rightMy Kids Clearly Do Not Believe in Santa Claus

Oh my gosh I'm glad to see Theresa N.'s answer because we still do Santa at 20 and 17.

Last year (or the year before?) I tried to change it and pull out all the presents before we left Midnight Mass. My sons would have NONE of that. "Mom, how COULD you?"

So everyone has to go to bed. Then Santa sets out all the presents/stockings and takes pics of the loot. :P

I say keep it going. :)

Do whatever makes you happy. Decorate how you want to, bake whatever you want to, and do whatever traditions you feel are important to you. Buy what the boys have asked for and nothing more. If you want to buy other things look into participating in a toys for tots type of program and buy for children who are in need.

I'd talk to them before making that decision.

When my granddaughter came to us and asked the question if there was a Santa we said no and explained what he was all about. How we use his symbol to show love to others and the power of giving.

We talked about how this knowledge would effect others and how she'd handle it. She said she was okay and wasn't going to tell anyone. I asked her about Christmas from Santa and she still wanted to have Santa for a while longer.

I think she wanted to have Santa for another 2 years but she really did know where those gifts came from.

She would have been devastated if she hadn't had a chance to say goodbye to the tradition on her own terms.

We just talk about Santa like of course he's real. Even though my kids haven't believed in a decade or more (they're 22, 20, 17), if ever.

It's just nice. And fun. Why can't we have something nice and fun?

I hope you continue to get in the spirit, who knows whether they'll all follow your lead or not, but I suspect they will all miss your spirit if it's not there.

:)

I am in the camp with Theresa N and Angela S.

My daughter will be 20 on 12/27 and of course she knows Santa does not come down the chimney, etc.

I STILL put out Santa gifts and stocking every Christmas. It is funny because daughter reminded us at Thanksgiving that she'll be sleeping over here Christmas Eve. She's been in her condo on her own 18 months.

For me it is the tradition of what we have done for so many years. It is fun, we are in the Spirit and most importantly, children will model their childhood experience with their own children someday.

So, do you want your boys to become dads and never give their children this experience of the Spirit of Christmas and Santa?

A quick observation.... EVERY year I buy assorted candy canes and I arrange them in a small ivy bowl so they are a pretty centerpiece in the family room and fun to eat. I went to my daughter's condo last year during the Christmas season and I went last week and guess what? She had purchased an ivy bowl just like mine and had assorted candy canes arranged in a little centerpiece in her living area, just like she has had all of her life. That arrangement means nothing to most people but it obviously meant something to her growing up for her to model that same arrangement for her home.

Think about your potential grandchildren and how you would want them to experience the holidays.

Your happiness counts too.

If you feel like making memories then go for it.

What does believing in Santa have to do with "decorating, baking, shopping, traditions, etc?" Why does them not believing in Santa mean you can't have a festive Christmas?

I think it's time for you to broaden your idea of a fun, family Christmmas. Even if they did believe now, there would come a day when they would start to question. Why should that mean the holidays can't be special?

I would try not to simply think in terms of how much "stuff" to buy them. What about asking them to help you buy for a family in need or buy for a local angel tree. Maybe you could all volunteer at a soup kitchen.

How can you approach this holiday in a different way to make it special for all of you?

Well I'm an atheist and a realist, but I still like to have fun. Is your husband always such a curmudgeon?

Women, vs. men, usually are the ones to promote family/holiday traditions, whether the husband is a curmudgeon or not. My husband didn't disallow Santa, but most of the Christmas spirit-making was still left to me.

Do what you want to do. It doesn't need to be about Santa and gifts; there are many ways to create traditions and holiday spirit. Even if it doesn't seem like it now, your efforts will become a part of your sons, and your future daughters-in-law and grandchildren will thank you for it. You don't want them becoming the Scrooge your husband appears to be. (I'm sure your husband has other wonderful qualities.)

I think you can still give them a gift or two from "Santa." It won't hurt them. Have fun with it.

My husband and I wrapped our kids gifts on Friday when we were both home. He got excited when he realized that only one still 100% believes and this may be our last year. The youngest is 7 and his older siblings likely don't believe anymore (1 for sure doesn't and the other I don't think does), so I don't think it's long for the last one either.

