Re Bullying at School-wwyd?

You should not allow a 9 year old to have an instagram account. To me that is crazy. I do not know any 9 or 10 year old with one.

You did not mention his age.

Definitely wise to get her off of social media. Way too young and it opens up this kind of possibility.

I would talk to the boy's mom. I think it's awesome that she's willing to talk about it and apologize, because not all parents will take that responsibility. You may be able to diffuse the whole thing just by communicating. I think it's worth a shot. You can always keep a hard line if the family seems insincere. I wouldn't make any promises until you meet.

You can take down your daughter's instagram account. You can call the local police and look into filing a report against the 10 year old.

I can't think of anything else within YOUR control, that you haven't already done.

These kids aren't ready for social media. Way too young. You can't shut down the other kids accounts of it but you can shut down your own kid's. Take her out of the game till all these kids mature a bit.

You know how you can be just the most careful driver ever, obeying every road sign and speed limit and law, wearing your seat belt without fail, but you can still get broadsided by some idiot who's driving too fast while texting or eating a burrito?

That's one of the reasons why kid get into trouble on social media, whether it's Facebook, Instragram, or any of the other "reputable" sites. Some kids and their families may be the most responsible and careful people ever, but being on social media is like being on a highway. You don't know if the car behind you is being driven by a sweet grandma or a couple who's fighting or a person who's in a rage. You need to have the skills to discern, and the maturity to "drive defensively". A 9 year old, regardless of intelligence and family support, just isn't old enough - to drive or to have a social media account.

I don't doubt that you and your husband monitor her activity, have her password, and have taught her about safety, just like when she's ready to get her learner's permit you'll insist she check the mirrors, wear her seat belt, and drive cautiously. But you and her dad can't control the other drivers out there, and you can't control the other Instagram users. You've exposed her to a world she's not ready for. You opened a door and had no control over who was walking in.

So I would not let any further communication take place, in the form of an apology or anything else. I would let your daughter use a camera (not a smartphone) to take great photos and do artistic things with them on a computer ONLY (she can learn photo shopping, or file her photos by date or subject, with no sharing other than a slide show for the family). I would switch her cellphone IMMEDIATELY to a basic phone that can call and text, for safety. I would use this as a lesson for your entire family, and make changes today. It doesn't matter if everyone else has the latest smartphone, or this account or that account. When she's 13, you can revisit this.

First of all, there is a age requirement on social media accounts- 13 years of age. This is not a suggestion and is in place for a reason. There are federal provisions in place to keep the information of children under 13 secure and private, and a website must comply with these regulations (Children's Online Protection Privacy Act). Instagram is NOT one of those sites that are allowed to children under 13. The fact that she has an Instagram account tells me that she or you lied in order to establish the account in the first place. We really should be teaching children to do the right thing, especially online, by setting a good example. Rules and regulations are in place for good reason. Also, children of this age group are just not mature enough to enter into social media and make good, rational decisions in an online environment (as you have seen firsthand). They just can't comprehend the serious consequences and repercussions that can occur when bad decisions are made.
To answer your question- this particular issue could have been avoided if all parties had adhered to the terms of the site in the first place. However, now that it's done, hopefully a good lesson has been learned. You should let the boy apologize, because he should, and then let the school and his parents decide the consequences.

You asked. I would take her off of all social media. We can revisit when she is 14 or 15. Get her a basic phone for calls and text only. No need to have the latest and greatest at 9 only to lose the phone.

I am old enough to have all the social media sites and I only one one or two. No instagram, snapchat or whatever for me. There are too many to keep up with.

As for the school incident. Make it known that they are not to be in any classes together, on the playground together or in the lunchroom together.

Perhaps the boy's mom will get a wake up call that her perfect boy is not so great. Whatever she does now will help or hinder him in the future. Her apology was not heartfelt and only a passing of the lip service to you. You can meet with her in a public place and have your list of suggestions ready for her. After that you go your separate ways and no contact.

Monitor your child's behavior once the boy is back at school to see if he continues. If he does then you have your answers and go to the higher authorities and the police and sort it out.

Good luck to you. Make this a lessen that social media is for adults no kids.

the other S.

This situation is a prime example of these kiddos being too young/immature for social media. I would also restrict cell phone use to family only ("need to" uses, such as picking her up after school, etc). Other than that I think you're doing what you need to do.

First, familiarize yourself with Clark County School District's policy 5137-Safe and Respectful Learning Environment which covers bullying and cyberbullying and was just revised 8-13-15.
Your principal should be very familiar with the policy, so I'm not clear why she thinks an apology meeting is the simple answer to this incident.

Your daughter needs to feel protected and safe at her school, and this boy needs help to learn positive ways to communicate and interact with his peers. Not sure "sorry" is going to be enough if he continues to insist he's done nothing wrong.

