Sarcastic/Entertainer 9-Year Old

Updated on August 03, 2010
N.S. asks from Buffalo Grove, IL
9 answers

My 9-year old SD is becoming sarcastic and rude. Part of it is watching a lot of Disney Channel and iCarly. I never really watched the programs too closely, after all, I figured it's Disney Channel, right? Well after watching those programs I can see she's starting to mimic the sassy-sarcastic wit on those programs. Even in Hannah Montana (her favorite) they make fun of one another. I can see she's trying to be funny. Also, many of the adults in her life have this same sense of humor.

I have drastically cut down on the amount of TV and Disney Channel in our house. But I can't tell her mom what to do. She's mostly at our house, but does see her mom every other weekend.

She wants to entertain and have people laugh with her. When she was younger she would shock people and then they'd laugh. Well, now the same things don't shock anyone or make them laugh so she's getting more sarcastic and vulgar. She makes fun of people she sees if they have bad hair or are really heavy. When we play family games she taunts the rest of the players. We can't even watch TV together without her putting down everyone she sees. Some people laugh at her, or are so shocked they give a shocked kind of laugh. She takes that as attention.

It's becoming a runaway train. My husband finally grounded her and we've taken away playdates because the attitude is spreading to her being sarcastic to US. We can't take away TV at mom's, he's tried. Nothing has worked, she actually got worse.

We give her lots of positive attention. If anything she gets more than enough since we do lots of things with her. It's like if she's not the center of attention then she's doing something to BE the center of attention wherever she goes ALL THE TIME. If we're not constantly paying attention to her (or someone else is) she goes crazy. She has always been that way. In class she gets in trouble for entertaining and not paying attention. Also, trying to get the other kids to pay attention to her.

I'm fearing her teenage years, if this is a precursor to what's to come. I'd like to nip this in the bud while we still can. Kids will get drastic when they want attention, and teenagers are a prime example of how crazy kids can get. Any advice?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

The things she thinks are funny are NOT. She needs some serious consequences for talking trash about people, or she is going to turn into a really obnoxious person. There is NOTHING funny about that. You need to make it really clear that that kind of "humor" is not funny and send her to her room or something each and every time she does it.

I don't think you should blame Disney channel, I personally find Hannah Montana really cute and funny. Being loud and an entertainer is one thing -- Insulting other people, however, is not funny.

p.s. - I have worked a lot with kids - I taught middle school theater for a few years -- and I can tell you that some kids TRY to be funny and cool, but they just don't have the right personality to pull it off; while other kids can say almost exactly the same thing, and the way they say it IS funny, and does not come off as obnoxious or mean. I think your daughter is one of those kids who is trying to be someone she is not, so she needs to find another way to stand out.

And YES, I agree with Adansmama -- put her in drama class. She will find a way to perform, yet have it channeled correctly.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Portland on

My granddaughter is 10 and I have watched those programs with her for a couple of years. I've found it interesting that she misses some of the funny parts. She hasn't started acting the way those characters act. I think she knows that they're a TV show and not the way people act in real life. I'll check with her this weekend.

Do you watch these programs with her so that you're able to talk about the program and how it's fantasy and not reality?

My granddaughter is mouthy at times and doesn't always do what I ask with the first or even second request. I told her this week end that I'm starting to give her a consequence if she continues to argue with me. For her it's going home and not being able to stay with me that day. After I told her that she was much better.

We talked about why it was important to be respectful and non-argumentative. I asked her why she was not respectful and she said because Momma doesn't let me make choices which upsets her. When I asked her how it upsets her how she said she's afraid of her Mom. I think that she's actually angry which causes much of her attitude and resulting behavior. We went on to talk about an incident that morning when her mother told her she had to wear a certain outfit and wouldn't let her wear what she wanted. She did say she was mad at her mom for doing that.

I understand her fear and the anger she needs to assert herself. I'm going to spend more time talking with her about how to manage her feelings in a more productive way.

Perhaps this fits in some ways with your SD's attitude. Young children don't know how to behave and a negative consequence doesn't always reach the part of a child that needs to be educated.

On the advice of a counselor my daughter started to send her children to their room whenever they acted out or were disrespectful and it's made a difference in the way they act. When I send them to their room they are separated from whatever is going on at the moment. I can immediately do it. They are told that they can come out when they're able to say I'm sorry. When they come out, I hug them and if they don't understand, I talk with them about why they were sent to their room.

It's important to talk with your child ahead of time about this new way of managing misbehavior so that they understand that the goal is for them to think about what has happened and how they can do it differently with a better result.

They are allowed to play with their toys, listen to music, but not watch TV. The reason for this is that playing allows them to relax which helps them deal with their feelings in a much better way than a traditional time out during which they must sit in one place while they fume about how unfair this is. Also, I think better while doing something else and think that my grandchildren also think better when they are allowed to think for themselves.