I looked at him like he had ten heads and told him as long as I'm living Santa will drop off 3 gifts for each child. I don't care if they believe or not. The wrapping will be different, the gifts will be from Santa, and that's how it will be. He also does the stockings.

I can't imagine not writing from Santa on gifts, ever.

That's a shame - your husband is kind of robbing your boys of a childhood tradition, and they're likely to repeat it with their kids. I wouldn't push it - but I wouldn't give in, either. There are a lot of families that don't talk about Santa (but usually it's for religious reasons). I would still talk about the magic and joy of the season. Is he selfish like this in other ways?

well, good for your husband. kind of. i'm over-the-top religious, but i also like it when parents are honest with kids.
that being said, we did santa for as long as we could pull it off. :)
i don't know many adults who 'believe in fairytales', but you don't have to have literal belief to get into the spirit, do you? it sounds as if it's not so much a matter of honesty per se as having your family get excited about it. they're not mutually exclusive.
my kids are adults, and we still do santa. but everyone in our family enjoys it. since yours are more pragmatic, what will make YOU happy? will it dim the lights in your eyes if all the gifts are simply exchanged between you?
i think what we have here is a clear-cut case of 'if mom is happy, the family is happy.' your boys are still very young, and even if they're not all breathless with wonder over the fat guy in a suit, i'll bet the underlying themes of light-in-the-darkness, abundance and family love are very, very much at work in their psyches. and having a mom who loves it all will color their perceptions of the holidays for the rest of their lives, even if they seem more on their dad's side of the fence. so crank up the carols, fill the house with the scent of cookies baking and bayberry candles, and be merry! it'll be totally contagious.
:) khairete
S.

If your kids vocally don't believe in Santa and speak out against it, then there isn't any point trying to force it upon them.

If they are not clearly anti-Santa, then at their ages even if they know, they still might want to pretend because it is fun. You know best what your kids would enjoy. My kids are older, but they still like when I mention Santa coming even though they know it is me. I don't label gifts from Santa anymore, but they like the idea anyway. I guess *I* am the magic. :-)

Santa or no Santa is not about 'extra stuff'. I didn't buy more when my kids were little and believed, and I don't buy less after they stopped. Don't stress out about the quantity of gifts, just focus on the quality.

Shift your focus to seasonal family experiences. Go sledding, ice skating, or skiing. Drive around and see lights displays. Participate in a holiday community event, etc.

Remember that in your quest to 'make memories' it is possible to make bad memories even if your intentions are good.

For example, my kids enjoy decorating the tree. When they were very little, I'd do it myself. When they got a little older, they would do the low branches while I did the top. For the past 3-4 years, I hand over the ornaments and candy canes, then go to the kitchen to make cocoa and treats. Whatever the tree looks like when they are done is the way it remains. Every year, they look forward to decorating the tree because I let them control the experience.

My mother's method of tree decorating was a pain in the rear. It was mandatory participation. We kids had to sit in a line as she would hand out ornaments one at a time.She would tell us exactly were to place it. When the ornaments were all on, she'd move them around to make it 'perfect'. She should have just done it all on her own every year, imo. None of us enjoyed the experience and it is not a fond memory. We would have been happier to just see the finished tree without having to sit through all that nonsense.

I think you can be an agnostic without being a party pooper.

There are plenty of things to celebrate this time of year.
Santa can be a part of it but if he's not there are still plenty of things to enjoy - and it doesn't have to be about giving/receiving stuff either.
Just a celebration of the turning of the seasons - the winter solstice - can be lovely.
You can read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' - it's a cool story whether you believe in Santa or not.
Fairytales/stories are fun - belief is not required.
In fact a suspension of disbelief can be a kind of vacation.
Reality is somewhat relentless.
Your husband respond to questions as he sees 'the truth'.
But 'the truth' varies from every perspective and point of view.
His truth isn't the only one out there.
I'd get the kids one book - The Phantom Tollbooth - and read it to them.

