Restless Sleep

Have you tried giving her a bath before bedtime? It's relaxing so after a long day of playing and then the bath, she might just sleep straight through the night.

Hi M.,

Sounds like my son and your daughter are mirror images in sleep. You have done a fantastic job nursing your daughter this long and working with her sleep according to her schedule.

My son is also 15 months and still nursing at night. What I have noticed is that he has a couple of days of waking only 1-3 times/night, but then there will be a couple of weeks where he reverts to waking 3-5+ times/night. After lots of observation and frustration (feeling like we’re constantly going one step forward and two steps backward!), his wakefulness corresponds directly to a) about to be, being, or getting over being sick, b) teething (I’ve actually seen his gums bleed from the molars coming in), c) hitting a developmental milestone (walking, sign cluster, etc.). I can tell that the milestone events especially wreak havoc on his sleep. He has actually sat up in bed and started making signs, then fell back down WHILE ASLEEP. He has practiced standing and sitting back down WHILE ASLEEP. During each of these times, he wakes up just enough to usually need some help getting fully back to a deep sleep – and nursing works. I recently introduced an object he associates with sleep, and me (recommended per Pantley and Sears’ books).

My husband, too, works crazy hours, and is not able to help with nighttime parenting much, so our son is in our bed ¾ of the night. I have started having our son start out the night in his bed (a toddler bed on the floor next to ours) and then bring him up to me when I get tired of going to him. This is what has worked for me, so that I get the rest I need, and for us, since our son seems to need us during the night still. I realized that once I let go of the cultural pressure from friends, family, doctor, websites, magazines, and books, that doing what works for us is exactly that: what works for us. I quit reading articles and books and listening to friends that referenced cry it out methods and instead sought out nighttime parenting friendly resources: Dr. Sears, Dr. Gordon, Elizabeth Pantley, Mothering Magazine, La Leche League, friends- who- may- not- do- it- the –way- I- do- it, but- support- our- parenting- choices, switched pediatricians (our first one didn’t support breastfeeding beyond a year, either). Educating myself on the benefits of the family bed and on babies’ innate NEED to be with people (their brains aren’t fully developed for a long time) really helped me to accept my son’s nighttime needs. My husband and I began our parenting journey strongly against our son sleeping with us… it wasn’t until he was four months old and I was sleep deprived that we fell into this, and we are comfortable now.

After an especially rough night or two, I will make sure to follow the advice I was given pre- and immediately post-birth: nap when my baby naps. I wish you luck and peace. You’re doing a great job!

H.

Hi M.,
First I want to say that you are a wonderful mother and nursing you baby girl to sleep was not a mistake, you have a precious bond there for a lifetime because of it ,you did what comes natural from a loving Mother. But, as far as the restless sleep goes, one thing I have tried as a grandmother with my 2 1/2 yr. grandson is genly massaging his feet with lavendar oil. I only have him one night a week but it seems to help him rest, I know it's a very simple thing but might be worth the try. Also you might look at what you baby girl drinks and eats a couple hours before bed, of course you know no sugar. Hey, and after getting your precious one to bed have you husband rub your feet with the Lavendar and then rub his. It sounds like you could all use the calming effect you get from the foot massage wtih the lavendar oil. I'll remember you all in my prayers for a good nights rest tonight. grandma g

Try not to feel badly by letting her in bed with you. we are the only country, in the world, that does not allow extended family bed, which 90%+ other countries do. All our children have had the freedom of our fmaily bed, and trust me they do not stay forever. that's an old wive's tale. I am a retired LaLeche League leader and professional and I can honestly tell you it only strengthens their self-esteem. They do indeed bond, but that bond supports a deep family love and caring personality, not the reverse.

Some children possess food allergies that make sleep difficult, and while nursing has always worked great to relieve discomforts, both emotionally and physically, if you decide not to continue nursing, the closeness of your body will help calm her somewhat. you may need to try seeking out some possible food allergies A nutritional support in doing this can be found for free with a certified nutritional coach at www.vitamincottage.com

Also, do not forget that she is nearing a growth spurt and when that happens, the body's blood volume increases, increasing the cerebrospinal fluid that bathes the brain and increases synaptic activity, thus making an agitated sleep state. Much akin to the last trimester of your own pregnancy, when your own blood volume increases in preparation for the delivery and you had strange nightmares). Good Luck....

Been There and lived........happily ever after....

Hi M.,

First of all I will apologize ahead of time if this is *not* what you want to hear, But I am a mother of two and my circle of people for the last 12 years have been families who have nursed into toddlerhood anywhere from 15 mos to 3 years. Most of these families are family bed advocates also.

My opinion is (from years of observation, I am also an LLL leader, cb educator and doula)that you didn't make a mistake nursing to sleep. This is common practice all over the world. In fact, this is how nursing moms get sleep! nly in the US do we try so hard to seperate ourselves from our babies at such a young age.

