Question About the Cry It Out Method

If you go to the room more than once, he will realize very quickly that he can get what he wants by crying and you'll be there. Don't fall into the "baby b.s." They're smarter than you think.

I feel that a baby needs that comfort at the beginning of life. So with him only being 3 months old you have time. I have three children and I have rocked everyone of them until they were at least 12 months old every night. They are all good sleepers now. Doctors tell you to do the crying out method, but I so enjoyed rocking them. I just couldn't do teh cryong thing when they were so young. It worked for me so far though. My son is 13 months now and I have just started letting him put him self to sleep. He only cries for about 2 minutes and he is out. He is older and knows what bed is. Time to sleep. A little one doesn't have the consept of when to sleep and swhen to be awake I feel. That is the way I did it and I have good sleepers now.

My son is 1 and he started to sleep through the night at 8 weeks. We would put him in his crib and he would fall asleep on his own. He never cried, I put him down when I knew he was sleepy. I would feed him and put him down. We were very lucky.

Good Luck.

Please read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" before you try crying it out. It breaks it down into age appropriate stages, and will answer your questions on what to do. It will also guide you as what to reasonably expect at each stage.

I have not read your other responses, but this is what I think. Three months is really on the young end of doing cry it out. I'm not sure I would start quite yet. I do feel that it gets much harder when they start sitting up though so I would start around 5 months.

I also wouldn't use the method you wrote about. This is what I did (and not until 11 months). I fed him a full feeding and rocked him until drowsy. Then I turned on his music box which plays for about 15 minutes (white noise already on which goes all night long). I put him in the crib and then laid down next to it in complete darkness. Since mine was old enough to stand up, it was a lot harder to get him to stay laying down, but eventually he did. I would pat the crib and shush him pretty much continuously. There was a lot of crying, but I felt better being in there. I think it was less hysterical then when I tried leaving. After a several days, this went pretty well. Then I moved farther and farther from the crib a several days at a time until I just left the room right from the start. It took a few weeks in 4 different positions. Yes, it took longer than the other kind of cry it out, but I think it was mentally healthier for all of us.

Also, 3 months is really too young to sleep through the night completely. There are some babies who do it, but especially if you are breast feeding, that's not going to happen. They say that babies should sleep through the night by 9 months. If you want him to sleep a little longer, see if he'll take more oz. of milk.

V.,
Please re-consider! 3 months is not old enough to do cry-it-out. His tummy is still very tiny and maybe can only go for 5 or 6 hours. Wait a couple of months.

Yikes!!! Your baby is way too young to sleep through YOUR night. He is already sleeping great. Wait a while before trying to let him cry it out...like 6-8 more months. You will be glad you did.

too early to cry it out.
perhaps you can start by making sure he's awake when you put him to bed. Feed him, groggy... ok. But the idea is you want him to be aware that he's alone when he goes to sleep. Otherwise he's used to you being the last thing he sees and freaks out when you aren't there. Those crib things w/the lights and moving fish/animals were the BEST invention ever. It helped us w/both kids. I never fed them 'to sleep' after the initial 6 weeks or so and now I just put him in there and they go to bed.

If you ever do the cry it out or progressively less attention down the road (too early now).... if on the first night you try ti 6-7 x and then give in, all you are doing is reinforcing the crying. not a good system if you ask me.

however, i know my daughter used to cry for 10 min or so right before she fell asleep for awhile but i can't remember how old she was....

First of all, I think yo should wait until he is 4 mos old. Then I would use the 5min, 10min, 15 min approach. As you say, just check in on him and don't try to comfort him at each of these intervals. If he goes through all 3 and is still crying he has cried for 30 min, and at his age I would pick him up, comfort him and start over again. If you notice that his crying lessens and he is kind of crying in his sleep, then he is ready for this and it should work soon. If he is still crying after you do this two times the first night, I would wait two weeks before trying it again. Personally, I like to give the bottle before the sleep time, though my daughter told me about the other approach. You know , if it doesn't feel right to you, go with your gut and give him the bottle first. As far as training him to sleep through the night, I don't know if that will work. Babies choose when they are ready to sleep through the night by their unique development. Further, they often sleep through the night and then begin to wake up again. There are growth spurt times and the beginning of teething and earaches, all of which can cause a baby to wake up at night. I am with you on trying to train your child, but I would advise you to train yourself to be a little more of a cuddler than you naturally seem to be.