When they are older you might want to read 'The Hogfather' to them - it's one of my favorites.

(Susan is DEATH'S granddaughter (her mother was adopted) - DEATH always speaks in all capital letters).

“All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"

MY POINT EXACTLY.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

We're letting Kiddo figure this thing out right now and no, I have no real intention of making a declaration of "there is/is not" a Santa. He knows that the grown-ups play Santa for each other, and that we have encouraged him to put a wanted item on the Santa list instead of telling him to save up for it like we usually do. (Because it's already purchased.)

I think tradition is sometimes about giving our own selves a sense of season and ritual. Do what works for you. We are secular humanists, very pragmatic in some ways, and we still turn the question "is Santa Claus real" back to him with a "what do you think?" He's seven and he's likely thinking that whether or not there is a Santa, it's in his best interest to enjoy this goodness while he has it. :) And we'll always do Santa, well into his teens and beyond. It's just fun!

My boys know he is not real, but they understand what he represents. Santa is the magic of the season. He is the joy in hearts as they make or buy that perfect gift for someone they love. He is the smiles on lips and the seasons greetings that come from mouths that would normally be closed. He is in the darkness of the Solstice and the knowing that the light is now going to return. That is what Santa is in our home. So yes, I still do a Santa gift on the last day of our Yule celebration (21-25th).

I for one think it's fantastic that your kids don't want a bunch of 'stuff' just because they can use the holiday as an excuse to ask for it. Yay for less materialism!

We don't go overboard with gifts in our house. My kids get 1 gift (their major gift) from mom and dad, and 2 or 3 small things from Santa. That's all and they are happy. Even WITH Santa believers, there is no reason to go crazy. I do love the holiday season though, and what I think makes it special is the family time: going to cut down the tree, putting on music and having everyone help decorate, singing Christmas carols in the car while we drive around to see Christmas decorations, visiting family and friends.

You say it's about making memories (which I agree with) but that they don't seem to value it much. Do you involve them in the memory making? Do they do the decorating, baking, etc with you? And do you let them do it their way? I know one mom who laments at Christmas that her family doesn't appreciate the traditions she tries to create. But she doesn't let them do the tree because it doesn't look right (or she lets them, but when she thinks they aren't looking, she rearranges the ornaments). And they don't help with the cookies because the cookies won't look as pretty if the kids decorate them. Etc. You get the picture. No wonder they gave up participating. I don't know if this fits you or not, but consider the possibility...

If you really need another idea or two of things to buy - It sounds like your kids love sports. Instead of buying 'stuff', I say make more memories. Get tickets to local sporting events you know they'll like and put those in their stockings.

I am also an agnostic and a realist, and my kids WHOLEHEARTEDLY believed in Santa when they were little. Being a realist doesn't mean being a stick in the mud. Does your husband also not believe in "imagination" or watch anything on TV that isn't sports or news? Does he not read books simply for pleasure? Or listen to music that takes him to a different time and place? Is there really no place for whimsy in his life? If so, that's just...sad...

Christmas is a magical time. Period. We don't celebrate the birth of Christ (although I did growing up), but we DO celebrate the family traditions. My kids don't believe in Santa anymore, but they still get a gift from Santa and stuff in their stockings. They will get gifts from Santa and stuff in their stockings as long as they live in my house. That's just our family tradition. Heck, *I* got stuff in my own stocking until I got married!

I'd say get your boys the stuff on their lists and involve them with YOUR traditions. Get them (Daddy, too, if possible) into the kitchen while you're baking (I'm assuming your husband believes in cookies). Have them help decorate (I'm assuming he sees the tree and realizes it's a REAL thing). FORCE it on them. Get them involved. Within a couple of years, it will be a tradition they'll look forward to.

If they totally resist, there's no reason YOU can't still love this time of year. Just keep doing what you love to do and hopefully they'll come around.

My mother never did fess up, even though as teens we'd empty stockings and say, "Thank you, Santa." I think we are unfortunately going to have less time with the Christmas magic with my DD, the intellectual, than we did with SD (her mom told her but I'd also accidentally set the stage when she was 8). If you get them more, what about things they need? Socks, underwear, new pjs? Books? LEGOs? My DD wants things like "everyone together" for Christmas and how do you wrap that? So Santa is scratching his head here.