I will say that both my children slept with us from birth, and both are completely sound in mind and body and moved on to their own beds without any problem. You may have weaned, but weaning doesn't change the level of parenting needs of that baby. That baby has the same emotional needs, you will just have to find different ways to parent the same issues. Weaning is tough on little ones. It is not just nutrition of course, but emotional attachment. My suggestion would be if you are willing, to continue to sleep with her when she sleeps. She will fall asleep faster, and sleep more sound, and you will both build up a reserve of rest. Before you know it, she will have moved on from being weaned and start experiencing comfortable, deep sleep. If you surrender to this time, it feel it will actually be less of a struggle. I know it is hard to get everything done when you are alone so much with a little one, but sometimes you can lay down for sleeping and once they are asleep sneak away. Also, it you just need a BREAK (meaning, I can't be forced to lay down ONE MORE MINUTE...I have been there!!!) I would get my favorite music, gas up the car, and go for a "nap ride". I would drive my scenic roads until my kiddies fell asleep then either park somewhere and read a book, or drive home and park the car in the garage and get something done.

Even at this "older" aby age, you will not spoil your child. All the love and attention you offer freely now will contribute to making a secure and independant child in the long run. Trust me, I know it doesn't seem that way, and lots of more conservative people will try to tell you different. You have been doing the right thing all along and have given your child the gift of extended nursing (wow, 15 mos, great job!!!)The next year of this babe's life will be one of complete transformation and independence that does not seem possible right now. Enjoy it!

I used the book: No Cry Sleep Solution. Worked GREAT for my 2 year old in the same situation!

I have some books/websites that I would really recommend. I still nurse my son to sleep and NEVER let him cry, and we went from 1 hour stretches at night to 7!!! Granted, if his teeth are bothering him, he's sick, or has an ear infection, he will go less time. That's why I really recommend seeing if there is something else going on. Oh, and I have always nursed him at night too, and we co-sleep. I know that he wakes up and puts himself back to sleep regularly. You don't need to let them cry to get there. Plus, letting her cry to sleep will only make her sleep more restless because of the stress hormones released during prolonged crying. Additionally, CIO will appear to work, because she won't call out to you, but that doesn't mean that she is sleeping any better. She will still have restless sleep, she will still wake up the same amount of times, she just won't cry out for you, because she thinks you won't come and won't bother. So, in the long run, you aren't solving her sleep problems.

-The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly *** I HIGHLY recommend this book!! You can get it cheap of Amazon.com

- The Sleep Book by Dr. Sears

- Sweet Dreams: A Pediatrician's secrets for your child's goodnight's sleep

- Christian Parenting and Childcare by Dr. Sears

- http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

http://babyparenting.about.com/cs/sleeping/f/throughnight...

It could also be a growth spurt (growing hurts), and if you think it might be teething, you could try Hyland's Teething Tablets. Tylenol actually hurts by little guy's tummy, so these are much better!! Good luck! Hang in there!!!

M.! I so can understand where you are coming from! My 15 month old has been fighting bed time as well, and it's been tough! I agree that nursing to sleep is not bad, and I'm one of those that just can't do the cry it out thing!

How does she nap? My son is a good napper, and so I've been doing something kind of different: using "magic spray." It's a linen spray that contains Lavender essential oils (not lavender fragrance... don't want the chemicals). We spray the "magic spray" on his changing table and on his bed at nap time, and now at night....

Lavender has prooven relaxation benefits. It seems to be helping. And it's a great game for him... and since we can take the spray with us to Grandma's house, it's not so hard to nap in new places. And going to bed has been getting easier.

A. Schell
Team Leader
Bubble Goddess Bath Co.
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____@____.com

M.,

When our daughter was born, it took her awhile to be "in" her body, on this earthly plane. It was years before she slept well, on her own. Before that, we had a family bed and I strongly believe that the closeness of both your bodies will create the safety for relaxation and slumber. Perhaps she is picking up on your own new mother anxiety. Try a warm bath, the two of you together, before bedtime. Make it a quiet, serene time for you both. I realize that sleeplessness is a "bear;" I dealt with it a long time, as well and it's not fun or easy. Yet I also question the giving of medication to a baby. Perhaps if you talked with a naturapathic or homeopathic or even a nutritionist, they may help you both with sleeplessness. Best wishes to you!

Many Blessings,

R.

