SAHM Needs Support- Please Read!

It is a tough decision and it is different for everyone. I have stayed home and worked part-time. Right now I'm staying home, but can't wait until we move again so I can find something part-time. I feel like it is a good balance. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you have to stop being you.

You made a right decision. Having more quality time with your children and taking care of your families are best things to do for a mother. A JOB ( Just Over Broke )is a 45-year plan make your boss rich. It is not worth for your chidren to grow up with out parents because of JOB. I am a single mother with a 8-year old daughter. I want to have more time with my daughter and take her to all activities she likes. That is why I don't want to work for someone else either. I started a home based wellness business 2 years ago and be able to have all the time I want for my daughter.

I can honestly say that I sacrificed my career because I felt very very strongly that it was the right thing to do. I miss it sometimes but have never ever regretted my decision. I graduated the top of my class in business school. I learned other languages and traveled. I had a job I loved. I had great dreams of moving up and knew I could do it and have what it takes. I am very ambitious and love that in the work world things get done and stay done and you can feel good about each concrete accomplishment. Then my husband and I decided it was time to have the children we always wanted. We both felt (and still feel) very strongly that I should stay home, so I quit my job a week before our oldest was born. I know I am doing the right thing. We now have five children between the ages of 11 years and 15 months. Life as a SAHM is rewarding, but the payoff is much more long term. Most of what I do during the day gets undone (cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, etc.), so the sense of accomplishment is much less concrete than in the business world. I work from home part-time doing bookkeeping for my husband's business, and I have taken various classes to keep myself challenged (like Chinese). I look for opportunities to help at home, with extended family, in the neighborhood, at church, etc., but am also careful not to spread myself too thin. I have my whole life to pursue goals outside my home, but I only have these precious years to raise my children. The investment is one I will never ever regret, no matter how challenging the days may seem. (Plus, there are always sweet moments sprinkled in with the work and challenges.) I can't imagine anyone on their death bed saying, "I wish I'd spent more time at the office." I wish you the best, and I'm very proud of you. You can find lots of wonderful support at www.flylady.net.

I was on a career path when my husband and I decided to start having children. The strange part for me was this - Before I had decided, I hired someone under me. He eventually took my job when I moved on then continued to move up in the company when openings occurred. Positions that easily could have been mine. I went PT, then when I was pregnant, I was offer a different FT position and declined it because I had to decide what was important to me and my family...only working 2 days a week and not a FT job. The company kept me on PT till I got pregnant with my 2nd child. I only left because we moved from PA to SC.

Now, I am glad that is the way my husband and I decided to go. It is really important to both of us even though I do miss my job. My children are more important and the responsibility of raising the next generation is more important.

I have a BS in Human Devp. and I had people tell me that I was wasting my degree. My degree is something I will always have and I just don't listen to people who say stuff like that. My children are young - 3 yr old, almost 2, and baby due 11/2. For our family, staying home is the best option. For other families, it might not be. That is for each family to decide what is best for them. God called us all to do different things. We should not ignore what HE wants us to do!

Blessings to you and your family. J.

Don't EVER apoligize, make excuses, or regret for being a stay at home Mom. I applaud you. And don't let Anyone make you feel guilty about it either. To me making that choice is one of the best career choices you will ever make. I was at home with my children when they were young although I had a home based business that allowed me to work around their schedule. My oldest daughter made the same decision and stayed at home and home schooled both her children. She is now pursuing her Masters in Family Therapy. My youngest daughter who did her stint in the corporate world and made a six figure income, after giving birth to a second daughter, is staying home with her children. I say that if you can afford to be a SAHM - DO IT! It is the VERY BEST gift you will ever give your children. And GET OVER what other people say or think. If you feel you've made the right decision, then that's all that matters. I think age and life experiences teaches us not to dwell on what other people think. They don't live under our roofs or pay our bills.

OK. That's my 2 cents worth. I'll get off my soap box.

M.,
I wrote a long letter that was erased as I sent it. My time is up at the moment.
Bottom line! Way to go!!! I think we need to be available to our children to really support them.
I hope more people, who can offer a healthy/supportive environment for themselves and their families, make the very choices you are making!
It is thee most important work anyone can do!
Blessings!!!
Feel free to send a note if you wish!

HI M.,
I agree with Kati--I don't know of any greater support system for SAHMs than MOPS. Find one near you & join it as soon as you can. There you will meet other SAHMs who can become your friends, your children will have a great time playing with other children, and you will be able to talk with other women about the same concerns and joys you have.
Also, do you have a church home? We belong to a wonderful Christian church that has many SAHMs. Our church supports and encourages women to try to spend as much time as possible with their children. Nobody at my church ever looks down on me or thinks I've done the wrong thing by leaving my career to be with my children. I have received nothing but positive feedback about my decision to do so.
Sometimes other women can say hurtful things because they are jealous. Not every mother is blessed to have the option to stay at home with her children.
Any yes, as much as I loved my career, I do love being a SAHM more. I have never regretted it.
Blessings to you and your family.

Dear M.

I quit a job after 10 years of constant success. I was very young when I started my job and from day one (though I did not realize it at the time) was being prepped for an upper management position. I was winning awards and being selected for top performing jobs. When I found out I was pregnant, there was no option but to quit. I was having twins and my particular position forced me to travel about 8 months out of the year. That was not a problem when it was just my husband and I, but with two kids...who would care for them while I was gone or he was gone? (He did the same job I did in the military) I had a very hard time accepting the fact that I was a "no body." I did nothing. I did not contribute to our financial well being, I did not have a title any more, I did nothing!! And then one day, it hit me. I am the most important person in the world. I have the hardest job ever but the rewards are far more pleasing than any physical award I have been given. I am a MOM!!! And what made me realize this was when my kids started talking. They mimic everything I do and say. I am so proud that at 1 1/2 yrs they could say "thank you." No one is able to give the amount of care and love I can to them. Yes there are other duties...laundry, dutsing, cooking, but those I have actually come to like as well. I have perfectly healthy and mentally healthy children! That is very rare in this day and age.

All I can say to you...is that without even knowing you personally, you are one of the best moms in the world. Anyone would who give up personal gain for their family is a true hero. Do not feel useless!! Your children will greatly benefit from this move!! They are around for such a short period of time. Make the most of it!!! They will thank you and love you for it in the end!! In today's world, we have to work so hard and for so long to be "successful." The job you have chosen gives immediate results!! And since we have to work so much and for so long for financial security, you will get your turn again in the "real world."

To all of those who critize you or are making fun of you...I feel pitty. It is a shame they do not know what love is and how a mother's love is the most important of all. I am sure they do not and will not have a connection like you have with your children. I am very proud that there are so many wonderful, strong, and independant women out there like you!! That is what will save our future!! Taking care of our children, teaching them, guiding them, and creating good people.

Congratulations on your new promotion!!!! Best of luck!

M.

{{HUGS}} Only you know what's best for your family. I worked up until the day I had my first child and that was 10 1/2 years ago. I was going to school to get my accounting degree. I was currently working at a civil engineering firm and before that the bank and working with CEO's and CFO's until I resigned. Did I love working? Yes. Did I want a corporate job? Yes! But my priorities changed once I started having children. It's so much more rewarding and a much harder job that I could have ever imagined! But the sacrifice is worth it! Your children are worth it.

I'm now 40 years old and love my 'job' taking care of my precious children (and still bearing children...currently pregnant with our 5th child).

My want for taking care of our children far outweighed my want for a corporate job. My children are important to me and the little things are important to me and I don't want to miss one minute of it. Good luck and congratulations!!

