SAHM Or Work Full Time??

CK,

I'm going through the same thing. I am leaning towards staying at home. My husband is on board with my decision. If all goes well I should be a SHAM by Jan. 1. I told myself if it doesn't workout or we need more money I will get back into the work force, but I have to try staying at home. I will always wonder if I don't and we should live life with no regrets. Good luck! Send me a message if you want to talk more.

I have a little different opinion. When my son was born a good friend who I respected a lot told me to think it through carefully. She stayed home with her kids when they were babies and had to go back when they started school to make ends meet. She told me she wished she had worked when they were little and stayed home when they were older. She said even good kids need adults a bit more (in a different way) when they get older. I worked when my son was an infant and now that he is ten I work from home, I own my own business. Best decision I ever made. I like being around now when he has bigger decisions to make and more to do. Good luck. Every person and family is different. We all do the best we can.

CK,
I have done it both ways and am so thankful I can be home with my kids. It's funny because when my daughter went to school before my youngest joined us, people asked when I'd be going back to work. Truth is, the house just doesn't manage itself. I finally had time to catch up on all the other stuff that needed doing. I really think you only get so much time to have your kids. Having had one leave the nest last year, I am so thankful I was able to quit working while he was still relatively young & be there for him. He was 10 when I quit working altogether. The thing is, when he was in middle school I remember thinking they need us more then than as babies because they take such an emotional beating! He was able to come home every day to me and unload his day, have healthy food & a loving environment. I think a toddler and baby need you for different reasons. Our kids are only here 18-20 years and by the later years they have a life of their own, you live (hopefully) 80 years, that's not even a quarter of your years on earth but there is nothing, not a thing, that is more important than raising your kids & giving it your best shot. My family of origin is such a mess, my parents didn't take time out to raise their kids & really, really regret it now. We go without some things that others see as a regular necessity but honestly I'd rather be here than any other place. Your babies are so young!! I bet if you add up the cost of the childcare, wardrobe, lunches away from home, fuel, extra insurance cost for driving distances, and other expenses of working and couple it with being really frugal at the store by thorough meal planning you could probably make your husband's pay cover your living expenses. And if you're home, you might have more peace in your life, which is worth a whole lot more than money.

Living life on one income isn't easy but then when is anything worthwhile easy?

Hugs & good luck to you!!
D.

I think there are pros and cons to both. However I wanted to disagree with what a pp said. Just because you work does not mean that someone else is "raising" your child. My husband and I both work ft but we are raising our son. Good luck with your decision.

It depends on how much your husband makes, and if your family could live comfortly making due with less money. Also, your salary is a factor too. I am a SAHM, if I was to go to work, I would make about $10-15/per hour. You have to figure out your expenses, by the time taxes come out, you figure in work clothes, gas, and childcare, I would bring home about $100 per week! So, $400.00-$500.00 per month, that hardly makes our truck payment! It would help out with grocries, but is it worth being away from my kids, and basically having someone else raise them? My husband and I decided no it is not worth it! So, it depends on what you and your husband decide is worth it. And, it also has to be a "joint" decision or there is going to be resentment. Good luck!

I think all the advice given has been great. I just wanted to stress one point someone made...have you stayed home with both kids for a while? There are days I'm ready to quit and be with my little guys but I think I am a better mom b/c I work outside the home. I appreciate them more, am more patient with them and am able to really priorotize ( for instance, I don't stress about doing laundry or cleaning non stop...I know I only have so much time to spend with my kids after work and that is what I do).
Good luck with whatever decision you make and I hope it's the one right for you and your family!

here's my 2 cents and i hope i don't offend any full time mom's out there. I was full time and my son was 4 months and dr orders to get out of daycare because he couldn't get WELL enough to have a necessary surgery. I just quit then. I did the 10 hr 3 days for awhile....
I don't think anybody can offer the support and education like mom/dad the first 4 yrs of their life. That's when they learn the most. I do have my kids in day care for a half day a week and a babysitter a half day and take that time to work parttime. We have alot of play dates and social activities. Even being at home i feel like they don't always get the attention they need, but the days after daycare their behavior is HORRIBLE. They are teaching things way below what he already knows and he talks about kids his age "acting like babies and screaming all the time" etc. I think the socialization is good and having someone else as an authority is good... but when they are babies we are really kidding ourselves to think the kids are getting anything more than fed/kept safe/and changed... and on occasional book. Seriously, these staff are so over worked w/so many little people; not their fault; i believe they do the best they can....

if you can afford it i would do it until around 4.
you will never get these years back, you will be glad you did it and not regret your decision. that's what i feel in my heart. Its not forever. : )
good luck

It really is a balance game. I am a SAHM that wouldn't have it any differently. Sure, we have to go without somethings because of only having one income, but we save tons by me not working. It costs money to have a job (think of how much you spend on work clothes, at the dry cleaner, on daycare, etc.) How much is then left over? For some, it could be a lot, for others, you may find that you end up spending 80% of your income on work expenses (upkeep of the car for all the miles to and from work, etc.) I figured out that we were better off with me staying home and taking care of things around here. I even fertilize our own lawn --saving us over 300 a year.

