Pushy Neighborhood Girl Keeps Coming Over

Stop answering the door or just stop letting her in. Or if you feel more comfortable, every time she comes over walk her back home. She will eventually find someone else to bother.

A call to CPS might also be in order if shes out after dark and the parents have no idea where she is. 6 years old is way to young to be out of the yard by herself especially after dark. Also if she shows up a lot at dinner time it could be shes not getting fed at home, you never know.

You will just have to be firm and walk her home every time she stops by. I would speak to her parents the next time you walk her home and tell them that she is not welcome to show up uninvited.

I literally can't believe they are letting a 6 yr old walk two streets over and have her walk home in the dark. I would mention that too. Don't hold back. This is ridiculous!

When you answer the door, if it is not a good time for a playdate tell her "This is not a good time. Stay here while I get my coat and I will walk you home." Don't let her come in the door. When you get to her home, let her mother know that you would like for her to call when Ann is interested in a playdate, as you often have plans in the evening and you don't want her walking over to find an empty house.

Don't make this about their parenting style... not your judgment call. Make it about your preferences for your family.

Wow. So now 6 year olds have to make appointments to play with 5 and 7 year olds?

Things sure have changed.

I seldom allow other kids in my home. I just don't care much for other kids. But I do kick my kids out of the house to go play with them. Because they don't need to be in the house all the time.

This little girl is lonely. She wants to make friends and is trying to play with other kids her age. Your kids don't mind. Kick them outside and make them go play, for goodness' sake!

When it's time to come inside because it's dark or dinner time, send Ann on her way home. "It's getting dark, Ann. Go on home and have dinner at your house. Be careful walking home. Stay out of the road. DS and DD are in for the night and won't be having anyone over after dinner."

Yes, it's dark. She's clearly used to it and not afraid. Her parents didn't raise her to be scared to leave her house in the dark. My kids play outside until it's pretty dark too. Big deal. It doesn't mean that I don't know where they are or what they're up to.

I feel sorry for this poor girl.

♥
C. Lee

ETA: "6 years old is way to young to be out of the yard by herself especially after dark."

WHAT? Okay, I could understand the "after dark" part, but "too young to be out of the yard by herself?"

Seriously?

It's no wonder so many kids these days are lacking in independence and self esteem. They aren't allowed to leave the yard!

Please read "Free Range Kids" by Lenore Skenazy.

ETA2: Also, I'm a VERY loving, caring parent, and my kids still play in the dark. I don't appreciate the implication that a parent who allows their kids to play out in the dark is an uncaring parent. We have an acre of woods behind our house and the kids also play out there. AND we build them bonfires and let them cook hotdogs and marshmallows over it...without constant supervision! We also bought both boys POCKET KNIVES at age 7.

Just because some parents don't wrap their kids in bubble wrap and keep them only in well-lit areas does NOT mean they aren't great parents with great kids. We just teach our kids to approach the world differently.

it is quite possible to say NO firmly to this little girl, all the while being kind and courteous. no excuses, no rationalizations, no explanations.
'no, ann. you may not come in right now. tuesday afternoon at 5 will be fine. we'll see you then.'
shut the door.
mean it.
khairete
S.

I think that you're so upset because you're not used to a child that age "making demands". I don't really see a problem with it...just confident and knows what she wants. It's up to you to define the boundaries for YOUR home/family, no matter the age of the outside party. I think that it feels like such an intrusion just because of your family dynamic. Maybe you think that children should not be so bold but should approach you kinda timidly and ask your permission to play with your children. Maybe you think that right now your children are all the playmates they need for each other, and you want to initiate any change to that. That's valid thinking if it is the case. It's just not the way that all parents parent.

Is it possible that her parents told her one day or over a series of days in the summer that she had two hours to play and should be back by 6pm, and the little girl has 6 in her head right now when asked about it?

Please don't assume the worst about her family because they aren't like yours. You don't have their perspective.

