Repeat Kindergarten or Not? How to Break a Resistance to Learning?

If you can find out what does motivate him, then put him on a behavior plan. Use those "things" that really motivate him as rewards and incentives. Does he have low self esteem? Try getting a book about how to boost his self esteem so that he wants to succeed.
Good Luck!

K.

To me it sounds like he is shy and incredibly intelligent. My siblings and I were very bored in school and because we didn't feel challenged, we didn't do the work. We're still this way. Don't hold him back, he'll be even more bored and get disruptive. I would put him ahead, have him tested for a gifted program and get him a tutor for areas he needs help.

Dear D.:

I am a 47 year old mother of two boys aged 9 and 10. Boy have I learned alot since my eldest was in Kindergarten. My advice to you is to arm yourself with information about where a five year old boy is developmentally, he sounds perfectly normal to me. Unfortunately our public as well as many charter and private schools in this country pay little attention to that very information. With the test-driven curriculum in most schools, we are passing up valuable oppurtunity to socialize our children to life lessons/ skills at the developmental milestones as they reach them. The age of five, developmentally, is about socialization in play with others as well as learning the very beginning of task- driven increments of time. The best advice I got for my son when he was in K was to not push the homework past 10 minutes. A very wise and seasoned K teacher told me if I could get 10 good minutes out of him- rejoice. I then began a quest to learn about children and how they learn and have become a parent advocate for public education. At this age, let your sons learning be child- centered and child- driven, meaning tune into what his interests are and individual pace otherwise you compromise future interest in learning all together. Do not let anyone tell you that your five year old has a "focus" problem because he wants to play. That's his job at five. Our job as adults (parents and teacher) is to adjust their environment so that it is fun to learn. I have seen the proof of this in my own children. Many studies indicate that there is little, if any, connection to future success in academics or life simply by being a "homework hound" or a good "test- taker". Find a school environment that will do "right" by your child developmentally and he will become an enthusiastic life- long learner and do very fine on tests. My advice as far as holding him back is to assess his social skills and emotional maturity- these really have little to do with how well he "performs" on tests- you know your child, your boredom concern is a good one on two fronts. 1- If he continues to be bored, you will be putting him at risk of becoming labelled a "behavior problem" and more importantly 2- he may become turned off to the school experience. Many of our teachers are extraordinary but are working in a system that is so counter- productive to the goals we all have for our children. Your son is right, generally, test- driven curricula is BORING to children.
I hope I have been some help. Good luck, trust your gut and don't be shy about demanding what your son needs- an interesting, enriched and child- centered environment with a strong emphasis on academics as he grows. Check out UC Berkeley College of Teaching website as well as others on brain- based research on children. Trust your gut! SIncerely, A.

It may be possible that your son is simply in the wrong setting—for him.

Why is a child in kindergarten getting homework? Children at 5 need to be introduced to school and play. If they're forced to do homework it can cause resistance that may become a pattern for years to come.

Not all schools are like that. Look into a Montessori school. Maria Montessori's philosophy is to expose children to everything and see where they choose to focus, while at the same time making sure they learn all that they are supposed to. It's a wonderful and rich environment for chidlren.

Your son wouldn't be bored. He would remain with children his age, for his social development but be allowed to grow at his rate of speed intellectually.
I believe you would see his interest in school sky rocket.
Just a thought.
The Mommie MEntor, www.proactiveparenting.net

Consider home schooling! The classroom is not for everyone.

I think trying to break his resistance will only lead to him STRENGTHENING his resistance! Consider homeschooling him b/c in school he will be labeled a problem and will start to feel like a problem. At home, school for Kindergarten is a lot of playing with short, small lessons thrown in. It's not sitting for hours on end or being made to direct your attention (whether standing, sitting, moving) at something not of interest to you. Also, you know him best and how he will learn best. You will then quickly see if he is bored, gifted, just needs more one-on-one time and you will soon discern the best path for him, whether that's more homeschooling or going to traditional school.

To me, that he is such a "mystery" and no one can figure him out means that some time home could really benefit him. Good luck!

