* Rant* Is It My Kids or Me?

I say phase.. have you thought about maybe putting the 4 yr old in preschool a few days a week just to give you a small break of the 2 fighting?? I had to alternate preschool every other day for my 2 becaue all they did was fight, and fight about nothing!!! It was unbearable... hang in there ! :)

Totally agree with getting the 4 year old out of the house. Maybe he is getting bored with the routine and needs something else? Perhaps you could ask a mama with another kid his age for a play day or afternoon. Something to shake things up a bit. Or just try some thing very out of the ordinary.

I only have one & she can be a freakin' handful. I am partaking in a rum & pineapple as I type. She can be mellow some days & other days, she challenges me on everything, argues like an adult, and has the attitude to match. You're doing fine. I like the suggestion of putting the older one in a preschool program. Are you able to get them away from the house for a change of scenery at all on a daily basis? I notice that when we get out & away, she seems in a better mood.

I can really relate. When my niece was three, and first came to live with us, my two year old daughter and her fought all. day. long.

It was very, very trying.

We are 17 months into it, and while they still have moments here and there, they are consistently playing and sharing with more ease; They really enjoy each other's company.

*Mostly* I think their conflict had been a phase of development and transition. Nonetheless, there were a few things I found really helpful - especially for my sanity.

- Unstructured outdoor play time. The more exercise and room my kids had to run, laugh, scream, and play, the more relaxed and easy to get along with they became. We go to the beach and look for treasures, or play dragons in the woods. Now, I can just get them into their galoshes and send them into the yard without me (I can supervise from the window). It was like magic - because while we were out running around, *I* got a break from their fighting and we just had fun.

- Negotiating their differences. For a few months, I jumped in during their debates and I would speak for them, "Opal, did you feel frustrated when Cacia took the book you were holding? Then we can use our words and *ask* for it. It's not okay to scream, even if we're feeling frustrated," and then I'd lead her through it, "Cacia, when you took my book I felt frustrated and sad. Please give me my book back." And then I'd talk to the other one, "Cacia, it's not okay to take something when someone else is playing with it. How do you feel when Opal takes something you are holding? Sad? Opal felt sad when you took her book too. You don't want Opal to feel sad do you? You need to say sorry and give back her book."

Now, I can say, "Hold on, use your words," when they begin bickering, and they'll catch themselves (much of the time).

- Like you, we also did timeouts as punishments. Hitting / hurting wound them up in their room immediately. Most other things I would give a warning, count to three, and then send them to their room for a few minutes or until they stopped throwing a fit (fits are - at this point - disciplined with a timeout and a conversation.)

- Alone time. For them AND for ME. We do weekly / biweekly dates with each of them, where one will go with one parent and the other with the other parent. The next week we trade. We would do something special, one on one.

ALSO, I had to have time to myself. I set up child care trades with my close friends so that I had their children for a day, and then they'd take mine. I would clean, go grocery shopping...or do nothing. It was glorious. Really, really, really important for my sanity.

- Not sweating the small stuff.

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I'm sending you hugs and tea. I can really sympathize. It sounds like you are doing a brilliant job, and I'm sure this is just a phase.

I only have one, but for friends of mine who have two the YMCA is a lifesaver for this type of problem. They have lots of drop off activities of older children, plus they have onsite daycare that you can use for up to 90 minutes 2x per day (for $25 per kid per year!) What many of them do is sign the older one up for a class, drop the younger one at daycare and then go work out and or get an uninterrupted shower. Anyhoo, something for you to check out.

Let me just say I think you're doing an awesome job - if not a thankless one. You seem thoughtful of the details that can affect behavior (from rest to diet) and the fact that you have been consistent is to your credit. Keep it up!!

I agree with Amanda - maybe the boys need some space from each other (and even you) so they appreciate their family even more. Pre-school could be the perfect opportunity for that. Your 4yo will have some time to develop his social skills, independence and intellect and you'll get some quality time with your 2yo as well as some peace and quiet. Win!

Do not allow your 4yo to disrespect you without consequence. "Have a New Kid By Friday" by Kevin Lehman is an AWESOME tool for helping to curb such behavior. Your 2yo is watching and learning from every exchange, so you have much to lose is the 4yo gets away with disrespect.

Keep up the good work and hang in there!!