'Ann' sounds like a very lonely child.
I feel for her, and yet I would not take on any responsibility for becoming her baby sitter.
It might be time to call CPS anonymously to suggest they do a well child checkup at this childs house.
6 yr's old is way too young for this child to be on her own to fend for herself while her parents are off doing what ever.
She needs a baby sitter, nanny or some sort of child care situation.
Her parents might be charged with neglect, but if it gets their attention, it might be a good thing.

Do not call CPS. If you don't want her at your house--go to the door and say no

Do not involve the school either--this is NOT a school issue.

Where I love it gets dark right after school in the winter, so kids have always played outside in the dark. If they didn't, then they wouldn't get to play outside at all!
Anyway, I agree with Kari F, that if you don't want her in the house, send them all outside to play.

I think you just have to be firm with Ann the door. Kind, but firm. "I'm sorry, Ann, but we're having some family time before dinner today. Jenny and Joe aren't available to play today." If Ann is able to walk herself over to your house, she can surely walk herself home. Gently tell her no, she isn't allowed to use the phone or wait around at your home to be picked up. She's manipulating you into staying. I know I would be worried about my 6 year old walking a few blocks away alone to knock on a neighbor's door, but I know a lot of parents do choose to give their kids more independence, so I wouldn't call CPS based on that alone. I'd be more concerned if she showed up at the door after dark. Then I would do as you do, walk her home. I don't mind neighbor kids coming to the door. But if they ask to play, they should be asking if the kids can come outside and play. Not ask you for an invitation into the house. Just tell them you have a rule, no friends over to play inside the house, unless arranged in advance with their parents. I highly doubt Ann's Mom would be so rude as to call you to invite her over to your house. If Ann talks to her Mom about your rule, maybe her Mom will catch on that Ann is being a bit of a pest. See Ann's visits as an opportunity for your kids to get outside and play. If your kids don't want to, just tell Ann, "sorry, the kids aren't up for playing today. maybe another time."

I totally get where you are coming from. Before I had my own child, I would have let her practically live at my house. Now I am M. to my child and she comes first. Our immediate family comes first.
If everyone did this, our world would be so much better off.

I was this girl. A few moms would occasionally clue me in and I took their words to heart. One had to say "Don't come over except 4-6 on Mondays. It worked.

You're angry but I hope you can try to focus that anger on the parents and less on the little girl. She's six, not 12 or 16, but you keep describing her as pushy and annoying, not necessarily because she is, but because she is inconveniencing you, an adult. Please be the adult and put the blame for the annoyance squarely where it really belongs -- on her parents.

They sound incredibly lax if they let a child this age wander the neighborhood in the way you describe. I would not have let her head home alone if I couldn't reach anyone on the phone; that situation to me seems to call for walking her home and sitting on the front steps until an adult turns up and, once Ann was in the house and out of earshot, letting that adult know that if she wants to come over she must call first and you must agree, and then her parent must drop her in person at your house. If she turns up alone again, take her home again and repeat.

Still, it's sad that Ann is so lonely and at loose ends that she keeps coming to your house when she's not particularly interesting to your kids. And surely she is soon going to pick up on your animosity and that might do the trick of sending her elsewhere. But it's just sad. I'm not saying let her come over whenever -- no way. But I would be wondering why the parents are not even answering the phone when their child is who knows where, and I'd be wondering if maybe I should ask the authorities if they would like to know about that -- for HER sake, not just to get her out of your hair.

Wow, others, now, tell us how you really feel.
You are ok with everyone parenting differently till they parent differently than you.

Either make one specific day and time that she can come over or talk to the parents, or both. You didn't take their child to raise.

I like Krista's answer. You can also tell her next time she shows up, "Ann, please call us first to see if the kids are able to play. Here is our phone number. We no longer do play dates without talking to the other children's parents". This way you can set specific times that she can be over, her parents know if she is at your house and you do not get stuck with always getting her home.

