Raising One Great Kid and One Very Difficult Kid

I have the same problem... I have 3 kids 2 have no behavioral issues and 1 has extreme issues. I find myself not having the time to congratulate my Little lady's Because all of my time is spent dealing with my sons issues. I am reading the posts and hoping you get some good advice.. :)

It will Change! My kids could have been described that way when they were little, except reverse the boy girl thing. And she was Always great in school! When they hit the teen years they reversed which was difficult and which was easier! Ever hear of "difficult baby, easy teen, easy baby, difficult teen" ?
If being together is a part of the problem, it will get easier as the oldest hits full time school and they spend less and less time together. Summers meant mine would start arguing all the time, hopefully you can afford summer programs!

I just wanted to co miserate that it is such a yucky feeling to utterly enjoy being with one child and just dread being with the other. YOu know how great it can be and you Want to have fun together but it's like they just can't be Happy.
I defiantely get it. I've been thinking about couseling for my dd the second born.

but she is having an upswing and just had a great parent teacher conference and i'm starting to see her as strangers might and she really is a good kid, compared to her older bro though she is a pain in the rear.

hugs! and take lots of cute picts of him because they will remind you that it wasn't all hell.

"Both my kids are in Montessori school three days a week. I was hoping this would help him calm down and help him listen more. But so far, it hasn't.He's great at school but the second he gets in the car the fighting and tantrums start."

Sounds like you have your answer. Your daughter didn't need much discipline. Your son on the other hand, does. He's fine at school - it's with you he's bad. So you need to discipline him and be consistent. He has the ability to be good at school - so he's taking advantage of you. Lay down the law. Get some advice from the teachers on how to do this for him (they know him and what works and what doesn't) and then change his world for the better. Good luck! It won't be easy!

I agree with Mommy of 1, but for the opposite reason. Montessori is about SELF-GOVERNING. At Montessori he is good because he sets his own boundaries. He self-manages his time. There are aspects of his world in which he has complete control.... but the overall picture is set for him.... so what the world needs from him, he is able to give.

I have a "spirited" daughter and I WAS the "difficult" kid. And believe me I knew my mom liked me the least on most days and downright disliked me on others. It was pretty tough to know growing up.

There will be some people who will say you have to be firm with your son.... show him who is boss. I disagree. My daughter is EXTREMELY well-behaved, does well in school.... is a delight. NOW.

I like to use this analogy. it's cheesy, but it works. You can either parent from *above* and tell them what's what. Try to get them to fit into YOUR world. but you are always looking "down" on them.

I parented my daughter from below. I saw it as my job to get down on her level.... see what it is like from HER perspective and then guide her to be the best that she can be. To "raise her up" so to speak. Once I started parenting her with that perspective...... SHE became a "better" kid. but also I became a better mom.

Your son needs consistency. he needs to know which things he can control. And he needs to know which things he cannot control.

I would use the Montessori Method at home. Get a work plan and put on there all the things he needs to do at home. Make his transition smooth and let him own himself. he will be much more productive for it.

I'm not so sure Mommy of 1 has it right. I'm in a similar situation as you. My 6.5 year old daughter is extremely challenging and my 4.5 year old son is a piece of cake. So it's the older of my two and the gender is switched, but we're also Montessori and she's also a gem for others.

Two thoughts--he feels safe with you and can be himself (which, let's face it...at what, age 2 I'm guessing...well they still have so many developmental stages yet to go through). He's working so hard at school to hold himself to a certain level and with you he can relax. Mine definitely does that and her 1st grade teacher said that is commonplace. The other thing at school is that there are so many other kids and adults that he does't have to be in a one-on-one situation with his sister or you. If he needs a break from her (I'm assuming they're at the same place) he can go choose some work in a different area.

The other thought is sensory issues. We all have them and most of us eventually find a way to get our needs met without even knowing it. Both of my kids have benefited from a "sensory diet". You can even find sensory toys by searching at Amazon or the like. Observe him--does he need to climb? Avoid loud noise? Doesn't like his skin being touched? Try the checklists in The Out of Sync Child to see what areas your son may be struggling with. We all either seek or avoid all kinds of simulation throughout the day. An example, maybe restaurants are too loud for him and the over-stimulation sends him over the edge. He doesn't even know what's grating on his nerves, and he certainly cannot begin to articulate it. One thing with Montessori is that because it is so good at involving all of the senses, he again can seek out those activities that fill his needs and avoid those he finds unpleasant. The variety at school is probably much greater than at home (of course).