I couldn't imagine not being with my daughter all the time. I have a few playgroups I'm active in, and we do swim and music class, and story time at the library. We are so busy that I rarely miss adult contact as I have plenty of it.

I do miss "projects," but I'm too busy to do any anyway!

My husband makes enough money for me to be a SAHM but, now, I am at the point in my life that I need to find, at least a part time job, or a full time job in the future. I have been home with my kids from babies to present (a teen and a tween). I had a part time job for about 4 years - a few years back, but my husband's travel schedule changed and I needed to let go of the job.

Are there days that I wish I worked full time and took in that paycheck???? You bet. Do I think for a moment that my kids missed out on anything because they weren't in daycare? Absolutely not. The greatest decision we made, as a family, is that I would be a SAHM. Financially, we have been able to manage. It hasn't been without challenges. I understand not everyone is so lucky or wants to be in this position of staying home with their kids. It's what worked for us. I've enjoyed it. It's not a walk in the park every day but I never wanted anyone else to tell me about my children's milestones. That's just me.

If you need your income then you need to make it your priority to find that time to be with your children. Whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home-mom, I think there are always regrets and not enough time. Since time is your issue, right now... even carving out time for bedtime books and cuddles or family night or weekend trip to a park or simple outing is utilizing some spare time that you may have, in a positive way. Also, remember, save a little time for yourself. You just can't be everything to everybody without getting rejuvenated yourself.

Good luck.

I was in your exact same position up until I had my 2nd baby in February. I always wanted to be home with my first born, but living on 1 income just wasn't an option. I think had we given up a lot, we probably could have made it work but I'm not willing to change my quality of life. My husband and I want a nice family vacation every year, my husband would have had to sell his motorcycle, our pensions would have greatly suffered and then where we will be when retirement gets here, we still have to put them through college, buy then cars in years to come, etc etc etc. There are many more things to consider than just "being home." You have to look to your future, both financially and professionally, long-term and short.

So after I had my 2nd, I was laid off. I am now just returning to work next week. I looked for a job like it was my job, spending about 20+ hours/week at it. It took me until just now to find employment and I have an excellent background and education. Needless to say, I had always been a working M. so I thought the change would be nice. It was, I'm very glad I had it but I am MORE than ready to return to work. Honestly, having my children in daycare, I've found, is good for them. My toddler thrives around other children and he learns much better from his peers than just mommy 24/7. Also, I'm a happier person. I think quality over quantity is what you have to really break it down to. I found that many days I was too busy cleaning, running errands, etc, that I wasn't even spending much time with them anyway. At daycare, they have a fun and educational environment that fosters much more in my child than I could do alone.

There is no perfect answer and both ways have their stressors but I have to say, keeping my career on track and moving forward financially so we can be secure, both now and when we retire, is something I won't give up.

Try to think what is best for your family long-term.

If you quit your job and want to return to it after your kids are in school, will you be able to do that? Is that something that is important to you? I know if I quit my job right now, there is NO WAY I'd be able to re-enter my field at my current or a comparable position.

Also, have you ever done the whole SAHM thing day in and day out? It is definitely rewarding but can have it's challenges. Investigate the pros and cons of being a SAHM and decide if it is right for you.

How does your family unit feel about this? How much more stress and strain (if any) would it put on your husband? How much money do you have in savings in case something happens with his job? Will he support your efforts as a SAHM? You definitely want to consult with him and consider his feelings because if he becomes the primary breadwinner, his life also changes in a major way.

I'm a SAHM but have days where I wish I could leave my child to some one else.....there are pro's and con's to each side. I can tell you my sister worked FT up until my oldest niece was 3 and she was really happy with her choice. Once they got into pre-school she could do so much more with/for them - room mom, cool playdates, activities etc. than when they were little. Maybe give yourself a timeline and save up money/cut in places that aren't necessary and see what happens. I know lots of moms who made drastic cuts in household budgets so they could stay home so it's doable for almost any one.

I understand your dilema. I divorced when my daughter was 3. So i had to work full time & somewhat long hours. I saved up quite a bit of money & was able to take off quite a bit of time when she was older because thats when I thought she needed me the most. I got remarried when she was 14 & have had an addtl 3 children. I am now a SAHM and am very happy although it can be challenging living on one income & being home with kids all day. If you have to work for your families well being then thats what yo have to do. If it will be challenging for you to be a SAHM then you need to weigh EVERYTHING and you and your partner need to make a big decision. If you can save save save for a few years believe me it's better late than never. Best of luck.