Hi V.-
I am a mother of three, and while I know many people subscribe to the cry-it-out method, I have never done so. And all three of my girls are great sleepers. That being said, 4-5 hours of sleep at a time is pretty good for a three month old, I think. I'm sure you feel like you really need more than that, but he may not be ready yet.

Also, three months is really right on the cusp of the timeframe when a baby is really able to comfort himself, so I'm not sure crying it out is really appropriate yet. However, like I said, I never read much about the method.
In my opinion, definitely feed him before bedtime. When he starts to get sleepy, i.e. sucking slows and his eyelids are heavy, you can try laying him down then, before he is fully asleep. This may help him learn to go to sleep on his own.
If that doesn't work, don't worry too much about feeding him to sleep. I did so with all three of mine, and they never had issues going to sleep on their own when it was time.
The key is making the bedtime routine consistent, and everything else should fall into place. Just remember, he is still a young baby, and may not be ready to sleep fully through the night. My five-month old, who doubled her birth weight a month ago, still doesn't make it all the way through the night every night. She can do 6 or seven hours but usually wakes for a feeding once each night.

While I know you may feel desperate for a full night's sleep, just remember, in the overall scheme of things, they're babies for such a short time. You will be done with this stage before you know it, and its most important that they get what they need.
Best of luck to you !

I just wanted to say that all of my kids have slept through the night by around 2 months - 3 at the latest for my third. By slept through the night for me it was from around midnight to 9am. It may just be luck of the draw, I'm really not sure. I never read anything on the cry it out method, so I don't know if I really did that or not, but here's what I do with mine.. I never did "jump" when they cry - day or night. Even to this day, they fall and start crying I don't jump and see what's wrong. I tell them they are ok and to shake it off. Now they start shaking it off before they start crying. It's quite impossible especially with your fourth to jump when they cry anyway at any time of the day so I think they learned early that crying doesn't equal mommy coming within a minute to make me happy. This doesn't mean that I'd let a kid cry for an hour, but just means that they can spend more than one second crying. I also started gradually feeding them a little extra with the nighttime bottle. If they were used to getting 6 oz, I'd push 8 (we bottle fed). Then if they woke in the middle of the night, I'd wait a while to see if they were really upset. If the cries went to a hysterical level, I'd go check on them to make sure they didn't need a diaper change. Once I check that the diaper was fine, I'd give them a pacifier (and none of mine liked the pacifier at that age, they would just spit it out) and leave the room. 99% of the time they would just go back to sleep. I guess the point is, if they wake up, it doesn't necessarily mean they need to eat. Check on them and leave. Getting a bottle out for them was a last resort, not an initial reaction. Hope this rambling makes sense!

I personally think your son is too young for CIO. He has needs that need to be met at this age and crying is the only way for him to express that. I have read that parents that go to their young babies right away have more independent older children (What to Expect: The First Year).

My daughter is around the same age as your son (born 4/28). I found out that if I start her bedtime routine a bit earlier, she will go to bed a bit earlier (say 10pm instead of 10:30pm if I start at 7;30pm rather than 8pm). For her, it's all about the intake of food (I breastfeed). If she had has her fill of feeding, then she is ready for bed.

More tummy time during the day has also helped my daughter have an easier nighttime routine. It wears her out. She also goes down for bed more quickly if she has a bath. Another suggestion for her pedi was to not let her sleep more than 2 hours during naps. See if you can immplemant some of these changes before you go full fledged CIO.

My daughter does sometimes put up a fight at bedtime, but the most I will let her cry is 2 mins (and it's more just a fuss). She usually will fall asleep before the 2 mins is up.

Luckily my kids slept all night within a few weeks, however, i would NOT use the cry it out method at this age. I think that is way too young. You can check the book or online for what age they suggest, but i wouldnt do that until at least 9 months. But thats just me. Im sure youre extremely tired and looking for a solution, but at 3 months i dont think they get the concept of anything like that. I would try it closer to 9-12 months. Afterall, they are only infants for a short time. A very short time.