I would at least do it this one more year and if they fess up that they know, shift gears to something like being santas for a needy family. Plenty of organizations help kids have Christmas and that could be a way to keep the spirit going. When my SD was 11 or so, I was wrapping a Giving Tree gift and she said she didn't believe in Santa. I didn't really look up but kept wrapping and said, "I do." She got the hint.

ETA: I also agree with Mel R - Santa is just one thing. He's not the lights, or the baking or the family or anything else. Lack of belief in Santa didn't stop us from going to holiday concerts, seeing light shows, decorating the tree, etc. This year, my stepson put up his ornaments before he left after Thanksgiving not because it was important to him, but that he recognized that it was important to me. Many years he was not "into" everything like the rest of us were, but he played along. Do your thing. They'll realize what you gave them when they are older.

I'm 38 and believe in the magic of Christmas. I still think there's magic in the first snowfall. My kids know that Santa doesn't come down the chimney bringing gifts, but they still believe in the magic of him and would never ruin that for my nephews who are little and do believe. My daughter has been listening to Christmas music since Thanksgiving, has her room decorated and helped me decorate the house. I think you need to have a discussion with your husband that you respect his beliefs, but ask him to support yours also. I would get the little extra for your kids b/c your traditions and beliefs are as important as your husbands.

Santa (my dad) still brings gifts for everyone. When my kids were young, I quit playing the role b/c my dad bought better stuff than I could afford. He had as much fun watching us adults as seeing the wonder and sparkle in the children's eyes. He still plays Santa and buys gifts for everyone, but especially all the kids from the 18 year old down to the 2 year old. I love the wonder and surprise of it

Ok, so you have a realistic husband who doesn't appreciate the whole "down the chimney" and "the elves made this at the North Pole". You love baking and family traditions. Your sons are sports fans who don't want lots of gifts. And you love and value your family. Does that seem to sum it up (in a very quick way)? It seems like you have a lot to be thankful for.

I suggest you take what you have and create something that will make happy memories for your family. Many families do not give Santa even the briefest thought. It may be because of their religion, their tradition, or for any number of reasons. Some families have deeply religious Christmases, some have event-filled seasons of parties and open houses and cookie exchanges and Secret Santa fun and lots of "Santa foot prints" in the house and reindeer bells on the roof, some fill their month of December with charitable giving and volunteering, some have simple, thoughtful quieter Christmases with hand-made gifts. Some families are devastated when their kids accidentally find out that the big guy doesn't really come down the chimney and some are devastated to find out that their kids think he does. It's ok to create a Christmas or a holiday that is meaningful to you and your loved ones.

So, create some traditions for your boys and your husband and yourself. Teach your boys how to make sugar cookies and decorate them (ok, decorate them like soccer balls!). Take your boys shopping for toys, not for themselves, but for the local firehouse toy drive or the Toys for Tots. You'll have the fun of shopping, and your boys will hopefully enjoy picking out toys knowing they'll go to less privileged children (not from Santa, but from caring citizens). Find some traditions that your kids and husbands will value, such as watching a great movie (maybe not a traditional Christmas movie, but a great classic like Chariots of Fire or other sports-themed movie that has a positive message) and everyone's favorite dip or appetizers or snacks and cookies. Get your boys involved in thinking about what Grandma might like for a gift and send it.

I think your boys will come to appreciate your family traditions as long as the traditions speak to everyone. You'll love the spirit and the treasures of your family, your husband won't be all bah-humbug about presents being allegedly hammered out in Santa's workshop, and your boys will look forward to what you've helped to make important in their lives each year. Just get creative.