That's really hard - your baby is so young. I can only answer from my own experience that by staying in the workforce I was able to eventually negotiate a lot more flexible schedule at higher pay than I would have had if I had left and tried to come back. But in the current economy, there aren't any guarantees.

One thing I do advise - stick with it for a while longer and see how the economic picture, and your family, is doing in a month or two. Sometimes if you feel like you have some options (not trapped), it opens up your imagination to other ideas. I don't know what kind of organization you work in, but are there other groups that are more flexible or other jobs you could move into for a different boss that would allow part-time? Sometimes you have to plan long-term but if you know what you want, you can move in that direction slowly. Good luck!

This is so tough. On one hand, your boys will only be young once, and you want to enjoy this time with them. On the other hand, working gives you money, provides you with some adult contact (ie sanity sometimes!) and keeps you employable for the future by keeping your skills up. I work FT and have 2 kids (age 3 and 1) but was able to negotiate 6 months off after having #2, which made a huge difference.

I think if you are seriously considering quitting to be at home, this is a very strong card that you can play with your employer, who appears somewhat inflexible. If the employer's choice is to keep you part time versus lose you completely (and have to hire someone else who is unknown) then they may decide to allow part time work after all. I guess I'm suggesting that you consider "calling their bluff" on the part time business. You may be surprised that they suddenly decide to be flexible when given a choice between losing you altogether or sucking it up and letting you be PT. You can also suggest alternatatives such as a job share (is there another co-worker that would also like a part-time position so that the two of you could split a FTE?) Good luck with whatever you decide.

I feel your pain! My kids are 26 months and 10 months and I miss them terribly. Without getting into all of the details, we opted for an au pair and she moved in a month ago (I worked full time after both pregnancies with only 3 month maternity leave). Sometimes a boss will be more willing to let you work part time from home if you WILL NOT BE THE SOLE CARE PROVIDER. That was our case. My boss is much more willing to let me work from home now that a nanny (live in from Australia) is taking care of our kiddos so I still have the income and get to see my kids more often...plus we aren't running them back and forth to daycare (since she lives with us) and they are sick less often. If you have an extra bedroom and would consider the option and would want to discuss it, let me know via personal message. Regular live-out nannies were too expensive and quitting altogether was just not an option...especially given the horrible economy (if you make the decision to quit and god forbid your husband loses his job, it would have horrible consequences...plus if you decided to return to the workforce, it might be difficult if not impossible). Good luck!

There are positives and negatives of both. I too miss my son with working, however the experiences he is getting at the day care are ones that I would not be able to provide.

You have to weigh the good and the bad inside your self. What works for you.. Remember quality not quanity is the key. Good luck with your decision.

I am fortunate to be able to have a flexible work schedule. I am a nurse and work 2 12 hr shifts a week. I love being home the rest of the week with my kids. Of course it means since I am not full time we cut costs and don't have some of the luxuries we might have otherwise. It is totally worth it to be home. Don't be sucked in to the trap of thinking you have to have certain things to be happy. I am sure if you asked your kids, they would much just rather have you than a new toy, an extra vehicle, or an updated kitchen.

Hi, I had a smiliar situation and ended up working out a deal to work part-time, which is the best of both worlds. Eventually, I had a third baby and stopped working altogether (part time was a good transition to no time). Since that is not an option for you at this time and if you feel that financially it would benefit your family to continue working, I would do so. Your kids are still little and while you feel like you are missing out (you are a little bit, but not as much as your heart thinks so) your kids will need you more as they are older....to drop them off at school, go on field trips, help with homework, take them to activities. Now that your chilren's life is not as demanding, I would continue working and taking in the income, so that when your kids really need you around (and they want their partents to be invovled) you won't feel it so much financially when you stop working. It's not that your kids don't need you now, it that later they need you more. Good luck in your decision!

Can you explore with your boss what the concerns are about working part-time? Depending on the job, part-time employees can be a great deal for the employer because part-timers often get almost as much done in fewer hours, and since few jobs give benefits to part-time employees, it turns out to be pretty cost-efficient. I have worked part-time for 18 years now, and really think it's a great solution to the work/parenting challenge in many ways....financially, emotionally, etc. If that's really not an option where you currently work, maybe start looking for something new. Even in a bad economy, some places are hiring. In some fields you can even apply for typically full-time positions, and explain you are interested in working part-time. Good luck.

I loved being a SAHM and would do it all over again. This was the most satisfying choice for our family. I feel blessed that we were able to manage on my husbands income. For several years I supplemented our income with home daycare services.