ my neighbor boy. We spend hours in his garage "building" a boat, where he was going to take me to Hawaii and build us a castle on the beach . . . what a man!!
She is probably just immitating Mommy & Daddy. Plus, even Disney movies have a princess who is searching for their prince! She is probably just combining all of her experiences and just role-playing. At least we know she can't really get married at age 4! haha
Perhaps you can get her a Barbie & Ken doll to do her role-playing? Maybe that will help her settle down around the boys!
Not to worry, your daughter is just experimenting with different roles and play acting right now. Next week you may find her pretending to be a cat or maybe "Morgan", a fictional character she made up. I actually think it is healthy and natural for her to pretend that she is this character and that and, yes, even playing like she is getting married and dancing with her husband. This is what being a 4-year old is all about.
My daughter, who is 5, has done the same thing. Let's see, when she was 3, it was Ian that was her true prince and future husband, than at 4, it was Christopher. In fact, the teachers had to seperate her from him, because she was getting too possesive and wouldn't let him play with anyone else. During the summer, it was Joshua in her drama class. She would pick out special clothes to wear because Joshua said she looked nice in pink. They would walk hand-in-hand back to the class. His mom and I would just sit back and laugh. The rule was no kissing and if either did not want a hug or hand hold, they always had to respect the other persons decision. It is now calming a bit. She is more interested in her girlfriends in kindergarten. I would let the stage play out but set boundries. I don't let her close her door even if it is a little girl that is over to play.
Happy New Year.
N.
I agree with the other moms. This is normal development. Sounds like she is imitating what she sees with you and your husband(i.e., dancing, being affectionate) which isn't a bad thing. I suggest you loosen up a bit and encourage your daughter to explore her world(with boundaries appropriate for a preschooler!
My niece went through the same phase at about the same age...it wore off after a few months. It's just imitative play I wouldn't worry about it or make a big deal out of it or it might make the behavior seem more important than it is.
Sorry for the late post. Your daughter sounds delightful...and totally normal. I don't think there's anything to do about it, except enforce a "keep the door open" policy and teach her about noticing her effect on others and then making a choice about her behavior. For example, "Did you notice Johnny's face? What did he look like? (help her recognize that deer-in-the-headlights look)Did he look comfortable? Maybe next time you could ask him if he'd rather do something else."
Thanks for the laugh. Too cute! Totally normal. Don't stress.
i think she is normal.
I'd be more concerned about paying for preschool that lets kids watch TV.
Mom, from what you discribed your daughter wants what you have. A man like her Dad. He probably holds the remote. He is your own private man. You close the door when you go into your room/?? yes? You said that when she closed the door with the little boy inside, she was dancing with him. That's probably as far as it goes. You said that you dance with your husband and kiss each other. Think of the mind that is recreating what she sees. She can't possibly know what to do other than walking the way she sees you do when you and Dad have private time, you probably aren't even aware of your body language when you are with your husband, but she is picking up on it. She is mimicking the two of you. Everythng you said so far seems innocent enough. Don't panick :)
Help her find some other interest. Take her someplace different where she can find another hobby, the aquarium, the zoo, a museum, the toy store.
She will find something else if you don't make a big deal of it.
Much luck!
LIZ
This is totally age appropriate. Don't make it more than it is. She is modeling your behavior as husband and wife. She just wants to be like you. My daughter has been "deciding" whom she will marry for some time now. And we keep telling her it will be a long time before she has to make that decision. Give her some guidelines that you feel comfortable with: door stays open, we don't kiss because kissing can spread germs, but don't make it a sexual thing. She doesn't know anything but innocent play.
Good luck. This too shall pass.
So your daughter like a boy and wants to marry him good for her abviose she sees a happy marriege and wnts it for her let her be dont be so suspicoius watch yes but at a little distance time will tell what life will bring her im sure you will tell her proper edicate as she grows she and you seems to be doing fine so far A. raised 4 children and now have 8 grandchildren ad no hills
Yes, it's totally natural. I would just let her know that at her age she can't be kissing boys and she can pretend but she's too young to get married.
When my son was that age, several of the girls in our neighborhood were after him. I sat him down and told him he can't date until he's 16, he can't have a girlfriend (that means no kissing) until he's 18 and he can't get married until they have both graduated from college.
Then I told him to take his dolls (yes, my son had dolls) and go play house.
It was kinda funny because after that talk whenever they played house or princess my son opted to be the dog :)
By age six they all wanted to play soccer and that phase passed. Let her explore, just set boundaries so that the boys don't feel uncomfortable.
Good Luck
LOL!! it is sooo normal!! my 3.5 year old - same thing as a matter of fact during her parent conference her teacher mentioned her imagination and ways of expressing herself shows she is a very bright student and comes from a happy home. So do not worry she is bright and is imitating her happy home environment :)
She is also very strong-willed and thats is ok!
My 11 year old daughter was the same way and now she is into watning to become a NUN go figure ;)
I do however discourage the closed door - my kids are not allowed to lock or close their doors until they get to be 14 and even then with friends over no door is to be closed.
