Putting Teen Daughter on Birth Control?

Updated on January 22, 2013
Q.. asks from Detroit, MI
38 answers

I am just curious, if you found out your teen daughter was having sex, would you put her on birth control? My husband and I have a difference in opinion on this. But, I know what I would want to do.
Obviously throughout their lives I will be instilling values, morals, and responsibilty on them.
I am not trying to start a debate, I dont neccessarily think there is a right or wrong answer here.
Just wanted some insight and perspective of others.

Thanks!

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A.K.

answers from Bloomington on

Absolutely! If I had any indication my teenage daughter was sexually active, she would be on birth control.

9 moms found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Yes. Better safe than sorry.
I taught my daughter all the reasons why it was not a good idea to start having sex too young - practical reasons, not religious ones.
I also taught her how to protect herself against pregnancy and diseases if she did decide to have sex.
And when she and her boyfriend decided they were ready, she came to me and asked me to make her an appointment with my doctor so that she could get on the pill.

7 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from San Francisco on

Ditto exactly what Victoria said, except that my daughters are 14 and 10. Putting a daughter on B/C is not condoning their behavior and once that ship has sailed it's not realistic to think that they won't be sexually active if you tell them not to. They have to be protected.

7 moms found this helpful

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Yes, if I knew for sure she was having sex and NOTHING I could say or do would stop her, I would put her on birth control. I would NOT stick my head in the sand and pretend she couldn't get pregnant. I wouldn't be happy about it and I would certainly try to discourage her, but I would also face reality.

11 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

of course.
khairete
S.

9 moms found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Well my daughter is on BC pills and she's not sexually active. Least not with a boy. We discussed it many times at length, and she wanted to try it so we did.

I also have armed my teen boys with condoms, self respect, and great reverance for females.

I've addressed their sexuality same as any other aspect of their lives.

I think they can be smart. Successful. Focused on the future. AND have fun while getting there.

Balance.

So far, so good.

:)

**Wait, I should add, it's especially difficult for a Dad to think about his little girl in that way. So his initial reaction may be a little rough, but there's a good chance once he has the time to think, he may change his mind.

9 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I'd rather have her on birth control than to be a grand parent before my time.

9 moms found this helpful
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V.T.

answers from Washington DC on

For me it's a no brainer. If she is having sex, she will be on birth control. I'm done having kids, I don't plan to start over again in 12 years (my daughter's 4). I don't want her to be having sex, and I hope she doesn't, but if she is, I will do everything I can to make sure she is on birth control, and hopefully use a condom in addition to what ever form of BC she is on.

9 moms found this helpful
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B.B.

answers from Missoula on

Absolutely!

What possible reason could one have for not?

7 moms found this helpful

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

In a heartbeat! No question!

I would also take her down to the local 'Planned Parenthood' and get her tested for STD's while we were at it, just to ensure the whole weight of the situation and reality sinks in.

6 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

My mom gave me the option of BC at 14. She took me the the Planned parenthood and helped me find a doctor and set up records. I am so thankful she treated me like a person who could be responsible for her own reproductive health without fear of judgment from her. I made some sexual mistakes growing up, but thankfully I was on the pill and never got prego. Many young ladies are not so lucky. Whether having a child at a young age, or having to deal with an abortion or giving a child away, something like that stays with a young woman forever, and it can all easily be avoided by giving her access to BC and education so she can make the best choice for herself. I would schedule her for an appointment with PP and then let her go in alone so she can ask her questions and get the answers she needs.

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

My daughter is only 5 now, but I hope that I have the strength to protect her if needed. YES, I will be advocating abstinence for my kids when they become teenagers. However, I don't think that it is realistic to expect that they will abstain. It is not just pregnancy to be worried about...your child could catch a STD that will alter their lives forever. So, yes I would put my child on birth control AND I would give them both a supply of condoms.

6 moms found this helpful
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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

Absolutely. But most importantly talk to her about STD's and BC does not prevent them. Also that she can still get pregnant on BC.

I took my daughter to the gynecologist. I sat down with Dr & my daughter and told the Dr what I wanted her to discuss with my daughter. Then I left the room and the Dr spent one on one time with my daughter, this way my daughter could ask any questions without feeling embarrassed that I was there.

5 moms found this helpful

V.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

My hubby and I just had this conversation today (And we don't even have a daughter yet - Just one son. It was a hypothetical conversation).

I told him that if we had a daughter I would put her on birth control the day she turned 13 with the following conversation -

"This does NOT give you permission to have sex. If I find out that you are having sex before the age of 18, there will be consequences. However, I know that you are going to make mistakes and I want you to be protected from pregnancy when you make those mistakes."

I am also going to tell all of my children the same thing my mom told me - I will come pick you up any time any where no questions asked. I would rather come pick you up at 4 in the morning than have to come ID your body because you made a stupid mistake. That doesn't mean that there won't be consequences for your actions, but I will take into account that you made the right decision to call me.

I started having sex at a pretty early age - 14. I was WAY too scared to ask my mom for birth control. A pregnancy scare at 15 = Worst day ever!!!

Finally when I was 16 I worked up enough courage to ask my mom for birth control and she paused for a couple seconds and then said, "Sure. I'll make the appointment tomorrow."

I don't want my daughter having to go through that.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

We have a boy, but we did have this discussion once. We both hope that our child would wait, but we also hope they will be responsible if they don't. I think it's important to teach our children to respect their bodies. If they are having sex, they show their bodies respect by protecting themselves. I would want my child to use a condom AND be on prescription birth control.

5 moms found this helpful
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B.B.

answers from New York on

Yes of course have her take birth control. BUT teens are notorious for not taking their pill regularly or not using birth control properly. They miss pills or take them late but think that they can't get pregnant. How many times have you heard girls and women say they got pregnant on the pill? I would get her the shot or the patch.

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A.C.

answers from Atlanta on

IF SHE IS ALREADY HAVING SEX, YES, PUT HER ON BIRTH CONTROL! At that point, the toothpaste is already out of the tube, and you won't get it back in again. Instead, you need to protect your daughter from motherhood before she is ready.

If you don't know whether she is having sex or not, it may be time for a serious heart-to-heart with your daughter. Hopefully, you have a relationship where she feels she can be honest with you. You can then assess the situation, and decide whether you think birth control would be seen as a green-light to have sex, or as a necessary step to protect your daughter.

But remember, you need to make the decision that you feel best protects your children, no matter what your own values are.

Good luck.

5 moms found this helpful

P.M.

answers from Indianapolis on

Yes. My daughters are just babies, but I've already considered this for their future.

There are many reasons to be on birth control. Sex is only one. I would even remind them to take their pills or whatever form we chose. Also, I would not tell their dad. At least not until it was already taken care of. They don't need his permission to take care of their own bodies. And he would probably freak out about it anyway.

4 moms found this helpful
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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

If they are having sex, then yes. Responses would probably vary a bit if we're talking 14 vs. 18 - there is a difference in what goes on. I would hope that my values/morals would sink in, ignoring the situation isn't going to help either. I would want to find a way to give them a reality check. She needs to respect her body, her life, her future.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Redding on

If you find out your daughter is having sex, you ABSOLUTELY need to get her on birth control!

Sex = Babies

Many girls tend to think that if a boy is having sex with her, he's showing her how much he "loves" her. Sadly, too many times that "love" comes to a screeching halt when she gets pregnant.

They think sex is all about love and romance.
The girl needs to be taken to the doctor for a pelvic exam, checked for STD's, etc. There is absolutely nothing romantic about that part of it, but with sex comes responsibility.

If she's not ready for the true mature aspects of being sexually active, she may think twice about what she is really ready to be doing with her body.

It's my opinion that young girls clearly aren't emotionally ready to be sexually active, but unfortanately, their bodies mature, as far as the ability to reproduce, far sooner.

So, my answer, unless you want to raise a grandchild, is yes to birth control.

Again, just my opinion.

3 moms found this helpful

U.5.

answers from Wichita on

One of my teen foster girls is on BC for ovarian cysts. Taking her pill on time and regularly is easy for her because if she messes it up she deals with the pain of her ovaries. That said she does have a bf of one year now. She told me they had sex once and that she didn't like it and that it was awkward. She said she would rather wait until after school to get involved in that way. I actually believe what she is saying but I have wondered if putting her on BC might help her change her mind about sex? Hopefully not but I do everything I can to stay involved and she's a great communicator and shows a lot of trust in me. Time will tell I guess. Good luck communicating about this with the hubbers.

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V.P.

answers from Columbus on

Well, you could wish away the sex, but since that's not a realistic option, I'd go for the birth control with a lot of introspective talk. It's kind of a belt with suspenders, both of which would have helped in this situation...

3 moms found this helpful
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K.G.

answers from San Diego on

Heck YA!!!!! I sure would. Because my daughter seems to think that she knows everything and I don't know much and because she thinks I exaggerate important stuff (Yes the fun of a young teen) I would have a DR. explain all of the risks involved with sex and what goes along with it. My hubby did not want my daughter to get the gardisil shot but I did and because she is a girl I took it on myself to have her get it. If we had boys, I would let my hubby decide on those things but when it comes to sexual health of my girls I will listen to his imput but make the final decision every time.

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S.Q.

answers from Bellingham on

Most definitely. In fact, my mom thought I was such a play girl she insisted I go on the pill even before I was sexually active as a teenager!

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I assume the answer to your question is how soon do you want to be a grandparent? She's have sex, she will continue to have sex, there is nothing you can do except lock her inside the house to stop her from having sex. She will get pregnant unless she is exclusively a lesbian. So.....how soon do you want to have a pregnant teen daughter?

That's your answer. Mine would be when she's graduated college, is employed in a career of her own choice, and she's ready to have a family.

Birth control would be the first thing I would do on Monday morning. It would most likely be something that I would not be able to forget to remind her to take so maybe a patch or some sort of 3 month thing so there would be no slip ups.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Sure.
But that does not mean the teen girl will use it correctly or even remember to take it. Hence, it is not fool proof and she can still get pregnant.
But, birth control does NOT protect against STD's.
And the girl should also be taken to an OB/GYN... since she is having sex.
It is not just one thing. That solves this issue or prevents pregnancy and STD's.

If my daughter were on BC pills, I would also make DARN sure, she knows fully about STD's, too.

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yes, I absolutely would. If you know she's having sex, you should do everything you can to protect her. Avoiding getting pregnant is critical to her future. Make sure she understands the right way to take the pill and supervise in the beginning to make sure she actually does it.

Even with the pill, explain the importance of condoms to prevent against STDs. Even if she's in a committed relationship. You just never know.

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L.M.

answers from New York on

Absoltely. My teen daughter came to me and asked if I would take her to the doctor for birth control. I'm not happy that she's chosen to have sex, but I'm very proud of her for being mature enough to take to precautions and be responsible.

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B.R.

answers from Columbus on

I think that putting her on birth control would be like telling her that it's ok to have sex as long as there are no physical consequences to deal with. What about the social and emotional consequences? Plus, birth control doesn't prevent all those lovely STDs, including AIDS.

Don't you all know that hormonal birth control is the primary cause of breast cancer and stroke in young women? The Pill is a known group 1 carcinogen for breast, cervical and liver cancers according to the UN’s
International Agency on Research of Cancer(IARC). Look it up. http://www.bcpinstitute.org/pill_kills_brochure.htm

If it were my daughter, first she wouldn't be able to sit down for a week, then she'd be under some serious lockdown. Never out of our sight. No extracurriculars.

The goal is to raise children that respect themselves enough to know that sex is not something that they can't live without. They need a well-developed morallity. It needs to be talked about often as they enter the teenage years. www.sexrespect.com

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K.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Definitely. I think a teen having a baby is just awful.

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K.O.

answers from Atlanta on

Yes. I would 100% put her on birth control. Anything to avoid a teen pregnancy.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.M.

answers from Detroit on

Yes I would!
Especially if she's sixteen

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C.B.

answers from Detroit on

I guess I'd plop her down and have some serious talking with her. Find out if it's a fact, find out if she thinks this is an important step to take and why, ask if any kind of contraception is being used and if so, what? If it's merely condoms, ask if she thinks that's 100% safe? Find out if she's ready to be a mom if a condom breaks and how she would plan her future around it. It's a lot of responsibility she may not be considering in the heat of the moment with boyfriend. Find out if he has any plans for his future and if it includes your daughter, and if not, then why was this such an important step to take. Teenage fantasies and dreams are more often fly by night than reality. Think back to your teenage days. Many of us thought "this is the one", and it turned out not to be.
What are her plans for her own future? Taking chances now may end up messing up those plans.

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L.B.

answers from Detroit on

Yes, put her on birth control. And teach her the importance of using condoms. It is foolish to ignore the fact that she is having sex.

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B.O.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Would you rather her become pregnant and have a baby that you would likely have to raise? Better safe than sorry cause it's too late for just say no~
Good luck!

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E.W.

answers from Columbus on

I would depend on your value system. I was raised in a strong Christian home where we were taught from the first time we heard about sex that this is something special shared between a man and his wife ONLY. I, along with all of my siblings, waited for marriage and we all married others who had similar beliefs and waited until marriage. If you do have strong beliefs like this, then I'm not sure that putting your child on birth control tells them that they can choose to make a wrong decision and that you will step in and protect them from the natural consequences of that wrong choice. Yes, they are BIG consequences (because sex is a BIG thing), but I still don't know that we should step in and protect them from it if they choose to do it after being taught it is wrong outside the bonds of marriage. (I know many others feel like it's not a bad choice and I'm certainly not speaking against them This is just based on my personal value system of fornication being a sin.) Now if they want to put themselves on birth control and definitely use condoms, that is their choice. But I don't know that I could support sex among teens even if it meant the possibility of my child facing and having to learn from real life consequences. :(

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M.B.

answers from Detroit on

I'm curious too, I know my almost 17 year old has been sexually active. I keep putting off birth control, but I don't want a pregnant daughter either.

M.A.

answers from Detroit on

Yes, would take her to the Dr. the next day. Better safe them sorry. No matter how much we have the talks with our children, the will do as they want. Remember the choices that teens make now with affect them for the rest of their lives.

With my boys, I did not wait for them to come to me. I started talking to them around the age of 8 and gave them boxes of condoms at 12. THEY WERE SO EMBARESSED! But they thanked me and continue to talk to me about issues. They have seen first-hand (and continue to see) how difficult it is raising children as a single parent.

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