I feel your pain...I really do. I get it. And if it's any help, one of my dear friends had a situation so much like yours. And now that the girl is 12 and the boy 10, the boy has developed from a crying, tantrum-throwing mess of a little guy into a sweet, mellow, and sensitive big boy. Just do your best to love him and guide him through his struggles and remember that this too shall pass!

You didn't say how old your son is but if your daughter is 4 I'm guessing around 2-3. I don't have much advice except a little hope for the future.

My oldest was a very easy child. She was highly verbal at a very young age, smart and very mellow. For 3 1/2 years it was just the two of us together all day we had so much fun and life was peaceful.

Then came our 2nd girl, born in about and hour, her personality is just like the way she came into the world. By about 6 months that child was the most challenging, loud, disagreeable little thing we'd ever seen. She tantrumed, woke all hours of the night, she'd crawl around the house behind me screaming at the top of her lungs, FOR HOURS. For months around 1 1/2 years old she woke at 4 am to start our day of hell. We did not sit down to a pleasant family meal for years. I was at a total loss, I would call my husband at work crying of frustration. I felt guilty and useless. I had feelings of anger towards her and even swore at her angrily in the middle of the night once. I thought something was wrong with her but the doctor said she was physically healthy. She was slow to speak and we often couldn't understand what she was saying which led to more anger and frustration.

Around 3 years she started to change. Her speech took off, while it wasn't always clear to outsiders what she was saying, we understood and she seemed more calm. As she grew I started to notice that people were drawn to her. She had this charisma, she's very pretty but it was more than that. She's 10 now, and a leader in her class. She has a strong sense of herself, I think 1/2 the 5th grade boys have a crush on her. She is athletic and a great student. Such a high achiever that we talk to her about relaxing a little, not everything has to be perfect. She is super empathetic and the kind of kid who is nice to everyone she'll reach out to the child everyone else is making fun of. I sound so braggy but it's true, this child who I was sure would be the most difficult person in the world turned out to be an amazing person.

My husband and I think she was frustrated by not being able to express herself. We think her little baby brain wanted things a certain way and she had no way to make it happen. Seeing how she takes control of situations now and handles herself I can see how having no control over her life probably scared her. It makes perfect sense now but at the time we thought she was crazy.

Like your son, my girl was fine in public, albeit very quiet. She was so good I think friends didn't realize our struggles were so bad until they saw for themselves. My best friend admitted she thought I was exaggerating until she realized every single time she called there was screaming in the background!

Hang in there, he is young. He's different then your daughter, that is really all you know right now. Only time will tell how his energy will manifest itself in the future. He may need help down the road or he may grow into someone you never expected. He's an individual. My children have taught me so much. My little girl's lesson for me was one of hope and patience. Good luck.

I could have written your post. Except, my son the first child was the easy one and my daughter the second child was difficult - Sounds just like your son. People wouldn't believe how she behaved.

The only advise that I have is positive reinforcement works best with these type of head strong kids. Negative reinforcement seems to make things worse.

Avoid power struggles, worry only about what is important. don't fight with him over small stuff.

Other than that, I don't have much advise. My daughter is now 11 and things have gotten better, we are able to reason with her more etc... She is still tempermental but much much better as she gets older.

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It'd be worth a call to Sally Fryer at Integrative Pediatrics in Plano?

I don't have a good kid and a bad kid but I have two very different children. What works for one does not work for the other. What are the consequences for his behavior? Do you have clearly defined behavioral expectations and do you follow through with the consequences of not meeting those expectations?

We have to be very consistent and repetitive with our two year old. We have to remind her constantly what is acceptable and what is not (ie. please don't climb over the gate; don't hit the dog, pet nicely). We have to remind her what the consequence will be if she doesn't behave properly (if you climb over the gate you might get hurt; you will have a time out and apologize for hitting). We have to remove her physically from things/situations frequently because she doesn't like to listen when being told no or don't do that. (hey, didn't I say don't climb the gate? Get down. Leave the dog alone. Time out. Time out now for hitting.) And we praise her when she is doing well (great job not climbing the gate when I was in the bathroom; oh, you are petting the dog that is nice of you.) It is tiresome and yes, it would be nice if she were as 'easy' as her older sister, but she isn't. She's my free spirited child.

Maybe I got the wrong tone from your post (or maybe because I am the second born child) but you come across as putting a bit too much emphasis on comparing your two children. They are not the same people and they will not act the same. Comparing them to each other, especially with the thought that she is the good one and he is the bad one, isn't going to help anyone and it could certainly cause some problems in the future for both your children.