Congradulations to you for making sucha hard/ wonderful choice.
phewwy on those who say insulting things. when someone does that to me I tell them I only work outside the home so I can take a vacation from my "real" job of being a SAHM. Those that have never done it will NEVER understand. and yes being a working mom is tough too I get that but being a SAHm you give up lots when you gain lots. its tough on both sides. Here is teh thing you made the choice to stay home as a conscience effort to improve your family life BRAVO!! and if others can't understand it I feel sorry for them really! maybe they are actually a bit jealous taht they can't have all teh time with their kids that you now do have. your kids are once ina life time jobs come and go. and being a SAHM you have the best/ hardest job of all! keep on keeping on you are wonderful adn you are not alone!

I am going through the exact same thing right now. I started out as a SAHM with my first, then began working after he was a year old. I love spending time with my children, but like you I am a very ambitious person who needed something more. I have been working for 3 1/2 years now, and love my job, but my household is in disarray. My husband and I have been to therapy to try to figure out what is wrong with us. Basically everyone I talked to said the same thing - you need to stop working while your children are young. That was hard to accept at first, but in the end we both decided that it was the best decision. My husband and I are constantly in a battle over the household chores and taking care of the children. We never sit down to a decent meal together, and our home is a constant mess. By the time we pay someone to help us out with the cleaning and the children, and add expensive take out meals and unhealthy fast food, I really haven't made any money. I am constantly feeling guilty that I don't have the time to properly take care of my family. Just like you said, were "just existing". My dreams and ambitions will just have to wait. I know there are women out there who can juggle it all, but for me the sacrifice is too great. For right now knowing that my family is well taken care of will be enough. I wish you luck and pray that you will have an easy transition. Congratulations on making a change for the better of your family!

If you are good with your decision in your own heart and mind, then it won't matter to you what others say or think. Perhaps the place to start is to get yourself more comfortable about it. It seems the simplest way to grasp this - and get others to wrap their heads around it if you feel it necessary - is the last line of your post: You quit because a more important job had to be done.

On another and perhaps larger issue, why are you surrounding yourself with people who make you feel as if you have to justify the decisions you and your husband come to together? Perhaps, if you're talking about other working mothers, they feel the pull to be home, are unable to quit work, and feel that your choice makes it look as if they are not as committed to their families as you are. I don't doubt any mom's committment to her family, but maybe they are jealous that you can quit your job. Not everyone who wants to is able to do that.

I have done it several ways...stay at home mom, work from home mom, full-time outside the home career. There are advantages and disadvantages to each of these situations. Try to focus on what's good about this choice, an if you need to adjust later, you can. Maybe your husband needs to be the one to quit his job!

While you are finding your way in this new situation, you need to find a way to get happier about it or your kids will feel like there is somewhere else you'd rather be and that they are the source of your unhappiness. That wouldn't be good for anyone.

Best wishes :)

Hi M.,

I know what you are going through!!!!! You have no reason to be embarrased, althought I know exactly how you feel.

I recently left my corporate job to stay at home with my son. I went to college (for 7 years!) and got married, a few years later had a baby, and one day was so frustrated at my lack of work/life balance that I realized that what it was boiling down to is that by putting my less important job (career) before my most important job (mommy) became obvious to me that I was ultimately chosing one thing (money...I made a very nice salary) over my family's needs.

Not everyone can make that choice and I recognize that, because at the beginning of my career I had to work and didn't have the choice. Once I did, however, I really struggled with a work/life balance.

I decided it was much more important to sacrifice both my career and income to stay home, while I could, because like you said, they grow up so fast!

I felt great about the decision, but after a short while at home I realized I felt that I had lost some integral part of my identity.
NOT that my identity is in my career, but ALL the work I put into getting there (college, etc...) and my student loans (still paying those) and the sense of accomplishment I felt from my job (just getting tasks done and feeling like I was contributing to the family income) took a toll on my self-confidence! I struggled then and still do, honestly.

And then I'd get comments from extended family, for instance, who thought I was finally doing what I was "supposed to" by staying at home, and from some colleagues (men, mostly) that thought either I might miss career opportunities by checking out too early. I say, it's your decision! What works for one family will not always work for another. When it comes to choices we all have to make, we have to make them as a family and not compare ourselves to others! I struggle with that because I have friends who love there careers and feel no guilt about not staying at home, and I have friends that do the opposite. It always seems no matter what, that whatever we are not doing seems like a better choice. Only YOU know what is right for you and your family! And what a courageous thing to do to sacrifice yourself and have faith that all will work out!

I believe that the most important contribution we can make is to set the example for our kids about how to chose when faced with difficult choices that we have to make on a daily basis and how great the outcome can be when you make the right decision for yourself! And I know this may be obvious, but your kids certainly can't lose by having Mom around more!!!

Take courage! I know there are more of us out there :)

I became a stay at home Mom (sort of) when my youngest started kindergarten (my boys are 13 months apart so my oldest was in 1st grade). I started telecommuting to my job three days a week and went to the office the other two days (but was always at home by the time they got home from school). After seveal years with technology advances and the fact that we moved 100 miles away from my office, I quit going to the office at all. Now, I realize how fortunate I am in being able to do this (have been employed with the same employer for 28 years) but now that my children are 17 and 18, they know that I sacrificed "moving up" as fast and making as much money and they are appreciative of the fact that I am always and always have been here. Depending on what your occupation is and what your dream is, you might be able to find a "work for pay" job at home so that you can still work and feel some professional accomplishment while at the same time being there for your children. Don't worry about what the "totally professional" mothers out there say to you about being a SAHM--they made their decision--you made yours so be happy with it and ignore their rude and unknowing comments. If you can't find a "work for pay" job at home, find some volunteer work that is fulfilling to you. My children have always come first--being a parent means you sacrifice some things--those who do it with joy are the most happy. I am 51 now and thinking about going back to college to finish my degree and am glad I stayed in the same position for all these years--it gave me time to find out what I really want to do with the rest of my life now that my kids are almost grown--one going off to college and the other a Senior in HS. I probably wouldn't have figured this out if I had been a rat in the rat race instead of staying at home, working during the day, taking care of the house and the kids when the kids were home. Be glad that you don't "have" to work--find something fulfilling to do and ignore the comments of the unknowing. Have fun.

I can relate to the struggle. Even when I walked away from my last JOB 5.5 years ago, I knew I wanted to do something and I wanted to work from home and make it work. My daughter has never been in child care, she starts pre-K in a little over a week. In the meantime, I have found ways to successfully still have a career from home without being employed by other people or corporations and so has my husband, so now we both work from home full time. When he walked away from his job I had a huge fear, but we found out that we make more money working for ourselves and those "benefits" of being employed can be done on your own. Anyway, I just wanted to offer you the thought process that you can do what you want to do and it doesn't matter what other people think. We had some friends who thought this was a temporary thing for us and that surely he would get another job. The thing is they just didn't "get it" that we enjoy the freedom and being in control of our income and our family time.

If someone comments on your scenario, you can just kindly let them know you are doing what you want to do and what is right for you.

So I can say that I understand where you are coming from because though I stayed home for the right reasons, I still felt a very strong need to contribute to working and having income so we could have a better life and so I could still live the life I wanted to live. It wasn't always easy and I didn't always have all of the answers along the way, but it has worked out well for us. 2 summers ago we were surprised to qualify for a new car loan and a new mortgage so we could move to a better part of town and then last summer I also bought another new car....so don't ever be a slave to thinking you have to have a job to accomplish big things, because you can still do all the same stuff that people do that have jobs and you have more freedom of time and more choices.

