Seeking Advice - Canton Center,CT

Updated on November 28, 2012
J.K. asks from Canton Center, CT
20 answers

I have been a stay at home mom since April, and some days I wonder if I am cut out for this. My DD is a little over two, but doesn't "play" much with me, especially in the mornings. She wanders around a lot, almost as if she is bored. I try to engage her, let's do a puzzle or playdoh or color. She has no interest in any of it. Then I feel like maybe I am just boring? We do get out of the house three times a week, but when we are home she seems so bored. I can only be so enthusiastic! I am beginning to think I am doing something wrong or maybe she needs a sibling. Just looking for some advice..

ETA: She has been evaluated and is behind physically, but above average in verbal and cognitive abilities.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

What do you do the other 5 days? If she likes to be out - then go out. Take walks, go to the playground, the library.

I'm not a "player" either, so I like to get out where we can both enjoy just being out of the home.

4 moms found this helpful
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A.B.

answers from Dallas on

2 year olds don't play with other people or kids much...they play around other people and kids. Ever look at a room of 2 year olds? They're like a bunch little planets moving around. They like to be close to each other, but they're not at the point of really playing together.

2 moms found this helpful

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

I truly hope you're just joking when you say "maybe she needs a sibling." Seriously, please do not have a child to keep another child company. If you need reasons why, read the posts on here from moms who consider having another kid because one child "needs" a sibling. The responses will tell you it's a very bad idea....

OK, regarding your "boring" her: Does she really just wander and seem disengaged OR is she wandering around the house exploring things, touching, opening, checking things out? There is a world of difference. If what you think of as "wandering" and looking "bored" is actually her investigating her surroundings -- that is normal, natural and desirable in a child her age, so let it happen. If she is not engaging with you -- not making eye contact, not responding to her own name when called, sitting there staring into space -- that is not normal and she needs evaluation.

But remember -- you're an adult. Try to remember that what may seem "boring" to you may be fascinating to her. If she is picking up objects around the house, talk to her about them, turn them into toys, let her explore them, guide her to others. Puzzles or playdoh or coloring may be a bit advanced for her at just barely two, or you may rely on them too much when she is really more interested in the world around her.

You say you get out three times a week -- that sounds like you're going to a class or other specific destination, which is fine, but at her age, three times is not enough and it shouldn't all be predictable. Take her to the park (yes, even in winter) and explore the acorns and dry leaves and show her how the leaves go crunch in her hands and let her toss acorns as far as she can, and so on. Take her to the mall and make a huge game out of window shopping -- help her find everything she can that's red or blue, or help her find every dress in every window. Mix it up and interact on her level, which may mean just being very childlike with the world around you. She may indeed be a bit bored at home, so don't be afraid to go out or assume that only a formal class or play date counts.

Do not expect her play "with" you all that much. At her age kids are doing much more "parallel" play (you can research it on the Internet) and that is normal for this age and stage. Even if she were with other kids her age they likely would spend at least part of the time playing side by side but not "with" each other interactively. Normal and a part of their development.

You might want to get some good books on toddler development and read up on stages and on expectations at different ages and stages. Be sure you aren't expecting too much from her. It's possible that you're actually the one who's bored with trying to play on her level. That's why getting out of the house more might be a good idea; it gives you both more to which you can react.

If she's verbal be sure you are reading, reading, reading, reading to her, all day, not just at bedtime or naptime. Let her have crayons and color the black and white comics in the daily paper. Run your fingers under the words in the books. Take books and read to her in unusual places -- outdoors, in a coffee shop, wherever. That will help develop her verbal skills and will also engage her.

5 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I never really played with my kids. They played well on their own and with each other.
I read to them a lot, took them out to the park, pool and library, snuggled with them and set up fun things for them to do (sand/water, bubbles, playdoh, paint, etc.) but most of the day I just went about my business: housework, cooking, gardening, reading and working on projects around the house. I was always watching them and talking to them so I was engaged, but actual play? Almost never!
I DID encourage them to "help" me whenever possible. They especially liked being with me in the kitchen and out in the garden :-)

5 moms found this helpful
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L.M.

answers from New York on

What do you mean by get out of the house? Where do you go and what do you do?

It's important for your child to go outdoors on a regular basis, preferably every day.

Your child should also have some interaction with other children. Go to storytime at the library. Go to a local playground. Join a mommy and me group.

Also, keep trying different activites to find one that she enjoys.

