Response to Friend Less Bday

I would do just what she has requested. It's her birthday, and if she just wants to have fun with her family, then great! Less hassle having to corral all those other kids!

How is it possible to have a carnival party with just one child? Doesn't a carnival need people to make it a carnival?

I think I understand wanting no friends with whom to celebrate. One has to focus on them as well as have a good time herself. Is it possible she has been taught to be more concerned about the other guests having fun than having fun herself thus making a party more of an obligation?

I would accept her wish to not have guests and do a very simple party with just family. You could have a carnival theme without a focus on games. I would not go all out like you did with parties for other children. Let her help you plan it while telling her it has to be simple.

It's her birthday if she doesn't want to have friends she shouldn't have too. I was thrown off by the "carnival" at first too thinking it was crazy expensive but now I see it isn't. I see no reason why allowing this would be giving a bad example. Up till a decade or two ago children't parties where usually only family and maybe a friend or two.

I would explain to her that you wouldn't create a carnival just for her. If she wants to just play games herself and with her family members, you can take her and whichever family members she would like TO a carnival, amusement park, theme park, etc. (whatever you have in your area). If it is very important for her to have a mermaid carnival theme party custom-made for her, then yes, she needs to invite guests. I think you gently explain to her that she can't have it both ways, so she can decide what is most important to her.

ETA: you asked: "I feel strange having this big carnival party without any other kids. On the other hand, it is her birthday and she is the O. who really matters. Am i setting a bad example by giving in and not inviting friends? OR should I just give her a fun birthday even if it is Just her?"
We answered. Sorry you didn't like the "negative" answers.
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Uh...no.
I would not do that.
I would take her to a carnival or festival of sorts for her birthday.
To set up a carnival for her only? I'm sorry--sounds like something out of the Twilight Zone...

My definition of a carnival would be a darned big event with other people, period. I'm puzzled how you plan to have a carnival as I would picture one, with only a handful of family.

I'd tell her it's fine if she wants a family only party. And I'd put it just that way -- "It's fine if your celebration is just our family" rather than saying "It's fine if you don't want to invite any friends" -- in other words, phrase it positively and not negatively.

But I would not let her think she gets a full-on "carnival." If she wants to play games, as someone said below, take her to Chuck E. Cheese (loathsome place but it's got games) or to Dave and Buster's if there's one near enough and you can stand the noise.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if she suddenly changes her mind just before party time and asks to invite other kids. If you have already planned something with just family, stick to that; she is old enough to learn that she can't invite kids just before an event, and to learn that you are going to take her at her word when she says she wants only family. I'm not saying to make it punitive, but tell her (if she starts suddenly regretting not inviting friends), "Maybe next time, but this time we've planned to go to X with just us and cousins Y and Z."

Truly, if she gets her own personal and private carnival -- I can't think how that is going to be much fun for her.

I would take her to Dave and Busters or someplace like that.

i'm kind of puzzled.
a mermaid carnival sounds strange and fun. i've never 'thrown carnivals', ever, so have no clue how that works. are you talking about setting up a bunch of games like ping pong balls in the fishbowls and little basketball hoops? or something more elaborate with rides and....well, carnies?
i think your daughter's wish to just celebrate with family is fine, but not coupled with a 'carnival.' having a party with one good friend sounds great. but i can't quite get behind having a big ol' shindig with no guests.
i'm sure there's a compromise that can be made here. yes, it's her birthday, but a huge fooferall for her and no one else isn't really feasible. if she were my daughter i'd first be gently encouraging a fun outing with one friend, and if she really really doesn't want that, i'd take her along with a few family members to an actual carnival and let her rip.
khairete
S.

If she just wants to do something and doesn't want to invite anyone, then you start doing birthdays where you don't so much throw a party but go someplace and do something special.
For our sons 8th birthday we did a Naval base tour, went out to dinner and had cake at home.
He loved it and we all had fun.
I would not be throwing a carnival and not inviting guests.
I imagine you'd have all these people working the carnival and waiting for one person to go around doing things - and that's just weird.

when you say carnival are you making stations with bozo buckets, put the tail on the donkey etc? or are you talking full on rides etc? if it is the first and she just wants to play the games by herself with family go for it. if its the second my question would be whats the point of spending all that money on a birthday party when you can do like others have said and just go somewhere like chucky cheese etc.

ok so with your what happened i think that kind of party is fine. and just family is ok. it is a great example to "not" go overboard just because you could. I think she will have a blast.

The only thing I can think is that she might be afraid that no friends will show up? Therefore, don't invite them and she doesn't have to worry about that. I don't know- it does seem like a lot of effort. Maybe instead find something you guys can do as a family without all this investment.

I would not throw a party if she doesn't want to invite anyone, but I would offer to take her to a carnival. I would just explain to her that is how parties work, you have to actually invite people. She is seven, so you need to teach her what is and isn't appropriate.