Good luck.

Sounds like it may be the way you guys are parenting. I don't mean this to be critical. in fact, your situation is very similar to mine with one easy baby and one harder to handle willfull 3 year old. We actually went to a counselor a few months back trying to find a better way of parenting. Here is what has worked for us. We have given DS plenty of notice as to when things will change. For instance, he use to freak out when we said no more TV and just turned it off. We now give him a 15 minute warning that the TV will be shut off after the end of the show and then offer him suggestions as to what he can do afterwords, i.e. play with his toys or read a book. Being proactive and knowing what his reaction is going to be and trying to manage it before he has a tantrum has really worked. This is also a great book about managing kids with different temperments: Negotiation Generation by Lynn Griffin. It is all about the hardwired temperment of kids, how they react to things. Some just push buttons....which my son does all the time. It is about setting the boundaries and following through on consequences. I can't tell you how much the ideas in her book worked.

Another thing she has you do is stop saying no and rephrase it. Instead of saying "no throwing the ball in the house" she says to reprhase to "we roll the ball in the house". It has definitely worked.

Good luck. 2s and 3s are such a tough age. I feel your pain.

I also know what you are talking about going out to dinner. We hardly ever go out because our oldest doesn't want to sit still and will be wandering around the restaurant. We just decided that as a family we won't really go out for a few years. Saves us money and I would rather just go out with my husband for dinner as it is much more relaxing:-)

If he can be good at school, he can be good at home. If it were something that herbs/vitamins/therapy/etc. was needed for, then he would be having trouble in both environments. Have a discussion with your husband tonight and design a discipline plan that you can both agree on. And then be consistent, consistent, consistent - for a while even with the little things you might otherwise ignore. Maybe even talk to your son's teacher and find out what sort of ways they have for keeping order, because it seems to be working. Maybe check out some Montessori preschool books, because this is a program that is often used in the home and so you can develop a routine and way of living around the concepts taught that would maybe help him at home, as well.

My little guy has a very similar temperament. I have really appreciated the advice from Dr. Kevin Lehman's book, "Making children mind without losing yours." I'm noticing a real change in his attitude!

I am the mother of 3 boys (now 21, 18 & 12) I can tell you there were times I thought I was losing the battle with my middle son. Consistency was key! When times got tough I remember reminding myself that I WAS THE PARENT and he was the child. Sounds silly but worked for me. As the boys got older we put them in sports which I think helped. Talk to your son's teacher - see what is working with them. Stay strong, you will get through it!

I too am reading responses looking for advice as I have a similar problem. DS1 is a nightmare and has been from day one. Colic, tantrums, anxiety. It's awful and unfortunately I lose my temper in return. I try. Every day I wake up and swear I will hold my tongue better, speak more nicely etc.
DS2, on the other hand, is a delight. He's always making people laugh, he smiles so often and just wants to give hugs.
Now DS2 (3yo) is learning behaviors from DS1 (5yo) and mimicking him by slamming doors, refusing to eat saying hurtful things and more.
I think I will look into the Montessori approach suggested by WindyCityMom.

Have you had your son tested for sensory issues? For some kids, it's like the sunlight is so bright it's physically painful to their eyes, when they're hungry they truly feel like they're dying, and so on through the day. And they convey that via ... tantrums! It's also possible that he may have a very, very, very mild case of Asperger's syndrome or something. You might look into some testing.

I really say that, though, because you've already tried everything else I would have tried -- Montessori, dietary, less stimulation, chiro, everything. You sound like a fantastic mom!

The only other thing you might try is sitting down with his teachers and asking them for some tips, since something is clearly going right at school. I've seen Montessori teachers help wild, ridiculously active kids calm down and focus -- it's amazing. They may have some specific tips for working with him.

I also just want to say that the mom who responded with the anti-Montessori post below does not have experience with the true Montessori method. (There are a lot of schools that call themselves Montessori and aren't.) True Montessori education is the opposite of what she describes.

Yep, same boat here. At least I feel good knowing that it's not something we've done as parents..since we have one easy kid and one challenging. ;)

The thing that really works the best for us is to give our daughter empathy and understanding when she's upset. Believe me it took me years to understand this and I still have rough days when I just want her to do what I say. We don't give in to her, but we also try to give her a sense of control. That really helps her. We let her decide between two things that are both acceptable choices in our eyes.