My 20 year old son went through pretty much the same thing in kindergarten and we held him back but I wish we didn't. He also had incredible teachers who felt that his maturity level (he was younger also) would make it hard for him in first grade. Not only did it not help, it actually made it harder for him personally because to this day he talks about "flunking kindergarten"...though I've explained that he didn't, he could have moved forward we just were trying to give him the best advantage possible. I guess if I were you I would read books about learning styles because that helped me understand our son a lot better...he is more of a hands on learner who likes to be doing fun things that lead to learning rather than being talked at and expected to remember...sometimes play is the best teaching tool. You might even look into other types of schools and see what type of teaching styles they implement. Homeschool was our best option with our son, but I know that's not for everyone. Just see how he learns best and try to use that information as often as possible.

Hi D.,
I would assume that your son has been tested for possible Asperger's syndrome (it sounds like he would be at the very high-functioning end of the spectrum if he did have it). Just thought I'd mention it. People with Asperger's have trouble relating to people and often seem extremely wilful, but are also typically gifted, especially in one area.
My brother was a bit like your son (he does not have Asperger's), and I would join in with most of your respondents in saying - don't hold him back! You are probably the best person to judge his talents and if you think he is smart and bored, then making him repeat a year (any year) will definitely compound the problem.
I would try to find out if there are any "extension" or "challenge" programs for kids of your son's age in the area, and if you can get him in one and he enjoys it, then obviously the condition for continuing is that he does his school work, no matter how boring it is. I would also emphasise to him that doing the work is just as important as the results you receive for it, with lots of positive reinforcement, to try to nip the "better not to try than to fail" attitude in the bud. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I have to struggle with that attitude in myself, and it really affects my life (imagine applying for jobs, going for driving tests, etc). Best wishes and good luck!

I suggest you check out a Montessori school. I believe your child will blossom before your eyes. Their approach to learning is so very child centered and children learn to work very independently at their own pace. Children excell in the atmosphere they provide.

There are "good" Montessori schools and some "not so good". Check a few out, read up about it, so you find one of the "good" ones. This could be the best gift you ever give your child....and yourself.

I had a similar situation but my son was young for the class. I put him in the school in the fall with the condition that i would have him tested if the spring and i would abide by whatever the doctor said. If the dr. said to hold him back, i would (but i would change schools--i don't think it is fair to the child as kids, rather parents,remember years down the line and...). Cheif complaint from the teacher was "can't sit still for storytime". Dr.(child psychologist) tested him for a week and told me to definately move him ahead. He is now in high school. He is taller than most of his friends, gives me basically A's and is a varsity athlete. There was a time there, middle school, that my husband thought "He's a boy. There is an advantage of being an older child in class. He may end up being mediocre...but now as he is thinking about colleges, all his friends are driving and dating...there is a distinct advantage to being younger. If he would have been held back, he may have gotten in trouble in class, when you are bored you are distruptive and overly social...
There is also pyschologists that specialize in school counseling (mostly IQ testing, but spends much time with the child to determine which school is right for the child), but that is more when you have your schools narrowed down to 3 choices (2nd grade and up)and will give a written recommendation for special programs (ie. accelerated programs in the public school system).
But you should wonder: is the school your son in the right school for him? you may like the teacher and class, but is he happy there? I have 3 kids (all teenagers) and yes, it was a dream for me when they were all at the same school for a couple of years, but usually one school is better for one one child where another is better for another. also the kids in the classroom. some do better with a larger ratio of same gender...
I personally have never used a child therapist so i have experience with that.
Your son is basically finished with kindergarten for this year and the one thing that is obvious from (unless i'm too old) finishing kindergarten is READING. So, if that is an issue...well you know what to do with him this summer (phonic, library resources....)just make it fun.
You really can breathe easier after kidergarten until 5th grade (that's the next really important grade).
So basically, once you make your desicion, don't turn back.
Good luck.