3 moms found this helpful
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N.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

She may be bored with her toys. Try to figure out what motor skills and cognitive/verbal skills she is working on and use related toys.

Watch her, in the morning, what is she drawn to? Maybe she wants to look outside or go outside. Or maybe she wants to play with water in the sink. or play in a big cardboard box.

Maybe it is time for games--Hide and Seek or Sneaky Snacky Squirrel Game.

You are being too hard on yourself, you are not boring! If she was really bored or frustrated, she would more likely be getting into trouble. Maybe she just likes to chill out.

It can be hard, the job you are doing, and it is easy to wonder if you are doing it "right". Maybe just take advantage of the time to get some stuff done for yourself.

3 moms found this helpful

R.A.

answers from Boston on

Are you apart of a mom's group? Those helped me with my son when he was young. Playdates are great.

2 moms found this helpful

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

First and foremost, ensure she's getting enough sleep. My kids both slept a LOT at that age. They'd get up early, eat breakfast, and need a mid-morning nap. Playing? Not happening. Sesame Street and a blanket and a pillow.

They were more active later in the day, and are VERY active now (at ages 10 and 11).

How about a few days a week at a montessori school?

I would take her, and then come back midday and see what she's up to without her seeing you. See what she's playing with. Ask the teachers what she's most interested in.

Then foster those interests at home.

Also, take her to the park to play with other children. And have other children over to play. No offense, but yes, to her your probably ARE kind of boring sometimes. Because you aren't 2 feet tall and speaking her language. :-) Don't worry about it. Just try to foster her imagination and get her in social situations with other children.

2 moms found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

You need to get out of the house more than three times a week! At least once a day, but ideally twice a day. When my kids were that age we always did a morning outing, and afternoon outing, and sometimes an evening outing. Outings don't need to be long or exciting, but just enough to break the monotony and get some fresh air. We went to the playground every day. I timed it so we would get there when the local daycare come so my kids would have kids to play with (if even just parallel play). We went to the museum, the zoo, playgroups, the Y, a trip to the store, to visit a friend, bowling, mini-golf, the beach, the farm, a walk, the library, McDonalds, the movies, the airport to watch the planes land, church, a bike ride... There are so many places you can go. Invest in a couple of good memberships you can use often. I know I couldn't spend an entire day at home without leaving the house, I'd go nuts!

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L.O.

answers from Chicago on

Leigh hit on most of the points I was going to post, so I'll only add that at two, my son was interested in bubbles in the sink, blocks, and lining up his train and truck toys.
Being above average in her verbals, try engaging her in a story, and see what happens. Point out the words, and show her the pictures in the book that match. Later, when you go out with her, point out the very things in the book(if she doesn't point it out first). Oh, and on the days if and when you let her watch TV, put the Closed Captioning on the programs. It helps with learning words and reading.
I'd also get a very large bucket with a lid, and put in various bags of pasta and dried beans. When my son was at SELF, they had one, and the kids got to play with it, and talk about shapes, colours and textures. I think they said it's for tactile response, which may help her.

In short, not boring, you're doing it right, keep going!

Hope this helps.

2 moms found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from New London on

When my kids were little, I wanted to work. So, I found a PT job. I found a Mom who had 2 small kids. I dropped my kids there for 8 - 10 hrs a week.
Our kids played nicely. It was a win-win situation...except during the winter months...stomach bugs, etc...

Decide if you want to be out of the house a few days a week !

If your daughter is more of an explorer, set some toys out and let her discover them herself. I did not occupy my kids all the time.

One of my kids loved to be read to and to play w/ water and art supplies and needed more supervision. The other one was very independent and would go off on her own.

I always took my kids outside ! Bring her to a local park a few times a week.

Play in the snow, push her on a swing, we would collect leaves, etc...

Errands can be a huge learning experience...and should be! I always took them to the grocery store. I would talk about the food, etc...
---One day, at the store, I gave my daughter a box of tissies to hold. She wanted to know what they were. I told her that they were tissues for Grandma. She wanted to know why Grandma needed tissues. I told her that Grandma had a cold and her nose needed to be wiped. My daughter asked if she could put them in Grandma's house. It was a superb language experience...

See if you can set up a playdate w/ one of her preschool friends every so often. Parallel play is important, too.

