Punishment for a 3 Year Old

You're thinking about it like an authoritarian parent. PLEASE reconsider. Instead of thinking about punishment for her acting like a 3 year old, CO-OPT her into doing what you want. You are an adult and can think of creative ways to get her to do things.

Cleaning up a playroom is not a 3 year old's job. What you do is sing the clean-up song from Barney and you make it FUN. You pick up a toy, she picks up a toy. If you think that having a battle to do things is appropriate, you are in for a long string of battles and unhappiness.

Just because you were used to her doing it before doesn't mean that she's going to keep doing it this way. She is asserting her independence as she is supposed to do. It's a way of realizing that she is a separate person from you. Instead of fighting with her over it, work WITH her and change the way you look at it.

You need to do this for each stage of her development. Just like you wouldn't let her go down stairs by herself at first, and then at a later point in her development you changed up and let her, you need to change the way you do things to accommodate her new development with "chores".

You will need to do this WITH her for a long time. If you don't believe me, ask preschool or daycare teachers. They will tell you that you don't expect children this age to do this by themselves.

Dawn

Wow -words like punishment to clean up play room, picking up dirty clothes, taking her plate to the sink, losing toy privileges...sounds way harsh for a 3yr old. And to say she has been doing it since 18mos means its a requirement you set that she needs to abide by, because she has stopped doing it. Sounds like a warden.

I believe in chores and kids learning to be responsible, but she is 3yrs old. What she may have enjoyed as "fun" at 18mos is not the same at 3. She is finding her own independence and you have to give and take a little. Be a bit more patient and not make chores such a huge part of your focus.

If this were me, I would be just *doing* these activities with my kiddo. Why? Well, either two things are happening: either the child is challenged in some way or wanting attention.

I would be proactive in making clean-up time in her room a guided activity with lots of 'action words' for a while. "Put baby doll to bed." "Jump the pop beads into their basket." "Be a laundry bird and fly those clothes into the hamper." etc.

When kids suddenly become incapable, 99% of the time I attribute this to a desire for attention.

When she's doing things on her own, and doing them fairly well, lots of positive attention. "Wow, you picked up all of your dollhouse pieces and got them put away. That looks great!" You may also want to give lots of quiet, positive attention when she's busy doing things she enjoys. A pat on the back, rubbing their arm or a gentle squeeze on their shoulder-- this is the perfect time to walk by them and give them a loving touch-- it validates *who* the child is, and lets them know they have value besides doing things for our attention. (Which includes the feigned inadequacy you are experiencing.)

Know that kids really do need loads of attentions and truly aren't manipulative or intentional about the way they go about it. So, give friendly instruction for this while; loads of positive feedback when she's proactive or able to do what's asked without fuss, and be patient. She's going to get it in the long run. My son was a peach until three, and then I got a run for my money. At 5, he's relatively easy to communicate with. Give it time.:)

Personally, I think three is a bit young for chores, or the expectation thereof. When they are toddlers, it's so much fun to help mommy that they WANT to do it all...but I ALLOW my toddler to do these things, I certainly don't require it.

What I require from my (almost) three year old? That she not hit or scream at her sister, that she sit at the table and eat, that she allows me to bathe her and brush her teeth, etc.

I think if you just continue to ask her for help, instead of requiring that these things be done by a toddler, you'd have more luck. You can re-implement them as "chores" when she is four or five. No three year old, in my opinion, ought to lose toy privileges because she didn't put her clothes in the hamper or carry her dish to the sink. :( She's too young to really understand the reasoning behind WHY we do those things in the first place.

You've got some pretty high expectations. Nothing she can't accomplish but not without explicit instructions like, put the toys in their place instead of clean up the room.

The other things are typical 3 yr old. Be sure the punishment is connected to the crime. Losing a toy for delaying obedience is not truly connected. Maybe she can't leave the kitchen till her place is cleaned up.

Yep, those of us who had compliant older children think that we have the answer on how to disapline kids till we get another kid with a less compliant nature. Just hang on because over the years the easy child will switch with the difficult one several times!

I still help my son pick up his room...even though he's the one the made the giant mess ;), he's only 3 and still needs help. Yes, I do mostly require him to take his plate to the sink, but I always remind him of that too. I think it's really hard to say to a 3 year old to "clean up". That is way too vague for my kiddo. Usually I have to say you pick up the books and I'll get the costumes...or some such thing. Sometimes he'll do it on his own, but it's rare.

We also use Love and Logic and I love it. I think that I give my 3 y/o a bit of leeway, and as I said, am usually helping him, but if he flat our refuses or throws something then he'll go to time out for 3 minutes. This usually solves our problem pretty quickly, but I will say usually if he says he doesn't want to as soon as I start helping him he joins right in.

