Hi,
My almost 5-year-old boy is very social and intelligent with all our acquaintances but when a child invites him to play a sport,any sport, he finds some excuse to not play or tries to divert his friend's attention to another non-competitive game...collecting stones, pretend play, etc. Even though his IQ is high, I know he still lacks maturity in issues such as sharing, going second etc.
He is not athletic and even though he is very nimble on his feet, he lacks the skill and coordination. He has had asthma and is much smaller than most of his peers. He is highy intelligent..can tell you about many interesting facts but other than running, completely lacks coordination in sports.
He wants to play but doesn't want to look bad playing. How can I help him overcome his mental block and just try and have fun. We've had talks, encouraged him constantly, bribed him to play with daddy. Even with dad, he's self-conscious inspite of neither of ever cajoling him. We've always been very encouraging in our parenting approach and never competitive, yet I see his self-confidence shaky.
I want him to play because I know he wants to. He is really struggling with the idea of looking incompetent. His friends who are almost 5 lose interest in his elaborate pretend-play games quite quickly. I don;t expect him to give that up but I wonder if he prefers to play them all thew time because it shields him from playing and losing in sports. Any practical strategies that might work? Thanks.
Just tell hiim to try it once. If he doesn't like it, then he doesn't have to play, and then at least he can say he tried.
Karate lessons. They will help him with self-esteem, confidence and it's an individual sport. He doesn't have to be relied upon by other kids.
I certainly don't recommend trying something and if he says he doesn't want to do it - quit. It will only teach him that he can quit anything he wants. You will grow a quitter. At five years old he has no idea what he can or can't do. As parents we must persevere in guiding our kids. And not having kids guide us. Especially at 5 years of age. Also, don't look and compare him with other kids. If he is little bit slower at something than his friend, that's ok. You don't compare him to the friend, you compare him to how he was doing the sport a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. You compare him to himself.
There is great martial arts school in Flower Mound with program for 5 year olds.
Flower Mound Taekwondo
Mr. Bill Mischke
2240 Morriss Road
Flower Mound, TX
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I hope this helps.
A. Spicar
Spicar's Martial Arts
Southlake, TX
www.PowerOfKarate.com
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We can't all have jocks and as my hubby explained to me about our mild tempered six year old, when a boy is ready he will fit into the sport he likes. My husband didn't fit into football until the 9th grade. My son plays soccer but is still not aggressive.
Try individual activities he might like that are boy oriented. Gymnastics that includes trampolines, tae kwon do (check out the gym first to be sure his instructor is family oriented), boxing for kids. or hey, just for fun, let him play what he likes with other kids. Arrange weekly play dates and have a blast with informal play. No pressure.
No worries yet mom! :) C
Hello!
My son was acting like this a little...he's ADD and I wanted to get him into some kind of sports for exercise, friendship and to run off some energy. He didn't want to do anything I suggested, although he'd seen his sister join a team and play soccer. I asked around and one of my daughter's friends had a little brother the same age as my son and they knew each other from school...they weren't friends, just knew each other. I started taking my son with me when I knew the other boy would be there, and they played together and got to be pals a little bit. My son didn't want to play a sport or join a team where he didn't know anyone, so when the conversation came back around I mentioned that the friend played soccer. We made a big deal about running around all over the place and kicking his sister's soccer ball...he liked that! He went to a little three hour soccer camp where they worked on basic skills and he thought he might like to try it. He joined the friend's team, and we made a huge thing out of getting his uniform and soccer shoes and he was very excited...he had a bud on the team, and he's been playing for three years now!
It's important that the thing is FUN...not so competitive that there's pressure to succeed all the time...it's supposed to be FUN! He learns about winning and losing and how it's important to play fair. He's learning about making a committment to the team and how some guys are good and some guys are not as good, but as a team, they all work together. He likes running around kicking the soccer ball, goofing around and having fun. They practice once a week and have a game once a week. He's in a recreation league,
PYSA in Plano. So far, it's been great for him.
The same thing happened earlier for my daughter...she didn't want to do something like that alone...she wanted to play on a team that her friends were on, or at least someone that she knew was on. Our neighbor girl played on a soccer team and she joined that team when they had an opening...she's never scored a goal, which bothers her, but she has fun at the practice and games, gets good exercise twice a week, met a whole new circle of friends and the most important thing: IT GETS BOTH MY KIDS OFF THE COMPUTER, AND AWAY FROM THE TV AND VIDEO GAMES!!
