Repeat C-section; How to Handle 18 Mo Old?

I see you've already had a number of responses, but I thought I'd encourage you too!
I just had my 2nd child & second C-section.
My first, a girl, was a crazy emergency C-section following an attempted home birth.
This time I was put into the hospital for a month prior to delivery b/c of low amniotic fluid. Although being in the hospital through the holidays and for so long was rough it actually gave my daughter the chance to form a really strong attachment to her daddy & grandparents. What seemed like a bad situation proved to be a blessing b/c she wasn't used to having me around for a month. I'm not suggesting you leave your son for a month! But maybe increase some time w/ daddy or other family members? I also agree with the weening him from being picked up. I didn't do that but I think it's a good idea. At the beginning my daughter learned to climb up next to me on the couch and as I got stronger I could do assisted lifts or steady her as she climbed up/down.
I even thought about putting a chair/step stool next to the crib to help her in/out, but it never was necessary.
I kept my daughter (she was 19 mos.) in her crib and would have my husband put her down & get her up at night/morning and then ask a friend/family to stop by for nap time down&up.
I recommend you keep your son in the crib until the last possible moment!
That way you know he's safe & contained when you are needing a moment to yourself or with the new baby.
You will be surprised at the recovery the 2nd time...I was! It definitely was so much better. I also forgot that an infant can be set down and won't run off! This has made spending time with my daughter easier than I thought it would be.
Just relax & take it day by day.
Don't push yourself to recover...take your time.
I'm now 3 mos. out and feel great...besides the spare tire around my waist!
But I've started exercising and feel fine.
Finally, don't feel bad about having C-sections.
Sometimes people who have been able to have a vaginal birth don't understand what a C-section involves...physically & emotionally.
I felt terrible after my first. Very angry & sad that I couldn't experience a natural birth...we were going for a homebirth specifically to AVOID the hospital and a C-section! I think people forget that some of us really wanted a natural birth and assume we wanted the C-section.
Afterwards I have been shown all the reasons I should be thankful for both of my little miracles no matter how they had to arrive. Also, it was through the first C-section that the doctors were able to diagnose my uterine issue that would have gone undetected otherwise.
We each have our own path in life, just be thankful for the gifts God is giving you and trust He will give you the strength to handle the 2!
Congrats!

Hi there! My daughter was 1 week shy of 15 months old when my son was born. It was very, very difficult NOT to carry my daughter up and down the stairs, since we really hadn't taught her how to do it yet. Hence, I pretty much ignored the OB's orders and carried her up & down the stairs, several times a day. It was a very bad move. My postpartum bleeding became very heavy again and I had to take a day of bedrest or risk being admitted back to the hospital.

If at all possible, teach him to manage himself on the stairs (with you next to him, of course). As for the rest of the time, you can still let him climb into your lap when you are sitting, so don't worry about not being able to holld him or rock him. That won't change.

Good luck, and welcome to the "two under 2" club!

Hi L.!
Congrats on #2.
I recently (10 mos) ago had my 2nd via c-section. My oldest was 19 mos at the time. It's tough to not lift your oldest. But you HAVE to follow your doctor's orders so you dont hurt your incision & end up back in the hospital. My cousin didnt listen & this is what happened to her.
I enlisted lots of help. I asked for it in the months leading up to his birth. I have several family members who had c-sections & more than 1 child, so they were very understanding. I also asked friends for help.
H.

When I had my first c-section I had a 4 year old and a 15 month old at home. My husband stayed home to help me for 2 weeks. When I had my second, my kids were 6, 4, and 2. My husband was deployed, so my mom came for 3 weeks. It's hard. You just have to do your best to explain that you have a very large boo boo and can't pick anything up. You are not supposed to pick up anything but the newborn. We moved our youngest into toddler beds so I wouldn't be lifting them out of crib. I encouraged them to sit on the couch with me and if I wasn't holding the baby I would put a pillow against my tummy and let them sit on my lap. Right at first they hate the fact that you can't pick them up, but it's reality. I popped a stitch the first time picking up my 15 month old. Just keep telling them that you can't pick them up but you will sit on the couch with them. Once my 4 year old hit me in the stomach out of anger when I wouldn't pick him up. After collecting myself again, my mom told me to show him the boo boo. So I showed him my incision. He was upset and felt really sorry. After that he was more then happy to sit on the couch with me. As wonderful as a V bac would be, they aren't always an option. I fought for months with my doctors about it. In the end I lost because another doctor willing to do a Vbac was too far away. By chance, it saved my son's life. When they pulled him out, the cord was around his neck twice. If they knew that before, they never told me.

