Fun song but huge item of stress in our family. Oldest DD has always been the sweetest, most polite little lady that I've ever known. Unfortunately, my DS (7) wasn't a recipient of that gift in life. He is a really sweet kid--very tender--BUT he is quite rude and disrespectful toward most adults. We've taught them exactly the same and have the same expectations but he just doesn't get it. He behaves wonderfully at school because he is fearful of being sent to the principal's office. Anywhere else...it is a totally different story. How do we teach him the importance of showing respect for others?
Thanks for you thoughts ladies. I am happy to see that most of your input supports what we are already doing. Mucho positive reinforcement, individual time with mom/dad on a regular basis, clear expectations and consequences. (Don't spank and don't plan to start.)
We had a heart-to-heart on Monday and really laid everything out for him--how his behavior effects our family, choices/consequences, etc.--and we are starting to see an improvement. (He actually wrote in his school planner that his goal for the week is to be nicer to his sisters--I've never seen that before.) He is starting karate lessons after his birthday this summer. He's been asking about that for a while anyway and it seems that it can only be helpful so why not?
Thanks again!
Hi A..
Contact www.kidspriorityone.org
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Parenting classes will help. He needs positive reinforcement.
Good luck. D.
Respect is something that is learned. I recommend you ask your extended family and sons friends parents to help you with teaching him. Tell them this is a problem you are working on with him and request their help with it. This would mean not giving food/other items until a please is asked, reminding him to say "thank you", praising comments when manners are used and confronting him about his rude/disrespectful behaviors when/if they occur. I just went on a Girl Scout camping trip last weekend with 9 girls, most were well behaved, some needed reminding on please/thank you, but one was rude and disrespectful. I had to discuss with her who authority figures were, the meaning of the word respect, what children were to do when told to do something, etc. Then, the other troop leader made her apologize to the adults. She was a lot better after being confronted by more than adult. I think you will notice the same with your son....also remember he is only seven...they do not change overnight. Yet, if you nip it in the bud early all the better. Also, in the past I have had my 10 and 12 y/o's write 10-15 ways to show respect towards others on paper.....when they have slipped a little. Good luck!
Sign that child up for martial arts classes. Respect is the ONE thing that they pound into the kids' heads. It's the best thing we did.
YMMV
LBC
A martial arts class is a terrific way to teach kids respect. Check to see if your local dojo has "home rules" to follow. For example, "keep you body and room clean" and of course "respect others". I have a much younger brother and his Master of TaeKwonDo was very influential in teaching him manners, respect and good behavior which defintitely extended into the home and at school.
Be strong and consistent with punishment and never give in. Leave a place if he is rude and go home, even early. His siblings will be upset and help him to behave better. I use the silent treatment. That gets them thinking and usually apologizing. Time out, in their room. Come out when you are ready to speak in a civil tone. Give respect and don't yell or boss him around. Give him choices - either you speak nicely or don't have tv time, allowance. My friends use money, pay a penny or a nickel for every time disrespectful in a jar - from their allowance, etc. Worked with her child, but not mine. Another sees a family counselor together with children. Seems to help. Get him involved in activities that have good role models and other children behaving well and respectfully toward adults, religious, tae kwon do, sports.
Hi A.;
I have found that one form of discipline doesn't always work when correcting poor behavior. Since he is the only boy, what kinds of reinforcement does the father provide? I think that you should consider how your husband approaches his disrespectful behavior. This is sometimes a symptom of something else that is bothering the child. Does your son get quality time with Dad or you without the girls? Since he is fearful of the Principal, I'm inclined to think that a stronger form(s) of discipline and reinforcement may be what he needs. Not all children are the same.
Btw, there was a time in this country when this type of behavior was quickly dealt with by the closest adult (related or not). Children respected their elders and yes, even feared them. I don't think a little fear is a bad thing.
Parent's are too concerned about being their child's friend. Children need parent's. Their peers are their friends. Do the best you can (as I am sure you already are) and don't be afraid to think outside the box.
Best Wishes!
I know this is going to sound out there, but really, try martial arts. It is great for kids this age. A good martial arts studio will help teach life skills like self control, confidence, and RESPECT! My son is only 4, but I noticed big changes in his attitude after enrolling him at our local martial arts place. He is taking Taekwondo at an ATA facility. He loves it, and it has made a big difference. I tell all my friends about it, and many of them have enrolled their kids too. Becc
Spank him, he will learn respect really quick. You helping perpetuate this behavior by him not having consequences for his behavior, plain and simple.
Good Luck,
TA