I'm laughing because of Victoria's response about telling them they aren't allowed to talk to each other...my mom used that on my brother and me ALL the time! It worked for us! We'd immediately get bored and want to be nice again. It was exactly what I was going to suggest ;p Hopefully they will move past this stage soon! Maybe try an activity like a treasure hunt on a walk: Must find a leaf, tree bark, blade of grass, flower, etc...you know, just a long walk to start the day, or when they start arguing really badly. This post has really brought back some childhood memories, and I remember fighting more with my brother INSIDE the house, and less OUTSIDE... :)

I am sorry that it is so hard right now....My suggestion, instead of finding day care, would maybe try preschool for your older child. A few hours, three times a week, will give you all the break you are needing and craving.

I bet it is a conflict of development levels for each child that is probably causing this to happen.

You will survive, it is a phase....hang in there girl!

I'm so sorry for what you're going through fellow mom. We truly do have a tough job. When I'm confronted with some of the stuff we're suppose to know how to handle I often find myself thinking "but...I'm just a mom!!". Darn, it's not fair we're suppose to know how to handle everything that these little beings require us to know to guide us all through every day life!

My girls are just under 2 years apart. We've definitely had our rough times. Luckily, now that they are 7 and almost 9, they get along for the most part with me having to interject "use your words" here and there.

I loved when they were younger and were both home with me (I worked 2 days a week....thank goodness, a bit a sanity time!!....while my loving mother in law stayed with them) when I filled the days with trips to the library, parks and playdates (with mom friends that had kids similar ages). I think that's what kept us all a bit sane....seeing friends. Can you do any sort of playdate swap, where a friend takes one of yours and you take one of hers? To separate your kids a bit?

I totally second (or judging by the previous posters....twelveth!) the part time preschool idea. I bet the 4 y/o need their own time. I know my younger one totally breathes down my older ones neck...constantly. She started preschool due to speech issues at exactly 3 years old, just 2 days a week, and it was fabulous. I had my 2nd start when she turned 3 also. It really helps them to develop their own friendships outside of the home, learn some new getting along tactics from the teacher, etc.

My 2nd has always been a handful...she's totally unaware of other peoples body language, says inappropriate (hurtful) things w/o realizing the harm they'll cause. Her pre-K teacher said she had NO impulse control. Whereas my older one has incredible impulse control. So they butt heads a lot. Want to hear what's made my life so much easier and I don't cry daily anymore?? My second attending full day K. Wow, she practically did a 180. I don't know if it's due mostly to the new teacher/new rules or if it's because we're apart so many hours of the day now so I have more patience...and I guess it ultimately doesn't matter. We have a happier household.

It's SO tough to be with them all day every day. I agree that "this too shall pass" but it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel as to WHEN it'll pass. They're constantly ending/beginning stages. You e got one more year til oldest begins K, right? I'd definitely start some sort of preschool to give hem each their own time.

Sorry if I rambled here. It's not even 7am and I was up with a coughing child last night so I don't know why I chose now to answer this!! I need another cup of tea.

Good luck. I think you're doing a fantastic job!!

I know how that feels. My two still go through phases where I wonder whether they got up deciding that today was the day they were going to get mommy put in a rubber room.
MOSTLY they are great. But some days, they just have spent too much time together. We all have days like that. So, maybe the poster who mentioned 2 day a week preschool for one of your boys is onto something there. Another thing you might try (I still do this sometimes) is tell them they are not allowed to talk to each other. Seriously. I say that to them. We all know nothing gets kids wanting to do something more than telling them they can't..... They are not allowed to speak to each other. Period. (I've even told them not to touch each other, speak to each other or even LOOK at the other one). Mostly when we are all in the car. At home, I tend to say "don't talk to each other. You go in your room, and you go in your room and do not speak to the other one until I say it is okay."
They realize pretty quickly how much they enjoy each other's company and they are whispering across the hall to each other: "wanna be friends again?" or tossing paper across the space with notes written on it : "Sorry. Want to be friends?"

I realize yours are younger than mine, but space between them might be what you (and they) need. I know it seems most practical to have them do things together. You are after all only one person, who is keeping up and watching out for 2 people... but if you can figure out ways to split them up (get one doing playdough at the table, and have the other do something in another room), it might help you all. Set a timer if you have to, and let them switch activities after 10 or 15 minutes if they are acting like they'd rather be doing what the other one is doing.

Why don't you and I meet, I'll bring my 7 & 13 year old girls AKA The Bickerson's & they can have a fun playdate w/your son's while you and I can have a few stiff drinks! I hear ya, and to be honest with you....it is a phase. Sometimes a very long, drawn out one because each of them go through their own stuff at their own pace but sometimes they go through it at the same time. I try to explain to my 13 yr old that our youngest has never had "her own time" because she has always been here, but my oldest can't catch onto that, so anything my youngest does is childish to my teenager....ummm hello she's 7! But my 13 year old wants her privacy, but my 7 year old wants to be a part of her 13 year old's every moment because she absolutely adores her. So yes I know where you are coming come. It does get better. When they both realize that they are fighting over nothing and there is that brief bit of silence and a rare outburst of laughter every now and then in the air, I treasure it. So hold on my friend, it will get better. And know that it's not you, I have to remind myself of this about 5 bazillion times a day, but I promise you it's not. As far as helpful advice, I would just try to explain to your oldest that his little brother just thinks he is the coolest thing in the world (kinda like a super hero) and just wants to be like him. Best of luck to you :)

You are not failing! This is just the reality of stay-at-home motherhood (except for the lucky ones with the perfect angels who never fight). Most kids fight. All. Day. Long. It get so frustrating and exhausting. Now, not only are my oldest and middle fighting constantly, the middle and youngest have started up. I'm ready to stick my head in the oven! I have come to accept that most days are going to be hellish. I feel incredibly blessed when we have a good day, or series of good days in a row. It really does help when they go to school. So hang in there! And hey, if you decide you'd rather go back to work, there is no shame in that. Being a SAHM is not for everyone. I know plenty of moms who have to work or choose to work, and really value their time with their kids after work and on weekends. It's not the quantity, it's the quality. Best wishes!

It isn't you or your children. Their behavior is normal and so is your reaction. You are doing the right things, but it takes time, lots of consistent time, for them to learn cooperative behavior. The 4 year old is capable of choosing better behavior sometimes, but the 2 year old is a different story. He is not capable of sharing or controlling his anger just yet. You are doing a great job. I have always found when things hit bottom with my boys, who are 3 years apart, better days are just around the corner. You could try a reward system with your 4 year old, but the 2 year old isn't ready. I used to always talk with my oldest about how important it is to be a good role model for his younger brother and how they will be the closest of friends when they grow up. I'm not sure it helped, but maybe it did because they get along much better these days, they are 4 and 7. If I were you when things get tough I'd head outdoors. Boys have a lot of energy and burning some off can't hurt. Don't get too discouraged, it is something that many moms go through. You can do it!!

This is sooo totally normal! You have boys, and they're two plus years apart! Do not beat yourself up. It isn't you. It's them. It will be like this until they are both a little older and are developmentally better at sharing and delegating with each other. Right now it's competition time for everything from you to their toys. It's basically the toddler turf war period at your home.

For now, your best bet is to make sure they periodically each have their alone time with you and also some specially set aside time away from each other so they get a chance to do age appropriate things alone or with kids their age. At least, for me, that has helped alot.

You don't want to totally separate them or get them thinking that they should only play by themselves or with only friends who are their age, but just like us adults, they need time to be alone doing their own thing, or doing things with peers who are on par with them developmentally.

We tend to forget it's stressful for the older child to maintain patience with their younger siblings who are probably playing with their toys in a different way than they would (pounding and throwing versus actual role playing or pretend play for example), or wanting to do different things than the 2-year-old would, such as playing a structured game with rules and complex decision making versus just following simple directions.

And likewise, the little ones are frustrated by the perceived freedom the older child gets because they are older, and they can pick up on the fact that the older sibling gets bored with them or thinks they're "babyish." They are very clingy, can't read cues from the older when they don't like a certain behavior, and tend to want to keep up and tag along with the big brother/sister...despite the fact this annoys the older child. Have you seen the very hilarious Disney movie, "Honey, I Blew Up the Kid?" That giant toddler is how your 4-year-old probably sees and feels about the 2 year-old! LOL. Of course they're going to fight right now. But I promise, it does get better. It really does. I have all boys. Been there, done that. It gets better.

Add to all of those dynamics around age and development that they are boys and have more testosterone, energy and have the need for speed and action, and you've got alot of work on your hands!

As others have said, continue encouraging them to share craft time, outside time, family time and all of those good things together. But for their sanity and yours, you may have to arrange some special playdates where they get to spend time with a special friend that is their age, or you take one child out for a special outing etc. so they can get a break from each other. Your husband should be part of this plan as well. I think it will help alot.

We've even told our boys to let us (parents know) when they'd like an hour or so to play alone with their Legos in their room uninterupted for example and to make sure the other sibling knows this so there won't be a fight or misunderstanding when one child says "no" you can't play with that right now. We usually use that time to do our special time with the other child. This method hasn't totally eliminated fights, but it is certainly more peaceful this way for everyone!

You will all survive it. You are not failing as a mother.

I've discovered that sometimes my kids just want to argue for fun. It is not a problem for them. They do not understand that it is a problem for me.

When it appears they are arguing for fun, we start mock arguments to get it out of their system. We have a ferocious "fight" about the color of a block. Or the length of a spaghetti noodle. Or whatever. They love it and I'm no longer stressed because it's clear this is not an actual fight.

For real arguments, we have a standard process for problem-solving. If you want it, send a private message and I'll send you a copy.

For another resource, I really like this book: "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years" It's an easy read with sensible and flexible tools that might be helpful in your situation.

Standard caveat: If a new tactic is going to make a significant difference, you should see it within 1-2 weeks. If a new idea isn't working after 1-2 weeks, try something else. If *nothing* works to improve the bickering, consider the possibility that there is a unidentified problem. A friend of mine couldn't figure out why her boys fought so much....until she realized one of them had trouble reading body language and the other had aphasia! She got one child into a social skills class and the other into speech therapy. Now that they are able to communicate with each other, they are doing much better!

You are not failing...and will survive.

I don't really have any advice other than to say "get some you time"...

I. Hear. You.
Mine are 6 (a girl!) and 1.5 (boy).
I don't even have the sibling rivalry problem...and I totally understand.
No advice.
Just empathy.
It seems to go in phases here.
Hopefully, through all your consistency you will make some headway.
Hugs.

:0) Kids are harder work than any of my jobs.

I agree with what Adrienne Suggested. Placing your 4 year old in part time preschool will give you a break and may actually teach him how to interact better with others. I have twin boys both 4. When they hit the 2 1/2 mark it turned into a night mare. I was constantly playing the middle man, fits, defiance, and disrespect. I started them in day care 3 times a week and never looked back. Now they are almost 5 and in full time preschool and they have come full circle. They still have there moments, but they are few and far between. Hang in there it is a phase that will pass.

Plus you can return to work part time or full time once the kids adjust to daycare/preschool.

You're not a bad mom. You're doing all the standardly advised things these days. Your 4 year old's tantrums are completely consistent with the methods you have tried for teaching him to control himself. Our French tutor told me yesterday she had to quit teaching a four year old girl who acts just like this, and it's impossible to teach her.

You haven't used anything firm. "Not giving in" to tantrums, is still not disciplining the action itself. You may not be giving him whatever he asked for, but you're still allowing the fit to occur. It's basically ignoring it and letting him choose how many years to carry on like that. It takes firm discipline to teach kids not to do that, especially at 4. The upside is, if you firm up on your oldest, your other one will shape up quicker. 2 is well old enough to learn not to do this too. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline and scan it. I have three non tantrummers, five and under, thanks to clear, calm, concise, FIRM action on my part.

You are not alone. I have two boys. One 6, the other 2. The 6 year old is in school full time, so I agree 100% with Adrienne about putting your older son in preschool. You need to do that for you and for your kids. This past summer, I could have thrown a brick through the window. My two boys caused so much chaos, it was very hard to manage some days. I spent time doing things with them, but some days were difficult. Thank goodness for school. My little 2 year old wants to go to school too, so I too am looking to put him somewhere for a few hours a week.

Two years old is a tough age for us parents. It will get better:) In the meantime, look into playgroups for the little one and preschool for the older one. You need a change of pace:)

Oh honey, I am so sorry. This a phase that will play out in different stages......my sister & are 5 years apart.
How about preschool for the 4 year old? Three days a week, perhaps?
Can you do a play date w/the 2 year old where they meet you at a park
perhaps & other child is ap preschool?
The interaction will do everyone good.
Can someone watch one child or both children while you get 30 mins to yourself to run a "fun" errand or more importatnly: go for a walk or to the gym?
One more year and your eldest will be in kindergarten? that will help.
Hang in there . We gave my mom hell & were 5 years apart.
Can you give them projects that keep them separated? Even if only for 30 mins at time?
this stage will pass. much love

