Questions for African American or Interracial Moms

I would call around to some local salons and see what they recommend. I know my friend told me that she doesnt wash her hair very often as it gets very brittle and breaks if she does and she uses a product that is greaselike, not oily, to help with the dryness. She has gorgeous hair. I will ask her if she has a favorite product. :)

First I would have drop kicked his mother for that comment. Who does she think she is? Her son CHOSE to have a baby with you and her grandbaby is biracial - oh that makes me mad beyond words.

I am white and my husband is black, so all 3 of our kids are biracial, obviously. My daughter is the only one who got mostly "black" hair. She is almost 9 now and we do a texturizer so she can wear it down, how she prefers. From the time she was 2, we were braiding it every 2-3 weeks (very expensive) to keep it looking nice and growing.

I use Mizzani shampoo and conditioner. First I use Paul Mitchell cleansing shampoo and then the Mizzani products. I put oil in it before I blow dry it, and a KeraCare cream product to protect it from the heat before I flat iron it.

We wash it once a week and go through this process. I need to do it tomorrow night actually. It takes time and patience, plus learning how to do it, but that is what we use.

Can you take her to a salon and have them recommend products? We use JCPenney and LOVE my daughter's stylist.

Also, I second the Pink. I disliked it for my daughter and don't use it, though it was highly recommended by a lot of people.

Don't stress about her hair though or she will. I'm sure it's gorgeous and curly!

My go to product that leaves my hair soft and detangles our girls hair is Optimum Care Salon Collection Deep Conditioning Masque. I Wash thier hair and leave that on for about 30 minutes with a plastic cap and than rinse.

I usually purchase the black hair style book the first being Essence, Black Hair& hype hair(http://www.hypehair.com/) not as much for the hair styles as the products, they always highlight new and better products.

I have found that I have to switch up the products every so often. I found the below info from a blog I frequent. Per-http://www.prettythoughtsofahotchick.com/

5 Tips to Protect Against Winter Dryness & Promote Healthy Stronger Longer Hair!

Hey hotties, every woman wants to maintain healthy hair, especially during these winter months. Johnny Wright, SoftSheen-Carson Artistic Style Director and Stylist to First Lady Michelle Obama and such celebrities as Vanessa L. Williams and Sherri Shepherd, has some fabulous tips to combat dryness for unbeatable breakage protection at home with Optimum Care Salon Collection.

Add An Extra Dose of Moisture: Your hair will benefit from an extra surge of moisture! Keeping your hair and scalp regularly moisturized will ensure that your hair stays healthy, strong and protected from the cold.

*For dry scalp: If your scalp is dry or feels tight, Johnny recommends Optimum Care Salon Collection Essential Nutrients, which instantly revitalizes, relieves dryness and restores balance to scalp with one dose. It contains ceramides and vitamins A, B & E to help promote healthy hair and scalp. Also, if you have dry edges, add a few drops of vitamin E oil to your hairline.

*For dry hair: Strengthen hair and repair split ends with Optimum Care Salon Collection Whipped Oil Moisturizer. The whipped formula is so lightweight that it moisturizes without weighing the hair.

*Beautiful Hair Starts in the Shower: Deep conditioning your hair weekly not only keeps your hair looking and feeling healthy, it will also help to keep your hair protected from wintery elements. Use a deep conditioner, such as Optimum Care Salon Collection Deep Conditioning Masque. This weekly intense treatment infuses hair with strengthening ceramides and nourishing coconut oil for long lasting moisture, strength and shine. With its refreshing relaxing sensation, you won't even miss going to the salon! For best results, place a plastic cap over the hair and sit under the dryer for 10 minutes.

*Don't Over Style: Keep your use of hot styling tools to a minimum. Blow drying and flat ironing can dry out and damage your hair. If you need to use heat, always use a thermal heat protector like Optimum Care Salon Collection Heat Protection Polisher on your hair before blow-drying or flat ironing, and never turn the dial past 400 degrees.

*Protect Your Hair: Wear scarves or hats to protect your hair from cold temperatures and wind. Stay away from rough wool hats, which can lead to breakage, and stick with soft, smooth fabrics like silk and soft cottons.

