So I have gone from suffering post partum and literally hating my baby 3 weeks ago, to developing a huge love and attachment (thanks to medications, relaxation and him getting older). The last three weeks with him were simply amazing and I loved getting to spend time with him. Don't get me wrong, I liked my breaks, but all I needed was a couple of hours and I was ready to be holding and loving him again.
I returned to work today and I have been so sad. I dropped him off at daycare before coming in at 1 and wanted to cry leaving him there as he was just staring at me go like nothing. I have spent almost the whole day here thinking about how I can't wait to get off and go pick him up and give him lots of cuddles and love. It has been so awful. I have to work. I'm the main source of income for our family and can't afford to quit and stay at home. But, today has been SO hard. Plus, I work night hours making it harder cause we won't really have a lot of time by the time we get home. How do you do it? I don't even want to take him and leave him tomorrow :(
Thank you all! I really appreciate the understanding and caring responses. I went to pick him up yesterday and he was so cute and happy from his first day. The daycare lady was very sympathetic to me as well. Right after I typed this post, she texted me a picture of him hanging out in the bouncer smiling. She said later that she knows its hard for parents to leave there kids those first few times and so she wanted to make sure I knew he was happy. She also said that I'm always welcome to come by and see him during the day if I need/want to. When we got home I gave him a bath and fed him and then we snuggled up on the couch until he fell asleep for the night. I made sure to get lots of snuggles this morning too before I packed him up to take him back. It was definitely a little easier leaving him today (although still sad) and hopefully I'll be able to get through the day better now that I got through the first. I do love what I do, so I wouldn't want to quit and part of me is excited about being back at work. I just missed him soooo much yesterday, it made the day difficult. I am a prospect for a new position that would hopefully get me different work hours, so I'm at least hoping for that. Then I might get more night time with him as neither of us are very awake in the morning.
Oh, sweetie. Yeah, it's hard. I know. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. As you settle into a routine it WILL get easier.
hang in, mama!
hug...
It gets better. Take it one day at a time. And when you get him give him lots of cuddles and love.
Remember - no matter what, you are his mom. You love him more than anyone else in the world, and he loves you too. Nothing will ever change that.
You are doing a great job taking care of your family. Be proud of yourself.
It is REALLY hard, but most of us have been there. I do have to say (looking back on my 3 & 5 year old), I think that them going to preschool/daycare has been a HUGE benefit to them as people. They have interaction with other children and learn to share. They have interaction with other adults and having to follow rules that are different from the rules in your house. It's good for them to get out of the house....we all go a little stir crazy in there sometimes. And you both REALLY appreciate the time you do have together. It's hard when they are so little. I went back to work 8 weeks after each baby was born. You feel awful, but they will be ok. And they will have a lot of great quality's that some kids don't have that were able to have mom around 24/7.
Give that baby an extra squeeze!
It's really hard. But with some time everyone will settle into the new routine. You may not have much time with him after you get home at night, but you CAN enjoy your mornings with that little guy!
Oh, I'm sorry. I remember how hard that was! I turned to this sight for support too. My sweet baby is 15 months now, and I can say truthfully that it really does get easier. You will still miss your little peanut, but you will find that your work gives you a sense of purpose and validation as well. Acknowledge that you will be sad and that it okay...but know that it will get easier. Hugs to you!
I don't have advice, but sending hugs your way. We are the same in my house- I bring in the income and insurance as a teacher, so I will always have to work. I know how hard it is. You are doing what is right for your family, and it will get easier.
It's hard and it stinks! I had a lot of trouble so quit to stay home for a while, but we just couldn't manage financially so I went part-time at a much less stressful job so I could at least be home more and not thinking about work when I am home. Not sure if less hours or something from home is an option for you??
Hang in there, you're not alone and it does eventually get easier! When you are home, take advantage of all the snuggles and try not to let home stressors get to you...you know like dishes, laundry, etc. Just enjoy being with him. So sorry you're going through this...totally stinks, but what a blessing to have a beautiful baby to go home to!
My heart feels for you. I have been in your shoes. My two oldest I was home at least 6 months or longer with them but my youngest I went back to work when he was 6 weeks old. We had no bond. I worked for a year hating my sitter because she had a bond with my child I did not. So, I quit my job. I now work for my self http://needtobehomewithkids.com. I am so much happier and I have bonded with my youngest. The only time my two youngest are in child care are when I am working the child care they are at. I wish I could say there were magic words on how to make it easier but I never found it easy. I am very glad you got help for the post partum and are doing better. Just be open with your feelings and spend as much time with your child as you can when not working. Good luck and many blessings <3
I think most of us feel this way. People told me it would get easier after a few months but it took me a few YEARS to be better. My daughter is 3.5 now and I can leave for work without a lot of guilt, but before age 2 it was ROUGH for me, I missed her so much, I didin't want to miss any milestones etc.
One thing I did to help myself with the latter, and I don't know if your daycare will do it but I had a nanny half time and my mom halftime, is keep a daily journal with all her activities in it so I could keep up with what she did each day... Made it much easier for me to deal with.
Best of luck to you, keep loving your little one and things will eventually get better.
I can't say much to help you but your post makes me more thankful that my husband allowed me to stay home with our children as I don't think I could have left them. I think I took that for granted too often.
If you can find anything at all to do from home you could do that and still be with your children. I would look into it.
I'm so sorry you are having a hard time, I have a daughter who just went back to work and it was so sad for her too. Some people are glad to go back and others are not.
Another possible idea is trying to get a nanny job where you can care for your child and someone else's? Don't know if that's possible for you but it's a thought.
it's so hard, especially since you're still in the grip of yawing post-partum hormones.
take a picture of yourself and leave it there for him. it will make YOU feel better to know he's seeing mom's face, even though he's too little for it to have much of an impact.
get immersed in your work. that's GOOD distraction. as the primary breadwinner, it's important that you stay sharp at what you do, and you're probably very good at it. every time you start to get sad about baby, refocus on what you're doing. it will make the time pass more quickly and get you lots of bonus points with the boss.
both of my babies started daycare at 5 weeks. i couldn't afford to take any more time off. it was so hard. but we all made it through.
hugs to you!
khairete
S.
I worked full time from 3 to 12 months of age with my first child. I know that feeling - I to pick her up with knots in my stomach out of anxiety/excitement from wanting to see her so much. I am so sorry you feel this way. I was able to adjust and go to part time, and then with my second, my Mom is our caregiver which is somewhat easier. I wish I could change that first few months. I can only say embrace the feeling, it is a feeling of love and is normal and natural. I am astounded by women who don't miss their kids.
Now my oldest daughter is 7, and while I wish I was a SAHM or at least home more at the start, I will say, in many ways, kids need you more later. It seems like they depend on you for everything, and it is fine to want to be the person who does it. But please don't feel like he doesn't need you because he does and will more with time.
Don't drive yourself crazy by feeling trapped. Do what you need to and plan an escape route - downsizing a home, changing jobs, reducing hours, following a new carreer. You are in charge, and while it may not happen overnight, if you feel you truly can't live with this, then you will find a way to change it.