They are wearing you down and you don't realize you aren't as consistent as you think because it's day after day hour after hour of the same thing. You can't see the forest for the trees right now. If you are consistent how do they fight for half an hour? They should be separated and in time out after the first minute so it would not go on for 30 minutes if you are disciplining. Do not expect them to decide and agree on the outing. Just announce "we're going to the library this morning" Make a game out of everything, "who can get their shoes on before I count to 25?" Make sure the both kids can win every challenge! Read the Happiest Toddler on the Block. My oldest kids have grown up and moved out, now I look at the youngest and want to treasure every moment. It is over SO soon and you will look back on these horrible days fondly!! I know it's hard to believe!! I hope you can try to enjoy these days before they are gone. And getting breaks for Mom and doing things just for you WILL help you enjoy them more!

My boys are 2.5 years apart, now 9 and 7 and I feel your pain!! It is definitely much harder than any job I ever had (where I could hear myself think and not have to keep the bathroom door cracked open so I could hear sounds of escalating chaos). The conflict, though seeming to last forever, does get better with time. They still fight every day but the tears and screaming are a little better.

I agree with what a lot of other posters said - let them play outside. By themselves if they can do it without fighting, or at a park where they can find other kids their own ages to play with. And a couple of days of preschool for your 4 year old is a great idea. My oldest was exactly 4 when the at-home day care he attended suggested he would do better in preschool. And she was absolutely right. It gave my younger son some time to watch the "baby shows" and play with "baby toys" he wouldn't even admit he liked when his brother was around. And his brother was so proud of his new friends and the new things he learned at school. And I was saner.

I also take my kids to the YMCA one or two days a week because they have 2 hours of babysitting in a really nice child watch room. I work off some stress and they hang out with their friends. My 9 year old has even taken a class or 2 himself.

Don't worry..it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Their behavior, and your reaction, are both normal!!! Best of luck!!!!!

C.

Here is my 2 cents- having two two apart is very difficult. They feed off of each other and chaos ensues. To be honest, I could not take it and went back to work full time. I used to be very anti-daycare, anti-working outside the home etc. However, for our family it was what we needed to do to survive, financially and mentally. And for my children-they are thriving in a high quality daycare setting. You are not failing as a mother! And if you make the decisions to go back to work, that is also not failing so please don't take it that way. Sometimes my (not always so "D")H throws it my face that I couldnt' cut it being a SAHM. All I have to do is see how happy my kids are to go to school every day to know that it was the right thing for our family. Certainly it is not for everyone.
Last thought-many seemingly healthy food choices contain artificial food coloring and flavoring. Try eliminating that entirely from your children's diet and see if you notice a change in your child's behavior. These artificial and unneeded addititves have been shown to cause hyper active and impulsive behavior in children.

It's probably time for preschool for the 4 year old.

I also agree with putting your older son in school for a couple of days a week for a couple of hours...not full-day, as that would cost too much with your not working, but there are lots of programs that offer 2-3 days at 2-3 hours per day, and many offer sliding pay scales.

At 4, he would really thrive on the social interaction of other children his age...something that you can't provide for him obviously. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job. But you need a break, and he needs a break. While he's at school, you'll have some time alone with your little guy. Sometimes that can mean you spend the entire time playing with him, or sometimes you might want to get stuff done around the house and enjoy the quiet of him playing alone without fighting with his brother.

I do think you're doing a great job teaching the boys, but at 4 kids should know shapes, including hexagons and pentagons, and be able to write his name...at 2 counting to 20 is good but not unusual, and certainly knowing and identifying their ABCs should be happening too.

I feel your pain! I really, really, really think this is normal. It doesn't make it easy at all, but these phases are just that - phases. They are difficult and very challenging too.

Things that help us - no sugar or juice at all. Even the small doses you are mentioning would be too much for my kids except every once in a while. Mine might be overly sensitive kids (I am super sensitive!), but just a thought.

Get two books:
"Siblings without Rivalry"
"Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen (you might want to get the one for preschoolers or 0-3 or both)

Those two books have great ideas. Amazing ideas. I've read a lot of books and really like those the best. I think every parent with more than one kid should read the siblings book and anyone with any kids should read Positive Discipline. They help you learn how to balance your role not too bossy and not to lax...helping your child feel more like they have control over things, too, which helps them feel calmer and more easy going and happier over all.

Being a parent is tough. Hang in there. It WILL get better one day. (Really...go get those books! They are so helpful!)