If she doesn't want friends, that's fine. She does want family, so that's a positive. Sometimes kids' birthday parties get so overwhelming that she may be pulling back from the pressure of these big, overkill events. However, if she wants a bunch of expensive rides to herself so she doesn't have to share or wait in a line, then no, you can't support that. You also have to have a reasonable budget for a party. So get to the bottom of what and why she wants what she wants. If you are willing to go to all kinds of work to create a carnival, what difference does it make how many people partake? It's the same amount of work except for the food. So there's no reason why the money has to be spent and shared with a crowd - the budget has to make sense for your family and your financial situation. But if she has friends in school and is just bucking the trend of a blow-out for 25 kids bringing 25 gifts and turning the event into a free-for-all, good for her.

Updated

If she doesn't want friends, that's fine. She does want family, so that's a positive. Sometimes kids' birthday parties get so overwhelming that she may be pulling back from the pressure of these big, overkill events. However, if she wants a bunch of expensive rides to herself so she doesn't have to share or wait in a line, then no, you can't support that. You also have to have a reasonable budget for a party. So get to the bottom of what and why she wants what she wants. If you are willing to go to all kinds of work to create a carnival, what difference does it make how many people partake? It's the same amount of work except for the food. So there's no reason why the money has to be spent and shared with a crowd - the budget has to make sense for your family and your financial situation. But if she has friends in school and is just bucking the trend of a blow-out for 25 kids bringing 25 gifts and turning the event into a free-for-all, good for her.

My daughter just turned 16 and she STILL likes low-key birthday celebrations. Some kids are just that way and there's not a thing wrong with it!

Her birthday only comes once a year... make it special. If she wants the carnival, go for it! Having said that- I also think that Dave & Busters/Chucky Cheese is also a good idea, too. Less work for you!

Hope she has a fun day!

Can you clarify what you mean by "carnival"?
My family is huge. Many cousins, many aunts and uncles so a party without friends would still be a party and tons of fun. Is your family big?

Invite her cousins. I am glad to hear that a child is very concerned about remaining close to her family.

I would not go to the expense to have this party just for her and the family. Do you live near an amusement park like Six Flags, or something similar? How about a waterpark resort? That would incorporate the mermaid theme and would have rides and games. If so, that's what I would do.

How is it a party with no guests?
She wants you to provide her with a carnival and games only for her?
That does sound strange, maybe it's time for her to see a therapist.

It's her birthday. If you can afford it, and the cost of a carnival isn't excessive, then why not? I don't know what one does with a whole carnival and only one attendee, maybe she can tell you what she plans to do with it?

I was pretty stingy with my kids, with the exception of birthdays and Christmas. It's her day, so sure, yes.

Since it's her birthday, I'd let her have it the way she wants (w/o her
friends). Just state out loud that it might not be as fun w/o her friends
but if she chooses to do that you'll go ahead with it.

My worry is that if you put all that work into setting up a carnival, she might be disappointed right before or during or immediately afterwards that she did not invite a couple of close friends. Kids don't always see the consequences of their choices. So if she is really adamant that it be low key, and you remind her that she'll be celebrating with just XYZ people, than there shouldn't be any strange feelings.

Last year, my 12 yo daughter invited 1 friend to a Morroccon restaurant with a strict request that they sit at their own table. So the decor of this restaurant is amazing. And that's what we did. 2 girls at one table, family at another table divided by a curtain.

Is there a way to get more info on why? Possibly could u change her mind? It seems like a lot of effort for no kids.

My kids just turned 15 and 12. Neither have really asked for big parties. They have always just had one or two friends do an activity with them like a movie, laser tag, bowling, swimming, etc. This year was the first that my 12 said he wanted a "big" party next year. I told him since both of them have "big" birthdays next year, we can plan for them both to have a big party. So if she just wants fun things to do with the family, I would not worry about her inviting friends or not. We always have a "family" party for each of our birthdays. Good luck.

Does she have siblings and cousins her age that she could have carnival fun and play carnival games with at the party? If she has other kid friends within your family, I can't see how there could be a problem. If she's expecting grandparents, aunts, uncles, teen and adult relatives to want to play carnival, then I'd explain that carnival is a kid birthday,and if she wants that kind of party, kids need to be present. Does she really want to play carnival games all alone?

Do you have the carnival stuff at home from the past b-day parties?

I'm picturing Ring Toss, Bean Bag Toss, guess the number of jelly beans type games and possibly an aunt to face paint.

Sounds fun. I agree that it is hard to not invite friends to enjoy it too.

If there are cousins I don't think it matters, so long as there are kids. If its just adults then I wouldn't do it. Though I couldn't tell you exactly why.

update: yes "carnival" is misleading. So she wants a family birthday with games. Cool, do it.