I am biracial and my hair is very thick and very curly. I used to get it relaxed but stopped years ago. I use pantene pro-v shampoo, conditioner, and daily oil (all of them are in a brown bottle-for ethnic hair). I wash it about once a week, blow dry it using the Pantene Pro-v daily oil, then put heat oil on it (I got from Sally's) to flat iron it. If I want to wear it curly and not have to worry about the frizz, I use Kinky Curly products (found in health food stores or online). My husband is white and both of our children have "mixed hair" as well, though the texture is a little finer than mine. We keep my son's hair short and don't really put anything in it but I use Mixed Chicks products for my daughter and it works very well. I have talked to many stylists and they all seem to agree that if wearing a natural style, leave-in conditioner is the key. Make sure you use a wide-toothed comb to comb the leave-in conditioner through! Hope this helps :)

Hi! First let me say that I am a biracial African American woman who was raised by my white, single mother. You are NOT the first mommy to stress about this :) It does depend on exactly what your daughter's hair is like. I'm going to go on the assumption that it is curlier than white people hair, but not as course as typical African American hair and say...

There are two issues, you asked about product, but technique is also an issue.

First, how often are you washing her hair? If it's more than once a week, STOP. Then, when you wash it, condition it well and comb the conditioner through. After it's rinsed comb (don't brush it... ever) using a wide toothed comb.

Beyond that, spray her hair with a little water in the mornings, comb in a little more conditioner if needed put it in piggytails or whatever you want to do and then leave it.

As for product... her grandmother is probably using "Pink" because that's a pretty common one to use on little girls, but it isn't my first choice. "Mixed Chicks" is wonderful and they have a whole kids line now. I actually saw in in Target last week, so it looks like its getting easier to find! Poke around on their website and see what you think... they also have tips about HOW to care for hair.
http://www.mixedchicks.net/kidshaircare.html

Hope this helps (feel free to PM me if you have specific questions),
T.

Take her to a salon that does black hair and ask. Oh - and what she said was rude.

You can read these forums too. They have more information than you can ever, ever imagine.

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/

This is site is ran by two women, one of which is bi-racial

http://urbanbushbabes.com/?p=1380

I use Motions products. You may want to look at some of the Just For Me type of products at Target or go to a local beauty supply.

Depending on the age of your daughter, she may recognize the products that her grandmother uses on her hair. There might also be a chance that she presses her hair with a hot comb.

WOW. What a crappy thing to say to you, especially when you were asking her for help? Oh well, you can't change the world, only your own point of view, so try not to dwell on her and her stupid comments.............
I wouldn't have any suggestions for you, but I wanted to make you feel a little better. I am 100% caucasian, have strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes, and my hair is VERY curly and has the real frizzy and curly feel of pubic hair. I have NEVER been able to tame or manage it, and neither has my Mother. It kind of looks like Disney finally created a charactor after me when they came up with the girl from their new movie "Brave", just look at her hair! LOL! I must admit though, mine can tend to be a little more frizzy than that. UGH! I hope that made you feel better. :) Have a good day.................

I use blue magic, its not a thick grease, and my husband uses it. , after you wash it, you have to comb it out with a wide tooth comb, and section it off, and grease it. Well, thats what I do. Also, pink lotion, and you can get the kids Just for me products, and they work also, just more expensive. I keep my kids hair in ponytails, with lots of braids and twist, or I just braid their hair, but I learned how to do hair at a really young age, like 7, I learned black and white hair (im white). So I dont need any help, but I know alot of people who do, and trust me, my BFF is black, and her kids hair is a mess, she doesnt even know how to do her own kids hair, so dont listen to her.
Try, using grease, and hair moisturizer, and how often are you washing it? I only wash my kids hair 1 time a week, but if they are braided, it can go 2- 3 weeks. You can just take her to the shop, and spend a little money, but they will help you out. Im not sure what kind of hair she has, but my kids have dry, water waivy hair. So this works best for them.

I'm black, my husband is white and my kids have two different hair types. My son has wonderful curls that look lovely when wet, but after they dry they get huge and unmanageable. So, when washing (once a week, tops) I brush first, then comb to remove any knots/tangles. Then I put a moisturizer in it (CANTU) and it looks beautiful! His curls last a few days and if we have something major coming up, I put a little Aussie mousse in it. Works well. My daughter has fine curly hair that a little brushing works. As a black woman, I do know that heat can be damaging to our hair if not cared for. I don't know how old your daughter is, but if she is young, use heat sparingly and always, always, always moisturize. Did I say that enough? lol

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptionhair_skincare

First of all, remember you are dealing with the mother of your exhusband (I'm assuming), so her response may well be shaded as such.