I KNOW how you feel, I wrote a similar post about a year ago, and things have improved since then. My boys are also 2 years apart. When your oldest starts school, your day will be SO different! My boys are pure angels alone, but get them together and it is chaos, and they even get along very well. Things have been better now that my oldest has started kindergarten.

If you can afford to put at least the oldest child in a mother's day out program, do it! Even if it is just a few hours for 1 or 2 days a week, it will be worth it. Many offer scholarships and discounts as well, all you have to do is ask. If you can't afford it, try to work out some sort of child swapping with another mom friend for one day a week.

Also, SEPARATE the boys. One can go in quiet time in his room for an hour while the other can have computer learning chem. Then they switch. Make it part of the routine.

Also, Dr. Sears has some wonderful advice on disciplining and combating specific behaviors. I think they may help you.
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

And no, you are not a bad mom, not all children's tantrums were created equal. It will get better. :)

No advice, just a great big virtual (((((HUG)))))!!! Hang in there and know that you are a good mom!!

Hugs, sounds like a difficult phase and like you're doing a lot with your kiddo's. Maybe it's too much togetherness and they're bored? Does your older boy go to preschool? Maybe they would each benefit from some one on one time with mom, and some time away from each other. I don't know if you do this, but it would be good for them to each get to play with friends their own age - and it's also fine if you need to escape by having a sitter a couple of times a week for your own sanity. I know it's hard, mom, but keep being consistent and I hope things will feel easier soon. Hugs.

Thanks for writing :) My 3 and 4 1/2 year old are the same way, and I hear myself yelling"why are you screaming at each other". sigh. I do try to get different activities, and consequences for actions, but they can push buttons in us that no one else can! I guess I have no advice, just feeling like we are all having the same battles. Know you are not ALONE.

Hi L.,

I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're having with your boys. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice to give you except that I recently found out about these books entitled, "My Two Year Old", "My Three Year Old", etc., which are supposed to be really helpful in understanding our childrens' behavior at these ages and therefore how we can better handle them and certain situations that may arise. You can find them on Amazon or probably your local library.

Good luck and take care!

Oh man L., I have three boys aged 6, 5 & 3.5. The 5 and 3.5 year olds continually fight. They do this mostly when I'm around, and it can actually drive me to the point of insanity. At school or with their grandmas they're much, much better.

I handle it best by getting them out of the house and into very active play such as at the aquatic centre, or adventure playground. I also take them to a music/movement program twice a week run by local churches.

If you find any miracle cures, let me know!

I have 3 and they are all two years apart. I am home with them as well. We do have days when they love to fight. I usually separate them and after the separation, they seem to calm down. I try to get them play dates with other kids by themselves-that works too.

I encourage you in your efforts, Im sure you are a great mom. You love your kids it shows. I pray a lot! Mothering is a tough job, its not for sissies, but it is so worth the sacrifice and it is a sacrifice- but where better to pour yourself out?

my kids are almost the same age. Son will be four in jan and daughter will be two in feb. i work from home but not while i have the kids awake. i needed to get more done so i found a moms day out at a church. they were going to a full time daycare but the cost of it was too hard on me. but my kids drive me crazy too. they don't fight as much as your describing. when they do fight usually over the riding car i either split it up for them saying so and so is already in it or i end up putting it in the garage depending on how much they are constantly fighting over the one riding car (we have three different ones). i think at this age its just a constant correction. i know exactly how you feel when ppl say "they keep you busy" i am really embarassed, feel defeated, and feel like they think i am not doing a good enough job. if you can find a good moms day out program that will help with disiplin and structor (sorry for my spelling i hav enot had my coffee yet).it will give you a break and perhaps reinforce behavior from antoher not just you.

Stay consistent like you said but you need to maybe find a stricter discipline. If discipline works, then you should see changes in about 3 days. Read books about child training. Watch Super Nanny. You can read my advice to other posters with similar problems. Good luck!

http://www.amazon.com/Have-New-Kid-Friday-Character/dp/08...

It's a phase. You will all survive :) And not everyone means your interpretation when they say the boys are keeping you busy. When my oldest 2 were 4yrs and 2yrs, people would say that to me all the time, even when they were being angels. They are both still so young and learning how to deal with their emotions. And the 2 yr old is asserting his independence and trying hard to keep up with big brother. They will mature, learn to work things out, and one day you'll realize that they have been playing quietly together for over an hour, or that you had a fight-free outing. Hang in there!