It sounds like your son is very bored and that the typical schooling environment is not very well suited to him. My husband felt like his love of learning was bored right out of him at the public schools (my husband is very smart). I would recommend looking into a Montessori school. Where I live in Arizona, they have Montessori Elementary Schools, and some are even charter schools, meaning that they are public-funded and free for you. So check into that. Montessori really fosters a love of learning through it's hands on approach. Not all Montessori Schools are created equal, though, because anyone can label themselves Montessori. So be careful and see if they are members of a professional Montessori organization (look into reading "How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way" by Tim Selding, President of the Montessori Foundation. In the back they list professional organizations).

Now, for my personal experience (mine is a little different than your son, because I loved school and was a very conscientious student):
My birthday is at the very end of summer and my mom put me in kindergarten a year early. While I was ready academically, I was not ready emotionally or socially. When I started first grade I cried every day because I didn't like being away from my mom and sister all day long. After 2 weeks of crying every day, my mom decided to hold me back and put me back in kindergarten. I AM SO GLAD SHE HAD THE WISDOM and discernment and courage to do that. That must have been difficult to have her child repeat a grade, but I felt much more secure as a result. I just wanted to be with Mommy.

After that I was always at the top of my class as opposed to the bottom and felt very smart and confident and mature. I imagine it would have been a different, less positive experience if I had continued on when I wasn't ready. I ended up skipping a grade in high school (by this time I was ready to advance) and then graduated half a year early on top of that, so in the long run I started college before the people I had originally started kindergarten with. I even graduated as my high school class salutatorian and a valedictorian in college. In the end, being held back didn't delay or hinder my progress whatsoever, nor was it an indication of my lack of intelligence.

Each child and situation is unique. Do you want your kids closer or further apart in school? I loved being only a year apart in school with my sister. It helped us be a part of each other's peer groups and we shared a lot of the same friends. Keep in mind that he'll be starting college and possibly moving out a year later if he is retained. You may like the idea of him getting a head start on life, or you may want to keep him home and under your influence longer. Is he small for her age as I was? Even though I was a year older than everyone I was always still the smallest kid in the class. My children are born during the summer and I wonder what I'll do regarding kindergarten with them as well. I'm sure you'll make a good decision!

Dear D.,
We are going through the exact same thing with our kindergartner. THe teacher and school is saying hold him back he's too young, immature, not ready etc. We already went through this with our first and we went ahead and sent him to the next grade. We did hire a private tutor for one on one time since all we did as parents was get into battles and control issues. The tutor worked wonders we kept her for a year through summer and wow what a difference. She broke down the 'wall' he had put up and opened the floodgates. It wasn't pretty and the tutor was tough (even I didn't like her sometimes) she would stay on him as long as it took. Bringing in a different person and not giving in to the tantrums (boy were there some huge ones) and remaining consistent all helped. When they are super smart they know just how to get away with things you have to stay on your toes and keep life interesting and stay one step ahead. I've got 3 smart boys (2, 5 and 9) and it's a great challenge. We are going to send our 5 yr old ahead to first grade after summer school and working with him on his phonics and reading. Good luck with your little guy.
Amalie

Boys tend to develope socially late so even though he is school smart he's maybe not social smart or comfortable. If you push it he may have more difficulties later. I held back a son in second grade. I have yet to hear of a teacher recomending it. Take into consideration that the teacher has worked with 100's of students and may have some insight on what would be best from a school perspective. Of course, you are his parent and it ultimately comes down to what you feel is best. I do not regret holding my son back. I may also suggest that your son may have some kind of social anxiety. When he gets around large groups does he have these issues. Also, the earlier you hold them back the less drama it is. Just some ideas. Good luck.