Good Luck...sports doesn't have to be so competitive...it's about having FUN!
S.
Good Luck!
My son just turned 5 when we signed him up for soccer. it wasn't his idea but we encouraged the social interaction b/c he has never gone to preschool. He is one of the youngest on his team and very tall for his age. He is immature when it comes to coordination. He too just runs around the soccer field and i don't know if he has ever had contact with the ball. he gets bored at practice and won't play and does the same at the games. He is competitive but because he is not good he gets bored. but, we encourage him to keep playing and be a team player. it is a learning experience for all of us.
he talks about wanting to be in karate...so, maybe next year.
I have 2 daughters, and they're like night and day. One is very much like your son... likes discovery and imagination- type of activities. The other is VERY competitive. She tries to make a race out of everything (much to the dislike of our other daughter, who's constantly saying "I'm not racing you!) So kids will be kids, and if he's destined to never play sports, I'm sure he'll find friends with similar interests.
That being said, it sounds like you've already tried to have him throw the ball with daddy, etc. Maybe you could try things that don't really look like sports, but feature the same skills, and slowly evolve into sports. In other words, roll rocks down a hill to see which one travels faster (maybe have him at the bottom of the hill catching them). Have him like up 5-6 rocks and see which one he can kick farther (obviously using good parental judgement on where you do this). Fill a balloon with air and play "volleyball" by asking him to keep it off the ground. Set up an egg toss or water balloon toss in the backyard between your husband and son to practice throwing and catching skills. He may enjoy one or two of these, and not even realize he's learning to catch and throw. We also played a game where we would sit across from each other with one of those Koosh balls, and toss it back and forth while some music was playing. When the music stops, whoever does NOT have the ball is the winner. You can make up other games like that as you look around the house.
Also, it may just take some time to get any interest. We signed my almost-8-year-old (the non-competitive one) on to a soccer team when she was 5 and literally - the ball bounced off her feet once that season! She would run around with her friends but never try to actually kick the ball. She stopped playing for a year, then when she found some friends in 1st grade that liked soccer, she ASKED to play. Now, she really gets involved in the game. She'll never be competitive, but she's having fun, and that's what counts.
Once you think he may be ready to try out a few new sports, check the local rec centers for "Sports Sampler" classes. Each week they feature a new sport and teach kids very basic skills. My kids took them at the Lewisville Rec Center (before the Flower Mound CAC opened), but the CAC may have something similar.
Good Luck!
www.familyeguide.com Your FREE guide to family activities in the Flower Mound, Lewisville and Highland Village area.
Your son may have vision problems that limit his ability to demonstrate good eye/hand coordination. Get his eyes checked thoroughly with an eye doctor.
I, also, hated sports as a kid. I was very self-conscious, felt like I was never as good at them as other kids. I worried my mom by wanting to stay in my room and read when the other kids were playing. I still like to read (I'm an English professor today!) but learned to really like sports, as well. Here were my two issues, that I didn't identify until teenage years or later: 1) I have bad eyesight. Got glasses when I was 7, but was already legally blind then. In retrospect, one of the reasons I was bad at things like tag, ball, etc was that I couldn't see well enough to do well. I'd try getting your little boy's eyes checked, if you haven't already. 2) Even with corrected vision, I have really poor hand-eye coordination. My parents love tennis, and had me in lessons for years, but it never took--I just humored them until they let me quit in high school. Also soccer, softball, field hockey--tried them all to no luck. Here's what I ended up liking: swimming; skiing; snowboarding (yes, I'm from the north!); crew (rowing); running; hiking. All of these are athletic, but DON'T involve a ball, or require much hand-eye coordination. I could do a lot better at these, and learned to enjoy myself and be part of a team. So I'd try signing DS up for a swim team, or some other sport that doesn't require as much hand-eye coordination, and see if he doesn't like that better! If you can find something he likes and is good at, he'll gain confidence for other things, too. I, for instance, am still TERRIBLE at softball, but will still join in at a picnic, if things are non-competitive, and cheer on my teammates and laugh at myself. GL!
