Ready to Wean 11Mo Old but She Is Refusing

I would urge you to consider these things before choosing to wean your baby prematurely.
1. Milk supply is established on a supply/demand basis. This means your baby is getting what she needs from you if she is demanding. If you would like her to have more breastmilk you can opt to lower the amounts of other foods (particularly juices and purees) she is getting. Breastmilk is still superior nutrition.
2. Breastfeeding until 2 years of age provides the best immunity, brain power and mother/child bonding for your baby.
3. Little people, just like adults, go through periods of emotional upset/change. Your daughter might be going through some emotional changes that need your closeness and attention right now. She is expressing this by waking up frequently to nurse on you. If her emotional needs given time to resolve gently, this phase of night waking will likely come to an end soon.
4. Try "hands on". Give your baby a soothing massage before bedtime. If she wakes up a couple hours later, try to soothe her by stroking her and showing her closeness. If she still insists on breastfeeding then meet that need. Ignoring the need now will have the opposite effect. Emotional needs are just as important as physical needs. If your baby is hungry, you feed her. If she is crying/upset, you comfort her. At this age she is too young to understand manipulation, she is expressing a genuine need. Research shows that babies who are not left to cry become more independent and secure children. Yes, a baby that is left to cry will eventually stop, but at a high cost: Detachment.
5. The best way to wean a baby from the breast is child-led weaning. Based on her behaviors your daughter is not ready to wean. Forcing her to do so at this point is not advisable. Don't worry, she will not be on the boob forever. Enjoy this time with her, you can never get it back.
6. Seek out more information on breastfeeding and child-led weaning from www.askdrsears.com. Dr. Sears also has a Breastfeeding Book you can order.
Good luck to you and your little one! :D
Cheers,
J.

Even though it may seem you aren't producing much milk, you are producing more than you think! Your little one needs the extra immunity for the upcoming winter months, so be sure you are ready to give that up. It sounds like you have been reading or talking to people who are telling you that because your baby wakes at night to nurse, she is somehow using you. That is not true!!! It is NORMAL for a breast fed baby to wake every 3 or so hours at night to nurse. It may be teething, or she just may need you at that time. I know it may seem to go against our culture, but it would be wise to have a change of attitude and listen to your mother's heart. Trust your intuition. I have had four kids and when I let go of the unrealistic expectation that they had to sleep through the night before they were ready, we were all a LOT happier! If you have your little one right next to you in bed, you won't have to stir much to nurse her back to sleep, then you all end up with more sleep and a much better day!

It's not easy to wean your little one, I've been through it twice. Wean slowly so your breasts don't become painfully engorged. Your daughter probably won't be happy, but if you are determined, you will succeed in the end. Replace the feedings with a snack and a sippy cup filled with juice or water and maybe a story and lots of attention. My daughter was weaned at a year and the last feeding to go was the bedtime feeding. I would suggest a fan in both of your kids' rooms, that will help drown out the howls from your youngest. It works in our house and its soothing. Good luck and God bless!!

Unfortunately, I might give the answer you don't want to hear. You have to let her work it out - she has to fuss or scream until she falls back to sleep. It won't take long, she's smart enough now to know that you will be there every time. You would be surprised at your two year old, she probably won't hear any of it. I'm only going from my experience, my kids are 16 months apart and the oldest never heard the younger one scream when we were trying to get her to sleep through the night.
The breastfeeding problem is another issue your daughter is winning - you need to use the bottle and continue to give it to her. I'm sure she's on baby food by now so she won't starve. Unfortunately, the person with the hardest time is you as the mom. It won't take long for either problem if you are willing to be firm and not give in.

My daughter did the same thing. She wanted to use me as a pacifier several times a night. I would go into her room and tell her "it's not time yet, go back to sleep". I would explain to her that mommy is in charge of when she gets milk and she doesn't get it unless I say it is time. I took a couple nights, but it did work. If your husband is available to help he can go in and say the same thing or give her some water the first night or two to settle her down. If you can do that to get her off of you for the night so you both can get some sleep then you might consider continuing to nurse through the day. You can try a towel in front of your 2 year old's door to block out some noise. Good Luck!!!