Hi L.,
I didn't have a 2nd C section; I had 4 within 5 years and the first of those 4 was a C. I was also in my early thirties, not young and sprite, but I can give you this advice.

Take time to sit down (start practicing now) and have the older one climb up into your lap. You might have to sit down a lot and hold the older one and give up getting some things done, but that's ok. They are little for such a short while and then "poof" they are grown up. There's an article here that came out the other day about a mother one Mother's Day at a restaurant. See if you can locate it and read it! An Awesome read for ALL mommies!

If grocery shopping, try one of those fancy car-looking carts. This might keep him less interested in being held.

And I don't know all the places you go or if you even do this, but if you go somewhere like church with a nursery and you do not use the nursery because you prefer your son with you or you stay in the nursery with him, it might be time to let him go or time to leave him in the nursery with others. I am not saying you do this, but I have known many that did, and once they cut a few of those strings, the child progressed into a little more independence.

Another thing you might think about is day care a couple days a week, starting soon, so the transition won't be during the newborn's beginningn of life. But if this has to be right after new one is born, that's ok. Just makes it easier to have this in place beforehand.

We don't want the older one to feel left behind or left out or less cared for, but we do want him to be a bit more independent but not lose the loving lap and arms. I am sure you will be able to figure it all out.

Hope this helps,
D.

everything will work out and you and your son will adapt to the new arrival. just make sure you are calm, cool and collected and take things in stride. your son will follow in your footsteps, if he sees mom stressing he will stress. good luck and have fun

I have 3 children, all of them were c-sections. My first born was 2 1/2 when # 2 was born and when I had baby # 3, my first born was 6 and my second was 3 1/2. You should NOT lift the baby in the carrier after a c-section. Your doctor should tell you nothing heavier than your baby, the newborn,that is. Do you have a husband? Can he take some time off from work after the baby is born? This will help you greatly so you can rest and not be concerned about chores and such. Family members who can stay with you for a couple of weeks? That would be helpful too. Momma's boy or not, your son will be affected when the baby is born. This will be a time that you can show your son, as young as he is, how to be mommy's helper. He can get a spit up rag, or a toy, or a book. No, you won't be able to lift your 18 month old for a few weeks, but you can cuddle on the couch with a book that he can pick out for you to read to both him and the new baby. All new things require adjustments. Don't stress out over things you cannot control. Take it in stride, one day at a time and embrace each challenge that is presented to you as they come your way. You'll be fine! Good luck.

What I remember about 2nd c-section is that I bounced back very fast .I do not really remember the details...it was all a blur :)(our oldest was under 2 as well). My hubby only stayed at home for couple days, so I was on my own 6 days after my section.You will just have to spend some time on the floor with your oldest, and yes there will be crying because they can not understand why you can not pick them up. But that's the good thing also when they are that young......a month or two later he will not remember any of it.

I think you may want to look into another option - especially VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Some OBs offer it, but all Midwives will. Unless you had a true dysfunction (fused pubic symphysis, scoliosis, etc) then there is no reason to have a second cesarean. Between 70-80% of women successully have a vaginal birth after a cesarean.

Your abdominal wall's integrity is breached severely after having such MAJOR SURGERY. Your abdominal wall is one of TWO reasons you are able to stand upright (the other is your back muscles). Also, being a Nursing student with a goal of getting my Masters in Midwifery... it is frightening how many women will go along with an OB's convienence about birthing, than to fight for their right to have a normal birth.

Each time the OB/Surgeon cuts into your abdominal wall - the chances of him/her puncturing your large and small intestines, bladder and kidney RISES. Accidental slicing of your child is possible too. Why take all those additional and possibly fatal risks if you do not HAVE to?

I'm sorry to be so blunt... but I really think you may want to look into other options. OBs are surgeons first and foremost... just remember that.

I had 3 c-sections. Just sit on the couch and let him sit on your lap a lot and get on the floor with him if you can. It's hard to say no to carrying him but you will have to for awhile. Just make it up with snuggling.

I had my 4th C Section when my 3rd child was 1 week shy of 18 months. It was tough at first, but I got the hang of it. What really helped was having my husband home from work for the first week after I came home. The toddler was "his" to handle for things like diaper changing and dressing and lifting for whatever reason. For me, it was more because she was in the "fight mommy to do anything" stage, lol. I learned to move quickly but steadily out of her way when she came charging at me (since her upstretched arms reached right to my sore belly). There were a few times when she did take a tumble because she was counting on me catching her and I just couldn't. No bruises...physically or emotionally. If she wanted to sit with me, someone else had to lift her up and then take her away when she got a little too rambunctious for me. When the time came for me to be alone again, I spent a lot of time sitting on the floor. This way she could sit with me without climbing on me. She also learned quickly to climb the stairs :) The only time I really needed to lift her before I was "allowed" was to put her into her crib. I just did the old lift with your legs to the extreme.

