Regressing on Sleep Patterns

Hi L.,

If your son knows you are there when he is screaming, shaking and upset, it is probably not night terrors, though I am not a doctor and can't diagnose the issue. What I have done, and it seems to work, although it may sound like I am nuts, is to tell my son when I put him down for the night to "tell anyone that is not of God that they have to leave, and ask God and his angels to watch over him and protect him from anything that might scare or harm him, and to keep him safe". I also have a Herkimer Crystal (a naturally faceted quartz crystal, a regular quartz crystal is ok too if you choose to use a crystal in conjunction with the "prayer")that I have in his room and clear it when the "prayer" doesn't seem to be working so well. It's worth a try, it can't hurt anything or anyone, so even if it sounds crazy....Hope this helps.

We had the same issue. We tried a night light and within one night all was well again. Turned out they became afraid of the dark.(Thankfully a friend of ours had the same issue and had figured it out a couple months ahead of us.) Maybe find one with a character like Thomas or something he likes. Hope it is as easy for you as it was for us.

My daughter goes through little phases of these night scares. Sudden crying out, VERY upset. I have always responded immediately and comforted her. Even several nights in a row. So, I'm NOT going to tell you to cry it out. I have actually never let her cry it out. I've let her cry for a bit, but never to exhaustion until she falls asleep. It has never caused any bad habits, and people are always so surprised at what a great sleeper she is. I feel like she gets over her night fears faster knowing we're there for her, and feeling reassured. That said, I sort of have rules around it, so that it doesn't become a habit. When I go in, I hug her while she is in her crib. When she calms, I lay her down, and keep soothing her, until her eyes get sleepy again. Then I leave. If she cries out again, I do the same method. If she is trying to climb up me, or really is worked up. I pick her up, give her a nice cuddle standing next to the crib, until she is calm. Then I lay her down, keep soothing until the eyes are sleepy, and then leave. Only a couple times have I had to soothe her until she falls back asleep again...even then it's in her room. The idea is that SHE falls alseep using her skills. That her crib isn't scary. That mommy and daddy are there for her, and she builds confidence knowing we're there for her and knowing she can soothe herself down.

L.,
you have probably been told this already but instead of putting him in bed with you try putting a sleeping bag or blankets or on of those children couchs/chairs that unfolds to a bed (walmart carries them in children's character desings and they are not to pricey) on the floor next to you or your husband so your son can see you and you can touch him if necessary, this will give him the confort he needs and it will give you the comfort of him not being in your bed. As he starts sleeping better through te night slowly transition him bad to his room. My now almost 10 year old would wake up when she was less than 2 crying and it was so much easier to just put her in my bed. It took my mom keeping her for the week I was on my honeymoon sleeping with her toddler bed next to hers and when she would wake up my mom would just place her hand on my daughters back and tell her she was ok and needed to go back to sleep. When i returned from my honeymoon so slept through the night in her own bed!! Hope this helps and good luck.

E. (mom of 5 under the age of 10)

Hi,
I happen to think there's a better way than just leaving your child CIO. Leaving him to cry will make matters worse. Especially when he's so upset. I have read a great book called the no cry sleep solution. It really helped us. It's a process, but you don't want your child thinking negatively about his crib. Your main priority is to keep your child safe and happy, unfortunately your sleep comes second. This phase will pass,but you have to approach it fron a different angle.
Good Luck.

L.-

Telling you to let him cry it out is rediculous. I would say this if he was just waking up to be awake, but your child is crying, shaking, and visibly upset.

What you should do if you don't want to bring him into your bed is pick him up console him until he is calm and put him back to bed. He needs to know even at this age that the world is not a terrible place and by constantly letting him cry it out scared and alone is telling him that mommy and daddy don't care, which is not rue.

Your child will not always sleep in your bed. Even if he starts out in his own bed and eventually ends up in yours he will get to the point where he feels safe and can stay in his own bed. Right now something is terrifying him and that needs to be addressed.

Good Luck
A.

L.,

Trust your instincts. Obviously something is going on with the little guy. Maybe he's having bad dreams. Both of my older sons have gone through periods like that where they would wake up horrified but they were older and could tell us. Don't let him cry it out. I had a friend who did that and later realized her son was teething. It took her a long time to forgive herself for ignoring him.

Trust your gut. He is having a tough time and even if you brought him into bed with you guys, it doesn't mean he will be sleeping with you when he's 10. We heard it about both of our older boys and yet both of them were back in their own beds before long. My oldest took the longest but he rarely ever comes into our room now...I'd say once every 3 or 4 months and that's usually just because he had another bad dream.

My husband said he remembers being that way. He used to have the most horrifying dreams like he was being killed but he didn't dare go into his parents for comfort because they always made him feel like he couldn't.