L. I have the SAME problem. My son is 1 and he was getting me up every 3 hrs and sometimes he wants to nurse and others he wakes just to wake up and fuss. I started to feed him something big but good to fill him up at night. He LOVES Chicken noodle soup and cheerios cereal. I have a 4 yr old next to his room and she will wake up some night but will go back to bed after she sees he is ok lol yes she is a lil mom to lol. I feel for you but let her fuss it out so she knows she can not do it. The first night I let Quentin do it he did scream for about 7 min and he got tired and laid down and went to sleep I have a fan in his room to cut down noise and do the same for my daughter. If you have someone to have your daughter stay with to let the youngest fuss it out it will not take to long for her to relieze she can not wake up. Avery my daughter went to moms on Wed this week and the first night he didn't sleep to good BUT Thursday night he slept ALL night plus he sleep 6 hrs on Fri night and woke up at 3 am and went back to sleep till 7. so that was better and try to put her to bed everyday at the same time if possible. I get my kids in the bath at 7 every night and in bed by 9 so I have time to myself and it is SO NICE.. I hope it gets better for you and I nurse as well and he was using me for a paci as well BUT since I have been giving him MORE table food he is doing better thank goodness. I will try to stop him around 2 like I did his sister. Hope it gets better for you. OH if you do not have anyone for your oldest daughter have her sleep in your room for 3 nights if you can not hear the youngest in your room then she will not wake from the youngest being upset. I have done that before and Avery loves it she says we are havign a sleep over lol. I will make her a bed on teh floor and she will sleep down there. She is a bed hog or she would sleep with us. lol Email me anytime and hope things get better for you but try the more table food. Is she doing much table food now and how many teeth does she have. That could be another reason she is waking. Try to put HYLAND teething Gel on her gums before bed and Colic Tablets that will help as well they are ALL NATURAL which is nice. I have used teh tablet for both kids since they were 2 wks old. they melt instantly...

SAHM for 2 kids 4 and 1. Married to husband Mike for 8 yrs in Jan

I went through a similar situation when my son was a baby. Our pediatrician told us that I need to leave the house and my husband had to hold and rock him until he took the bottle. He cried for a couple of hours. I know that sounds cruel, but he finally took it and was fine with a bottle from then on. I thought we had a really good pediatrician, so as hard as it was, we did it and it worked. Good luck with your daughter.

Dear L.,

I know the feeling of being ready to wean. Especially with two very young children it can be overwhelming with all the body-touching time. Mine are 2 1/4 and just 4 and the first 2 years of my little one's life, I was so touched out by the end of the day I couldn't even stand to pet the cat.

It sounds like your baby is not ready to wean. Ask yourself what is bothering you about nursing. Is it pressure from friends or family, ("is she still nursing?")? Ask yourself if you truly want to wean altogether or if you just need a break each day. Nightweaning might be the answer for you. I night-weaned both of my children around 15 or 16 months. The first, because I was pregnant and my nipples were so sensitive it just threw me over the top at night. The second, because I felt he was old enough to understand that nighttime was for sleeping. Both times, it was a gradual process using a night light which we called a "nursie" light. Basically when the light came on, it was ok to nurse, but when it was off, it was night-night time. Generally I would say that a 12 month old can't quite understand this concept yet, but it might work for you.

Feel free to PM me if you want more details.

Your baby has benefitted so much from the close bond that you have developed nursing as well as the health benefits. Good for you for sticking with it!

Two more thoughts--La Leche League has a "weaning" meeting topic two or three times a year. You do not have to be a member to go. Also, I'm trying to think of the book I read about nighttime parenting and how to gently get your child to sleep through the night without letting them cry it out alone. Can't think of it. Sorry

Laura

I just wanted to reassure you that you are doing nothing wrong to make your baby girl not sleep well. It may just be part of her personality to not want to miss a thing. My son is that way. He has never been a good sleeper. He's 2yrs old now and still wakes at night. However my 4mo old daughter started sleeping 6-9hrs straight at night around 6wks of age. It is certainly not anything I did to make her sleep so well. I nurse her exclusively and she doesn't seem to need to nurse as often as my son did. She's a big baby and is thriving, so that helps me not worry about her going so long between feedings.

