Sahms: Is It Still the Hardest Job in the World When the Kids Are Older?

Please! I work PT (2 days per week) and my son just finished 2nd grade. I don't know HOW I would work more days per week. I'm very busy. ALL the time.

Well, my feeling is I have as much to do as a sahm, and I also have a 40 hr a week job. The big differance is I'm not at home from 8-530. But the laundry still has to get done and so does dinner and my kids miss me all day and I miss them. I only have 4 hours to get all that done instead of 12. So, I feel terribly guilty leaving them for an hour. So, it's work and home and grocery store and whatever I'm taking them to do. Once they are in school, it will be harder because I can't just drop them off at 8 and pick them up at 530. There will be bus schedules and after school care to arrange. Homework. Packpacks, lunches, field trips. I'll be just as responsible for that as the mom that has the freedom to arrange her own schedule each day. I'll have to schedule parent teacher conferances and school plays 2 weeks in advance. I'll need to ask permission if my child gets sick and needs picked up from school. So, lets just stick with being a mom is the hardest job in the world and not award that to moms that dont have to work both inside and outside the home!! :)

I wonder the same thing and totally offended an aquaintance of mine the other day in regards to this very subject. I am a semi SAHM, I work nights but only 3 nights a week... this is so that I can be at home with my little ones... I have one more that is not school aged yet but once she is I can't wait to start my career (finally). I made a comment that was something like, "What am I going to do just sit around all day at home once my kids are in school when I could be working?" and she got super offended and said that she is still "super busy" all day now that her kids are in school. I didn't (and don't) mean any offense but doing what? Running errands I guess? I mean you can only clean your house for so many hours, grocery shopping is only once a week etc. What do you do with the other 6 hours of the day? Hobbies? Sounds pretty chill to me. lol

I have to admit that it HAS eased up A LOT in the last couple of years. My kids are in 7th, 4th and 3rd grade. They can shower themselves. They can get snacks for themselves. They keep their own rooms clean. They can get themselves ready for bed. They only need to be slightly micromanaged when doing homework.

Right now, life is as easy for me as it's ever been. I've got between 8:15am (when they leave for school) and 3:40pm (when the first one arrives home) to manage the house (laundry, cleaning, errands, etc) and that gives me plenty of time to do that, as well as work out or even go out for lunch with a friend (yeah, it actually sometimes happens!).

The hours between 3:40 and 9pm, however, can be ridiculously crazy with homework, driving to activities, making and eating dinner (which I insist takes place at the dinner table, no drive-thru for us), etc, because even though my kids can all take care of themselves, I still have to supervise and make sure it actually happens (really? did you REALLY shower? I'm pretty sure I didn't hear any water running - why don't you try again. It only took you 10 minutes to complete your ENTIRE assignment? REALLY? Let me see.) So it can be busy - I don't find myself just sitting and reading a book during the day a lot - BUT it's not as *stressful* as it was when the kids were younger. When my son was 6/7/8yrs old (he has autism, which is a whole other issue, but contributed towards my stress at that time), and the girls were 3/4/5 and 1/2/3, for a few of years, things were really tough. REALLY, REALLY tough. Every time I feel stressed out now, I just remember those years and things seem MUUUUCH better.

BUT I'm busy enough that squeezing in a job, or even a part-time job, would be impossible right now. I rarely have an hour where I *truly* have nothing to so - there's always SOMETHING that NEEDS to get done. But a lot of it is brainless busy work and the biggest danger of this is boredom. I'll say it: sometimes being a SAHM is absolutely, positively, mind-numbingly boring. For days at a time, my only adult face-to-face interaction might be my husband. Sometimes, I just am OVER the cycle of cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping. The kids drive me UP THE WALL sometimes. But again, I remind myself of how it used to be. Life now is a piece of cake compared to when they were little. A big old piece of buttercream frosted chocolate cake, which I can bake if I wanted to - I have the time now.

Tracy K - I could not have said it better!

Working outside the home at an office 40 hours per week and then going home and trying to get done in 4 hours what should take 10 SUCKS!

=)

When my youngest two kids were in kindergarten, I took a school-year off from work because they went to school on different schedules; one morning and the other in the afternoon. In May, I found a sitter who could work with my schedule and went back to work part time. I found I was better organized and got more accomplished when I worked outside the home.
Now I have a good job that I have had for many years and I can pretty much set my own schedule, so that really helps. I just wanted to chime in with the perks of "working outside the home" moms. For me, working is necessary for the additional income, health insurance for my family, and the discipline for myself to keep up with stuff on a schedule.
We are all moms, but we are all different, so you will have to see what works for you...just don't give up your job if it is good for you in order to find out.

.

Hmmm...I'd have to chime in that it gets easier as they get older. I am not sooooo needed for their very safety and sustaining of life. They can go get a snack or drink on their own, use the restroom on their own and do soooo much more on their own. My 11 and 8 year old do laundry and are capable of most household chores and the 4 year old is learning to do these things too.

I personally know myself and I could not do as good a job if I added a full time job on top of it. Sooo, if I don't have to work outside of the home I can't justify doing it...nor do I have one ounce of desire to do so. My time is filled according to my choosing...I don't answer to any boss when I am needing to be with my kids. I have no guilt if I take a break for myself which I do very often...keeps me sane,happy and growing as an individual.

Kids will all be in school this coming fall. So many people ask me what I will do with all that time. I will continue doing what I do now, volunteer more at the school and sneak in a movie by myself every now and then and get a lot of reading done. I will get projects done around our home that always was put on the backburner because I needed to keep up with the everday living stuff.

No, I don't feel pulled in so many directions like you mentioned. I have felt that way but it was because I was overextending myself outside of my home and needed to learn the words, "I'd love to help but I just can't help out right now." My energy and patience needs to be conserved for those that matter most in my life first...then I look outside of my home to volunteer for this or that.

Sounds like if you continue working then you need to get your husband abit more involved in the duties. You should not work full time outside of the home and be expected to do all the other duties as well.

I hope I helped answer your questions from a SAHM point of view without little ones in toe. It gets easier physically..but mentally you have to stay one step ahead of your older kids. I have also been told by waaaay older moms that say the older they get the more they need you. Just a thought.

Hi P.!! I am in the situation you're describing - my girls are 9 and 7 and finishing 4th and 1st grades. I've been home since the 1st grader was born, and when they were 2 and a newborn life was HARD!!! It's been relatively easy since they were about 5 and 3. But now? Life is a breeze!!!! I've really enjoyed the past 2 years (with both kids in school all day) I run or work out A LOT, get all those annoying little errands done while the kids are gone, and feel pretty happy most days. When the girls get home it gets crazy (just like for any parent) with the activities/dinner and such. But I am at least ready for action, so to speak. My husband travels for work and is gone Monday -Friday, so for me being alone all the time I think it is a Godsend that I can have those hours during the day to get things done. That being said, I do substitute teach at my girls' school between 2-4 days of every week. But if I need to run errands or I just need a break then I don't accept a job! It's working out perfectly for us. I feel like I'm contributing a little bit (to our family and society!) but I still have the time to do whatever I need to do as far as running the household. I'm actually in a situation right now where I'd LIKE to go back to work full time (I'm a high school teacher) but b/c my husband is gone so much I just can seem to work it all out. I'd have to leave in the morning by 6:15am and no one really wants my kids at their house that early. So for now, staying at home and subbing once in awhile is working for me.

I guess to answer your question - MUCH harder when the kids were little. Now I think all of my mom friends who work full time have it harder. If you can stay home at this point, go for it! I think you'd like it :)

it doesn't change until they're independently driving! Seriously, not kidding!

The only break you'll get is when they're old enough to help with daily chores & personal care. And that makes a world of difference!

I've been both a SAHM & a working mom. I found that I was more slothlike during my SAHM period....& a whole lot more productive as a working mom. I prefer the working mom.....but only with my inhome daycare. I live for naptime!

It just gets different. The older they get the more they need you.
That sounds counter-intuitive, but it's the way it works.
My children are in high school -- my oldest graduates today. At graduation, I'm still busy -- helping with the high school band (my daughter is playing) and trying to get my pictures of the oldest. It is what it is and I'd not have it any other way.
YMMV
LBC

I have two teenagers and a 6 year old.I find the teenagers less stressful.
They are out and about,I mean it is the whole picture in my house,the needs of my 6 year old, rides and waterpolo for the big children,grades, ACT"S college....
What I find gets easier for me, with older children, I get some quiet time. This is so important to me...I do alot of creative things, and love the quiet...

I think it gets easier in the sense that they can care for themselves better when they get older. Right now I have three under 4 yrs (and an 8 yr old) and then baby #5 due in Oct. It's exhausting me right now! I know as they get older, they'll be able to tend to themselves a bit more. So, it'll for sure get easier that way. There won't be so much chasing just to provide the basics of life;-)

I am homeschooling, so I don't get any break from school like many moms do. But it seems like it would be a nice break for the moms to get to reconnect with themselves and get the house under control without the kids there to destroy it at the same time...hehe.

I plan on having the kids be quite self-reliant and help around the house a lot, so I imagine it'll get easier as they get older!

As for if it's harder being a working mom or a SAHM, I have no idea. I only know what it was like to work without kids, and that was way easier. But if you're a working mom, it's MUCH different. You have kids to think about and take care of, and so I don't really have anyway to know which would be easier or harder.

For me, I am very busy and feel very fulfilled...while it being really hard/exhausting/time consuming. I get little "me" time right now. But I love that I am the one teaching and raising my kids...not relying on others to teach them what I want them to know. I love that I"m there to kiss every owie and see them learn new things (and I say this with no disrespect for those who put their kids in daycare or school, etc...it's just my feelings on it for us...I totally respect others feeling different or being in different situations for whatever reason).

So, while it may be harder what I've chosen (or even easier!), emotionally it is not harder for me. I would have a really hard time not being the one that was there. Emotionally it is very satisfying and feels like where I should be. I love being a full time caregiver to my kids and think it's one of the most awesome jobs ever. If someone is considering it, I highly encourage it! I know some women hate it. So, I can't say you'll love it like I do, but a lot of it is your chosen perspective and how much you choose to involve yourself in it. We do lots of different activities and learning lessons and are pretty busy.

I probably haven't answered your question! If you can, and want to, go for it. Be a SAHM. It's definitely an adjustment, but it's an awesome one.

it's not more or less busy or more or less crazy. Once the kids are in school, you volunteer more, when you don't work, the house is cleaner because more of it is YOUR job and not a family responsibility. And evenings are just as crazy if you work or not, because the kids can't help with chores, or do homework ect, until they are home. I also think SAHM's take on more school activities, play dates, ect. because they are home, and they are trying to fill that 8 hours that other moms work.

The stress comes in when you cope with the fact that your bosses are children, with lots of demands, and no sense of responsibility. They are kids, and even the worst boss isn't as draining emotionally and physically.

I think if you decided to stay home, you'd find that the hours they were in school were spent, cleaning the house, running errands, and shuttling them to and from school, helping at school, ect. Then they get home and it's snack time and homework time, because you still want and need to find that time for family fun, which you can't if you didn't get everything done while they were gone. then it's still dinner, and baths and books and bed, just like you probably do now.

neither is easier, and it's different when they are school aged, but again, not easier, just different.

Its always still just 'busy' even if the kids are older.
As they age, kids have other things to do/are responsible for/places to go/commitments to attend & help with. And per their age stages, it is still parenting no matter what age.

My kids are 4 and 8.
Still busy.
It is coordination of the entire family.
Which, there is ALSO the Husband... too.
They are often, like another 'kid.'
So in addition to the Mom things and kid things we all do.... there is also then, doing things per Husband to various degrees and whether they help or not. Too.
That is another, realm.
Which we Moms, do it all.
Regardless if a Mom is a SAHM or not.

Always being pulled, in all directions. And always 'on-call'.

It is not harder being home or working.
It is not which type of Mom has it harder.
It is all... a lot of work per our kids and homes and constant coordination and toiling.

Moms are Moms. Regardless if they work or are home.
"We"... do it all.
It just is.

I see it as whoever spends the most time with your kids gets to influence them the most. If I am not home then someone else is influencing them so they have no one to talk to when they need to. I know a working mom would say that still happens for them but I have to say when I stopped working I noticed more things about my kids than when I was working and had more patience. I could understand them much better and understand how to handle situations as they came up because now I had the whole picture. I would not have traded my time with my kids for anything. I have a 28, 18, 16 and 13 year old and I used to love to work. Just sp you know all parents have some guilt even the SAHM's. Don;t get bogged down with guilt. Look at your kids and decide what they need. Only you know what is best for your kids.