I would walk her home the next time and ask to speak to her mom. I would let her Mom know that you would appreciate a phone call in the future if Ann would like to play with the kids. Let the Mom know your kids are in activities and you would not want her to come to the house when you aren't there or unavailable.

Then if she comes again and doesn't call, I would send her home.

Please forgive me if I repeat what others have said, as I haven't read the other responses yet. :) We had the same situation, as well. I had to lay down the law VERY firmly. Children like this just don't "get it" unless you're blunt and straight forward (not rude, but almost). We stated that if our blinds are closed, do not knock on our door. Also, CALL first to "be sure we're home and able to have her over". Also, we talked to the parents face to face and told them that she cannot just pop over without first calling or making prior arrangements. Lastly, set YOUR schedule - Tell her that if she is to come over, she HAS to leave by Xtime (we said 4:45 because we eat at 5 (even if we don't).

So often children will seek out stability at someone else's home when they don't have it themselves. Keep your eyes and ears open to possible strife at her home. When I had this problem, the moms of MamaPedia were awesome and gave me some great advice. So I'd like to take this time to say thanks to all of you who answered my question(s). :)

Oh boy. This seriously sounds like our neighbor and she is a 13 year old girl who lives two doors down so when we pull into the driveway she sees our car and pretty much runs over. We have two little ones so the playdate excuse wouldn't fly. She loves our littlest one who is 11 months old. We have told her to call first but to no avail. I think her parents like to get her out of their hair and I find this to be so annoying because both my husband and I work full time and the weekends are the only times that we have to be a family and to be by ourselves.
One thing that we have found to work is posting a sign on the door. I know this sounds crazy but it was the last ditch effort since she didn't get the subble hints on calling first or me just shooing her out the door when she would show up unannounced.
Good luck. I would try the calling first but know that that may not work. If all else fails you can try to talk to her parents and just subtley mention that you need her to call first as you are scared for her safety coming 2 blocks over at night.

We have the same sort of problem, except our little neighbour is only THREE. She's out for hours with no supervision ( except for me and my husband). At first we let her in the house to play with the kids, but after a couple of hours, and after a failed attempt to take her home and speak to her parents (some man on their couch just fobbed me off - I don't know where the mom was), a very angry woman came to our place and went ballistic at the little girl for entering someone else's house! The woman did not acknowledge me at all!

We no longer let the poor little mite in for fear of what her mom will say, but she still lingers at our door, and looks through our windows. I tell her firmly that it's time for her to go home, and then I shut the door.

Eventually she will go home.

Stop answering the door,tell her to stop coming over this is your familys home & don't want others coming over w/out being invited.She needs to let her parents know when she leaves the house let alone the yard.If your concerned about her situaito at home I would make an appt. w/ the principal & let them know what the situaiton is going on outside of school & if there areany additional concerns w/ what the school has w/ this family then he will be able to set up a conference meeting w/ child & her parents voicing the concerns

call the parents-if that doesn't work-call CPS

I know this situation is difficult and you have every right to turn this child away and tell her no but consider where she is coming from. It sounds like she is ignored and, as such, is incredible lonely. Her attitude is a coping mechanism - she is putting on a strong, brave face for the world. I'm not saying you have to parent this child; that's not your job but give her some grace from time to time. Talk to her and explain some life rules (b/c her parents clearly aren't teaching her a darn thing about social grace!). Say, "Ann, we love when you come play with us but sometimes it's not the best time, like when we are about to have dinner. I know your family might be on a different schedule than ours so it would be really helpful for you to call us on the phone before you come over. Also, I am concerned about you walking home after dark, that's not safe, so you will have to leave in time to get home before dark from now on." If you give her the cold shoulder, that will just reinforce that she isn't good enough for anyone to pay any attention to her. I also think it's time to have a real heart to heart with the parents. You need to say that she comes over late sometimes and that you are concerned about what to do when it's dark before it's time for her to go. Explain that you cannot always drop everything to walk/drive her home. Worst comes to worst, pick set times that she can come and tell her that's it.