Alot of my friends and myself have been having this issue lately. We have found these steps to be helpful

1. visit the dr to rule out any physical discomforts ear infections etc
2. feed more fatty and protein rich foods during day
3. lots of out door exercise in the day
4. try cutting out nap time or making sure its really early in the day
5. music in the room playing softly
6. bach flower remedies
7. an article on a program for this I have to still find for you
8. bach flower remedies, herbs and essential oils

with my next child, I will nurse again but at 3 months teach how to fall asleep without nursing because my 3 year old is still having self soothe self put back to sleep issues after 3 years nursing in the family bed and Im exhausted. He is weaned and in his own bed but cant put himself back to sleep without being patted and comforted extensively.. slowly its getting better

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

This is a great article, mostly regarding night weaning at an older age (12+ months) that might help you out. It's a gentle approach, not intended to end nursing, but help in these difficult situations. I actually haven't read it in a while, but did when I struggled with similar issues with my son before he weaned (around 19 months).
Best of luck and hang in there!
~N.

I don't know if this will help at all, but it's advice I received when my son (who is now 19) had a hard time sleeping. I was told to set up a bedtime routine that would not only alert him to the fact that bedtime was coming but would also put him in the mood to sleep. We would do a bath, have a story, get a cup of water, go to the bathroom, get all tucked in to bed and say good night. He had a hard time sleeping also and really didn't like being in a crib so around 2 we let him sleep on the pull out of his sister's day bed. Both things helped us a lot, but you might want to try to just develop a routine that is calming and relaxing...especially if you have a busy life.

Whatever you decide to do you have to be EXTREMELY consistant. If you want her to sleep in her own bed then you can't bring her into your bed sometimes. This will be a hard habit to break since she never learned to fall asleep on her own. I know from experience that it's very difficult to let your child cry BUT it really does work and after the adjustment everyone in the household will be much happier and much better rested. Someone once told me to view this as 'giving your child the gift of sleep'. Meaning if I toughed it out for a few days of crying she would be a much happier child once she was sleeping well. This little tidbit helped me and she was right on top of it! If you don't already, try also having a consistant bedtime routine; dinner, bath, brush teeth, story, bed,etc.
You can do it with some constistancy, I promise!
Good luck. :-)

Gosh you sound exactly like me. I did exactly the same thing with my son. I breast fed for a year and he got used to getting up 2 or 3 times a night wanting to be fed. I then began a routine of soothing him to sleep with a bottle but he still woke up 2/3 times at night. Even at 20 months he's getting up wanting a bottle! I'm a single full-time working mom and it was just hard not to just give him a bottle so that I could get "some" sleep. Sooo, I decided that during my Christmas vacation that I was wean him off; I knew it would take 3/4 nights of screaming and non-stop struggling. Well, it worked after 2 nights! He sleeps most nights now, he does get up 2 or 3 times a week, just once at night to sign that he wants a bottle but I just remind him that big boys sleep through the night with no bottle. We're adjusting.

You are right in being concerned about having her sleep with you--that habit gets created very quickly, and the child starts to expect to sleep in your bed with you. It is VERY hard... but the cry it out method is important. A child has to learn that crying does not mean that they get "picked up". Restlessness is a sign of ongoing teething or illness, or just a sign that they are VERY tired and having a hard time getting to sleep. It is only made worse by inconsistency of where they sleep. Sometimes the Tylenol/Motrin medications can "wire" a child and make it more difficult to sleep--some parents try Benedryl or Triamenic as an alternative (check with a pharmacist). Baths before bed are good to get the wiggles out, or sitting next to them (while in their crib) while they calm down... that's the toughest part becuase sometimes it takes serious time. If you've tried all these things, you may want to try a alternative med chiropractor who has some serious experience with children--my freinds and i have had more success with them, rather than conventional pedi offices that just want your co-pay and have no answers for you. I bet you are frustrated! Good luck

Hi M.,

I had a similar problem with my daughter, starting from 6 months and lasting until she was 18 months. First of all she would wake up screaming and be up for hours. Nursing her only helped for a short period of time and even then she wouldn't always go back to sleep. We think that some of it may have been related to nightmares but even more seems to be related to her sleep pattern. We didn't believe in the cry it out method because my daughter's temperment is the type that she will scream and cry until she is sick and then continue screaming and crying. People gave us all sorts of advice of what to do or not to do, but nothing seemed to work. Our pediatricians recommended a great book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It really helped me understand not only how much sleep my daughter really needed in a day but how to get her to sleep and leave the room without her getting upset. The biggest culprit we found to her restless sleep was her lack of sleep during naps and going to bed past her body clock time. I became vigilant about her sleep schedule especially what time she goes to bed at night. It worked so well, I'm still that way and she's 4. I can just see her begin to wilt around 6pm and I try to make sure that she is upstairs getting ready for bed at 630 or so and asleep by 730. If I had realized how much naps and sleep schedule meant I would have tried to do it sooner. But this book was a lifesaver and I highly recommend a trip to the library or bookstore. I wish you much luck and sleep.

I used a book called "sleep sense". You can get it on line. Best $ I ever spent. It's a more gentle approach, involves some crying, but not like the others, and you learn alot about teaching your child to sleep without your constantly coming in.

Good luck.