Being a Mom is the best job in the world! There is no other job with the same benefits: bonding with your kids, those precious, once in a lifetime moments when they do or say something so extraordinary, that if you had not been there, you would have missed it, getting to really know your chidren's like and dislikes, their temperaments or personalities, being there for them at all times, the right place at the right time, and so many more as you will discover. Nothing can replace your "Mama Moments", enjoy and cherish them. When they are grown and gone, you, and them will have many, many cherished memories. Do not let anybody steal your joy in, and love for your children. Be blessed!

I totally understand. I am a SAHM to a going to be 1st grader next week and a 3 yr old in preschool. I had a great career, made great money, interacted with other human beings talking about things other than breast feeding and diaper changing. I understand. Luckily, I think in my now almost 6 yrs of staying home I have gravitated to SAHM more like me, who worked and stay home not because we sew our own clothes and make our own jam, but b/c we want to spend quality time with out kids. It is an on going battle, don't get me wrong. I have SAHM friends who have the MBA's and husbands want them back at work. What it does give me time to do is volunteer at my son's school. He has a late summer bday and I hesitated to send him to Kindergarten last year, but by volunteering a lot, I felt like I had great rapport with the teacher, I read to his class all the time, etc. I also sub at my daughter's preschool, which not only gives me a reduction in tuition, it give me $ every time I do sub and I get to see more of the school, I also volunteer for a lot there too. With both in school, I get some "ME" time too. I can run errands, schedule Dr apts with no kids! Take this time and enjoy it. Also, totally unsolicited is put your kid on the bus. It is paid for by you through taxes, it is the "green" thing to do (which I am not some crazy) I was told by many friends and neighbors to put your kids on the bus. My son loved it for the most part. Sure some days we drive or we carpool with a neighbor (by the way next door drives her son every day and the other moms at the bus stop make fun of them that she needs to cut the strings) So if we miss the bus or I let my son get some extra catch up sleep we have a back up plan. Just my 2 cents. Feel free to email me if you want to chat. I found when I hung out with the SAHM who LOVED being with their kids, who did crafts when my kids went over for play dates, or the homeschooler moms, it made me feel like a fish out of water. Since then I have gravitated to moms more like myself, we are out there! We love our kids, our lives just don't revolve 100% around them. We still do things for ourselves. But, enjoy this time. I say volunteer and have quality time with the younger one while older one is at school. Any ?? just ask away.
C. in Alpharetta/Johns Creek

You are doing the most important job of all by giving your family all of your time. Our daughter is 23 years old and I quit work to be at home with her when she was born. I, too, have a college degree which helped a lot in organizing our home to keep things running as smoothely as possible. I went back to work part time when she started kindergarten. I do not regret being a room mother, Girl Scout leader and chaperone for school events. My husband and I felt it was our job to see that she was raised in a caring, nurturing environment. Having me there when she got home from school was importatnt for both of us. Our daughter has happy childhood memories and I have lasting memories of our time together. I have found that no matter what decisions you make, there is going to be someone out there disagreeing with you. Motherhood is a tough job and you NEVER retire from it. Your children will be better off for your decision and so will you.

You are a working mom. You just don't receive a physical paycheck every 2 weeks. I have done both. If I could, I'd stay home again. My dreams, since a child, have been to be a stay at home mom. However, now as a single mom, that isn't possible but I did have it for five wonderful, difficult, frustrating, and rewarding years. I learned so much about management of time, money, and personalities! I don't feel I wasted any time by staying home. I chose to be an active mom, active in my neighborhood and I did get a part time job (about 6 hours a week) in a position related to my career so I could remain sane!

That being said, it's none of your business what others think of you! Besides, their probably jealous of your courage and strength and maybe you're fortune to be able to choose.

In the end, what others think is more about them than you.

Congratulations on doing what is best for you and your family in the face of adversity. Ain't life grand?

S.

Is it possible for you to work part-time? Maybe that could provide the job satisfaction and still give you time at home. I know part-time work doesn't always pay enough for day care.

I understand your dilemma and wish you luck. Don't worry about your co-workers comments. They may be jealous. Surround yourself with people who compliment you about your strengths and don't tear you down.

I have 2 boys 61/2 and 18 months. Last year was the first year I didn't work and I'm so thankful for it. Take care

I am sure you will recieve a LOT of support! I couldn't agree with you more about the tug-of-wat between staying home and working. I have been bleesed enough to have the opportunity to stay home with my kids for a few years and work. I had found a job doing childcare out of my home, and loved knowing I was doing something fo me as well as for them. I never missed a kiss goodbye or a hug hello. I was available to see every "first", including crying over homework and sneaking off to play video games. Although some people will never understand, these are truly moments that cannot be relived or replaced. Work has always just been a bonus for me, and I think my kids really liked having other children to play with for a few hours a day. I have talked with other SAHMs, and I know it's definitely NOT a lazy life. With or without working, making sure your kids are learning, socializing, and having fun (not to mention eating healthy, potty training, not watching too much tv, washing their hands...)really is a very demanding, 24 hour job. I FULLY support you on staying home and spending your time with your children. They will never forget it, and neither will you.

I personally believe that you did the right thing. Don't let anyone give you a guilt trip. I believe that when all your children are out of the house you will be able to go back to work. Believe me the children will appreciate you being there for field trips, parties and all the other activities that will happen. I had three children and kept another one. We didn't have a lot and my children went to a Christian school $$$$$. But I was there for all the activities, football, basketball and volleyball games and parties. I worked part time while they were in school and like I said I kept a little boy that also started going to the same school. You will look back one of these days and know that you did the right thing.

There is so much that could be said. I know the decision you are making is hard, but please know you are making the RIGHT decision. Your family will greatly benefit from it. It is true that our society does not look fondly on the SAHM and assumes they stay home all day in their pj's, watching soap operas. They just don't understand the 24/7 nature of your job and also the HUGE benefits. While the change in income might hurt for a little while, I know that with a little creativity and time you can live happily on one income.

Please don't listen to your peers about leaving your job. While you can make a difference in your job and you might enjoy it, just remember that by staying home with your children and focusing on them as they grow up you are choosing to do something that has much longer value...molding the next generation.

And yes, join MOPS!!!!! I don't know how I would've survived the first year of SAHMotherhood without it. Now, I am on the leadership team and hopefully helping other women.

Dear M.,

You are not alone!! I am a stay at home mom of a 15 month old and I really miss having a job. I am a certified horse trainer and breeder and my last job was working at a therapeutic riding center with children with disabilities. I loved it so much I wanted to do that for the rest of my life. I was on my way to taking a special exam to be a certified instructor( very hard). All I have ever wanted to do with my life was work with animals. Then we decided to have a baby and we knew that our only choice would be for me to stay at home. We could not afford daycare and I wanted to make sure my daughter was cared for the way I wanted. Also my husband is in the military so we moved from my hometown and all of the people I knew. I find it so hard to get to know new people in the usual ways with my daughter. I am making friends and they are great and I love being home with my daughter so much. I would not change anything but I miss that independence so much and just that feeling of fullfilment. When people ask what I do and I say I am a full time mom they look at me like ohhh you aren't smart enough to do anything else. They just go on like I don't matter very much. I think it is harder than just a regular job and there are some days that I long for the sanity and fellowship of a job. And my job was so special to me. So I understand exactly what you are going through. I have never responded to one of these but I just read your post and it was so like me I had to write something. Good Luck to you and if you would like to chat my email is: ____@____.com
Sincerely,L.

I can relate in some ways to this. I was laid off in February due to the place I was working at permanently closing. I have been home with my 2-year old son since then. I tried going back to work a couple times, but either the commute was too long or tendonitis flared up. I'm running out of unemployment time & checks and am nervous as anything since we can barely make it with my unemployment checks, so I don't know what we'd do without them. But I do love being at home with my son. I want to be able to see him all day, everyday. Be able to be there when he does sports & has games or practice. The last job I was at was SO lenient about letting moms take their children to the doctor, go to the daycare for the holiday parties, leave early for special events, or even take the day off to be with your child on their birthdays. So it was like of like having our cake & eating it, too.