Our house is somewhat similar. Dad doesn't beat around the bush, but I LOVE the holidays. We have an elf and the kids love it and it seems to bring the majic in (my 10 yr old says she doesn't believe-but she jumps outta bed to see what the elf is doing). (Ours is a Christoper pop in kins elf so he looks different from their friend's elf on the shelf elves).
When asked outright about Santa I just say that Santa is fun, and it's up to them if they believe or not. We go to church, do all the activities there, have sports, and all their different school activities. Naturally, the kids don't appriciate the fact that I get little sleep, but I didn't appriciate my parents efforts until I was older. it IS about making memories so don't give up! My dad still enjoyed Christmas every year until he passed. I think that is one of the reasons I still enjoy it so much-memories of my dad's excitement :)
My kids (that still believe-I think) know that only a few presents come from Santa and the rest r from mom and dad.

If they don't want things, that is great. I would not complain at all. They might very well enjoy experiences. Make them a certificate to redeem for a skating date with mom or dad, hot chocolate out at the coffee shop, a local production of a play they have read the book to. They also don't have to believe in Santa for a holiday to be special. My son knows his Hanukkah gifts come from his parents and that does not make the holiday less special to him. I am surprised they don't enjoy decorating the tree. My son (8) LOVES to help drape the tinsel and hang ornaments on his aunt's tree.

Do your kids get to hang the ornaments and drape the tinsel 'their' way? Do they get to do the baking (measuring, making the mess, applying the icing in a less than perfect way)? Do they get to help pick out presents for the grandparents (or you, when they are with dad, and for dad when they are with your)? They may just need to be more involved.

I see no reason to go on pretending that Santa dropped off the gifts.

ETA: I can't believe a poster thinks your husband is selfish for answering your children's questions honestly rather than lying to them. Just wow.

My son knows about Stanta, both the reality and the fun side. We don't go over the top, but we enjoy it.

If you love the holiday, figure out what means the most to you, and find ways to do that stuff with the kids. You may need to redraw the picture of how Christmas goes in your head. This would have happened eventually, it just happened sooner than you expected.

Christmas can be fun, even if you don't believe the red suit guy is real. St. Nicholas is a real figure, the spirit of Christmas is real. Use that and go from there.

Our local radio station is doing #GiveMas for people who don't need presents. They give their time, money, talent, whatever, to something they care about. And friends are doing it with each other - all going volunteer at a shelter together, or volunteering at something that means something to their friend (as a gift to them).

Hope that helps!

For sure don't buy extra stuff. Focus on the real spirit of the season, which is spending time together and giving in other ways (giving time, donations or maybe even money to those in need.)
But continue to do all the things YOU enjoy. As my kids have gotten older I have let go of certain traditions that became more of a burden than a pleasure (like setting up my Christmas Village and making a thousand cookies.) But I still enjoy setting up my little themed Christmas trees in different rooms, decorating the front door and the mantle, displaying Christmas cards, shopping and/or making things for everyone I love and having my annual Christmas Eve Brunch.
Your boys may not seem to notice or care but I think it's nice for them to see you express yourself every bit as much as your husband does, they will remember a mom who cared about joy and beauty and cheer and I think that's a lovely thing.

Please re-read Ziggy's answer below. I agree with it. It seems to me that you are conflating "not believing in Santa" with "not havng a festive holiday." As she said -- what does Santa belief by young kids have to do with baking, shopping, lights, etc.? You can do all those things and more, and your husband can be as agnostic about the religious roots of the holiday as he likes. I have friends who are agnostics (some single adults, some singles with kids, some married with kids) and all are VERY into their trees, ornaments, decorating, planning holiday meals, traveling or hosting, buying and wrapping, going out to see lights or even to festivals where there will be...gasp...Santas. Or even, dare I say it, accompanying family members to their churches, like my close friend who always goes to Christmas Eve service with her sister though my friend is agnostic. She can be agnostic yet still recognize that others whom she loves are celebrating a religious festival, and she can still appreciate the beauty of that celebration.

Don't confuse the idea of your kids not believing in Santa with totally tossing out all the other trappings and fun....Unless your husband is also against the other aspects of the holiday. Does he want to stop giving gifts altogether? Does he tell you not to decorate, or to stop baking stuff that is holiday-themed? If so, he has bigger issues here and YOU need to assert that you too have a right to celebrate a holiday that is meaningful to you, whether that meaning is religious or not. I'm guessing based on the post that he doesn't forbid things but just doesn't join in your happiness, either, right? That's sad, frankly.

