Returning to Work but Dont Want To

Hi- I know exactly how you feel. I came back to work when my daughter was 8 weeks old and I cried everytime I dropped her off at the sitter for two weeks straight. My husband and I talked about me staying home but it just wasn't going to work, I felt he didn't understand where I was coming from. I hated leaving her with anyone. So one week I had to go into work early and my husband had to take her all week to the sitter. Each morning he would call me complaining about how he hated taking her and he couldn't do it anymore...So now I work part time... :-) You should try that. Good luck!

I think in some homes it is difficult for the husband to see that a wife staying at home is financially beneficial. I have been both a work away from home mom and a stay at home mom. My husband is all about analytical thinking so he was easy to convince on some things. If you go back to work you need to calculate the cost of a babysitter, gas, and cothing. Add all of this up and then compare it to what you would be making. On the surface it seems that it may be the answer to go to work however there are other ways to have financial impact on your family.

I stay at home but I am an avid couponer. By staying at home and taking my time to clip the coupons and plan my shopping trips I can feed my family for as a little as $60 a week. That is right, and it works. I make sure that I use the car on planned trips and I do not shop for fun. If I need something I wait until it goes on sale and I make sure I dont buy the most expensive item.

Fast food and eating out are not unheard of at our home but it is usually bought with a coupon or during a special. I make sure that there is food in the fridge for those days when I just do not feel like cooking.

During the summer I hit garage sales for clothing and other items, save a ton there. I sell what we dont need at consignment shops actually bringing in some extra on the side.

I do not babysit, it would tie me down and limit the amount of time I could spend doing these other things. Being at home is a job and I try to remember that every job needs to be profitable. If it is not profitable it can be eliminated.

Sit down with a calculator and a plan. Approach your husband with a business plan, how you will operate you home like a business and make it profitable. Then go to work on your plan. I hope this has helped.

There's no such thing as "concentration parenting." No matter how much love a mother has, she can't come home from work and cram a day's worth of bonding and learning into those after-work hours. The life of a child unfolds slowly, not simply in the hurried minutes before mom leaves for work or upon her harried return home. A mother can't hit "pause" on a child during her work day - every moment, her child is absorbing information, developing habits, asking questions, and drawing conclusions.

I woke up one day and realized I could always go back to work but I didn't want to look back one day and realize I missed out on all the precious time with my boys. I can be replaced at work, but I cannot be replaced as a mommy. I wanted to be the one to see the firsts. Didn't want to have all those regrets when looking back at my middle age years. I realized that my kids were more important than my work. Work could wait, but my kids were not waiting. They are growing up before my eyes. I knew I had to do something, so I went for it and how happy you are about what you decided.

I left an almost 6 figure income job and I couldn't be happier. Taking care of my husband and boys is my dream job! I'll likely do some consulting work on the side or in the evenings, but my family will not work around MY schedule - I will work around theirs.

My suggestion is to work at night. Don't inconvience your kids, inconveinece yourself. Be creative... just because you have to go back to work doesn't mean your kids have to be put in daycare.... work at home, work at night, work early in the mornings, etc Be creative and I know you can do it!

Maybe you can get a night or evening job, that way you can still be with your daughter. If you can make it w/o going back to work at all, that's what's best for the child. Good luck.

I would really recommend sitting down and discussing this with him as to why he is so opposed to your staying home. He has to have a reason (albeit he may not want to share it with you). Chances are he wishes HE could stay home too! Often times the guys feel that just because we stay home, we're somehow not working as much as they are!

I can tell you I suffer from severe depression. At first it was being separated from the kids (daycare) then it was because hubby was deployed 30/36 mos. It takes A LOT of strength to run a household and even more when you are working. I marvel at the women who work, take care of family and the house...I am dreading the day my hubby is going to tell me it's time to go back (and I suspect it is rapidly approaching with the last child finally heading to school next year).

However, if you both can reach an agreement, I think everyone will be much happier with you home in the end. I know my kids sure were and they race home at the end of the day and can't wait to tell me about everything they did in school! I don't know that we would have had the opportunity to have gotten so close if they had spent all that time in daycare.

I understand how you feel, I could never leave my kids at daycare or with someone I didnt know. I also felt like I would be missing out on too much. When I went back to work I went part time at night. No its not tons of money but I was able to buy groceries and the kids clothes with my income. It helped out a lot! I did kinda miss being at home with my family at night, but I only worked from 4pm-8pm. And I figured if I missed anything my daughter did her daddy would have been there instead of a stranger, made me feel better. I dont work nights anymore but I got a great opportunity working for my sisters real estate company. Now when I work (parttime) my sister watches the kids. So again, I dont have to leave my kids with a stranger. I think there are ways around it. Some of my friends got a job at a daycare where you can take your kids with you for free! I just felt like I wouldnt make enough to benefit after paying child care. SO if your husband is demanding you go back to work then go at night and tell him, he will be Mr. Mom. Maybe he will realize staying home with the kids aint so easy! Good luck! I feel for ya!

I'm sorry but noway is my husband ever going to tell me to go back to work.Let me just mention we weren't married when we had our 1st child.And if you want to be a SAHM for your daughter then do it.I have been a SAHM since I was 6 weeks pregnant with my son our 1st child and never looked back!!!Now on baby #3.Sure it would be great to have my money to go and splurge but really not that much take home money after you work come home to pay a sitter to watch your children there's not much left to spend on ourself it'll go to the kiddos clothing food childrenssavings etc.I look at it like this we get married to the ones we love and the man is to honor his family take care of them.This is a decision that will take some talking there are many changes you can do and so can he to help save money and not spend on needless items and to cut back.Good Luck

Do you know that you can go back to work but not have to leave your daughter with a babysitter. If you want more information email me or go to www.workathomeunited.com/JPonzar and i can get the info to you.Right now is a great time to start my team cause we have $1 enrollments. Hope to hear from you soon. Have a great day.
J.

i have to say i agree with suzi on a lot of points. i would not feel that i was doing my part if we were struggling financially and i was staying at home instead of working. i just couldn't do it. it sounds like you're doing a great job with your daughter, and i totally understand wanting to spend every moment you can with her. but going into daycare or to a sitter, as long as you are careful and send her to a good one, will be a good thing for her. i bet your hubby would be happy if, whatever "career" or job you chose, you were contributing a fair amount. of course, since i bet you're doing a LOT more of the household chores, cooking, etc, than he is, there may be some room for negotiation as to how much that should be. the two of you should sit down and try to work out a compromise.

K E, I know you say you have talked to your husband...but have you sat down and figured out how much it will cost you to work? You may find that by the time you pay a sitter that your take home pay is such an insignificant amount that it is a more reasonable solution to stay home until she is a little older and the rates would be less.

Have you offered to compromise? maybe a cut off to when you would go back to work? Or even try to find a job that lets you work from home?

Good luck to you I love being a SAHMommy, but there is nothing wrong with being a working mom = )
I hope everything works out!
B.