Schedule and Only Child

Updated on April 22, 2013
A.F. asks from Bellmore, NY
16 answers

My daughter just turned four last month and she is an only child. She attends daycare now but when the summer comes, I cannot afford to send her (I wish I could to keep consistency and routine.) Does anyone have ideas in how to create somewhat of a schedule to keep her busy? Alyssa usually wakes up so early, by 6 am. Now that she is older, I know I can do more with her. Last summer I arranged play dates when possible, trips to the library and we went to parks a lot. And Alyssa also has a tricycle to ride.

I am hoping to enroll her in a once-a-week swim class and maybe get a membership to either the Bronx Zoo or the Long Island Children's Museum. We also just bought Alyssa her own swing set and we have a 4 foot pool. The beach is closeby and maybe this summer I will venture there. It is not my favorite thing to do so I'd rather go with another parent or if my husband is home.

I need a schedule for her as well as myself. When money is tight and we do not have plans to do things for days on end, it's difficult to find things to do for ten to twelve hours a day. If Alyssa is awake at 6 am and goes to bed at 8 pm.

When I was a teacher there was a flow to the day but it seemed easier when there are multiple kids to work or play with each other. Now with one child, Alyssa would almost be happy watching t.v. all day if I let her, which I do not.

Thanks for the ideas and a possible schedule. I am willing to be flexible of course.

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for your advice and thoughts on keeping a four year old busy in the summer or in general. One suggestion I'd like to look into was "Vacation Bible School." I heard about it from coworkers last year but Alyssa was too young. Alyssa is very shy and clingy so I don't know if she would be ok with going to that school all day. I just tried to enroll her in a dance class a few months ago, where I do not leave for the hour of course and she cried when I left the room to stand outside! Another good thing are meet up groups. I am part of at least one but they usually meet on weekends and many weekends I spend at a lake in New Jersey. As for the parent from Plano, Texas it was interesting to hear the things you do there. For a year and a half, I also lived in Dallas and I am familiar with the area of Plano a little. I used to take my dog to the Plano Dog Park. And my daughter was born in Dallas! I definitely appreciate the ideas. Thank you!

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E.S.

answers from New York on

I'm in the same boat, except my one-and-only sweetheart is 3.

From what I've read, you are on the right track in terms of a swim class and membership to the zoo/museum. Great starts.

Have you looked at meetup for local moms groups? I know mine has several things a week in the summer, whether it's a park or pool playdate, etc.

Libraries usually continue their story/craft times as well.

My savior has definitely been the moms groups.

And day trips.

Good luck.

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

I would do a short learning activitiy every morning.. letters numbers colors.. whatever... 30 minutes max.. keep her brain learning and remembering things she will need for kinder.

I would go someplace every morning.. can you walk to a local park.. we have a few spray parks (which are free) we have several nicer parks we can drive to.. pack a picnic and you have a fun day.. somedays it will be to the grocery store.. but go someplay every morning...

On hot summer days by mid afternoon kids and mom can get tired.. on these days.. I put on a video and we all climb into the big bed and watch a movie in the heat of the day.

this year I have a 6 and 7 year old.. I will have independent reading time every afternoon.. both kids can read.. so for about 3o minutes each day.. we will all grab a book or magazine.. and spend some time reading silentsly..

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

Not sure why you need a "schedule". If there's no work and no school why not just hang? See where the day takes you? That's the beauty of summer in childhood, maybe we'll do this, maybe we'll do that, maybe we'll blob out today in front of the TV, depends on the weather, money, moods, a zillion things. Why is there a need for a plan? If you can't chill when you're 4, what's the point of childhood?

:)

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O.O.

answers from Kansas City on

I have O.. He's older now (10) so summer days are full if neighborhood kids, baseball, basketball, swimming, etc.
Sounds like with your pool, the beach, swim class, zoo you'll be plenty busy.
Kids don't need to habe every minute scheduled.
Let her play, do your errands and chores.
Go to the park to meet other kids.
Look into Vacation Bible Schools in your area ( low cost and LOTS of kids).

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Meet Ups, events in your area, day camps, etc. If your preschool doesn't offer any summer options, look at other schools, dance class, park and rec programs, etc.

I'm putting DD (also basically an only) in 2 weeks of camp at her school, and then some of the other parents are considering a 1 week "camp" where each family hosts several kids for 1 day.

We belong to the community pool (where we hope to have her take swim lessons) and are near a public park/playground, so those will both be part of our summer days. We have two trips planed, and my mom will visit. And then we will simply enjoy lazy summer days, as it is the last one before my little big girl starts K, with all the prep and planning that involves. We all need some down time now and then. Right now my DD is playing some game she made up with her toys while she waits for it to be time to go to a friend's house. She has a huge supply of crafts and is always making new artwork for me, making things for her toys, etc. Sometimes I just turn off the TV and insist on doing something else, and she usually finds something quickly, be it glue and markers or dirt and bugs.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

you have lots of good suggestions, so all i'm going to add is to NOT schedule the entire day.
modern parents are terrified of bored kids. boredom is an insanely good motivator of creativity.
leave a couple of hours at LEAST each day for unstructured 'go entertain yourself, honey. no, not tv' time. let her figure out for herself how to fill her time.
khairete
S.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

I have a singleton as well. Here's a sample of our usual 'routine' in summer (esp. since mine would be parked on his butt playing Legos all day if he could, so I do understand!)

6 A.M. : Breakfast, Mom's wake-up time, shower, Kiddo may play as pleases
7:30-8 ish Time to get out! TV off. Use the cooler part of the day to be outdoors. Playdate? Meet up at a park or other outdoor areas.

This is also the time I head up to the zoo. Being early in the summer means less crowds and more active animals.
10ish Morning Snack, no matter where we are.

Use your mornings for your outings, pack snacks and head out as much as you can. Even if it's a walk to the store.
11:30-12ish: Lunch
Afterward: Either some free play or head out to the library or children's museum/indoor attractions. Avoid the heat. Take advantage of the quieter times of day when children are napping (usually 1-3 or so)

Schedule a quiet time each afternoon where she is in her room, playing quietly and looking at books. Be clear that this is NOT a tv time. Use a timer if need be. We think quiet time each day is important for both kids and their parents.

2:30-3ish, afternoon snack. We do a 'snack storytime' sometimes...be sure to find 20 minutes to read with your girl every day.

Figure out which shows are on in the afternoon that you really think are *good* quality tv. Schedule one hour of this to make sure she's getting to do something which she loves. This shouldn't preclude playdates or outings, but make her tv time the best possible and keep it reasonable. One hour is reasonable.

At around 4:30, I have my son do a big pick-up in his room (I help if need be) and he can also help with making dinner. He often nibbles veggies he's prepping if he's hungry.

As you can see, I prefer a looser 'skeleton' of a schedule and then I fill it in. One thing you might do is to create an art/craft closet or center for your girl. Things she can pull out and use herself: basic beading sets; playdough and tools for it; paper and markers; scissors/glue sticks/tape; variety of odds and ends. Think about what your girl likes to do. Some little girls I was a nanny for loved it when I kept a box/bag of fabric scraps and let them make 'clothes' for their dolls-- safety pins, masking tape-- I let them go at it. Find simple puzzles at thrift shops (they often have craft kits, too, which can be removed from their boxes and incorporated into art materials offerings).

I agree that kids don't need too much scheduling. I would actually be more adamant about "scheduling" the lessons , meals and the tv/video games to small windows of time and then let her choose things in the in-between spaces. Getting out in the cooler mornings is a must. (I recently told my husband that the LEGOS would be put away every day from 8 until 1 or so. Just so we are using our time well and not sitting indoors all summer.)

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T.F.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter is now 18, only child by choice and no regrets at all.

You don't "have" to have a schedule for the entire day. She needs some downtime to play on her own, be imaginative, etc. She needs to learn independent play.

We always did story time at the library weekly as well as Barnes and Noble Bookstore.

We did a Kindermusic class together twice a week for 6 weeks which was a lot of fun.

We had many playdays and picnics at the park.

The local natatorium had an indoor water park. It was not expensive, especially if you were members. At the time, she was free and I paid about $3 for a day of fun.

We were very close to some neighbors because there was a group of us who all had babies within a 1 to 1 and 1/2 time frame so all the children grew up together until we started expanding our homes, building and moving. She is still very close with some of these neighbors.

We played daily, especially when it was pretty outside. We'd put bubbles int he baby pool and they would swim, etc.

We had a weekly breakfast at someone's house. Everyone brought a breakfast item to share.

Every spring, we took an annual trip to the Arboretum in Dallas for the spring blooms. There was a lot to do there, we took lots of pictures and had picnics.

At 4 she can help you "cook" and prepare meals. We did a lot of baking together. We don't eat a lot of sweets at our house but we love making them so we'd take our sweets to neighbors and some of the older people in the neighborhood who loved them.

Does she use the computer? In K, she will start learning keyboarding. My daughter LOVED the educational computer games by Jumpstart. There were some others that she loved that were interactive and helped with reading and math.

I am sure you will do just fine and things will fall into place. Just enjoy every moment because the time flies.. My daughter will be off to college in the fall... already!!!

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R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

It sounds like you have a lot of good ideas to keep her occupied already, remember, you don't need to plan every minute of her day. Allow time for imaginative play, reading books, playing with dolls or Legos, and just chilling. Keep the TV off, hide the remote ;)

I use a loose schedule with my grandchildren, and I understand about money being tight so do things as frugally as possible. My guy just turned 4 as well and these are things I'll be doing with him.

Library we do once a week, the day they have the speaker and craft in the afternoon. We go early, storytime for the youngest one is at 11, have a picnic lunch on the grass and run around, then go inside while they look for new books and magazines to check out, then they have their class.

There's Farmer's Markets in many of the cities around here, we go to one on Thursday that is set on a plaza with water fountains for the kids to play in. We take lunch and drinks, the kids love the excitement of all the booths setting up, their big treat of the day is a flavored ice/snow cone thing right before we leave. Another market on a different day is set in a huge park for them to play in, their own bag of Kettle Corn is their treat there.