Do not let other people bother you or your decision. If they are putting you down so much, are they a true friend? You don't want to regret not spending that time with your kids when you had the option to do so. One former boss told me that if he could afford to stay at home with his kids or be at the office, there wouldn't be a question. He would have taken the "stay at home" option and watched them grow. That was a man. You don't hear that from them that much!

I'm sure you won't stay home until both kids graduate. Maybe in 6-7 years you'll change your mind and see that going back to work would be the thing to do. Timing is everything. Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll be that awesome mom who has cookies ready when the kids get home from school & bring some friends over. The decision belongs to you and your family. No outside sources should influence that or make you feel bad.

I've rambled. I'm sorry. But I do wish you the best of luck. If we were in the area, we could talk and share the SAHM stories that keep us going everyday! Take care.

M.,
I just wanted you to know that I understand where you are coming from. I was/am a teacher. I stopped teaching when I had my little one 14 1/2 mos. ago. I always wanted to stay at home, because I felt like it was the best thing for our children. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I know that I get a lot of enjoyment from being a part of a work community. However, as my college roomate told me, the benefits that your children will receive from you staying at home, will far outweigh how hard it is for you not to be working. Maybe you could start part time work once both of your children are in school. Perhaps you can use your job skills to do some kind of non-profit work to fulfill that need that you have to be doing job related things.
Staying at home is really challenging, but I think that you can maintain your sense of self at the same time. It just may take a little creative thinking on your part! You are not alone!

Anyone who comments to you that you must not be able to handle "real work" or cut it in the working world -tell them to come over for 24 hours and see if afterward what you do is "work" or not! I guarantee you most people who think SAHMs have some cushy, vacation-esque life would be exhausted and crying in their beers after a typical day with a few small children. Yes, there are those lucky few who don't work and still have nannies, housekeepers, etc., but most of us are working our butts off at home! I have been at home for 2 years now, and have been really surprised at the back-handed and snarkiness of many people about the fact that I'm not going out and bringing home a check (nevermind that I do have various odd jobs during the year to make extra money). One friend commented to me last year that I must really get a lot of reading done! HA! I told her to come over and watch my toddler for a day and see how much reading she got done...

Anyway, stick to your guns. You can certainly get back into the work place when both of your children are in school. NO, you may not be at as high a level or with as high a salary as you would be if you never left, but you can get back into it! Consider something part time when they're both in school so you'll still have time to shuttle them between practices and go to their events. I agree with another poster -when they're grown and you're older, you're not going to say -"I'm so very glad I spent all of their childhoods in the office and never stayed at home with them." No, you'll be thankful you spent the time with them you did. AND NO -I'm not digging at those who are working by either choice or necessity, but if you make the choice to stay home and you can do that, then you deserve respect as well, and I do think you'll be glad you did later. I have many days when my 2 year old drives me insane and I think, "I just want to go back to work full time", and I'm having another this fall, but overall I'm glad I'm doing this. I think the benefits far outweigh the disadvantages, and while I plan to return to work when both of my children are in school, I'm happy I can be here with them while they're so young. I do think the perfect situation for me would be to work part time away from home, but unfortunately I can't find anything that really pays enough part-time to afford the childcare I would need!

Being a full time mom is the MOST important job in the world. (I could right a book on all the reasons why)... You've taken the job so enjoy it with gusto! When your children become teenagers and on, you will look back at those grade school years as some of the best in your life. And please moms stay home for your teenagers too!
I think your negative friends are the ones missing out because anybody can do your career job but no one loves your children like you!
Mother of 5 ages 15-22 yrs. and married to their dad for 25 yrs!!!
MAM

My advice to you would be to find something for you that you love to do during this time. ex:- go to the gym-join a tennis team, book club, get your toes done once a week- whatever it is that you like to do- you need to do- so that you can take care of you- many many sham go thru a just getting by phase- I'm in it right now- but I know that staying at home is the best thing I can do for my kids- even on my bad days....This is such a critical learning time for them and you cannot get it back- work will always be there- your kids will grow and then leave and have lives of thier own....I don't know if you are Christian or have a faith- but if you do- pray about this- ask God to bring you joy and energy to what you are doing- pray for your marriage and your mental health and happiness- this is all crutial to raising happy healhty children. Everyone goes thru a season of warfare and everyone and everything in life has it's up's and downs....cling to the up's get out of the rut ...find other mom's groups and hang out with them...you need to find a support system for what you are doing every day..
Good Luck to you- I hope you can find peace and joy with the decision you've made...just accept the fact that no matter what your doing- you are going to have bad days and good ones...
Nikki

Who cares what everyone else thinks? You should do what you feel is best and never, ever let anyone's comments persuade you. I had a mother-in-law trying to force me into the workforce the entire 2 1/2 years I stayed at home, and I stuck it out. YOu need to do what is best for you, and I sacrificed a good career for the better of my family (you can't say no one has said that now). Bottom line, everyone has their own opinion of what is right and what is wrong, and just because it's nota all peaches and cream, doesn't mean you're not doing the right thing. Not everything is fun, and parenting isn't easy, and is harder than just leaving them for someone else to raise. These people telling you that you are a silly idiot, obviously have no idea how hard it is to stay at home! I think you're doing the right thing, and so do you, so don't sweat the at work moms, they just don't know!

I understand your situation. I went back to work when my daughter was 8 months and after 2 months, just couldn't do it anymore, so I decided to stay home for another year. With major cutbacks we were fortunate to be able to do that (barely), but with my daughter turning 2 next month (and LOVING preschool so much more than being at home:( I've decided to start my own business instead of going back to work. What I'm saying is I've been on both sides and BOTH options are hard, so it's up to you to determine what's best for you and your family. I've decided that I will be a better mom when I'm working because I just can't handle the mundane-ness of being a SAHM, even though I love my daughter more than anything. I WANT to work, but I also don't want to leave her in daycare for 10+ hours a day and never see her, so owning a business that I can run from home will allow me to work whatever hours I want to work. There are a lot of inexpensive franchises that can be run from home--do some internet research if you're interested. If you don't want to work at all, I think that's a noble decision if you say you liked working and not a cop-out as your friends have implied. In your friends' brief defense, if they have never been SAHM's before, then they really don't know how hard it is. I always thought that moms ate bon bons and watched soaps all day before I learned that it is just the opposite! I've never worked so hard in my life. I'll be relieved when I start working again--phew!, but I will also be hiring a cleaning person/ landscaper asap so I can spend more time with my family when I am at home. Don't let other people bug you--who cares what they think? You're a great mom and that's all that matters!

I support you whole-heartedly! I love my job so much, but I feel like raising my son is so much more important. I'm torn because financially I need to work right now. My husband works FT and is in a FT weekend MBA program. Embrace the reality that you CAN stay home right now and when the kids are older, your careeer will still be waiting. You might consider working part-time to keep your skills up!

it's a very personal decision whether you stay home with your kids or return to work and not everyone will agree with your decision. and it's often really hard to stay home, especially if you love your work. i LOVED LOVED LOVED what i did professionally before i had kids...i would still love to go back and work but my DH and i decided that it was best for the kids for me to stay home. i was torn when i left my job but i wanted what was best for my family. just remember that we have our kids for such a short period of time--you can always pick up your career when they are off to college. there are lots of women out there who understand what your going through--don't feel guilty or alone!