Now that she is older, it sure is easier. Still rocky at times, but it does help with age. Now if she's upset it's usually easy to talk to her about it and let her vent. We still use the empathy strategy with her and give her LOTS of praise when she is doing the right thing. Staying calm really helps too. Can't say that I'm 100% there with that, but I'm much better than when she was little. I didn't understand her then, I have to say.

If I could do it over, I'd probably do a better job of gently handling her frustrations when she was small. I have people tell me I'm the calmest person they know, so I'm sure I was fine when she was little...but I wish I could go back and just hug her more when she was upset. Now I believe they aren't trying to be "bad", they just have absolutely no idea how to calm themselves down. Very passionate little people, who feel very deeply about everything. Let's hope that continues into their adult years and they will be amazing!

Oh, it's so challenging to balance your time between the two kids when one demands so much attention. Do your best to not let his tantrums dictate the scene for the rest of the family. I know that is easy to say though. Maybe if you are playing with your daughter you can have you husband be the point person to take over discipline with your son if anything pops up for that period of time. Not sure.

Good luck and I wish you patience. It does get better! Hug him and love him and try to help him through it. Be good to yourself too with as many breaks as you can get. :)

I don't know that you're doing anything "wrong" so much as not understanding your son as much as your daughter. Does that make sense to you? And in not understanding him, you've had trouble bonding with him... just maybe. I'm NOT saying you don't love him as I'm certain that you adore him. Maybe right now you don't like him much... but I know you love him.

I could have written your post about my middle daughter when she was the same age. I wish someone had suggested to me that I have her evaluated much sooner than we did.

When she was in preschool we had her tested for lactose intolerance with a pediatric gastroenterologist after doing a successful elimination diet of all things milk, cream, cheese, whey, casein, etc. The elimination diet took a month. After the month, we gave her a glass of milk and the pain of gas, bloating, diarrhea, cramping intestines came back within an hour. She took a nitrogen breath test at the Gastro and we confirmed it for school purposes. But suddenly, after a few weeks of knowing what it felt like to feel good she had the words to tell us what was wrong. She had stopped so much crying because her bowels weren't betraying her. No more constipation AND diarrhea. It wasn't constant.

But we still had behaviors to worry about, that just minimized it. So we did another elimination diet of wheat/gluten. No difference. Then soy. No difference. Then high fructose corn syrup. Huge difference. Then red 40 food coloring. Huge difference. Same with other food dyes. We started the Feingold Diet. Big difference.

But we still had some behaviors to worry about, because all of that just minimized it. So we had her evaluated by a pediatric psychiatrist. Later, by a pediatric neurologist (two, actually). We were right about her having Sensory Integration Disorder (it used to be called Sensory Processing Disorder). You can read about it in "Raising A Sensory Smart Child" and "The Out Of Sync Child." Both are fantastic and easy reads, and if you see your child in them then it's a good chance he has sensory problems. They will help you relate to him in a big way.

It also turned out that she has ADD. In our case, her issues are all related to Autism Spectrum Disorder, but having sensory issues and gastric issues doesn't mean that ASD is a given. With my eldest daughter, she has some sensory issues as well and has ADHD and is highly sensitive to the food dyes and HFCS as well, but is fine in all other areas (she also has ODD, Oppositional Defiance).

So my main point is that your son's behavior issues very well could be dietary based. One reason I believe that is because it's been since birth. There's always a reason babies and young children cry. It's not how they're born. I don't believe that there's a default personality for being difficult in small children, especially when you're doing everything you know how to do as a parent and you've been trying to parent your son as well as you've been parenting your easy-going daughter.

I appreciate your efforts at being patient with him. I know he does too. It's not easy, and I've been there. I was there in the midst of having an older child like you, my difficult child, and then a newborn. It can get easier, and I'm hoping that if you go to a pediatric gastroenterologist who works with a pediatric nutritionist that you can start getting the help you need.

How hard! It seems significant that he can hold it together at school. That sounds promising! Maybe follow the behavior plan they use at school. "Have a New Kid by Friday" or the "The Strong Willed Child" are resources.

You may want to get him tested in case it is something more. The other mom suggested sensory disorders. My second child has ADHD.

I have three. The first and the third are as you describe your first. My middle child is as you describe your second. She is four now and has gotten better but I could always tell there was something different about her. She goes to school two days a week and is wonderful there, but as soon as I pick her up, hell breaks loose again! I feel as though she holds it together there, partly because it is still fun for her, but then falls apart when she gets home. Her dr agrees. We haven't started medicating her as we are still working on firming up her diagnosis and getting her therapy.