2 moms found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Lol
Nothing like having a 2 year old make ya feel like a mom failure, huh?
My advice?
Not every minute of e wry day needs to be full of the activities you might *think* you & she should be doing.
Get the SAHM tv/movie stereotypes out of your noggin!
Just live your life.
Get her involved with a toy, go throw a load of laundry in the washing machine.
Have her help you (translation: play nearby or undo what you're doing) put clothes away, clean the floor, make lunch, etc.
I guess my point is to just fit play into your day.
And I think getting out 3x per week is fine. Go grab lunch before you grocery shop, etc.
She doesn't need to be engaged 24 hours a day!
And try to plan outings around naps!
Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

She is most likely bored out of her mind. If she had been in child care she was constantly stimulated, she was with friends she had been with since starting there, she was used to seeing her friends and her teachers. She is sort of in mourning for those losses.

She may need to do a lot more socializing than you are doing and you may just not be enough. She may need to do a lot of play groups and interacting with kids her own age.

1 mom found this helpful

L.L.

answers from Rochester on

I've been at home since I was 5 months pregnant with my first (now almost 8, and I have a 2.5 year old as well.)

My first child was extremely pleasant, independent, etc...she'd play on her own for hours. Each morning I would take out a different set of toys, place them around the living room, and let her just go at it. I would sit down and say, "Let's read!" and we would read. I would sit and crochet or read while she played at my feet. If I wanted a nap, I would sleep on the couch and have her build a "nest" behind my bent knees, where she would read or play for 30 minutes while I rested.

My second one is so different. I am now homeschooling my oldest, so I have to be fairly attentive to her through the week, so I try to do the same things with my youngest as I did the first time around...but she just needs more attention. I am walking back and forth from room to room throughout the day between the two of them. It's a relief when our school day is done and I can sit down while the two of them play together. :)

If she doesn't have ANY interest in activities, you need to have her evaluated for being on the autism spectrum. Most children at that age, whether they want to play alone or with a parent, will still play and can be highly engaged in activity.

Alternately, maybe she doesn't want to do play-doh or color? Try other things. Lacing beads or cards, stamps, small dolls, a play kitchen, etc.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.P.

answers from New York on

Most 2 yr olds are ready for action all the time and are interested in playing. They may not be into "structured" table top activities, but at that age there is a lot of parallel play and the beginnings of real imaginative play. Does she play with other children? If so, then maybe you are boring her! Take her lead- observe what types of things DO engage her and start there. If you find that very few things engage her, then mention it to your pediatrician.

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S.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

It's great that you're seeking ideas for engaging your daughter. I wonder, though, if she is really "bored" - a bored two year old generally is a whiny/destructive/tantruming two year old. If she is quietly going around the house, she may be exploring (like some other posters mentioned) or even just thinking (especially if she is above average in cognitive abilities). Also, don't go too far in forcing her to engage with you. Raising a kid who knows how to entertain herself is a great gift to you both. Perhaps you can set up "stations" in your house with different activities, and just let her gravitate to those that interest her. Finally, as another poster mentioned, she may need a morning nap. My son kept his morning nap until he was close to two and a half.
Good luck.

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

Wandering around disengaged a lot sounds odd. Have you considered an evaluation? I don't normally jump to something like that, especially at only 2 yrs old. But that seems very abnormal to me. No interest in playdoh? Very unusual. Many kids have a short attention span and will readily engage for just a few minutes before being ready to move on to something else (usually before clean-up can take place, lol), but if she isn't interested in it AT ALL that strikes me as enormously unusual.

I'd check with your pediatrician.

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S.F.

answers from Boston on

Sounds like my oldest daughter - please try reading stories to her (Dr. Seuss, Disney, Grimms fairy tales, board books, song books, etc...) and soon she will be reading to you! Enjoy your time with your daughter before siblings come along... she will love having a little playmate but will also enjoy helping you by reading to the new baby - even if she's still just memorized the words to her favorite familiar storybook, she will know when to turn the pages! S.

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T.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I am wondering if she is just not finding what is on offer to her liking... I would watch to see what IS engaging her attention. Focus on those activities. I know sometimes first time moms over worry... That said, if she is really not interested in anything, then maybe a talk with your pediatrician is called for. I would also encourage a playgroup. Fun for you and your child. It could be a great source of support and friendships for you and a great opportunity for you daughter to meet children and also see what other activities might excite her. Good luck!

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with Gamma G. She probably is bored to death. Try putting a little more structure in her day. Sit down and write out a schedule and then stick to it. She will probably be more happy when she knows that there are planned activities and she knows what she's going to be doing.

I also agree that she probably needs/wants more socialization since she is used to socializing daily.

Don't have a sibling just to entertain your daughter.

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