I know my situation is probably a little different than yours, but I just wanted to let you know that you are likely not the cause of her night waking. May just be her temperment. I have mothered my 2 kids very similarly, and they have responded to it differently. What is important is that you recognize that you know your kids the best and you also know what is best for your family. Also keep in mind that if you do wean her, it might not stop the night waking. My son weaned about half way through my pregnancy with my daughter. He woke up at night before weaning and after weaning. So it wasn't the nursing that kept him waking frequently.

Hope these thoughts are helpful.

My daughter wouldn't take anything but breastfeeding either until she was 8 mos old- she got an ear infection and couldn't suck hard enough for 2 days. Then, she wanted to go back to it, but I refused. I know that doesn't help you does it. But I will tell you, once she took the bottle she refused to give that up to and I ended up making her go "cold turkey". She screamed for 2 hours the first night she had to go without a bottle.

I guess what I am saying is, go straight to the glass. Get sippy cups that don't spill- she'll have to suck on them to get the milk out.
It will take great patience on your part for about 2-3 days. THen, she will be fine.

HI L.,
I know you are looking for advice on how to wean, but it does not seem like your daughter is ready too. My daughter is 11 months and far from ready to give up nursing. She still wakes 3 times a night. I have no intentions of forcing her to give up something she really loves and that is so good for her. Even if your milk supply is low she is still getting nutritional benefits. I know how tough it is having to wake up with them. I just keep telling myself that it won't be this way forever. Good luck, I would continue nursing her she will let you know when she is ready to start weaning. BTW, my dd never took a bottle.

Well, the only thing I can think of is that she's just not ready to wean. Is there something going on in her environment that she might find stressful right now? It's completely normal for a child that age to wake in the night for a feeding. Do you ever give her a pacifier. The only time my daughter ever got one (and the same with my son now) is when we're in public and I can't feed them conveniently or when it is time for them to sleep. My daughter no longer uses one (she's 2). But, it can help the younger ones to 'comfort suck' themselves back to sleep.

How many times a day is she nursing? Your body will make enough milk according to her needs. Just because you are not leaking or are unable to spray milk across the room (lol), doesn't mean you're not producing enough.

So, if it's something that you don't have a problem waiting on, give it some time and see where she goes with it herself. My daughter weaned herself. But, if it's something you just don't think you can wait on, give her lots of extra cuddle time. Maybe start reducing the length of time you will allow her at your breast. Do you hold her regularly? She might be wanting to nurse because she 'knows' that she has to be in your arms/lap and she is craving that affection. I'm not saying that you don't do these things already, just trying to think from her point of view.

I hope you find something that works for you and your family. And, way to go on breastfeeding as long as you have. :)

Hi L.! I soley nursed my three kids, and only one of them slept through the night. After my third baby decided SHE was finished nursing (I particularly wasn't), I had to give her formula. I wasn't thrilled about it at all, but if she wasn't going to nurse, she had to have formula since she was only 7 months old. The formula didn't help her sleep at night... at all! Kaelyn is just a nosey little lady. She is now 10 months, still takes formula, and still gets up once a night somewhere between 5:00 and 6:00 a.m. It's better than the 4-8 times she used to get up! She actually slept better while she nursed. I just think your little lady is checking in with you. Unfortunately, it's during the night, but I think she is making sure you are still in close proximity. Getting up over and over during the night gets old real quick, especially since you have two very young girls, but try to look at that time as a special time for the two of you to enjoy some quiet time alone. That's what kept me going. Time goes by so fast, so do your best to enjoy every moment... even if it's 2-3 times a night! Good luck!

Dr Sears has a great article on night time weaning..even if you are cosleeping. Sometimes just sleeping thru the night gives you enough rest that nursing during the day doesn't seem so bad! My oldest nursed and rocked to sleep..it was hard for 3 days to break both of those habits..I did them both at once..in hindsight I wished I just quit the rocking to sleep and kept nursing. I did that with my last one and it worked well. Hang in there.

Hi L., There is a book called "How Weaning Happens" that I recommend. I'm sure the library has a copy, if not you could try contacting La Leche League. The hospital also has lactation consultants that can help you through. Good luck.