It may be worth looking into for you. Perhaps he has something more. When they are under three you can get testing through the school system. I wish I had done it then. Good luck!

First of all, I don't necessarily think there is anything you are doing wrong. Some kids are more challenging than others by nature, and it is actually very common for some challenging kids to act better at school than at home, especially when they aren't going full time. School is a very different environment, with positive peer pressure (other kids behaving correctly) and teachers whom are kids sense don't automatically love them (and so they are motivated to try hard to be good).

But, I did want to address the part of your post about your kids constantly fighting. Of course, some fighting is normal, but you may want to look into the book "Siblings without Rivalry" -- its by the same authors of "How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen...". Growing up, I was the 'perfect' child and my sister was the challenge. With the best of intentions, my parents used to compare us a lot (at least privately, to me). For example: "We will let you do 'x' because we can trust you ... we never were able to let your sister do that." The intent was probably to motivate me to behave (which it did), but my sister and I have a strained relationship to this day. She resents my close relationship with our parents and I feel guilty about it.

So anyway, its common to have an easier time with one child than another .. I do with my own kids, as well. But, I would encourage you to look at this book so you don't accidently sabotage your children's relationship with each other.

Good luck, and I hope things get better with your son!

Its my older one thats nothing but trouble, little stinker. Little brother is way more destructive though, he is constantly into something, but is so much more easy going. My dd is much more high intensity, constantly throwing fits and arguing. They all have their own quirks and personality.

If one child is misbehaving, I would try to give attention to the one that is behaving. For example, at the table give your daughter lots of praise for sitting still, eating, being quiet, ect, ignore your son if he is being bad, see what happens. I have heard it on supernanny, especially at the dinner table she said focus the attention on the kid that is doing what they are supposed to.

Gotta agree with Mommyof1; if he's being great at school that means he can behave, he's just choosing not to with you. He's what, 3? The list of things you've tried is exhausting. Sorry to be blunt, but have you followed through with any of them? Things like dietary changes, naturopathy, chiropractic, etc etc can take time to see results - that you've tried all those and a dozen others in his short lifespan says that maybe you weren't patient or consistent enough.

Try the Love and Logic books. They really do work and are fairly simple to implement; you let the child suffer the consequences of their own poor choices. The key is consistency. Find the discipline that works and be consistent with it. All the time. Every time. Talk to his teachers, find out what they do to keep the kids in line, see if there's any of that you can replicate at home.

I feel for you, this sounds really hard...

Have you maybe tried talking to his doctor about it? Maybe he should see a behavioral therapist?

I know that boys are harder than girls at that age, generally speaking anyway, but this sounds extreme.

Well, I don't know if I have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know my kids are similar. My son, my first who is 8, has a difficult, strong willed temperament and he requires a lot of discipline, praise and being very black and white about things. It took us years to get good at this...the discipline/consequences have to be very consistent and it's exhausting! I am so glad I had him first though...the way you are going through it is harder. He was all I knew even though he was such a hard baby...the woman who ran the baby classes where I lived at the time said he was the hardest baby she'd seen in 30 years. He was my delight though because I didn't have another to compare him to. Be sure to praise your son when he does well and make sure you get good one on one time with him. My daughter is 3 and she is so easy going, not stubborn, a good eater, a good sleeper...she's the opposite in almost every way. I think kids are born with their own personalities and you happened to get one more difficult kid. Hang in there. Things that helped me were the book 1-2-3 Magic, giving consequences EVERY single time he disobeyed, sending him to his room to calm down, extreme praise when he does something right, lots and lots of warnings before we go somewhere or do something different. Also, stay CALM. That is hard but it works so much better when you are calm and use a matter of fact tone of voice with him. It is hard and it takes years...it's a slog. I think our son started maturing in 1st grade. He is in 3rd grade now and seems much better in many many ways. We have had some very extreme homework battles this year (imagine 4 hours of yelling, wailing, crying and anger) but we have finally got a handle on that. Yes, your son and our son feel much more secure at home to let it all out. My son says he does not act that way at school because he does not want to get detention. Yes, he gets punished at home...but something about social pressure makes it work so much better at school. Good luck and keep loving your son! I know how hard it is bc it's been a long 8 years in many ways but it's worth it because I can see the amazing young man he is turning into!

Hi M. B - I almost cried reading your post as - it's the same as my situation only that my difficult child is the older one...........

My son is 6 and my daughter is 3. I have felt all through my daughters life that I've had to shield her from him because he's so wild that even when he's having fun he accidentally hurts her.