Please do not listen to those people! I am a SAHM (always have been) my children are Cameron turning the 5th, and starting prek on Weds. Caleb is about 18 months and Kara is about 3 months. Currently due to slight strain I'll be getting a pt job 15-20 hrs a week at Publix but they will work with me so i don't have to put my children in child care (Not that its a bad thing, i just prefer not to if i don't have to)

I too recieve looks or slight comments how i sit around all day and am doing nothing with my life. I see it so much differently. I am raising a family and shaping the future. It does go by increibly quickly.

I suggest you join MOPS (I am currently looking into it, i live in Cartersville do you live near here?) or find other play groups, try meetups and cafemoms.

I can't say i completely understand because i've never given up a job I loved for my family, but you are doing the best thing for your family. When you become parents you can't be selfish, no matter what it's your job to provide in the best interest of your children, and if that means you staying home and going on the field trips, being a soccor mom, hosting brownies then so be it.

And by no means is being a SAHM easy. Whoelse will stay ontop of the laundry and dishes? Make sure the kids make it to the dr? Pay bills on time? Have the energy to maintain and keep up the romance in your marriage?

Don't even feel like you aren't doing enough, it's hard work and its 24/7. I hope you find the support you need. You could always start your own play group too. I also suggest looking on MSN for groups to chat on.

You Go Girl! You are definetely right that our society dismisses women in so many ways, especially SAHMs. Kudos to you for doing what you need to do regardless of what others think. Before I had children I was one who thought moms who didn;t work outside the homw were soft and lazy. Boy, do I know differently now. You are choosing the harder path. You do not have to defend or explain that. You need to find your power and love within to be confident in your choices and your life. Finding that is a journey and you are taking the firststeps. You really don't have to answer those who judge you incorrectly or find you lacking. Maybe you need some new friends. Also, do not believe everything you think. Perhaps some of the time you think people are judging you when they are not.

Perhaps you need to start your own business out of your home. (I have 2 and I'm writing a book). It takes a while to get them going but after a few years the naysayer in your life will be impressed and best of all you will have grown and have your own business. Call me if you want some ideas. I recommend developing passive residual income and there are lots of ways to do that. I HIGHLY recommend reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiosaki.

Also, sounds like your little one will be in school in a year and you will be amazed at how your life will shift at that time. You will have time to pursue some of your own interests.

Never forget yourself and your dreams. It is important that your family see you go after them. You can certainly spend 15 minutes each day reading personal development books even now so that you are growing towards your dreams even at this very busy time in your life.

Good luck!

E.

I totally understand:) People judge people, especially women judge other women, and moms judge other moms. We shouldnt but in one way or another we do. DO what you and your husband feel is right! Be around other moms who stay at home. Join play groups, go to the library when they have activities for your kids age. You are bound to meet other moms to connect with. Try reading the book I was a great mom before I had kids. I am reading it now and wow! I am really enjoying it! People are going to think what they will but you know what is right for your family and whoever says that you are lazy and dont want to work should take a day in the life of a SAHM and they would see just how much goes into it. It is the hardest "job" I have EVER had!!! Hope everything works well for you.

He I'm doing the same thing. Well Kinda except I have four kids and my oldest is starting kindergarten in two weeks. I wouldn't do it any other way. I have to admit though that this is the hardest most rewarding job I have ever done. And I'm glad I'm doing it. Just don't worry about what other people think. You're living your life not theirs.

I feel so much like this, too. I have been wanting to be a writer my whole life, and keep trying to make time to write while still taking care of our household. So far, the writing has been losing out. my husband and i keep trying to find a balance.

It is really hard to sacrifice my ambitions to change diapers and do the grocery shopping. But, like you, we believe that the kids being with mom during the day is best for our family. mine are still pretty little, 3 years old and 7 months old, so i have hopes of finding a little time to do my own thing once they start school.

What encourages me is when i am nursing the baby, or dressing my preschooler, and it seems like they are growing right before my eyes. in the span of time, it will be so short that I've had to sacrifice, and i don't want to miss their childhoods. it goes by very quickly.

Every family has to do what is best for them. if you believe that you are doing the right thing, then go forward with the confidence of that and make the best of it.

Yes, I can honestly say I sacrificed my career because I felt very strongly that it was the right thing for me to do. I miss it terribly, but don't regret my decision. My youngest is about to enter kindergarten next week and it feels like the end of an era. Do I sometimes feel wistful for a job... a paycheck... etc... sure. Sometimes being a SAHM can seem like a thankless job. But I truly don't regret it. These are moments you don't get back. Hang in there... you've gotten a lot of good responses about finding support. I have also loved being involved in my kid's schools. They are so thrilled when I walk into their classroom to help out... I figure... how much longer will they be that excited to see me before they are embarrassed by my presence in the teen years?! I can always go back to work... (yes, no doubt my career suffered and it will take some doing to get back) but I couldn't get back these years with my kids.

I am one of those people who said "I sacrificed my career because I felt very strongly that it was the right thing for me to do. I miss it terribly, but don't regret my decision," I had a career, was in law school enjoyed it all. But I knew that I was supposed to stay home and take care of my child myself. I felt that it was more important to do that at that time than my career. Now, I have 2 kids and I'm about to start graduate school. Being a stay at home mom doesn't make you stupid or lazy. It is your choice and one you are making for the betterment of YOUR family. What other people think doesn't matter. Start looking for new friends who are stay at home moms too. Ones that don't say things to you like that. Check out moms club or MOPS. Email me if you want to talk.

Wow. I can only imagine what you must be going through. Each person has inner desires and a purpose in life. Men, in general, have the opportunity to go after their professional dreams much more than women, due to women staying at home (by choice or by strong persuasion). Either way, any adult who wants to achieve something, have adult conversations, and is stimulated by being around adults inevitably reaches a point of loneliness, boredom and difficulty. I am sorry that you are struggling right now. Is there any way you can find some opportunity twice a week to hang out with a professional network of women or just one to have lunch and talk? Is there a way you can start a small company of your own and have your children help you in some way? Maybe you could hire a part-time mother's helper or nanny while you go to the gym or the library or to connect with friends for 4-8 hours a week... That could bring you the balance you need to be your best for you, your husband and your children. Also, try buying a couple of books and audio books written for women in your shoes. Subscribe to magazines of women who are successful SAHM who may have invented products or done something out of the box. Try to surround yourself with some inspiration so you can appreciate the woman you are and not give up on becoming the best you can be. Reject any negativity people may send your way about how you feel or about the way you were when you worked in the job force. Good luck and I hope you reach a place of peace and inspiration very soon.

You said it all in the last sentence, "a more important job needed to be done". Now this is not to put down anyone else who wants to or has to work, but I know beyond a shadow of doubt that if the mother doesn't rear her own children with the values they themselves believe in then who will? Where else will they get the nurturing, love, teaching, compassion, praise, safety, etc. the way only their mother can give. Anyone else will not be the same. If you adopt, you must be there completely as their mother, do all that you would do if they had been in your womb. Mother is special, she is the sacred vessel in which the miracle of life comes. Being a mother is the most sacred of callings you will ever be involved in in this life.
Never ever feel less of a person for any reason because you are a stay at home mom, whether you adopt or naturally carry a child. You should never let the world impose their ideas or thoughts to degrade the sanctity of motherhood in any way.
You are blessed to have the opportunity to train your child up in the way it should go, and when he is old he will never depart from it. You have created a human being, how miraculous is that and now you teach, train, nurture and love that child so he can go into the world and be an intelligent, loving, and caring person that will carry on what he has learned from his loving home. The job can wait, you have a far greater opportunity with long term dividends.
You have the best job above all!! I admire and commend you!
Much love,
G.