V.,
My own personal belief is that 3 months is too young for sleep training. My belief is you should wait until he is closer to maybe 9 months certainly not before 6 months of age. However I am not a doctor and perhaps you should put a call into his peds doctor before continuing you efforts. I'm sure you are exhausted at this point but hang in there this too shale pass. Best of luck and enjoy the cuddling, the amount of time their are babies is so short you might end up missing it.

I am against the cry it out method. Get The Baby Whisperer book. It has sleep training methods (effective ones!) that do not involve letting your baby cry himself to sleep.

he's only 3 months old...at this point feed him when he wakes, cuddle him, rock him...whatever it takes to form that safety bond. there are studies that prove the cry it out method does actual longterm damage; worse sleepers, emotional issues etc.
afterall it is such a short time they are that little & dependent on us...
enjoy your little one!

I agree with the others. Everything I've read says to wait until six months to let a baby cry. The reason for this is a baby needs to develop a sense of trust and know that you are there for his needs. It also builds self-esteem, so wait a few months before giving it a try.

Also, at this age a baby still needs to eat in the middle of the night. So, if your baby is waking up to eat then feed him. I think our little guys were around five or six months old before they stopped needing to eat in the middle of the night.

You'll get there! I'm sure you're tired now, but the nights will become easier, and it will happen sooner than you think.

Hi V.! The book that really helped me get my twin boys to sleep when they were infants was "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It has a lot of great suggestions and tips for getting your baby to go to sleep and stay asleep. In the end, I still had to let my boys "cry it out", but by using some of the methods recommended in the book it was nowhere near as traumatic for me or the boys as it could have been. People have different ideas about what "cry it out" means - I made sure to always go back in and comfort them periodically (as you said, without picking them up). I never felt comfortable with not going in to comfort them. Also, it's very important that your baby learns to go to sleep on his own - in other words, put him down when he's drowsy but not asleep. Good luck!

they probably told you to not feed the baby because they get so upset they throw up. that is what my daughter did when I tried it (BUT at a MUCH older age) 3 months is too young and even the doc who started this has retracted and said three months is too young. Babies wake at night, it is a survival mechanism. You should be happy your kid sleeps as much as he seems to, because it could be far far worse. I think you should do little research on drsears.com before you start this method. I hope for both your sakes you reconsider this and at the minimum read the actual book that goes over this method, had you done so these questions would be answered. There is a reason there is a book on it and not just a quick list of instructions.

I have to agree that most people would say 12 weeks is too early to start CIO. Your baby still needs you and needs to let you know his needs, even at night. Please give your baby some time before letting him cry it out.

Good luck. I recommend checking out the book The Sleepeasy Solution. It's a really great one about sleep issues.

Good luck!
T.
www.ReadandGrow.com

V.,

Your child is already "sleeping through the night". It means getting up a couple of times to have a feeding. Crying it out is recommended at about 9 or 10 months of age (not premies though). At that age they are getting food also and don't physically have to be fed in the middle of the night. The book "Healthy Sleep Habits , Happy Child " is the best. Also, I think you are trying to help your baby get to sleep on his own after rocking etc. If he wakes when you lay him in the crib try keeping your hand on his chest for a few minutes to try to get him back to sleep .You are doing great . You can't spoil your baby at this age by giving him too much attention. Take care ;)

They generally tell you not to do cry it out till your baby is closer to 6 months. I would wait a bit. I got lucky and my daughter slept all night from 12 weeks on 730pm-7am. However, my son was not so easy...woke up 2-3 times a night for nursing sessions...would go right back to sleep after though. It was the frequency that made me sleep deprived and I work full time! I was going to do cry it out at 6 months and he got ill with respiratory problems and ended up in the hopsital and dropped weight so the docs finally gave me the go-ahead at 7 months (he is 9 months now). I did NOT do graduated extinction where you go back in, comfort at longer intervals every day until finally there is no crying. It has never been something that I could stomach (seeing their little crying faces plus my coming in would inflame them more and they would cry more and longer then).