Although didn't work for us (because my now soon to be ex-husband has been in denial there is an issue, spoils and bribes him to behave, and practiced nothing any professionals suggested) - he's what we started with:
When my son was 3 we started seeing a behavioral therapist whom we saw as a family. Our sessions were practicing the 'play therapy' technique......When both of us as parents were doing this approach it was working (but as I said above my husband is not on board so it didn't do a thing for us after he stopped). My son also saw an independent occupational therapist for a couple of years. As my sons behavior is wild he cannot yet be in a mainstream classroom; on his IEP it says "emotional disability" and he is in a class with 7 other children - they do everything the other class does and once they can handle the class they will start going to the mainstream classroom.

My son gets services in the afternoon - he has his class in the morning and stays at school until 2:30 where he receives services from and occupational therapist and a social worker.

I'm right there with you sister : )
You described my son to a T. There is nothing wrong with your boy he is just being a boy and a toddler. We too cannot take him out to dinner with us and I don't even dare do grocery shopping with him. Hang in there things will get better but just a quick note that I didn't hear you mention discipline. I know it is so hard and draining to be consistent with little guys that poop us out but we have to keep on top of that and a little prayer from his parents works miracles too ; )

I am no expert, but I have raised 3 children, my daughter was like your 4 year old & my middle child was a lot like your son. The oldest son was very reasonable also tho the boys were so different that there were lots of personality clashes. Then fast-forward we had some similar issues as you with our young grandsons, especially the second one. One thing we've observed from our family & others around us is that you seem to be describing a first child & a second child to the tee except that perhaps your second child is a little to the extreme but this is really more common than you would imagine when you are going thru it. That being said, thru a process of trial and error as you have described above, we realized that food dyes are a very real source of irritants. Some people think red is the culprit & we agree, but with further experimentation have realized that all synthetic dye in certain children can cause drastic behavior changes. We have eliminated all dyes that are not natural in our foods & it is like we are dealing with totally different children. Gone are the tantrums, they are nice, polite, & helpful. We can tell within thirty minutes or so if they accidentally get something with dye. It is in so many foods, almost every processed food (i.e. even things you would not suspect like marshmallows have blue, microwave popcorn has yellow, etc.). We literally read every label before buying. Even if you buy once, the next time they may have added dyes. Fortunately, stores like Aldi, Sprouts, and Trader Joe have lots of alternatives. Even Walmart has a brand of marshmallows & some other things without coloring. We are mostly making things from scratch now & eating lots of fruits & vegetables. Better for all of us anyway. I always try to share this with parents with difficult children if I have an opening. It has made such a huge difference in our family. I will not argue that this is the cause in every case. There are obviously many reasons a child could act this way, but this is certainly worth trying say for a month or so to see if it makes a difference. You won't have anything lost & could have lots to gain. Allergy-type kids seem to be affected more by the coloring. Our family is not alone in this. I have had many parents come back to me & say how right I was & to thank us. I do not care to get into an argument with those who say that scientific studies have not proven this & the evidence is not there to back it up. I don't really care. We just know what worked for us!!! We are not trying some crazy thing that could cause harm, only eating healthier so I am just stating our experience, not trying to prove anything scientifically. Altho, it is beyond me why food manufacturers feel like they have to add dyes to so many foods, giving most kids a steady supply. I can't help but wonder if this is a lot of the problem parents & teachers have with kids today (again, another complex issue), but one worth exploring & I think putting pressure on manufacturers to eliminate the dyes!!!

I'm a mom of 3. Two elementary boys and a baby girl. My boys couldn't be more different. My oldest is quiet and gentle, my younger son loud and full of energy. While it is so easy to compare your children, don't. They are unique individuals who deserve to be treated as such. I think it is easier for me to relate to my oldest because I'm more like him and I, too, struggle with not comparing my boys especially when it comes to school. Two and three are very difficult ages and I agree with others that consistency is the key to deterring misbehavior. I read all the replies you received and am a bit disturbed by the number of people who think there may be something wrong with a boy who simply seems to be acting like a normal 2 year old boy to me. Boys are completely different from girls and all moms( and teachers) would better understand their sons and the way their brains work by reading a book on the subject. I read one called The Good Son and it really opened my eyes as to why my boys act the way they do. So many boys get labeled ADD or something else when maybe they are simply misunderstood. Good luck to you. Things will get easier.

Pop in (let the teacher know before hand) and visit his class to see the teacher's methods. Try to do so without his seeing you.