Good luck! This is an annoying stage sometimes!

Each child is different. This child my do better if you are there to watch her do a good chore. Here are some suggestions. Instead of the overwhelming, "clean up your room" or "Pick up everything off of your floor."

She may also be a child that responds to positive reinforcement. you can all do this as a family with each other.. "Thank you dad for taking your plate to the sink" "Son, I like how you picked up all of the toys and put them back where they belong"

This way your daughter sees that everyone is watching and appreciating each other. Soon it will become more natural to notice, say appreciation, and thank each other.

Young children like to be recognized. Positive recognition, brings on more participation, which eventually becomes natural behaviors.

"Honey, are you finished eating? I am going into the kitchen, please bring your plate to me. Thank you! I love it when you are a good helper."

"Since we are all finished eating, please all of you, please take your plates to the sink." Thank you!

A big mess is overwhelming, sometimes, even for adults. You may have to over see the process.

"Time to pick up all of the toys and put them on the shelf (in the basket)."

"First pick up all of the blocks."
"Where do blocks go?"
" How fast can you pick them up?"
"How many can you carry?" "Awesome job!"

"Ok now pick up all of the dress up clothes."
"I spy with my little eye, something that goes on your head. When you find it, please put it back on the shelf. " " Good job, it was your hat!"

"Please now pick up anything that has blue on it, and put it back on the book shelves. "

After each task is completed, tell her "thank you".. "You are a good helper".

If she has melt downs during this give her a moment and then tell her, ok, that was a minute rest, lets keep going..

Time outs will help. Asking if she needs a hug and a moment to rest can help.

As she gets older..like at late 4 yrs old, you can put toys in "time out." Until she agrees to put the away properly..

Once she is in Kinder, things can be taken away because "you do not take care of them and refuse to pick them up.."

What beenthere said. She is becoming independent and pushing boundaries. It's normal, and annoying. You may need to re-vamp the love and logic to figure out how SHE works. She's not older sibling, so if you can step back and try not to compare, that might help with the frustration. Maybe involve her in figuring out how to do the stuff "her" way? Discipline (education) is much better than punishment. Also, her brain is growing and things are so much more interesting now, so that could be part of the distraction factor. Maybe teaming up with her and doing chores together, talking them through and "rebooting" the info might help.

Too young to punish. They don't get it yet.
Also, I save timeouts for big things like hitting someone etc.
Instead of telling her to put her dish away, show her.
She will learn better that way.
Be kind. be patient. She will learn more when shown this way.
Give her time. She's young and every child is different. My son learns
quickly but my SD learned at a slower pace. She was more loving &
compassionate, however, while he is so much less so at the same age.
Differnt kids, different learning styles, different pace etc.
She won't get the toy priviledge taken away at this age.

Set your boundaries and repeat, repeat, repeat....Nothing goes forward until she does the SMALL task that is being asked. No anger, no punishment, no nothing until she complete a very small task. If you MUST leave the house, leave things just as they were and before anything positive happens when you get home, make the request again and take it from there.

I changed habits that I didn't like with Love and Logic like this.

If a noisy toy came out of the bedroom that toy got time out for being in the wrong room. So any time a toy is left out it should go to time out. This could be a place that is seen so she'd see it and remember how fun it is to play with it and want it. You want her to miss it and learn the consequences of leaving it out.

But I do think you are asking way too much of a 3 year old. They are all about play and this is all about work. So I'd suggest that you make a game out of it. Challenge her to see who can make the toy box the most by tossing the toys into it or by seeing who can pick up the most toys in 1 minute. There are lots of ways to get the job done and telling a 3 year old to do it just won't get anything done.

I started writing a response, but it was basically what Beenthere said and she said it better :)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1889140430
Link for 1 2 3 magic great book

Also, try setting up a reward system for good behavior. We use beads. If she gets 7 beads in her bottle she gets dollar. We collect the beads Sunday to Sunday. Set up different chores 1 bead for making bed without being told. 1 bead for taking dish to kitchen without being told etc.
Good luck !

When mine were that age, I would help them to do those things. For example, if I told her to pick up the toys in the playroom and she didn't, I would call her back in and then take her hand and "help" her pick up each toy and put it away. Same for the plate, call her back and take her hand in yours and "help" her pick up the plate and carry it to the sink.

She doesn't put her clothes in the hamper now because the novelty has worn off and now it has become a chore. "help" her pick them up and put them there. Then, after a few days of that, if she is still resistant, "help" her do the task and then make her sit for 5 minutes in time out. She needs to learn that it's faster and easier to do it when she's asked.