Raising a Second Family.....

Yes, it''s a struggle, but well worth it! I was 45 and my husband 53 when we took in my then 13 month old niece and her 3-year old brother. Now, at 50 I still sometimes wonder what "could have been", but do NOT for one minute regret adopting these two! The biological mother died about a year after we got the kids, and we have not heard from nor seen my brother ever since. Which is probably a good thing because of some mental health issues the kids have from what they went through.
I am on disability and my husband is a self-employed painter. Yes, finances are tight, but at least the home is stable and the kids are loved and cared for. We gave up the "empty nest", but I feel we have gained so much more. Hang in there,as in any family the good days DEFINITELY outweigh the rough days!

I don't have any advice, I just have tremendous respect for you. Take it one day at a time. I know that a big difference will be made in the lives of these children because of what you are doing.

I had my child at 17. I am now 50 and raising one of my grandchildren with my mother in a nursing home as well. Someone recently told me welcome to the sandwich generation....you are now meat. (Doesn't help) but those children were put in your home by a power greater than we will ever comprehend and therefore is a blessing. The silver lining is there (mostly around my temples now) but it is there and there is a gift for you in all this. The state offers help with health ins. a monthly stipend, and lots of funds for school supplies, clothes, etc. when that time comes.
Best of luck and prayers for you and them.
B.

Hello J., I returned to California and brought my grandson back this past Sunday. My daughter is currently in the hospital undergoing treatment. It looks like he will be with me for awhile. I am just taking it day by day. Last night he was coughing and I realized that I have NO medication for children. I gave him a teaspoon of adult Nyquil and he went back to sleep. There are a lot of details that I need to figure out. I think that I am going to enroll him in the Presbyterian Day School. I forgot his birth certificate and shot record. I will get it together, once I get some sleep. So if you can share your experiences it would be helpful. I thought that I was through with raising children. But I am not!!!
peace and blessings
D.

Dear J.....bless your heart....i can understand your frustration but i understand you're heart as well...don't have any words of wisdom, you're just doing what has to be done for those kids...Hurray for you...i'd do the same thing...R.

I'm still raising my 'first' family, but I know two dear ladies who are in a similar situation to yours, and they (like you) are still proud to be called "Mama"!

I'm sure it is difficult at times, but may God richly bless you for what you are doing for these precious children!

Here is some information I received this week about a rally for Grandparents who are raising grandchilren that I thought you might be interested in:

Hello,

I learned of this site www.GrandRally.org
from a lady here in Ok. who is very concerned about the state of our system and the safety of the children it is meant to protect. She has experience from Rogers Co., (see www.rogerscountygrandjury.com , or the hall case at Don Haslam's website), which has so many problems it's said that many officials there are like "cats in a sand box, Always trying to cover up.... ". This lady is so fed up she has chosen to take action. Please spread the word about this rally.

I don't know your financial situation but can you get help from DHS for daycare or WIC. I just wanted to commend you for taking on the resposibility of your grandchildren. Good Luck!

Wow, you and your husband rock!!
I'm not an older mom, but I am a SAHM for 7 and 5 yr old.
The first thing I thought of would be a Mom's Day Out type of daycare. It may not be long enough for you to get a part-time job, but it would help with time management and since they are usually set up through local churches, they are much less expensive than a standard daycare. Usually, just a few hours a week MWF or something. Having 5 yr old in kindergarten will also help... Sorry to hear of your legal expenses, I hope someone has some good advice on the financial front...

You have taken on a hard job, but the rewards are too many to list. I am raising a granddaughter who is now 12. I have had her since before she was 1. My husband died 5 years ago, so now it is just me, altho I have many family members to call on if I need them. I have learned that there are very many grandparents raising their grandchildren, but not in my circle of acquaintances. I have gotten involved in things where all the other adults are young parents, but it doesn't make any difference, and I have learned things from them. Hang in there.

Hi J.,

Although my circumstances are quite different I find myself at age 55 with an adopted 15 year old special needs son. We adopted him at birth, would do it over again, but the mounting expenses have taken a financial toll on us. Our retirement plans are taking on a whole new light especially as his needs increase with age. Yesterday a nurse at our clinic commented on how nice it was for a grandmother to bring her grandson in for an appointment.

I applaud you taking on the sometimes daunting, most of the times rewarding, task of raising "another" family. It's a labor of love and your babies are safe, secure and with parents who are capable of taking care of them.

Way to go...you rock!