I was a professional who decided to stay home after the birth of my 3rd child. For the most part I have really felt lucky to be able to be there for the children but as my oldest graduates from high school and the other two are not far behind, I feel like I would like to go back to work. The problem is that I have been a SAHM for 12 years and I am now scared to get back into the work force - no confidence, etc. My point is - is there anyway you can work a little bit to keep up your professional contacts and to keep your skills up? Even if you just work one day a week?

I stay home with my kids because I believe it is the right thing for my family. I do a lot of things and most often the reason is because I believe it is best for my family, like eat healthy, homeschool, have babies at home, breastfeed, etc. Go with what your instincts are telling you, that is what is best for your family. If you want to use your degree do it in a volunteer way or on the internet. For example I have an accounting degree, so I am the Area Finance Coordinator for the state I live in for a charitable organization (LLL). I also enjoy sharing my healthy lifestyle with others so I just started a blog online (amyandsimonblog.com). There are lots of fulfilling things you can do along with raising your children. I know for me doing extra things helps me be a better mom in so many ways.

I am APPLAUDING you. You said it best.....a more important job needed to be done. There is NOTHING more important than touching the lives of your children....while you can. They will be gone b4 you can turn around, Milan. Then your life will change again and perhaps you can return to your career if you want. I did it too, girlfriend. I chose to stay home with my son rather than pursue more $. And with more $ would have come more BILLS. That is just the way it works. He is 26 now....and I do not regret my time with him one bit. You hang in there and don't listen to the negative voices!!! I truly believe your family is blessed to have a mom/wife like you. Stand strong! Stand firm! You're doing great.

WOW!! you left an outside job to come home to the HARDEST one there is, and probably the most rewarding at the end of the day.

My two cents? DO NOT pay any attention to what anyone outside your house says. First, your family decision is the only one, second, they are probably jealous you can do it.

There will always be time to go to work, and the children are NOW!!!

ps my one month old grand daughter shares your name..

Very noble. Very wise. You said it all: "I quit because a more important job needed to be done." I commend you for your candor. What I see is that you left a job that you enjoyed (i.e. made a sacrifice) for your family and in your children's best interest. You are a mom -- and a good one. SAHM-hood isn't the easiest thing and it isn't always the most gratifying but I do think it's VERY rewarding in the long-run and, those who are able and inclined to make that choice, have signed on for what becomes a fulfilling achievement. What greater contribution can you make to society than helping your children to become socially aware, kind-to-others, self-sufficient, emotionally stable kids who will then grow up to be the kinds of adults we need to lead the world?

Nothing is forever, either. Your family may well come to another place when it works for you to go back to work. And you can make the best of that too.

(Don't forget about nannies or aupairs for two-working-parent households... That may be something to consider...

Even after knowing you received many responses, I still felt compelled to reinforce your decision. It took me a year to get over the "heavy" guilt of not working and knowing that I wasn't contributing to the family income or "saving the world" in my own little way. But, I wouldn't change it for the world now. My kids need me just as much or more at 13 and 16 as they did when they were born. And, I have also found fulfillment in earning an income as well as having adult conversation along with the benefits of a flexible schedule. I even just came back from a business convention this weekend that had over 4000 other women just like me. Some of them had 5 kids under 8 years old. I couldn't believe it. The topics that they hit on inspired me both professionally and personally.

You will find your niche. Don't feel guilty for staying at home to raise your family. Just realize that those other people don't know what they are missing.

If you would like to talk, I will be happy to do so.

Hi,
I completely understand. Staying at home is "personal" sacrafice when you are a career woman. Corporate America will always be there but your babies will only grow up once and I applaud you for wanting to experience that.

The "me first" attitude is why so many families end in divorce. It sounds like you are very talented. Look into consulting from home for your employer or even getting heavily involved in your childs school/PTA.

Your role as a mom and wife are very valuable. You will see the value as your kids grow and thrive. Sometimes you need to listen to your heart and when people are critical about your decision, stand firm and defend your decision and explain that it takes more strength to leave your career and sacrafice for your wellfare of your family. Tell them that it was not an easy decision and if they can't be supportive then they should keep there comments to themselves!

D.

I WOULD LOVE to be in your shoes. I have a 6 year old with special needs and a 4 year old starting pre-k on Monday. I quit my job in 2005 to help my special needs daughter get prepared for school. I loved staying at home, but it was a huge sacrifice. My husband made decent money, but were are nowhere near being wealthy. We were on a tight budget, but we got to do small family outings on the weekends just to get out of the house.

When I quit my job making $50,000 a year, my parents thought I was crazy, my sisters thought it was long overdue, and my best friend supports me always. I felt like you that it was important to spend time with my children while they were little an impressionable. I loved seeing them grow, and I did not like staying at home all of the time, but for the most part it was a joy.

I had to return to work January of this year because my husband is horrible with money so I was forced back into the working world. I truly miss my kids everyday and feel like we are just going through our lives with no quality time at all. I wish I could be a Sahm, but right now my marriage is rocky. I feel so guilty when I can't be there for my children especially my daughter with the special needs. I try to make myself feel better by not thinking about all that I am missing out on. One day I will wake up and my children will be grown and on their own. I say enjoy your babies and forget what everybody else says.

I haven't been in your exact situation, but I can understand some of the emotions. I too love to work, but haven't figured out exactly what it is I want to do when I grow up. So that's the hard part for me. I am a SAHM and right now wouldn't change it for the perfect job, but I can't say that I always LOVE being at home either. There is always some part of me that yearns to work. Here is the thing for me though. Like you said, the family is more important. And who's to say you can't go back to work when the kids are older and gone. The time we are devoting to these kids isn't that much in the long run. It just feels that way because it's right now that we are devoting. And you can't look at this like a sacrifice. It's more of a gift. In a sacrifice, you get nothing back in return. But in this wonderful gift you are giving, you too will get so much in return. Not just the little things now, but the big things later when your kids are older. There are so many things I want to do when I get the chance, but right now... I'd rather help my kids get their feet on solid ground and there's nothing wrong with that. To those who have comments, all you have to say is that you'd rather be there for your kids when they need you and there'll be plenty of time to work in the years ahead. Don't be ashamed. If someone has a smart comment to make, its usually because they have something they need to work out for themselves. Or maybe, they just genuinly don't understand. It's a bold move, and I commend you for doing what you felt was right, no matter how hard it was. What I found to be helpful in the current moment is to really focus on other talents that I can do while at home. Photography is mine right now. The kids will have great photos to look back on, I have great ones to remember them with, and it's something once good enough I can use to have a "side job" if that would help to fill that working void (which it does for the time). Find something you can do. Anything. And that will help keep the you inside the mom! Good luck. There are many of us there with you, you are not alone by any mean! I am here for any chatting or venting needed so please talk if you need it. The best thing us SAHMs can do is to talk and support eachtoher. You can do it!

WOW I sure needed to read your post. I am so over talking to people who treat me like road garbage because I "chose" to stay at home with my daughter. As if this job is not hard enough, it does not help to have people breathing down your throat, who just do not understand. I commend you for your courage. Thanks for giving me the encouragement to pick my chin up for one more day.

I stayed home the first two years of my daughter's life. It was wonderful, but very trying. She's 11 now. My son is 15 months, and I now work full time. While the first few months were hell, especially pumping at work, I was glad to get back in the groove. I am very lucky to work for a company that is very lenient. They don't mind if I come in late because my son was clingy, or I made him breakfast instead of Dad. My point is, you can have the best of both worlds. My suggestion to you is, relish in the opportunity you have to stay home. When your kids start school, get a part-time job. Then see where you are. good luck!