Comfort your little guy and all of you get back to getting some rest.

Hugs,
L.

http://APerfectMoment.MyArbonne.com

Hey L.,

Sorry for what you are going through... it's never easy to let our little ones suffer. I don't think it has to be Black/White (let him cry hysterical or pick him up and sooth him). The "Gray" that I find works, which is more taxing but more effective, is to be in the room with my daughter talking soothingly to her, singing a llulaby, caressing her (while she's in the crib), giving her a stuffed animal to hold, and I put on a Heartbeats sound that stays on for a while past me leaving. She fusses here and there, fighting against her sleep, but overall she's really good. All that stuff I just said generally takes no more than 5 minutes depending on how she's feeling that day. It's also really helpful to have a nightime routine. You may want to add giving him a lavendar lotion massage to relax him- and the scent will stay with him and be soothing once you're gone. I definitely don't think it creates an emotionally secure attachment for him to Just cry it out hysterically. But again, that doesn't mean you should "rescue" him in the way that he demands. Moreover, I reccomend there's a great book that really helped me figure out balance with all these different theories.. I can't remember the name right now but if you want to know, e-mail me and I'll call a friend to remind me. Good luck!

Hi L., Your baby may just need more cuddling. No one said that being parents would be easy. I think letting baby cry for 5 hours is not good for anyone. I have raised 5 and one of mine was climbing into my bed at 6 or 7 years old. He is now 26, healthy, well adjusted and owns his own home. Follow your heart, he will grow up before you know it. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

Does your son have a comfort toy, blanket,bear,ect.? My son is 16 months and his blankie really soothes him. My 3 yr old also gets up at night. We actually named one of the bears on her shelf "Mama bear". So when she gets scared or lonely in the night I give her Mama bear. I tell her it's like Mommy is right there next to her. A little corny, but it works. Also, maybe your child's sleeping patterns are changing. Does he still nap, does he go to bed at the same time,ect.? When bedtime came and my kids were crying, I finally realized that they weren't tired enough for bed. I started reducing the amount of time they napped or changed their naptime altogether so that they would go down easier at bedtime. See if this works for you. Good luck!

Hi L.--

Our son did that, too, at around 16 months. We asked about it and our Dr said it is probably night terrors, and he suggested to us that we do the following.

Get him up out of bed and into a different room. Turn on the lights, and play with him for a little bit. Then, after about 1/2 hour, bring him back into bed, do a mini-nighttime bed routine, and let him fall asleep. He said that when they have these night terrors, they are not able to differentiate between reality and dreams and so even if they are dreaming of a nice thing, to wake up and not have it there is very disorienting to them. So, he said to get them out of the situation completely, reassure them, play with them, and they will be fine.

This worked like a charm with our little guy, and it was only a couple of sleepy times for us, getting up in the middle of the night. I do not recommend "crying it out" for something like this, though I am a strong proponent for kids being able to comfort themselves to sleep. This is something completely different from not wanting to go to bed--it's something they don't understand at all, so need reassurance for it.

I hope this helps. I didn't read the other comments before posting this one, so hopefully I didn't repeat too much of what people said.

Good luck!

Dear L.:

Invest in a "big boy" bed that's full size. Put sheets on it that have some character he loves. Then if/when he wakes during the night you or your husband can go in there and lie with him in his own bed. Make him feel safe--and, if necessary, sleep there with him.

Maybe not ideal, but it helps move him out of your bed and helps him feels safe in his own room. Sooner or later he'll sleep through the night.

I speak from experience :-) Not a fan of the "screaming it out" approach (trust your instincts: it makes no sense to leave a child shaking in terror) and I have a very happy and secure 5-year-old boy who nows sleeps through the night without issue.

Best of luck.

Hi L.,
I don't know about everyone else, but I'd advise against letting him cry it out.

Our 5 year old daughter went through night terrors, from about your sons age til gosh, probably 4 or so...they are HORRIBLE. She could have 5-6 a night.

What finally helped Lindsay was to sleep in our room on our floor. She used her "special" sleeping bag and was fine. I know a lot of other moms will judge my advice as wrong...but all kids are different...and they outgrow these stages they go through.

When my son was 2 1/2, we put him in a big boy bed and now they share a room. (2 twin beds).

For us, this works...we did all the night time battles...they grow so fast and my husband and I finally decided to do what was best for our family, instead of what we felt we should be doing or what others told us we should be doing.

My 5 year old had her first sleep over 2 weeks ago...she did wonderfully...it's amazing how quickly time flies.

I hope you find some peace through this...it's a tough situation to be in!

Best wishes, feel free to e-mail if you need support.
J..