L.

M.,

My son is now 2 and still sleeps through the night, as another mom posted, I used the sleep sense e book and loved it. He has been sleeping through the night since he was 2 1/2 months(unless he is sick, of course). If you need the ebook let me know, if not, another thing is her naps and how early she is going to bed. My son starts his nightime routine at 7pm, in bed by 730 but has the same routine every night so he knows what to expect. Bath, book, bed. every night, and he looks forward to the routine. He sleeps until 6am (because we have to wake him to get to work) 7-730am on the weekends. I thank the book and the routine that the book gave me. There is a cry method but not intense and by CHOICE, you don't have to use the method. Let me know if you need the book! Good luck!

I am a mom of two and a grandmother of three. I am also an RN of 30 years with experience in pediatrics. This may not be what you want to hear, but you have to make nighttime as boring as possible. You must be firm and set the boundaries for sleeping or this could drag on indefinately and no one will be happy. I suggest putting her to bed in her own bed, let her cry, check on her every 15 minutes or so while she is crying, reassure her verbally, but do not pick her up or take her to bed with you. I garentee that after 3 nights of this she will be sleeping, and so will you.

You really need to let her cry it out. It's the only way she will learn to fall back asleep by herself. The first few nights will be tough, but as long as you respond to her cries, she will learn that crying will bring you to her and she'll just keep on doing it. Good luck.

M.,

This won't be much help... We have the exact same problem with our 14 month old! In fact, I'm up right now getting ready for work after about 4 hours of sleep last night. I did the same thing - nursing him to sleep, and now he is weaned. He's also had ear tubes and multiple problems with ear infections but those are all cleared up now. We've tried a modified cry it out where we go in every 10 minutes and "soothe" him, but we have a 3 year old whom he wakes up when he screams. And he will literally scream for HOURS if we let him.

So I'm anxious to hear any advice you get too. I love him with everything I have, but I admit that I'm also getting somewhat resentful. It's horrible to be resentful of your 1 year old.

First, please don't think you made a mistake nursing your daughter to sleep. It does make for more difficult sleep training but its feels so natural and right. I nursed both my girls to sleep and had to train both of them but they are now great sleepers. I tried the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Pantley, its a great book but I was too impatient to wait for it to work. In the end, I let both my girls CIO with Ferber's method (which is horrible but certainly not as bad as the press it gets). Bottom line, it sounds like you need to teach your daughter to sleep on her own. Its tough no matter what method you choose but your daughter (and you) will sleep again! Good luck.

We went through the same thing with our daughter. It turned out to be food allergies. She would wake up every hour and twist and scoot all over the bed, and then I'd have to nurse her back to sleep. She was 18 months before we figured out she was super sensitive to both dairy and soy. Both she and I went 100% off the dairy and soy and she started sleeping THROUGH THE NIGHT within 2 weeks - which is how long it takes dairy to get out of your/her system. The confirmation was when we would have an accidental exposure to dairy or soy, and she would go back to her night wakings. I think it was that her digestive tract was so sensitive that she was uncomfortable when she wasn't keeping moving. I had tried all the things you mention, along with gas drops, homeopathic teething and colic and gas remedies. We also didn't want to cry it out, and didn't have to. She resolved into good sleep as soon as we got the offending foods out of her diet. A caution, if it is food related, really read labels, and be aware that medicines can contain food products and they don't have to label it. Good luck - it's no fun being exhausted. Feel free to message me if you have any questions.

Wow, you must be exhausted. I'm the mother of 3 children (1 yo, 3 yo, & 4 yo). and also a neonatal nurse. I know it's hard to "let them cry it out," & it seems so harsh; however, by letting them cry it out & get themselves back to sleep, is actually one of the greatest gifts you could give to your daughter. Sit down with your husband & choose a few nights in a row when you'll both be home & not doing anything important the next day or so...then decide together (choosing to support each other) that you're just going to push through the next few nights. Come up with a consistent routine that you'll be able to do each night with her while preparing for bed, make sure she's comfortable, warm (not too hot), fed & clean. You know all her needs are met for the night...then say your prayers, kiss her goodnight & let her learn to put herself to sleep. If she's still crying after 15 minutes, go in, make sure she's clean, comfort her without picking her up & leave her room before she's asleep. Do this as many times as it takes. The first night will be the hardest & she should figure it out within 3-4 nights. I know it seems harsh & tiring, but in the long run, your daughter & you will be much happier & healthier.

Check out this website...

http://www.gfi.org/

GFI (Growing Families International) has a wonderful series on child rearing, ranging from birth to 18 yo. Their books have been a true blessing to our family. Good luck!

Bed bath and beyond has this great sound machine. It's $15.00 and it has a variety of sounds including a heartbeat. My husband and I have one in our room and our daughter has one in her room and we all sleep soundly. It's well worth the money if it works.