As for your boys and how they "don't seem to notice or value" making memories -- two things. One, they are at ages when they are wrapped up in themselves, as kids these age quite normally are, and mostly should be; so relax and remember that a lot of what you do IS soaking in and if you dropped the traditions suddenly -- I bet they'd let you know they really WERE paying attention and liked what you all do. And second: Make sure that those memory-making traditions are what you ALL do and that Christmas isn't just about mom, but that you have the boys doing things too -- especially doing something like filling stockings for a charity, helping with a Toys for Tots Drive, baking cookies and then going a step further and taking plates of those cookies to the firefighters at the fire station or the folks at the nursing home....Ensure that they help decorate, they help bake, they get out and tour the lights with you, and they do something for other people at this time of year. Those things aren't agnostic, atheist or Christian, they're simply fun and helpful, and if your husband somehow objects, you and he need to talk big-time.

As for the immediate question of the Dec. 25 gifts: Let them just appear overnight under the tree marked for the boys and don't mention Santa at all. The boys know they're from you. I would be very interested to hear if at least one of them pipes up, half-jokingly, "Hey, are these from Santa?" Just give a sly smile and say, "Whoever they're from, they're FOR you!"

It also sounds a bit like you are mourning the passing of the days when your sons were more into getting lots and lots of gifts. I would just get them the few things you know they want, plus a stocking for each with a lot of small, fun items they can enjoy and it's not a big deal when those items lose interest for them. Take the time you would spend on buying lots of extra gifts and spend it on DOING things with them while they are off school.

in our house the santa part has always been equated with love. Santa brought usually only 1 or 2 gifts. the rest were from mom and dad. and the kids knew it. so if your kids don't believe although at 5 its sort of hard to not believe. the whole agnostic thing means he doesn't believe in religion. santa is not about religion.

If they don't believe I wouldn't push it. You don't have to believe in Santa to enjoy the season and to want to give to others or make someone happy.

I think having fairytales as kids helps them to be able to dream and use their imaginations and I see no wrong in that. Childhood passes way to fast so kids should be able to enjoy it as long as possible.

Wow, that's just so young not to believe in magic, and wonderful happy mornings with a little surprise under the tree just for them, and fresh baked cookies, and holiday music, and inviting friends to celebrate....busy is no excuse to not create healthy, happy family memories and traditions. Santa is only one part of it...create your own atmosphere, create it for them.

Santa never brings gifts to our house. mom and dad do.
I love the holidays just as much as the next person, but I don't do santa. My kids have never really asked about it, and when he has been mentioned I just say something about who St. Nicholas was back in the day.
My daughter, almost 4, was very upset when she saw a santa that wasn't wearing a hat, boots, and a red jacket. So I just told her that maybe she would see another santa that did have that stuff. that there's lots of santas!
Because he's not real.
My kids are healthy, happy, wonderful people. We celebrate with family, have fresh cookies, see friends, make big meals....and have a great holiday. Without santa.
L.

You don't need to get any extra stuff. Just make one of the gifts you have gotten them from Santa. My boys have lots of presents to open under the tree every year, but only one from Santa. The Santa gift is the best gift, usually the biggest and most fun. The rest of the stuff is mostly practical, useful stuff they need, like socks, underwear, school supplies, shoes, books, pj's, clothes, sports equipment and edible treats. They appreciate these things because they don't get new stuff every day. We save it for gifts.

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You don't need to get any extra stuff. Just make one of the gifts you have gotten them from Santa. My boys have lots of presents to open under the tree every year, but only one from Santa. The Santa gift is the best gift, usually the biggest and most fun. The rest of the stuff is mostly practical, useful stuff they need, like socks, underwear, school supplies, shoes, books, pj's, clothes, sports equipment and edible treats. They appreciate these things because they don't get new stuff every day. We save it for gifts.

My son (8) was never keen on the idea of Santa. He always thought Santa was a little bit of a creepy and didn't want him lurking around the house while he sleeps. We never put this idea in his head- it's just something he has just never felt comfortable with. Every year he asked if Santa can just leave his presents on the porch. lol My daughter loves Santa. We talk about Santa, but don't push it. For us, it's about family tradition and great memories. I think as long as you can do both of those things, you have the "magic". We don't go and see Santa at the mall, but we do go around a look at lights, participate in holiday events, etc. :)

I think you should do at least one Santa gift - even if you know they don't believe. They may not treasure your thoughtfulness during this season now, but when they are all grown up they will look back and they will treasure those memories. They will love you all the more for doing what you're doing knowing that they don't even believe.

Wow, this makes me sad for you and your children.

One thing I do love is to make others happy. To surprise them anonymously.
I do this throughout the year in different ways.

This could be one way as a family or even just you and the boys could bring magic and surprises to others.

We used to hear about families that really were struggling. We would organize, at any time of the year to purchase and anonymously give them the things they needed. We would add some unexpected items also. We did this sometimes with our neighbors. Sometimes families at the school our daughter was attending. Sometimes with our own families.

Maybe a family that was having financial problems, we would ask others for gift cards to the grocery store, gas stations, Target, Walmart etc. and mail them to the family.

Another time we knew that a family was struggling and the mother had mentioned she was worried she did not have enough money to purchase jackets for her children. We gathered slightly used jackets and had them cleaned. Some people purchased gloves others the hats, and others socks. These were left on their porch, with a note saying that "someone" was thinking of them.

I had a friend that had really hit bottom. She had to have major surgery, was on public assistance because of her health. She could not make her house payment and had two young sons. I heard her son mention he wanted some cereal for breakfast, but his mom did not have enough money for the cereal he liked.
We gathered over $500. just by sending out a simple message to a few of our friends and mentioning her struggles. We purchased gift cards and a few boxes of the cereal.. We made sure that she received them, but she never knew where it all came from.

There have been times on Christmas Eve, my husband has driven around the neighbor shaking (jingle styled bells) out of his car window. They sound amazing on Christmas Eve when everything is so quiet outside.

Maybe you and your boys could work on projects to make others happy. Not for the recognition, but because you all enjoy this type of thing. To me this is the spirit of Christmas, but we do this all of the year.

Maybe invite some friends over for hot chocolate and roast some marshmallows just for fun.

Only those who believe, receive.

Have your husband read "Yes, Virginia There Is A Santa Claus." Written in tehe 1800s.

Oh man ! I'd have a problem with that ! I was raised in a home where the magic of the season was so much fun and memorable.

With that being said, I would get the kids 2 or 3 gifts each and sign them from Santa. When they are Dads....Santa might come to their homes! They will tell their kids that you were the one who LOVED the magic of Christmas !

Keep the "Magic" alive anyway !

The other thing I would do: I would find the closest place that needs donations. Have your boys shop or gather the items needed. Bring them with you when you drop off. There are so many pets in need!!! We donate dry food, blankets and towels to a pet shelter ! Holidays are also about giving !

Family traditions are important and create bonds!

I would talk to your husband (and then maybe your boys) about the holidays as a cultural experience rather than a religious/fantasy one. As Americans, we benefit from a huge range of cultural traditions incorporated into the holiday season. Each family melds their personal history into their own experience, but we share a lot of commonalities. Regardless of religion or cultural, the majority of Americans exchange gifts, gather with friends or family, eat something special, and often do something charitable at this time of year. These commonalities help us relate to each other and create the joint shared experience of living in our world, in our country, at this particular moment in time. Enjoying the experience of living in our culture is not the same as "drinking the Kool Aid" and embracing a certain religious viewpoint.

Traditions are important in families. My mother's family is Scandinavian, and I must have Akvavit at the holidays. I make my in-laws share it with me, now, though only a couple of them enjoy it :) It brings a piece of my family history forward to my new family, and that is important to me.

Whatever you have left in your budget for gifts, buy some "angel" gifts for a charity, and make a list to share with your kids. Tell them how proud you are that they are making other children happy.

And bake cookies to your heart's content- if you have extra, I'll PM you my address...lol!!