It's been 6.5 years since my 2nd c-section. My oldest was 22 months at the time. My husband took a lot of the responsibility on himself of looking after the oldest, carrying her around, etc. When it was just the 3 of us, if husband was working or he couldn't be around, then the 22month old would mostly walk or they would ride in a double stroller. I don't remember carrying the older one around that much but I am sure I did and I don't remember having any problems. Good luck, you will do fine.

Hi,
My oldest is 8 when I had my 2nd as an emergency C-Section. He is light for 8 yrs old and small BUT he still is a cuddle me, pick me up. I was able to explain it to him but at time he was still desperate for cuddle time etc. What I would do is sit on a couch and have him cuddle with me or even gently lay on me (after the 1st week). With your eldest, I would talk to him about how you have an owwie etc. At this age, he will want to take care of you. Have your husband or family include him in bringing you juice or "taking" care of you. He will feel very important and it will help a ton! You just tell him... I can cuddle but I have to sit down til my owwie is all better... I think that if you are patient with him even when he has a fit, you will work through it. Him helping you to "get better" and to take care of you will help a LOT! Hope this helps.

Hi, congrats on your pregnancy. I just want to say that I agree with Pamela and Raven. The rate of c sections has gone up so much it's scary. And dangerous!!! People don't think about the fact that this is major surgery. Nature intended for our children to go through the birth canal. Not only that, there are many studies that show it's healthier for the child to complete the cycle by going through the birth canal. Drs LOVE c sections because they get so much more money for them. Then the hospitals can use the excuse that you just went through surgery to get you on formula to dry up your breast milk and get you to rely on the all might consumerism, spend your hard earned cash to make the artificial breast milk companies richer. Hospitals make money from the formula companies that's how they get the little 'gifts' they give you.
Look, it's your choice ultimately but really society's too as health care is a joke. Women don't want to feel the birth so they get pain meds to numb themselves (yes I delivered my daughter naturally at home) which then slows the process down making it necessary to give you pitocin 'help labor along' then what? oops, the baby is struggling and then they put the fear in you and say something could happen to the baby and they *must* go in for an emergency c section to save your child's life.
Am I saying emergencies don't exist? NO!!! they do happen and emergency medicine is wonderfully helpful. BUT the medical profession is taking the rights away from women and we don't even realize it. Take back the rights and control of your own body. Don't allow your dr to tell you what to do. Drs don't deliver children, they assist in the birth. The safest and calmest way to deliver is in your own home around those who love you. Not in a toxic environment surrounded by monitors, sick people and medicine. That is where all the bad stuff happens. Pregnancy is not an illness. It's a time to rejoice and celebrate the birth of your new loved one.

You need someone to assit with him for 2 full weeks. I was "feeling fine" during the second week of recovery after my second c-section and regret it to this day (3.5 years later) because I think I never did fully heal. He will be fine. Start weaning him off of the "pick me up" now since it's not good while you're in your last trimester anyway. Just teach him he can cuddle and hold you while you are sitting, but he is a big boy and needs to walk as much as possible

First of all stop stressing out over anything while you are pregnant. Those cortisol chemicals are running right through your unborn child and creating problems in the central nervous system for that child's entire life. Brain chemicals are being set up now. Make them the happiest and joyful ones you can. Stress or perceived stress is extremely harmful to the unborn. That's why we have so many children with so many issues. The situation is what it is and everything will work out the way it works out. Take a prenatal yoga class and learn how to breathe.

my older one was 26mos when i had my son. she was always wanting me to carry her around. if you don't have anyone there to help you out, it'll be hard. i tried to do more bc i didn't feel as bad with my 2nd c-sec as i did with my first one. I even left the hospital a day early! but i did too much lifting her bc i ripped my staples a little. it healed with no problem, but instead of lifting him up (your oldest) sit down on the couch when the baby is sleeping and hold your son on the couch to where you wouldn't be having to pick him up. or lay on your bed with him, stuff like that.

My daughter was only 14 months when my son was born-both c-sections-u will find ways to do it. Just be careful. My hubby was home for a bit since I had a catheter for a week after I left the hospital because my bladder was sliced open, but I was able to care for two kids w/little help after hubby went to work. Things always have their ways of working out.Hope this helps and good luck! L.:)