Perhaps his resistance is not so much a resistance to learning as it is to testing. School nowadays tests children more than ever and will categorize and slap labels on them so quickly sometimes children don't really have a chance. Kids are smart and can pick that up. It causes enormous pressure from the beginning- pressure to perform from the teacher, his parents and himself, as measured by the success of his peers. The way he separates himself from the group as whole says a lot about how he looks at himself and his ability to perform. The way you say your son can DO the work until asked ,and his RATINGS/SCORES,etc. say he CANNOT, does not reveal a resistance to learning as much as a resistance to being tested, or being put in a situation that could feel that way. Children view themselves by the feedback they are given, and if the test is highly emphasized by those he looks to for affirmation, and he sees himself failing to make the grade and measure after measure being taken to 'test' him further to find out why he can't/won't produce the desired results, it only reemphasizes that cycle in his little mind, and reinforces it. He will resist for the rest of his life, and every time he is expected to compete or sits down to take a test, it will trigger anxiety, which will in turn cause him to be unable to focus on the test or perform, hence the current results. I would take him aside at home, where he feels secure, and instead of a flash card type approach, go over concepts that you know he knows, but may be too upset to 'risk' failing at in front of you. Build up his successes and downplay the failures- make it visual and interactive, engage with him in the learning and show him yourself having fun, and making mistakes too. Give it an oh well, we'll have another chance to try, attitude.
Please read one of the posts in my profile, one addresses the idea of the impact of different learning styles , and I believe very strongly in having children tested for their learning styles as soon as possible and finding a school that teaches them in their style. It changed my husband and my life. My husband and I are both adhd with high IQ's(labelled gifted and sevant who struggled in the traditional classroom) and a learning style that is different from most folks in the classroom. We are now in accelerated courses and my husband is the president of his class with a 4.0 average. Trust me, I have been where your son is- I wish so much they had known about learning styles when I was his age!! Perhaps the teacher IS incredible at teaching a certain learning type, but your son is having a harder time with it because he needs a different approach. I hope this helps.

I don't know if it's too late, but have you considered alternative schools, like Montessori? There are a couple in the magnet program, I think, and TUSD will bus your child there for free.

Hi there-
I say, go with your instincts. You know him better than anyone else. Another option to consider is to homeschool (check out AZVA.org- public school on-line, caters to children's individual needs..)
On another note... I have several friends who have held their boys back for a year.. and ALL of them tell me that they NEVER have regretted their decision. So.. if you decide that's what you should do, you probably won't regret it later on. My husband was held back by his parents in 2nd grade, and now has his Doctorate (I personally think he's brilliant!)
Good luck.

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter's Kindergarten teacher last year was asking the same exact questions and voiced the same concerns. I did not feel that retention was right. In my heart I knew my child and I knew that this issue was not related to anything but her decision that she did not want to be a student. She loved being with me and hanging out. We did test her for the SI and not because the teacher asked us to, but because her older sister has SI and dyslexia and we had to go through a whole program with her (She is doing great, is at grade level, and is reading great now in 3rd grade).

I don't know if you son is stubborn (I guess you said he was above), but my daughter is and this was a choice thing and so we had to deal with it on that level. We decided to put her in 1st grade and see where the chips fell. The thing that helped the most was the non-participating chair/bench. If my daughter decided she was not going to participate or do her work at school, then she had made the choice that she did not want to participate and when she came home she sat in this chair doing nothing (absolutely nothing) This meant that when I got the report from the teacher that she had decided not to work that day, she would come home sit on the chair until dinner (unless she had to go to the bathroom), have dinner with the family, and then go back to the bench until it was time to get ready for bed.
No-one could talk to her and she was all by herself just sitting there. She did not have to spend many days on the chair (three because she is so stubborn) and then she realized that this was her life if she decided not to be a student. We did this at the end of kindergarten and had to repeat this again a few times in 1st grade.

However if the issue is that it is just a homework thing, then maybe he needs some time not to sit down right after school. I have two kids that can sit down, get the work done, and move on. I also have two kids that will spend hours not doing it and have even gone so far as to hide their work, so they don't have to do it. I discovered that since my children are all up by 6:00 or 6:30, that the ones that could not sit and do at night do great in the morning after eating. They focus really well and get it done quickly without the arguments and without the hassle.

As far as the testing thing goes, some kids don't test great but are successful in everything else they do. Tests are measures for the school district, state, and federal government, but they are not always indicators for how well a child is doing in school. You might talk to the teacher and find out what is going on or even go observe what your child is doing when it comes time to take the tests. Some kids just don't want to sit there and take the thing and so they goof off and answer things in silly ways because they are tired of ordeal. If the teacher is giving the test while the other kids are working (in Kindergarten this happens a lot because they pull the kids aside to ask about name recognition for the alphabet and the letter sounds) it may be really distracting for a kid who just wants to be done and go "play"
Also, before you do anything you have a right as a parent to have a school psychologist test your child and sometimes because it is a quiet environment kids that did not do well on the testing in the classroom did great with the psychologist (my daughter did) and this is when the Kindergarten teacher realized just how truly stubborn and distracted my daughter was. Good luck and hope this helps. ( Montessori is great. My daughter is in a Montessori program through Mesa Public Schools; they have three schools now that do Montessori, but not all kids do well even in that setting and now we are moving her to the International Baccalaureate program that Mesa offers at Frost Elementary).

As a mom I know your frustation I have Children born in June, Sept.and one born in August. The school cut off date is Sept. 1. My August baby will be sent when he is 6. I would rather have the oldest in the class than the youngest. As a teacher, if you are going to hold him back a year do it now don't wait until he is in 2nd or 3rd grade. Kindergarten children aren't as mean as older kids, with teasing. In fact my 5 yr old who is in kindergarten has several classmates who will be repeating Kindergarten because of immaturity and the amount of school they missed this year. She keeps asking if she can stay with her teacher too.
It is a very difficult decision that you will have to make, just be sure to think about the future as well, how will he do later on if you don't hold him back now? Have you asked the teacher about giving him harder assignments that might stimulate his learning? I know that with my Kindergartener We do "games with her at home" such as how much is 1+5 6+3 etc. on the weekend. It gives her a little more than she is getting at school. She also is being taught how to read a measuring tape (my husband and her Papa do these games with her). This way my husband knows where she is academically and it sure helps with decision when he understands what is going on with her.
Good Luck with your decision.

I agree with the advice that you need to evaluate the school and your son; maybe they are not the right fit. Your son sounds intelligent and very much a 5 year old boy. It's their job to not pay attention, think of little boys with frogs in their pockets scaring little girls with pigtails! I went through constant struggles with my daughter's schools until the middle of 6th grade when I pulled her out of the public system and put her in a school that works for her. Wish I had done it sooner. Her testing scores were in the high 90's, but she wouldn't apply herself and didn't care. She even told me school was boring, but I couldn't get the school to test her for ap classes because she didn't have the grades for it. Public schools are great for some kids and not for others. I would spend the summer checking out your options; there are great charter schools out there and it might be that your son could benefit from those and then go back to public later when he is older.
Homework: don't get me started. Use a timer, tell him to just give it 10 dedicated minutes and then mean it. It is important for him to know that it is only 10 minutes and then he can go do whatever. If it is too much, send it back to the teacher with a note on it.
As far as your husband: many men have a hard time if their kids "don't fit in." I have seen this way too many times. I don't know why, I think it is embarrassing on some level. Have you asked him to justify his opinion? Maybe he's afraid that by changing schools you mean private translated to money. We communicated differently so clarification on both your parts can be helpful.

good luck

As a former kindergarten and first grade teacher, I would insist on having him evaluated by the school or school district psychologist, as well as an independent psychologist who specializes in children's learning behavior issues. He needs to be tested. They should be able to tell you what is really going on with your son. If he is bright and bored as you think, he needs to be challenged at his true level, so that he can feel a part of his intellectual peer group. The hardest kids to teach for me were the ones who were held back from their true potential and bored by having to sit through lessons they already understood over and over. Hope this helps, and you and your son are in my prayers.

K.