I have not been in your position but I want to applaud you for the choice you have made. I work outside the home and enjoy my job but feel guilty sometimes about not being a SAHM. You made the best decision for you and your family and you should not let anyone tell you any different. There will be time later for you to do some of the things you wanted to do. And, while you do not have to love every minute of being a SAHM, as long as you enjoy it most of the time and get satisfaction out of it most of the time then you made the right decision. If being at home makes you a better parent and makes you feel better about your family and its future then YOU GO GIRL! I wish I had the luxury of being a SAHM, but at this time I do not. GOOD LUCK and remember that each day you have with your children is a gift.

R.
(working mom to Charlie 9 mos)

Ive been in the same exact but a little different situation. I have 3yr old twins and being a SAHM was the worst thing ever for me, I hated it. Also there would be other moms that would work that would ask me to watch there children, I didn't mind sometimes but everytime I turn around there was someone that needed me to watch there children, and i'm the type of person that if you needed me I'm there to help if i'm able to do it. But different situations caused me to work for my family and help provide. What I would tell people when they would say things like they would not be the ones at home, I would just respond confidently, that i'm doing my part, you doing yours and i'm doing mine! I enjoyed every minute now whenever I get time to be with my kids, but when I was at home I didn't think about it until I started working that I missed that time I had with my kids and for some families they have to fight for that time where you don't have to, you can be the one to be there for your husband and kids. where other families they may have to look somewhere else for there help because theres no one in the home, because everyone is too busy.

I just want to tell you that you have made a good choce. My husband and I are trying to get me home this year. I have two children and i did not think that I would ever want to be a stay at home mom. That was not for me. Well last year i started a home base business. Just for some extra money. Well the company is based on the golden rule God first family second career thrid. Well it got me to thinking and my husband to thinking. So we set a goal as to when i can tell my JOB goodbye. I know that if i did not have something to do other than stay home i would go out of my mind but with this i can have both a career that will bring income in and being able to stay home with my children. My 4 year old starts pre-k next week and my 2 year old likes to be around other children. So my husband and I have decided that two days a week my son will go to school from 8-3 I will be able to work and still be home with the kids.
You need to get away from people that are negative and find some postive poeple. Good luck to you.

M.,
After 14 years of going in and out of work to a SAHM and back and forth as an effort to appease everyone, I have finally decided to STAY at home. If you love your children, value their future, and realize they don't stay young forever, you have made the right choice. This advice comes from someone who has had a career and earned a M.Ed. so take it as you please. I have four children 14 (twin boys), a daughter (10), and a son (3) and have tried to allow the rest of the world to raise them. What I have discovered is that I now am destined to fix what the "world" messed up, teach what the "world" did not teach, and relish the time I now have with my children that I have never had before. Always remember that all those people who have a lot to sway about your decisions are not ever there when it comes time to clean up a mess or pick up the pieces. Good luck and enjoy!

Hi M.,

I made a decision to stop working when my second son was born, six years ago. On one hand, it was the best decision for my family b/c I feel like my kids have had a great traditional upbringing...with plenty of family time. However, my house is still a mess and I am often too tired to make dinner too. So, just because you are staying home, doesn't mean things will get easier as far as that stuff goes. On the other hand, you can lose your own identity when you are a SAHM. I feel like I am always labeled as so-in-so's wife or so-in-so's mom. My advice would be to find some activity or interest that is unique to you... something you can spend time on that has nothing to do with your kids or your husband. Yes, it's great to be able to volunteer at the school or be the "team mom" when you are a SAHM, but you need to also cultivate your own sense of self too. Good luck.

G.

I feel the exact same way. A lot of women look down on me and assume that I am either lazy or couldn't cut it in the workplace. Neither part is true. I was successful and enjoyed working. Honestly I hate housework (it gets done but that doesn't mean I have to like it) but I love seeing each moment of my children's lives. I've adopted the attitude that I don't care what other people think of me. My kids are bright, funny, and well-rounded so as long as I can afford to be a sahm I'm going to do it. There's plenty of time later to pick my career back up or whatever I decide to do when they are grown and gone to college but for right now I'm staying here with them. Don't feel bad about your decision. It sounds to me like you made the best choice for you and your family. There's nothing wrong with working if you have to or choose to but there's nothing wrong with being a sahm mom if you can afford to or want to either.

When my son was born he had many complications and my job told me to use my vacation time. I was too young at the time to know about FMLA and just told my boss to fill my spot. I was happy to hear that they suffered without my presence. It's really simple... your children and family come first!!! I will know that my children will be the ones that stay in school, that have a good enough relationship with me to talk to me when something is up and that my children won't be the one that people say... "it's a shame, if they had parents that had time for them or cared about them, they wouldn't be getting arrested or pregnant or worse." We become more then a SAHM, we become their mentors, their teachers, their rock! All kids need something or someone they can depend on. My working friends think that I'm lucky to be able to stay home even when I sometimes wish I did have a regular away from home job. My husband is in the Navy and is stuck on a carrier right now and he would trade with me if he could. He missed the first day of school, riding with no training wheels and first wiggly tooth. I think I would be very upset if I had missed the first step, the first word, etc. I've watched little ones for my friends when they had to go back to work and they always appreciated all the videos and pictures I took. I commend the working mom... all working moms! Even when you're at home, you're still a working mom! Don't let someone make you feel bad about do a different job! Sure this one doesn't give a cash flow but which will be more rewarding? Good Luck!

SAHM of a six and three year old!

M.-

First let me say that I think you have made the right decision and that being a mother is THE most commendable job there is in the world. People come and go from jobs and careers and while their efforts may be felt for a period of time, nothing will leave a more lasting affect on the world than that of a loving mother teaching her children and helping them to become loving, attentive parents to their own children some day. I think so often our society down plays the importance of the family and of SAHM's. I had a fairly high level career for almost 9 years prior to becoming a mother. While I always knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mom the joy of watching my son grow really didn't come until I was actually going through the experience. Sure there are some days where I miss working or the feeling that comes with accomplishing a whole list of things as opposed to just a few but when I look at the few and see the joy on my son's face of learning something for the first time I know there is no place I would rather be.

I just wanted to write and let you know that there are other people out there that know how you feel...and who really know that being a SAHM is the most important and noble thing you can do for your children and family. I know you said you feel like you have made the right decision but don't always feel like you love being a SAHM. I'm sure it doesn't make things easier when those around you don't seem to understand the value of being a SAHM. I think as much as possible it is really helpful to seek out moms who do feel the same way as you or who simply love being SAHM's...even though they may not understand where you are coming from in missing your job sometimes, the support of other moms who love being with their kids and who understand what an important job it is may help. I have also noticed that the more positively you talk about something the more positive comments you seem to receive back. You may notice that some of those friends who downplay your decision may confess they feel the same way but don't have the opportunity to change.

The other thing I think may help you feel better or help you "love" being a SAHM is to take time to recognize those special moments during the day - however small they may - that you were happy you were able to experience. You could even do it like a gratitude journal...that way you would have those things to look back on and remember when it is hard to say you love being a SAHM. The other thing I have found is that it is all too easy to let time pass you by without taking the time to make memories with your kids. I notice when I have something planned to take my son to do or something new for him to experience how much more gratified I feel in my efforts as a SAHM. Even something as small as taking him to the library to get a book about something new he is interested in or coming up with a project or activity about it makes a big difference. It is those times, I am so glad I am at home to experience those things with him and where I can say with excitement that I love being a SAHM.

Good Luck,

W.

M.,
I have been through this. I got out of the Air force to stay at home with my children. I regretted leaving and I was really good at my job and what I did. I felt important and like I was accomplishing great things. I was also recognized for all the work I did.

I read a book called "From High Heels to Bunny Slippers" By Christine Conners. This saved me! Please read it. Although I still miss the military. I realized what an important job I have at home and it is so much more challenging then the work I did. Your kids will thank you when they get older and they need you, not someone else to raise them.

