Questions to Ask at Parent Teacher Conference?

Amen Sue W.! I would also add to not be confrontational or defensive. Nothing clams a teacher up more than if a parent seems to defend or deflect.

I listen more than I talk at school conferences. I also assume that the teacher and I are a team, not adversaries. If something isn't adding up, then I would say "What do you think is going on that I see this at home and you see the other at school?" "How can we help DD work on this?" "What ideas should we try?"

You may know your daughter "best", but your teacher knows your daughter at school. How she is at school is important to her learning and her social development.

I doubt they will be talking about repeating in November. There's most of the school year left to work on any perceived issues. I have a grandson who turned 5 in October, and started Kindergarten at 4. He had a couple of challenging months but came through it fine. He is liking first grade this year.

First of all, you know your child better than anyone does. Be her advocate and tell the teacher(s) what you are seeing her do at home. Ask what you can do to help your daughter to improve her skills at home. Be willing to work with the teachers in order to help your child. Go into the conference with an open mind. The situation may not be as bad as you think it is! Best of luck!

khazle
Licensed Teacher

Ask the teacher why she thinks Emmy knows things at home but not at school? See if teacher calls it shyness, distracted, or is surprised ...
Sounds like my son (except his birthday is April) so I'm sure the teacher has experienced this before and will have some ideas.

i would first, listen to everything the teacher has to say. at ours, she had a form she had filled out that she went through with M.. it basically covered all the aspects of school, and she showed M. how she rated him on each item and why.

she will ask for your feedback as well and you can fill her in on how you think things are going, and any theories you have about how to make it easier on her. our teacher suggested having a list of questions you want to ask.

mostly J. remember the teacher is your ally in this. you two can help your daughter, you J. have to be open and work with her. be honest with her so that she knows what's going on.

good luck!

Does she get distracted easily? I know my youngest gets distracted which makes it harder to do his work. And going to the lab for many years was the answer. When the others would get done or be loud while he was supposed to be doing his work he could not work. But at home when it was quieter it was better. We did hold him back in second grade. He was one of the youngest and it was great for him.

She will go down a list of things and show you examples of her work in each catagory. You can ask questions or explain how different she is with each catagory you discuss. Besides academics, you'll want to know how she does in each special activity like art, music, PE and such. You'll also want to know about how she does socially in class and at recess and lunch. Ask who she seems to hang with most and what things they like to do, and anyone she may not get along with and why. These conferences should never stress you out unless your child has a particular true problem. Sounds like she's learning well but she may be shy at school or gets a type of "stage fright" at school. One of my kids is like that. Also, you'll want to see if she's someone who does really well when she has someone right there for support. These are things you can talk about and toss around ideas. No need to stress. This isn't the end all of her education. She's very young and you're going to expect some quirk here and there and this is the time to catch it. Look forward to the conferences so you can work on things before she gets older and the work gets really hard.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Parents are so often quick to judge their own children, agree with negative things a teacher says (still a little of all of our pleasing personalities?) that they don't give credit to the child and instead vow to work on this to impress the teacher or prove to themselves they are doing all that is right. Not saying that, but Emmy probably has a lot of great things she does and she might not necessarily need to have been held back. I know a girl for instance who has a very negative arrogant attitude, subjects of most kind are not easy for her but WOW, can she play the violin. For a couple of months or so forget these things and see what makes her shine. if they want to keep her back they will. In the meantime see her in your own eyes and not in what has been competitive or evaluated about her. Good luck -I was there myself.

What kind of behavior goes along with the "having trouble"? What's her demeanor? Is she seeking attention? Does she like to be the youngest in her class and not show her smarts? What can we do to motivate her?
Does she understand what repeat means?

I was one of the youngest in my class and I don't think I really knew what was expected of M..

On the other hand I J. had a new girl in my Sunday School class, 1st grade, reading on a 3rd grade level but "walking" on her knees, disrupting class by babyish behavior, etc. ATTENTION, please, could have been written on her forehead. Don't know if it has anything to do with your daughter but I would be finding out.

Swh:
then I am thinking bored, also. She needs challenging work. Try 2nd grade stuff snuck in with the 1st grade stuff and see how she does. They need to ask their gifted program director her advice. Maybe put her helping a child that truly is struggling.

What exactly, do the notes sent home... say she is having "trouble" with???
There must be something specific.
Your daughter obviously knows math well.
And she is fine at home.

But... many kids, when they are at school or in a group setting with many kids, are different. They can become "shyer" or more reticent. This is common. Not unusual. And nothing "wrong" with it, at, all.
Kids come in MANY different personalities, and not all are extroverts. Again, there is nothing wrong with that.