As a parent, I'd want to know what steps are going to be taken to make sure this doesn't keep happening in a different version, now that the online accounts have been closed.

That said, bullying policies need to protect victims, but they also need to ensure that the children who are doing the bullying, intimidating, threatening, etc. get the help they need to stop those behaviors and learn productive ways of interacting with their peers. I'd want to know how they are going to address this going forward.

As you have learned, social media sites like instagram are just not for young children. Glad you shut it down.

look - kids should NOT have facebook, instagram, snapchat, etc. at this age. Sorry. they cannot handle it. Even 13 is young for facebook for some kids.

This is NOT bullying. This is stalking. The boy needs a therapist of some sort. An "i'm sorry" isn't going to cut it. The parents can hide their heads in the sand all they want - but the fact is - that at 11 years old? He's displaying attitude and issues that need to be addressed.

The police were called. What do THEY want to do about it? Do they believe it's a credible threat?

I would say - if he comes back to school? He needs to be in a different class and a different schedule - so they are NOT on the playground together, they are NOT eating lunch together and they are NOT having classes together. I would tell the principal that he should STRONGLY suggest therapy for the kid.

Good luck!

you are going about it fine in my opinion, but your daughter does not need an instagram account.

NO NO. That's NOT "it". There has to be more done. This kid needs counseling. You tell the school that you will get a lawyer involved if they don't have him see a child psychologist. What the heck are they thinking!!!??? He is a stalker in the making who will end up killing an ex-girlfriend or woman who he has a thing for. It's as clear as a bell. He says he didn't do anything wrong for a REASON - because he thinks it's okay to treat a female this way!!!

You cannot allow this to just go by. You HAVE to make the school do their job! If they won't, the lawyer can tell you what you can do to put the fear of God in this family and try to make them send their son to get private counseling. Sometimes threatening to sue someone and take them to court will push them to do the right thing. (Including the school.) Sometimes telling the school that you're going to talk to the local news and the newspapers will make them toe the line, too.

Really?
In the 4th grade?
Our elementary schools do not allow the kids to have devices of any kind.
Principal will confiscate them and parents have to come in to get them back.
In middle school devices are allowed but must be powered down and kept in locker - kids can use them after school but not on school property o at school functions.
High school has a Bring Your Own Device policy - but there are red zones and green zones and violations will mean the whole system will be pulled - so far it's worked out well.

As far as jealous stalker boyfriend-want-to-be goes - sexual harassment is bullying and not allowed - and the school should be staying on top of this situation.
They are not going to suspend him forever.
They need to make sure he's not making school into a hostile environment for your daughter - and if they fail to do this - take it up the chain of command (principal, superintendent, school board, etc) and make sure the bully policy is being followed.

Cancel your daughter's social media accounts. there is a reason they say no one under the age of 13.

An apology is NOT enough. The boy needs therapy. I can't believe a principal would allow that to happen.

Your daughter should get counseling and I would suggest some type of Martial Arts just in case someone gets too close. It's always good to know how to defend oneself instead of panicking.

an apology from the mom is insufficient.
what did the police say?
keep your young child off social media. most have sensible rules about the minimum age.
khairete
S.

It sounds to me like you have a pretty good perspective on this and didn't under or over-react. It's hard to know since we don't know the other kid, but I would guess that he's not exactly a sociopath but a kid who lacked the proper skills to express his jealousy/upset with your daughter and did it in an immature way (though he would certainly stay on my radar). The fact that the mom is not trying to deny what was happening is a good thing, hopefully she'll monitor her son closely and talk with him.

When my daughter was in middle school, one of her friends saw a boy playing a video game which takes a picture (in this case a picture of my daughter) and makes it a target which they player uses to aim a bow and arrow or maybe even a gun at. It was super disturbing and upsetting. He was talked to and banned from online use at school, but not suspended or anything. I found a book called Between Baby Dolls and Boyfriends that was extremely helpful. It covers all aspects of raising girls between age 9-12(ish), but there was an extensive section on how to work with a school to resolve these kind of issues. Can't remember the author, but I'm sure you could find it on Amazon. The most helpful thing was about what to expect the school to do, but also what to do as follow up after the dust settles, I really hadn't considered that. Anyway, highly recommend that book.

I'm sure the boy will return to school, it's not as if he will be put away or expelled. I think you are doing great, and would accept the apology if it is genuine. Not sure what you are thinking of doing with her online accounts. Of course it would be great if she wasn't on anything for a while, but I almost worry that shutting down her accounts would make her feel like she is the one being punished. Anyway, that is for your family to decide. Awesome that you monitor the activity- gives you lots of opportunity for life lessons. Good luck!

too young for instagram. i dont know what else you can do. maybe report it to police?