First of all, I admire your desire to accomplish and your work ethic. But most of all, I admire your ability to see priorities. I have been in these shoes after 13 years to get exactly where I wanted to be only to realize I was not enjoying either home or work nearly like I should have been. These moms you know have set their families on a priorty list and that is fine for them. Your priorities are to make sure that you invest in these children instead of investing around them. Lets face it, if you are good at what you do, there will always be a carreer for you. But, you screw up and miss that golden opp to turn the key in your childs life, you may not get a second chance.

As I remember one of the leading feminist say on a talk show one time "Ladies, you can have it all, but not at the same time." If you have an awesome husband who excels at being with your kids while you work - great, you can shine at the office, but you will miss those precious moments which he will get. Yes, you will miss the great strides of personal accomplishments for awhile, with a greater ability to know and shape your kids.

Knock that feeling off your shoulder and be proud you prioritized the most important task which cannot get second chances. Best of luck to you - Enjoy your decision.

I totaly get it. I have been at home now a year. And I quit working because it was the right thing to do. It was the hardest transition ever. I so encourge you to get involded in a moms group. I belong to a group called MOPS. We meet at Cumberland Community Church in Smyrna. A lot of these women work part time from home or at a job because they doing both. Others like me are have left wonderful jobs to do the right thing. Our first meeting is in Sept. We are having a playgroup that is going to American Adventures Aug 19th. You are so welcome to come. Hang in there.

I'm sure you'll get a million responses from people telling you what I am about to tell you, but it needs to be said. You are doing the most important job on the planet, you're raising the future of our world. In corporate America, it doesn't matter what job youhave or how important you are in that job, it still isn't as important as raising children.

I would say those people who make you feel bad about this decision are either jealous that you are able to stay at home with your children OR they couldn't handle it themselves. Yes, some people do HAVE to work, but that doesn't mean you're any less of a person because not only don't you have to but you choose not to.

I have a 7 month old and left corporate America to be a SAHM. I am a well-educated woman who had an excellent job in the financial industry. While I miss the rush of corporate achievement, nothing can compare to the smile I see every morning when I go in to get my son out of his crib and the wonderful feeling I get knowing that I won't miss anything.

I think you made a brave decision and the right decision for you and your family. Hold your head high knowing that when your children look back at the best memories of their childhood they will not be with their nanny or in daycare... they will be with their mother.

I think doing what your family NEEDS you to do instead of what you WANT to do is very noble of you. No matter which position you take, SAHM or Working Mom...you make sacrifices. If the people who claim to be your friends criticize you for your choice then maybe they're not the right fit for your life. I'm recently divorced and I am one of the moms who HAS to find a job ASAP...but for the past 6 years I was a SAHM and it wasn't always fun, but I wouldn't trade one field trip, walk to school or class visit for all the money/success in the world.

Honey, you ARE doing the right thing! I stayed home with my son from birth until he was 6 and then I worked while he was @ school until he was 9. I feel like it gave him a great start. He is so much more together and settled than my daughter. I worked full-time with her and she definitely has had it much harder with making friends, socializing and life. Don't give up, I think that it would help to find other SAHM's in your area to meet with. I joined www.meetup.com and found people new to the area when I first moved down. Maybe try there to find people that are supportive!

Who cares what anyone else thinks. It sounds like to me you made the right decision for you and you are happy with it. How many people can say that? It doesn't matter if you hear or don't hear other moms say: "I sacrificed my career because I felt very strongly that it was the right thing for me to do. I miss it terribly, but don't regret my decision." You should not need reassurance for something you already belive is the best thing for your family. So stop listening to other people who think you put your life on hold. You didn't. You are living the life you choose. And that is awesome.
But if you need to hear it: I loved my job. I was moving up. I was making money. I had kids. I quit my job. I DON'T regret it. I love my life. (although, an occasional glass of wine is required after some rough days) I wouldn't change it for anything. :)

Being a Mommy is, by far, the most important thing there is. Do not regret your decision. I would suggest you get involved in a MOPS (Mothers of Prescholers) or some other such mommy support group. And, I don't know what you do, but have you considered working part time? Maybe just 3 days a week would give you the best of both worlds! If part time work is not an option, consider volunteering at a church or local organization. If you intend to stay home after the kids have started school, then be the PTO Goddess! (I can promise you, a good involved parent at a school is a God send).

Good luck!

Let me begin by saying "hats off to you"! I wish more mothers had the guts to put their careers on hold while they do the most important job they'll ever do--stay home and raise their children. We live in a society that thinks you are either crazy or lazy if you want to be a stay at home mom. Work outside the home will always be there, your children won't always be small.

I stayed home with my children for many years--until the last one went to kindergarten. I was often made to feel like "a second class citizen" because I didn't have a job outside the home. My daughter is now staying home with her child and I admire her for making the sacrifice--it's not an easy job--it's 24/7 with no holidays, but the rewards are fantastic.

Take my advice and enjoy your little ones while they are growing up. They will be grown and gone before you know it. You will still have plenty of time for your career later. Best wishes!

Don't feel embarassed! There are plenty of Mom's out there would love to be SAHM but can't afford to. If you are strong in your stance when you tell people what you do, they will respect that. Also, if you really love to work, look to see if there is a way for you to work part-time from home. You may have to be self employed to do so but that can be fun to. When my son was little(not in school), I worked from home. I would do work for clients while he was sleeping or while he was playing in his room across the hall from my home office. It worked great although I didn't make as much money as if I had been working full time, it kept my finger in the work world for those years. If your profession does not allow for work at home, try to get involved with church or other volunteer work where you can take your kids so you will have adult contact. Otherwise,just enjoy your time with the kids, working full time now, my house doesn't get cleaned every week and the laundry sometimes piles up and we eat out alot so be happy to be able to give those things to your family and to be able to build a relationship with your kids that will last a lifetime.

I just want to tell you that here on MomSource you will find plenty of SAHM's! And they will give you great advice and encouragement. On the other hand, I DO NOT enjoy being a SAHM and I work full time. It's difficult to find time to do the things that need my assistance at home, but I manage. Since you love working, but want to be at home sometimes how about trying for a part time position? With a degree I'm sure it won't be too hard for you to do and you can love work and like being at home some of the time instead of all of the time. Blessings to you!

M.,
Congratulations on the decision to be a stay home mommy. I know how hard that decision and action was!

You might want to consider the MOMS Club of Villa Rica or the MOMS Club of Douglasville (depending on where you live) - they are a "support group for stay home moms" - moms who chose to stay home to raise their kids because (while they loved the work force) not being able to spend time with their kids they could be "proud" of later won out over having a great career.

What about a part time job or a work from home job? Just thoughts :)

I totally understand you, and I have many stay home mommy friends that do too - you are not alone! Raising your kids yourself is the biggest, hardest, most rewardig job (and it is a job) you will ever have.

Good luck with Kindergarten - I hope you all enjoy it :)

~A. C

I was a full time nurse and loved helping people and getting paid for it. After we had our 3rd I stayed home too. After our 4th I felt the same way as you. I now work 2 Saturdays a month (my husband keeps all the kids ages 7,6,3,1). It is enough to give my a break from the kids, keep current on things that change in medicine and keep my husband REALLY appreciating what I do everyday for him, the kids and our home. I know this is only for a time and now I do love it.

Are you in the Warner Robins area? I go to Southside Baptist Church and our pastor is starting a series this next Sunday for 4 weeks called Fireproof- protecting your marriage. Every year he does a series for the family and I love it! Even if you are not into the God-thing it is a great reminder and encouragement for a healthy marriage and family. It always gives me what I need to help me stay focused on my family and husband when I start to get discouraged. You can check it out at southsidefamily.com