I have 2 kids. In group settings, especially when they were younger, they were more shy. BUT at home and among people they know well, they are their regular bubbly full of personality, kids. And they are capable of their academics and social skills. No problem.
BUT in school, (especially with my daughter) the Teachers would routinely say "she is so shy.... " as though something were "wrong" with her. They would then go on to say to work on her "confidence" and verbal skills etc. BUT the thing is (and I told them they were wrong), my daughter... IS VERY SELF-ASSURED, she KNOWS herself and is not a follower, she is always herself, and she is not anywhere weak in her social skills or verbal skills. I... know her. The Teacher(s) did not. They J. assume, that a "shy" kid is "insecure." But that is incorrect. Shyness has nothing to do with confidence or self-assurance. So, I had to, repeatedly tell my daughter's Teachers, at conference time... that my daughter is an OBSERVER and she is very... good about discerning social situations and people's cues, she is very self-assured and has no problem with making friends or raising her hand in class etc. But that, it takes her time to warm up to others etc. But she is very astute... about things. And about her academics and capabilities. So, despite my daughter's Teachers, telling M. that their "concern" is that my daughter is "shy"... is really not a big deal. Because, it is not a problem. I know that. My daughter even knows that... and when I told her that her Teachers always say she is "shy...." she would laugh! Because she knows herself and knows, she is not, shy. She J. "chooses" her interactions and goes by her cues. And she would say "they J. don't know M...."

Now, no kid likes taking tests.
So your daughter is not unusual in this.
And, being the "youngest" in class, has nothing to do with maturity or not. Both my kids, are later born, and often one of the youngest in their classes. But they have NO problems, social or academically. And they are fine and adjusted.

So, talk to your daughter's Teacher, and, if she is incorrect in surmising about your daughter, then nicely share with her, about how your daughter is at home and all that she knows. ie: 3 part math problems, multiplication etc. AND maybe she may even qualify to be in a gifted and talented program, if the school has one.

Why on earth, would your daughter need to repeat... 1st grade?
J. inform your daughter's Teacher, that the areas she says your daughter has "trouble" with... is actually incorrect, because at home she flies through it! Tell the Teacher.

As for your daughter not liking to raise her hand or speak up in class or what not... J. talk to your daughter about it. My daughter was shy that way. But I explained to her, that learning is about making mistakes too... even the great Geniuses of the world, made mistakes... BUT that that is how... they invented their GREAT inventions. Great minds, make mistakes too... but great minds, realize that that is how they learn, and make things better. And they don't go according to worrying about what others think. Because, they BELIEVE in themselves.

Then, does your daughter always get told she is the youngest one in class? By her Teacher or anyone?
A child does not need to be told that. Or it can backfire.
My kids are often the youngest, but I don't tell them that or use it as an excuse. My kids do fine in their grade level.

My son was bored in 1st grade.

So he would fly through the work, then daydream. He liked getting pulled from class into labs because that was more interesting to him. He did horrible on tests because, as he put it in his 1st grade wisdom "the teacher already knows I can do this, so why do I have to take the test and prove it again". He did not (and does not) always make the best grades.

I spent a lot of time talking to the teachers and explaining that he does know the work, and a lot of time counseling my son that tests were important even it was only to pass on to the next grade. The school spoke of holding him back, until I vehemently explained that he was bored. They finally began to give him extra work and kept him occupied in class.

Don't panic - it is only 1st grade - she is adjusting and probably finds the math labs, etc. more fun than the classroom. She may J. be bored in the classroom.

You are her best advocate and you need to help the teachers understand Emmy.

Sounds like she's pretending to have trouble with something so that she can leave the class to be pulled out by the helper. She sees remedial help as a goal. Have you been in the classroom, JM? Is it chaotic?

Talk to the teacher about this and to the guidance counselor about it. I do think that maturity has something to do with it, but they need to figure out the rest of the problem with her, or she'll J. do it again next year, regardless of them holding her back.

I'm wondering if there there might be some sensory issues at play here. You might consider taking her to an OT for an evaluation. If this is the case, working with an OT could really help her handle being in this environment better, without "needing" so much to escape the classroom.

Good luck,
Dawn

The child you see at home is most likely a different child at school. You need to find out what concepts she's having trouble with in school. If the teacher states she can't count by 10's and you know that she can, you and the teacher need to have a full conversation work together to determine what's going on. Is Emmy shy and afraid to speak up in class, can she verbally count by ten's but not be able to write it on a piece of paper? Since this could be time consuming, you'll need to schedule another conference so you can discuss it in more detail. Don't try to get all the answers now, J. focus on the short term how do I identify problems.

Is the problem that she doesn't test well? Then you need to find out what you can do at home to help her test better.

Good luck.

Ask the teacher what you can do at home to help. The best way to help a child success at school is to work with a teacher. My son was very immature in kindergarten through 2nd grade. I met with teachers countless of times and we both agreed on something we would both do and we stuck to it. Now he's in 3rd grade and his maturity level is where it should be. We still keep in touch with the teacher to make sure we are still challenging him academically.