In your case, while playing a game, you could immediately send her to her room when she's being rude. Then later, when she comes out to say she's sorry you can use that opportunity to reinforce good behavior. One way is to give her a hug and tell her you love her and knew she'd figure it out. Always do something positive when she comes out. Hugs are easy but if she doesn't want a hug, smile at her letting her know that incident is over.

I suggest that you talk with her, during the day at odd times, about what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. Perhaps choose one situation and explain how it makes others feel when she does something. Let her do as much talking as she's willing to do. Accept her feelings, even when you don't understand why she's feeling that way. Be cool, calm and non-judgmental which means you focus on what is acceptable behavior without putting her down in words or attitude for her unacceptable behavior. All too often, it's easy to label things good or bad and most kids think they are bad when you tell them what they did was bad.

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish wrote a book titled How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & How To Listen So Kids Will Talk. This is an easy read with examples that has helped me word my talks in such a way that my grandchildren are less defensive.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I love icarly, hannah montana, suite life on deck and wizards of waverly place. I watch these shows with my 4 daughters. (14, 13, 8, 6) I really don't think it is the tv that causes the personality. My girls do not act like the show. We just giggle while we watch. Maybe...some little girls copy cat more than others... i don't know. I really don't see anything wrong with these shows :(

When i was little we watched growing pains, family ties, fresh prince... those kind of shows with our parents. If you watch them now you would be shocked at the story lines.

Please don't worry too much. If it was violence it would be different. These are just stupid funny shows...like the ones when we were little. This may just be your step daughters personality... in that case cutting the shows off are not going to help anyway.... there needs to be other measures....

2 moms found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

how about drama class. also has she ever talked to a counsellor, i am positive that however much you and dad love and care for her, her mother not being her primary caregiver has probably created some issues. just a couple thoughts.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

She is begging for attention. She needs to be guided in manners.

Remind her that TV is not real life and they are actors using a a script, they are not really like that in real life. Remind her she is a nice person, but being sarcastic and mean, is extremely hurtful to others to be made fun of. It could also be considered bullying.

If she continues this behavior, she will begin losing friends very quickly.
I agree she needs to be given time outs or given a sign when she goes over board.. Nobody likes a snarky kid.

School is about to start again and this sounds like it has turned into a bad habit.. Maybe she can come up with a quiet signal, you all can do that will remind her she has crossed the line.
I am sending you strength.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Though the TV may be part of it, she's 9 and if shes not with her Momma there may be a more underlying issue. Which actually was my first thought when I began to read your post. Sarcasm is usually a "gentle" way to display anger. If you dont get a handle on it now she will probably only get worse. I have a sister, who is now 22 who hasnt changed a bit and the attitudes are similar. I would try talking with her and see whats going on, if not seek couseling, perhaps she just needs to vent and learn to address her emotions more constructively.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.B.

answers from New York on

True!!! A lot of these shows are nor really age appropriate for kids under 13, yet sooo many little girls watch Hannah, ICarly, Suit Life, and Wizards of Waverly Place. It's sad that the reason might be that parents don't preview the programming that they are allowing their kids to watch. My kids ask to watch something, I ask the name of the show and I check the info on the screen to see if it is appropriate, if not, I let them know why and 99.9% of the time they are fine with my authority. I don't play games with discipline---you don't obey the rules--something gets taken away! No false threats/promises (whatever you want to call it).

1 mom found this helpful

Y.C.

answers from New York on

My daughter was the same way, she still is but a lot less. She likes to make people laugh.
My husband and I are very sarcastic with each other and I notice she see us having fun and try acting like us but at her young age she still can't find the balance. While I don't think that sarcastic is always offensive, there is a thin line between funny and plane mean.
We decide to slow down in our jokes in front of our daughter but we notice she was still coming up with this sarcastic jokes. You are right, she was getting them from shows like I-Carly, Hanna Montana, etc.
I talk to her about the fine line between both, about that no everybody appreciates/enjoy/understand sarcasm humor, and that there were people like teachers that are totally not ok to be sarcastic with.
I also told her that if she wanted to make jokes she should make the jokes about her self too, at our house we make more jokes about ourself then about others.
However, sarcasm and jokes and all that sense of humor, is all over and it can be used also to defend your self, humor can be your best weapon against mean people.
I allow my kid to be sarcastic with us so we can teach her what is funny and what is just mean, and she is getting a lot better/funny now.
If you think that she just want to be funny and make people laugh, help her find that balance, you can even buy her some kid's jokes books.
If what she is doing is just trying to get attention, I agree with the other moms, get her in a class (drama classes, instrument classes, painting, etc) where she can become very good at and use it to get positive attention.
I think at this age they are trying to get there places in the society (funny, nerdy, popular, athletic, etc)and some stumble a lot on their way.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions