Sadness!!

Dont do this if you can't let go. You gave that baby what she needed when and while she needed it, that is WHAT YOU DID. Now let go and take on another baby that NEEDS that TOO!
Dont be weak. What you DO is not for the WEAK but for the STRONG!

Oh my gosh, I am SO unbelievably sorry. I can only imagine what you're going through. I could never, ever, ever do what you do... Which is sad, because it's such an important "job" to do. I would be a wreck, like this, every time. Unfortunately, this is the nature of this system. It all sounds pretty typical; that doesn't mean it's right, but it's typical. A close friend of mine has been a social worker for many years and a foster parent as well. This all sounds similar to many, many stories I've heard. That said, I'm not sure there's any harm in trying to plead your case to the social worker in a calm and logical way. Just so you know though, I've never met a social worker that wasn't ALSO fighting for the rights of a child, as you've done. They may not always get it right, but I can't see them doing harm to a child just because they "hate" a foster parent. I'm SO sorry... I am sad for you and for Anna.

I wrote advice on how to make this happen before I read the last few lines. The adoption is a done deal, it sounds like.

I would still go to the worker's supervisor and in a calm but firm voice express your sorrow. Perhaps you won't be able to see this family but perhaps you can influence the policy for future children.

I adopted a foster child. I also worked with CSD as a police officer who removed children. I'm really sorry to hear how unfeeling this worker has been. Nearly every worker that I worked with would've found a way for you to meet the adoptive family.

My foster child was placed with me as an at risk adoption, meaning the parental rights hadn't been terminated yet and the plan was for me to adopt. My daughter then had two different caseworkers.

I've reread your post again. I'm confused. Is she to be taken to an adoptive family? Usually that transition is done gradually. Perhaps this is the last visit with her birth mother? Have her parental rights already been terminated or is it now the plan to do so? Or were the parental rights just now terminated. If this is a new termination then there is a whole other process to go thru and Annie will be getting a new caseworker to deal with the adoption even tho the adoptive family has been chosen.

Another idea that I have is for you to ask the caseworker to give the relatives who will be taking her your name and phone number and ask them to give you a call. Write a letter to them, describing your love and care for their soon to be new daughter. Appeal to their goodness.

Please give me more info. I may be able to help you.

Later: I took more time to read your post more carefully. I'm confused. You said they are terminating her birth mother's parental rights but you can't take her to her appointments to be with her birth mother because your bond interferes with her bond with her birth mother. Makes no sense to me. I suggest that you're perhaps not understanding what is happening. Perhaps she will be visiting her relatives and they are wanting to allow her to bond with them.

Later, later. After thinking about this, I think I do understand CSD worker wanting a neutral person to take Anna for goodbye visits with birth mother. Anna needs to be calm when she sees her mother for the last time. The visit needs to be as calm as possible both for Anna's sake as well as her birth mother's. When Anna is already upset by being taken from you she is unable to be a part of the bond that is to be broken with her birth mother. She is upset when she needs to be involved.

Also, it's time for Anna's bond with you to be loosened. Her transition will be easier if she's less dependent on you. It's time for you to let go so that Anna can let go.

I'm so sorry and this is why I'm afraid to be a foster parent and admire people like you. I have mo advice bc I don't know the system but you're not nothing. Your impact on Anna is deep down and can never be taken away. I hope you get through this ok. Keep remembering you likely saved Anna in many ways bc she had constant love at a young age so what you did is hardly nothing.

THANK YOU FOR THE SO WHAT HAPPENED: I'm sorry someone hurt your feeling and made you angry. Keep on being the wonderful foster MOM you are and know that YOU and Anna are in many mama's prayers.

This is why I could/would not be a good foster parent....the training (is supposed) to teach you what is expected (i.e.,this child is NOT yours child and you will eventually give the child to another home). I get too attached to kittens and puppies, so a temporary child is simply out of the question.

My heart aches for your and the little child.....and all I have to add is that you and the child are in my prayers. God bless you for taking on a job that not many are capable of doing.

Kindest regards

I completely understand all your feelings about this. That is why, when I became a foster parent for a while, I chose not to take in babies, because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle just the type of thing you are describing.

Sadly, there is nothing you can do. Hopefully this new placement is a great one, you just have to assume that. Also know that even though she will go through a transition time, studies have shown that even if she has to break from you, the fact that she received nurturing by you during this important developmental time in her life is what is most critical, more critical than the fact that someone else will now take over that nurturing.

I know this will be heartbreaking, but you made a difference in that little girl's life.

So sorry you are going thru this. And I don't see any weakness here, so don't be so hard on yourself. You are human like all the rest of us and how could this NOT sadden you or anyone else in the same situation. I believe everything happens for a reason and the good Lord needed you to step in and show that child love and support and that's exactly what you did. Now let go and let God. He will carry you thru it and give you and Anna peace.
Prayers and (((hugs))) to you D.!

I don't even know what to say. It's just so sad, and so . . . wrong. Dawn made a good suggestion, though. Maybe you should contact someone above the social worker. It may help on down the road.

((hugs))

D., I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry this has happened.

Maybe you might consider writing this to the social worker's big bosses. She doesn't hold ALL the power if she has bosses. A letter in her file saying all of this might make her look bad to them, and maybe next time she will think twice about how she treats and uses people like you.

Make sure that you don't ramble in your letter. Say everything you want to say, but succinctly so that it makes sense and doesn't sound like you're ranting. Don't talk about feeling like you're in shock - it's okay to feel that way but not helpful to say it to social services.

It may not change one thing about Anna, but it might make a difference in some way you cannot see. And I think it will make you feel better.

Dawn

I am in tears reading this. The system is so screwed up. Child is last. Now I know that most social workers are for the kids, but they have to follow the rules. IMHO sometimes, rules were made to be broken. Stay strong and know you made a difference in the life of a child. She will never forget you. God Bless You.

Oh dear, I'm so sorry for your sadness. Your post is a little confusing to me, too.

One thing I DO know, if it offers you any comfort, is that children are much more resilient to change then we are, especially at a very young age.

:)

I am so sorry for your sadness and and sorrow and I know you feel like you are experiencing a death. I've watched kids for short times and they are just part of you so quickly. You never let completely go of those memories when they part of you. I also know how you feel for this poor little girl going to people she doesn't know. Think how many little ones live like this all the time. It's just heartbreaking. This is one that you personally love and I think you just need to grieve over this and try to go on taking care of the other children in your daycare. Love them and if you know God, pray for Anna. I could never to foster care because of this. It's too heartbreaking but it needs done by someone who loves them and you do and did and will.

I really don't know what to say but why would the social worker want to reduce Anna's community of love and support by trying to sever your relationship with her. That does not sound like it is in Anna's interest. I mean we could all use communities of love and support. So sorry you are dealing

I'm so sorry your going through this. I can tell you i was in a group home for a while when me and my sister were taken away from my mother and there is not much sympathy out their for what the child wants. The adults make decisions for you not based on emotion but on their own calculated feelings for what you need rather than what you want. I wish you could be their for that child i know she loves you and needs you but unfortunately it is called a system for a reason once your part of it your a prisoner to its outcomes. Just keep praying for this babies happiness and hope that she can attend your school again in the future once she has established that bond with her new family. God bless you for all you've done to give this child some stability I know i would have appreciated someone like you in my life at that time rather than the cold hearted women working in the group homes.