Hi D.!
WOW, this must be hard for you. I have not had this type of experience, but reading your question really compelled me to answer you. If I was you, and in that same situation, because of my son being intelligent and just basically not applying himself, I would 'not' hold him back. He knows the work, it's just getting him to apply himself. May be he will learn better if it's one on one? Instead of a group? May be he doesn't work well under pressure? With this said, I would look into homeschooling, or may be a private tutor and see if he does better with a one on one teaching evironment.
May be he is gifted and knows the curiculum already and for that he tends to get bored easily and doesn't see any sense in doing the work when he already knows it? Just a thought there. My nephew is very intelligent, and my sister put him in a special needs class because he wasn't doing his work, he was falling behind, and basically he just did not want to apply himself. He's 14 now. And still the same way. My sister though is not consistant with getting him to do his work, so part of that is on her. But that's a long story there.
May be what your son needs is more of a challenge? I would seek a second opinion, and may be see if you can work with him yourself to see where he's at in his level of education? Or have that private tutor that he can relate to well and likes. If a child likes his/her teacher and feels as though they are confident, they will get more advantage from school. Have you made a surprise visit at your son's school? I would. Just to see how this teacher is actually responding to your son.
These are the things I would try if I were in your shoes. I hope this helps some. I wish I had experience to share with you instead.
Best wishes to you and your family!

Hi D. - this is a hard call to make!! My kids are still young but we anticipate having the same issue with my daughter who is very bright (she's two, knows all her letters and numbers to 20, can count both directions, and is starting to read but is stubborn so if we ask her to do it, she won't - sounds exactly the same as your son!) I've had lots of discussions with my mom about her - my mom has a phd in education and is an educational specialist who travels all over the world working with teachers and school districts - and she has always said that boys are USUALLY only delayed because of maturity issues, not intellegince. She hates the AZ state standards and that kids should be reading after kindergarden because some kids just aren't mature enough at age 5/6 to focus and read. Perhaps your son is the same way - while intelligent enough to know the information but not mature enought to handle the 'school atmosphere' of regurgetating information. My mom suggests moving him on because if it is maturity, that part will catch up naturally but stunting his learning by repeating kindergarden when he doesn't need it intellectually could damage him for the rest of his school career.

I agree that you should have him tested for giftedness - he may just feel bored by the things he is being asked. However, because he is stubborn, he may not want to take the test and will not do his absolute best. So I would try to give him an incentive for doing his absolute best if you do have him tested!

You could always enroll him for 1st grade and if they find he is not successful after the first couple months (being over-challenged), you could change schools and move him back to kindergarden. I had a friend do this with her daughter and she is now doing great.

Good Luck!

If your son is bored in K because he already knows the information and he is smart I would not hold him back. It will be even worse for him the next year even if he is more imature than the other children. If however, your son is bored because he doesn't understand I would hold him back. I taught K for two years and I had a student who was so bored in my class because he was smart. he didn't want to do the work because he knew what to do. When I got him to work he finished way ahead of the other students. He was younger than most of the students and acted more imature but he was so smart. 1st grade will be more challenging so he may like it better if he is bored because of his knowledge.

I feel your pain! My son is now getting ready for third grade but we went through some similar experiences. My son is also very intelligent. My problem is not in the academic portion of school (although homework has been a battle until this year) but Tyler was more behavior issues. He is very immature and has been finally diagnosed with ADHD. We have a great councelor in Rosemarie Higgins at the West Valley Family Development Center in Litchfield Park. She helped with all the parenting tips I needed for a very STUBBORN child as well. I no longer get in power control battles with my son and he is doing much better at school now. Can I ask who did the sensory testing? It sounds like he has some issues with that and my son does as well. I found a great Occupational Therapist (certified in sensory integration) who has done wonders with my son as well. As for whether to hold him back - that decision must come from you. My son's teacher said to promote him because he was so advanced academically and the social and emotional stuff would come. I think you need a second oppinion and may be need to look at different schools for your son. I also agree that a one on one tutor would be a good option. Tyler always does better with less kids in the class. Good luck! If you need more info on Councelor or OT let me know - ____@____.com
M. B.

He probably is bored and the curriculum not presented in a way that is appealing to him (not a bad thing). My son exhibited the same symptons and issues. My first parent-teacher conference in kindergarten turned out to be a panel of 5 people starting with the teacher,principal and vice principal to the social worker and guidance counselor. It was not pretty. They recommended retention and testing for ADD. We advanced him and had him tested for ADD at their insistance, which he was not even close to being. He was diagnosed with ODD - Oppostional Defiance Disorder. After that it took two years of social worker hell with the school system to get him tested for gifted, but once he was identified gifted, they were more willing to work with us to identify what learning methods worked for him. He was also placed in a class more geared to gifted and high potential kids where the teachers understood the quirks these kids operate under. My son can be shy and doesn't do well in close-knit situations at times. But he is very intelligent and learned to move his desk next to the teachers to prevent distractions and closeness when he couldn't deal with it. The teachers accepted his decisions. The most important thing I learned about this whole experience was that I was my sons ONLY advocate. You know your son best. Follow your gut instinct and fight for what you know works for your son.