We do the beach a few times over the summer, go to $1 movies at the Regal Theaters on Tuesday's, do backyard campouts in a tent (my 4 year old can't wait and is asking almost daily if he can camp out tonight,) do an entire fun meal on the 4th of July together. We make our own ice cream in ziploc bags - http://spoonful.com/recipes/homemade-ice-cream-bag and whatever fun things I can find to do.

Flexibility is the name of the game. You can plan a schedule now, but when someone invites you to go swimming in their pool, or to a BBQ, or you hear of a free evening concert in the park, you go for it. Summer is all about fun :)

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K.G.

answers from San Diego on

In our area the movie theaters offer free kids movies and the bowling alley's offer free bowling that included lane bumpers if you want and shoe rental. We also have an outlet mall that have a water fountain that the kinds jump around in. All free.... Farmers markets are also fun

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H.L.

answers from Portland on

In the summer, we try to structure the day similar to a day camp. I like to plan a fun craft for each day..or at least free art time if I haven't had time to prep. Then there is snack, then outside play time together, then free toy play time, then lunch, etc. A rough outline is all you need to get a routine started. It really helps with my kids. They like to know what is coming up and what is expected of them. Then you can break up the routine with fun outings too.

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M.S.

answers from Kansas City on

Do you have any mom friends in your area? I joined a mom's group when my daughter was little and we have playdates at each other's houses or parks and stuff. Kids love playing with each other's toys and it makes the day go faster when you have another adult to interact with.

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A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

sounds like you have all the tools you need, just sit down at the beginning of the week and plan an activity for each day. i think you'll find at 4 she is more able to entertain herself and play for longer periods, than last summer. it sounds like as a teacher you are very organized and enjoy the structure. it doesn't have to be that controlled for her.

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L.M.

answers from Dover on

Let her have some morning wake up/play/maybe some tv while you are getting ready to face the day and fixing breakfast. Then you can do some fun, play based learning things for a bit. Have an outing and a snack (trip to the park, bike ride, play date, trip to zoo or local library). Have lunch and a nap. Story time after nap and a snack. Afternoon play outside if weather allows. If it doesn't, movie and/or games work well.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I would consider a pool pass. In our city the pass is very reasonably priced, I think, and it includes 5 different pools all within about 10 minutes from our house. We pack a lunch and hit the pool multiple times a week. It's great b/c you get to be outdoors and the pool always wears my kids out. With the beach close by you may not want this option, which I understand, but it's a lot less messy! :)

You could also consider looking into some week long camps. I know money is tight, but different places offer different prices. Plus you could even just do one and it would be fun for her and give you a break for a few hours that week. If you attend church, many churches offer Vacation Bible School (VBS) for super cheap and sometimes free. It's usually 4-5 days long.

The zoo and library are our other staples during the summer, so I'd say those are good ideas too. Check out the free parent magazines and websites in your area, there are usually TONS of free/cheap stuff to do in the summer. A few movie theatres around here offer free or reduced movies in the summer and skating rinks and bowling alleys have special preschool times with cheap pricing.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

My daughter started kindergarten at 4. Luckily, she was able to enroll in summer school, for free, and she got to choose things she was interested in. She chose arts and crafts, drama class, science classes. Each year, they had a kind of "yard sale" at the school to raise money for supplies, etc.
I donated numerous things and I also bought numerous things. There was a lot of great stuff and all proceeds went to the summer programs.

I don't know if you have anything like that in your area, but it's worth checking into.

Like you, I didn't want my daughter in front of the TV all day. We went to thrift shops that had 25 cent Fridays. All clothing was 25 cents. We had amassed quite a collection of play dress up clothes, hats, beads. I altered a lot of dresses to fit her and she loved having a little neighbor girl come over and dress up. I would serve them herbal tea and cookies. They had so much fun.

I, personally, think that all children should take swim classes. I had a hot tub that was big and like a pool. My baby son who came along when my daughter was 10, was a natural in the water. He went on to win medals on a swim team. Swimming is so important for the safety issue.

I do think that some things are very beneficial, but I also don't think that every minute of every day needs to be so structured. Kids need time for non-structured creative play. Play cards with her. Old Maid, Go Fish, You can use a regular deck of cards to play "The Memory Game".
Give her a tape recorder and let her make up stories. Write them down and keep them in a book.
I did that with both of my children and they are so precious to me.
My kids are older now, but they get a total kick out of reading their stories.

Have her help you bake cookies.
Have her help you make homemade butter.
I also gave my children a love for books. We went to the library once a week and chose books. My daughter, when she was an only, loved Nate the Great books. We read every single one of them.

While you have an only child, you have to find ways for her to entertain herself. Puzzles, coloring books. Dress up.

Where we live, the weather isn't always very good, even in summer. We had to get creative and I had to teach my kids to entertain themselves.
I bought Play Huts. They are really great for imaginative play. You should google them. I bought mine off a home shopping channel and they are the best thing I ever bought. They fold up to nothing, they've lasted all these years. My grandson can play with them when he comes over.
Make forts. Have a picnic lunch in the living room.

There are lots of things you can do that are fun and basically free at home.

Best wishes.

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