I preferred total extinction. You set a time limit that you are willing to let them cry -- for us it was 30 minutes. You make sure baby is dry, not poopy, and fed. Do your soothing routine and put baby in the crib. Leave baby there for your set amount of time and hope the crying ends within that time. If it doesn't work, get the kiddo, do your "old" comfort measures and try again the next night. Our 9 mo old never cried more than 23 minutes (and that was just once) -- usually it was 5 minutes or less. Doing the total extinction method, they usually learn in 3 days to a week and stop crying altogether. We also used this method of cry it out to eliminate night time feedings because 2-3 times WAS A LOT and he was plenty fat and happy by 7 months. We have now found that if our baby does not sleep through the night it isn't due to feeding -- he is ill. It is nice to know that if I hear him, it really means he needs me. I suggest Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Good book on sleep training.

Good luck.

Hi V.!
Congrats on your new little guy! In terms of "crying it out", from my personal experience and from what I've read, little ones aren't ready to try this until they are at least 4 months old. I found that it worked well when my daughter was closer to 6 months old. I know it's tempting to try it now, but your son most likely does not have the self-soothing abilities to do this yet. The article that you read regarding not feeding your baby just prior to bed is actually correct. You want to feed a little before he actually goes to sleep. The logic behind this is that you don't want your baby to become dependent on eating in order to fall asleep... this will hinder your "cry it out" efforts. From birth on, it's best to try a "sleep-eat-play" schedule, rather than "sleep-play-eat". What I would do at this point, is feed him about a half-hour prior to bedtime and then start working with him on falling asleep without the breast/bottle. You can still sooth/rock him at this point, just don't feed him to sleep. This will set up a good foundation for when he can try crying it out. When the time comes to let him cry, it's really up to what works best for you and your baby. Like I said, I let my daughter cry it out around 6 months. It upset her more if I came in the room and then left again, so we just put her down and let her fuss for a while. It generally took about 30 min. the first night, and the time decreased by an average of 10 min.each night until she was going down without a peep. If she woke up in the middle of the night, I ALWAYS went to her to check on her and briefly comfort her (you want to make sure they're not sick, wet, etc.). Once I knew she was fine and she was calm and relaxed again, I'd put her down and let her cry again until she went back to sleep. This is hard to do, because you hate to hear your little one upset, but you're really giving them such a valuable skill by allwoing them to learn to fall asleep on their own. A few nights of crying usually results in a great sleeper, which equals a happy baby! Good luck!

I would wait until he is 6 months first before letting him cry it out. He's too young.

Glanced at the other responses and agree for the most part. 3 months is too early for cry it out and it's generally too early for more than 5 - 6 hours of sleep. Their digestion systems need more regular feedings. It's not attention seeking. Yes, some kids can go longer, but most can't.

My daughter slept through the night at about 5 months for a month. Then started teething and didn't sleep through the night again until she was about 9 months (but I didn't nurse her during the night after 6 months as a rule - occasionally I would - you'll learn to read your baby and what they need). Often she just needed reassurance when she woke up. A pat on the back or even a cuddle and that was all. When in the midst of multiple teeth coming in, she woke up more than once, but just for a short while.

I didn't really use a routine (we are now using a bedtime story and rocking for a few minutes routine - but started it at closer to 15 months and we are flexible with it - ok I think I have an easy baby who is flexible or maybe she learned to be because we were - she'll sometimes tell us when she wants to go to bed by walking to the stairs and signing "rest"). I also didn't do the cry it out (we tried a few nights as my husband wanted to), but I nixed that and we survived and I think she is a pretty confident toddler.

Another good read is The No Cry Sleep Solution. I forget the author right now, but I'm sure it would pop up if you google it. It gives lots of methods/suggestions for helping with a variety of sleep issues without crying it out. IT's broken down into suggestions for young ones like yours and older babies. Good Luck!

The reasoning behind these types of routines is that bedtime is bedtime. Do all the routing stuff seperate from bedtime so, that it is part of the daily routine in general. Let there be some time even if it is just 15 minutes or half hour so that it is a separte time of the daily schedule.

Nooo!! Please don't let him cry it out. I did that once after my older most brilliant sister said to do so and will never forgive myself. He had wet himself all over and was shivering from cold and was a brand new baby. Plenty of time to let him scream later. And I agree babies do sleep good when they aren't hungry.This time is so short. just enjoy baby.