Hi D.,
You are 100% right: no matter which way you go in this decision, you and your husband need to be "on the same page," when making it.

How do the two of your normally come to agree on a decision? What about sitting down and writing out the pros vs. cons?

If nothing else, you can both "disagree," but still make the decision together.

All in all: it's *just* pre-school vs. Kinder. Your decision will NOT cause any harm, especially if you have great teachers/counselors advising you.

Good luck!
T

Okay, I have two examples - one in which we did not hold my son back, and one in which we did hold my daughter back. My son's birthday is in August, so he was young. He is extremely intelligent, so we went ahead and sent him. And, although he graduated summa cum laude at ASU many years later, he felt small and had some serious issues with other boys his age. When we speak of it now, and especially with his son having the same issue, we decided that he should have been held back (and he held back his own son). They have some wonderful gifted programs for smart kids, and he would have had a better social life and been more confident if he had stayed back.
Now, for my daughter, who has a June birthday. She went to kindergarten on time. She was shy and refused to tell the teacher the answers that she wanted (even though she is very intelligent and knew the answers) and refused to do the work that the rest of the class was doing. One example - she had her address memorized from the day we moved in, yet she got a "U" (unsatisfactory) from the teacher the whole year because, when we asked her, "she's a stranger and doesn't need to know". Her shyness and lack of cooperation led me to do what you are doing. We had her tested and talked to experts. Then, near the end of summer, we finally asked HER what she wanted to do. Her answer - "Duh! I'd rather go to school only half the day and stay home and play the rest of the day!" We held her back. She was thrilled with her 2nd kindergarten experience and never looked back. She also graduated summa cum laude at ASU. Good luck with your decision!

Not sure if you are still checking this site, but if you are I am interested in hearing more about what happened with your son. I am in the EXACT same boat right now. And if you have a minute would love to know the outcome for you. Thanks!!! And I hope all is well;-)

Hi D.,

When my step son was in kindergarten, we had these same issues. His teacher, who was also incredible thought we should hold him back as well. We decided to try and go foward with the idea that if first was as difficult we would hold him back the next year. (I was held back in 9TH grade, too late and embarassing) Any way, we ended up moving to another state where he had another incredible teacher. We told her our concerns and she was on board. He did start having some trouble with certain subjects. So for those subjects he went to the kindergarten room where he could get the right help and was in the first grade class the rest of the day. This was such a tremendous help. He didn't have to be retained so he was in class with kids his age, but he still got the help he needed. By the end of the year he was no longer struggling with these subjets. He is now in second grade and is doing great. I should add that in kindergarten, towards the middle of the year, his teacher put him in "friendship club". This was a group of struggling students who met once a week in the councelors office. He really enjoyed meeting new friends and breaking up the routine once in a while.

My advice, move him foward, get him help where he needs it and find out what clubs or activities there are during the day that he could join. They always have something he could be a part of and it might help him break up the day as well. Then re-evaluate where he is next year. Good luck, I know it is a difficult decision. One more thing, make sure your son knows exactly what is going on. I found leaving my stepson out of this process made it harder for him. It made him feel like he was not smart enough or good enough. Once we explained everything to him, he too was on board.

It sounds like you have a really intelligent young man!! To me it sounds like he is not being stimulated enough- have you tried getting him tested for one of those over achieving schools- I bet he would do great!! If he is bored and just wants to play all the time, try incorporating them together so it is like play time. Most of the time when you are playing and make it a game, they don't realize it is also a learning thing. To me I would not hold him back because if you know he can do it and have heard him do it and just gets shy then don't. I always say go with your gut feeling!!