Second, I am an adoptive mom of a multiracial and AA girls - I *know* the level of unknowing!! LOL However, if you stand in the isle of ethnic haircare, you will have people more than willing - MORE than willing to give you help if you ask honestly and frankly (and sweetly - helps :) Seriously, I've had several ladies actually get up from the bleachers (gymnastics, ballet) to go buy the products, and come back and do my daughters hair!

My current recommendations: wash only weekly, if that. Shampoo strips the natural oils that AA hair needs.
I use
- HairONE (I think thats the name) shampoo that has a high level of natural oils in it. This is for both girls.

My multi daugter -which your daughter may well fall into the same hair type - I use
- Kinky Curly Knot Today -detangler. Works pretty well
- Just started using Soft Sheen Carlson 'Wave Nouveau' Moisturizing FINISHING lotion (NOT the relaxing lotion/regime) as an alternative detangler.
- Suave conditioner - any conditioner after you've got all the tangles out, I use this to keep the hair nicely un-frizzy. Works on less humid days.

On days that are humid, raining, etc, I always braid it, tie it up, band it, etc. Keeps it from becoming one big fuzz ball!! Not kidding. And she doesn't like her hair combed.. you can imagine the 'fun' we have.. I try to avoid it by doing these things. And combing every single day (only slightly successful at this... ;o )

Good luck!

Thank you so much for adopting 'these black babies' and ASKING what to do with their hair. How would you know what to do? What a foolish thing to for your MIL to say. That is one less child in foster care. I wish more white (and Black) women would do the same!

I like to use a detangler on my daughter's hair. Sauve has a few different fragrances. Mostly fruity because that's what little girls like.

My advice is to find a supportive Black mom and get more styling tips. Otherwise you can take her to a black salon and have them corn row it for you when her hair gets longer.

Good luck and God Bless you for adopting.

You might have to do some expirementing. With my son I found that the "white" hair care products didn't have enough moisture but the "black" hair care products had too much.

What worked with him was NEVER using shampoo unless I HAD too, like when he'd wipe peanut butter or BBQ sauce in his hair! Every bath I'd rinse it good and then work in plenty of Herbal Essences Hello Hydration conditioner and let it sit until it was time to get out of the tub, rinse it good and then put in Garnier Fructis leave in conditioner.

Now we just buzz it all off though! I LOVE little girls in braids but I love the convenience of boy hair!

My husband is African, so I (white gal) have some of the same struggles with caring for our kids' hair. Our daughter's hair is pretty wild-looking--a gorgeous curly halo all around her head, but impossible to comb. When I was in the Boston area last winter, I found a wonderful brush--the Genie Knot. It isn't cheap ($14), however it's been a God-send--it really does go through the tangles without hurting. Our 6 year old girl can brush her hair herself and it looks much better. Here's a bit of unsolicited advice... I have to agree with the women who suggested that you need to repair the relationship with your daughter's grandmother. Yep, she said something hurtful. You're going to need her in your life, and particularly your daughter's life, however, so see how you can get to a point of saying sorry for your part in the exchange. Good luck!

ETA: The brush is called a Knot Genie, not the Genie Knot. Silly me... By the way, We are trying out the CANTU moisturizer. Thanks for asking this question--it's been very helpful to me.

After you wash her hair, use the wide tooth comb not the brush as this pulls and breaks the hair. Prior to combing put in your conditioner and work it through the whole head and then comb it. If it drys out spray water on it to help you get the tangles out.

Do stop by a salon that does Afro American hair and see if a person is willing to show you how to do your daughter's hair. It will be an invaluable lesson on hair care for you and to pass it on to your daughter.

Excessive heat does tend to damage the hair more. I use argan oil from Sally's and a leave in conditioner before I blow dry my hair and it helps with any frizz and keeps it shiny. Try several different products until you are happy with one that keeps the hair conditioned and does not weigh it down.

You both were wrong speaking to each other the way you did. Gmom was from the old school with her comments. Your cursing her out does not help even if you really were hurt by what she said. It's time to have a lunch date and clear the air as you two will be in each other's lives until she passes.

Good luck to you. How old is your daughter?

The other S.

PS: When you do trim the hair, trim it dry not wet.

ETA: I am glad you made the trip to the hair salon. I bet she will be the hit of the wedding.