Happy Mother's Day

W. Q

Yes, there are others who are raising a " second" family. My husband and I got custody of his daughter's 3 children several years ago. We had all 3 for almost a year and then the oldest 2 moved in with their other grandparents, leaving us with the baby who is 6 now. She is the light of our life and a God send. But it has been challenging at times and we have had to make some sacrifices. But I love her like she was my own child and feel so blessed to have the honor to raise her in a Christian home. None of the kids would have had a chance if we and the other grandparents hadn't taken them.
They are all thriving and doing well physically, socially, and academically. Praise God ! We are in our late 50's and we are planning on my husband retiring in about 2-3 years and my income supporting us. I have a home based direct selling business that I have had for 7 years and that has inabled me to bring in a good income and and have the flexibility to work around my granddaughter's and husband's schedule. I love it ! I have a good friend who is raising 2 children who are her brother's grandchildren. She and I get together and encourage and support each other. This helps us a lot. Just want to applaud you and encourage you, you are doing a great thing and a lot of people would not. The Lord will bless you and your husband for all that you are doing for those precious children.The Bible speaks about caring for orphans. Finding someone who is in the same situation as you all are to meet with to exchange ideas, encourage , and support each other is important. This raising a second family is happening more and more these days. I would like to meet you , myself. J., this home based business I'm in might be something you would be interested in. It's Mary Kay. And I'm also proud to be called " Mama".

I have 6 kids of my own...and too young to be a grandmother yet (my oldest child will be 13 in September) but I just have to say Kudos to you and your hubby for opening up your hearts and your home to be parents to your grandkids. That is awesome! Not awesome that the kids' parents aren't being parents, but the kids are lucky to have you!

Hi J.,

Welcome to the world of taking on the mistakes our children leave behind. By mistakes, I don't mean the babies but the lifestyles and partnerships of our children themselves. You didn't go into the cause of all this, so I'm generalizing.

While I realize you probably had no choice, I do hope the babymaking will cease so you aren't saddled with more, because at this stage of your life you will get tired, VERY tired, the both of you. Get lots of annual physicals and may your husband be strong and healthy enough to continue working. You are not just babysitting, you are being financially drained.

All the years of good advice we give, and because they didn't listen, the Golden Years of leisure, serenity and peace of mind will now be put on hold indefinitely.

You have had to make some drastic changes. Good luck to you and everyone involved. Hopefully the couple will straighten out and become one happy unit again. If not, you should have full custody. With all you are sacrificing, they are now yours.

All the best. Sincerely________

J.,
You and your husband are great! What might help you is a "from home" computer job. Other than by word of mouth, I don't know how you find them but it's convenient because you can work the hours while the kids are asleep or while your husband watches them. Be sure to be any employee, not contract help if you can. Otherwise it really messes up your taxes. You might put out feelers at your church, with your neighbors, doctors, insurance agents and friends. I've also heard you can make a ton of money selling Arbonne if you are good at that sort of one on one and group sales job. (I'm not!) If you don't have a good financial advisor, maybe one could help you work out a plan to pay things off more easily, protect the kids'future and at least get your husband partially retired before he turns 70. Good luck to you. Looking forward to reading what you figure out.

I just want to praise you and your husband for taking on the responsibility. Maybe starting a support group of grandparents becoming second time parents.
The children are blessed to have you in their lives.

J.
God bless you in the care of these children.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. There are so many grandparents that have had to become parents again. I work with a man in my office that is raising grandchildren that are biologically not even his and some that are. I greatly admire all the grandparents that take on this responsibility. My only advice would be to get a network going. Friends or family that would be willing to help out to give you and your husband a break. I was a single Mom and tried to do everything myself. I now realize that it would have been ok for me to ask for some help from time to time. If you are not involved in church that is a good place to start. It not only is emotionally and spiritually uplifting for you but is a good foundation for the kids. And kids usually need all the positive foundation they can get these days. Good luck to you. I admire you for the sacrifices you are making for your grandchildren.

Brenda/a fellow grandparent

J., we are also raising a second family. I belong to an online group for this type of family that offers alot of support and suggestions. If you are interested in this type
of thing, email me at ____@____.com and I will give you the link.

Good luck to you,
D.

I feel for you. My mother and stepfather have pretty much raised my nephew since he was 2 and he is now 12. He has a lot of emotional problems, which he is on medication for. My mother is retired, but now has to clean houses several days a week to help make ends meet. I wish you luck, it's just not fair. You should get to have your golden years, but I know she wouldn't have had it any other way as she loves him so much. There's a lot of grandparents raising their grandchildren.

I think you are a wonderful person for taking these children in. God bless you.