Seeking Advice - Philadelphia,PA

C., I totally understand what you are going through. I have been dealing with this situation for years now. I have come to the point where his screaming fits make me so crazy and angry. As for the talking back I try to tell him that I dont talk to him like that so he has no right to talk to me like that. Not listening what I usually do is when my son wants something after not listening to me, i do the same to him. He get upset and then I tell him see how I feel? Doesnt feel good does it. Now if you would like me to listen to you, then you need to listen to me, and yes it does work for me. However do to his situation I have to continually enforce this. Give it a try.
Good luck,
A.

C.,

I am so sorry you are having a rough time. Where are you located? I may be able to give you some direction.

Where do you live exactly and what kind of insurance do you have? That is all important when it comes to referrals. I am a therapist so I can refer you somewhere if you need to be referred. I just need some more infromation. Email me at ____@____.com to discuss more.

C.,

Please ask your sons' therapist for a referral to a therapist for you. Because he/she is familiar with your son, he/she may have an idea who could best help you. Maybe even someone within the same practice. I saw a therapist for 3 years and besides marrying the man I did, it was the best thing I have ever done. I wish you the best of luck! I have so much respect for you...it takes a lot to reach the step you have in asking for help. I hope you can find someone to help you!

B.

Hi C.,

I am M., 36yr old Single mom two girls. One with ADHD and one with a number of other disorders including but not limited to: Bipolar, ADD, ODD, Seperation Axniety, Avoidant disorder,,,, etc..... many more disorders. She is stable now but what a nightmare it was for years when she was unstable.

I can't talk a lot now because I have to get to work. But I had to reach out to you. I am on the Family Response Team for an awesome organization called Children and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation. It is for parents of children with all kinds of disorders, including ADD, Odd, Learning disabilities, etc.... Please check out BPKIDS.ORG

I would love to chat more with you if you are interested. I have been around the block with this subject and no one can understand what you are going through like another parent of a child like this.

Please email me if you would like to talk further. ____@____.com

M.

C.,
I understand where you're coming from completely. I go through some of the same things with my son. You can check your local hospital for support groups, parenting classes, anger management, etc. Hang in there!!
T.

Hi C. I do not know all the specifics of your case but if you r living in RI you can call the providence Center they do a great job with behaviors and they also have a clinical psychologist on staff as well as parenting groups and a support network.

I also am in your situation and my son is 8 and has ADHD. I have a mobile therapist come into my home weekly. He also sees a very good therapist in his office. He gets his meds from his psychiatrist who we see just for the meds. Wraparound program is who the mobile therapist is through. I dont know what info you have recieved from your therapist, etc... but the most important thing was that I had to change the way I did my routine. Your child is old enough you can sit down and actually be able to talk about his frustration and anger with YOU! I had to do alot of research, try different suggestions until I found what could help us. He was hitting me and was very anger too. I finally got a hold of the situation by first bringing it to his attention and what the boundries were. I had to ask alot of questions to him so that i can understand what the problem was before i actually addressed it. Sometimes they do not tell us everything willingly and we have to ask in a setting where we are having fun or doing certain activities that will allow him to express himself like board games or walks. I hope i helped a little. if you have any ? for me please ask!

I am a mother of a 17yr old Bipolar/ADHD son and for years he was diagnoised with only ODD and ADHD until major rages happened. Thru a great Bipolar clinic he was correctly dianoised and is currently doing well. What brings me to this is the wrong meds can hide the proper diagnosis. If he had been treated sooner for the Bipolar I believe we would have been farther ahead. Make sure your diagnosis is proper, do your own research, have your input on his meds and remember you are his "BEST ADVOCATE"! Loving any child should always be unconditional but there are some children who need more love, like ours.

C., I have a friend that went through the same things with the same diagnosis, but later found out her child had acute autism. Has your son been tested for this? It was considered a possibility the mercury in the immunizations (now has been pulled from the list of immunizations) caused autism in approximately 1 of 8 children...it is often misdiagnosed as ADHD. Off that subject, Dr. Currie is my Pyschologist (Beaver Falls) who I talk to regarding my own problems with depression and irritability...Dr. Kolli (New Castle) is my psychiatrist that helps with my medication to help me control the irritability and sleep (insomnia). I was told that getting appointments for a psychiatrist is hard within PA because there are few and far between so make an appointment now. However, they told me for immediate help I should go to the ER and advise them of my problems and an in=house pyschiatrist can help you immediately.

Keep your head up...every good mom needs a break. Have a friend or someone you trust watch your little one while you go have a few hours to yourself. I think all mom's have "down" moments. I tell my guys that mom's on time-out because she's in a bad mood. Sometimes that helps them to understand I need a moment. Hope this helps. Email me if you're having a bad day...I check mine daily...
____@____.com Take care

hi, i know this comes a little late but i was doing catch-up on these requests & yours caught my eye. my daughter has bi-polar disorder (she's 14) & this diagnosis came after 2 wrong ones & my own college degree is in psychology. I would really suggest a psychiatrist not psychologist, to see if that first adhd is correct. it might be, but bi-polar mimics adhd, or rather it's symptoms include all of the adhd symptoms. children present bi-polar differently than adults do. they don't go happy-sad, happy sad, they're moods change frequently & this can leave them irritable alot. I would also recommend bpkids.org, great website. fill out a questionaire to see if your child fits the profile & have him re-evaluated. if he does have bp, the adhd meds will make him worse!!! you have to control the mood first with mood stabilizers then very carefully add meds for the adhd if you have to at all at that point. we didn't for our daughter. good luck
D.

Hi, I'm a 30 year old single mom of an 8 year old boy with ADHD and a 4 year old girl and I know that every day is a challenge. I have been getting an attitude and the talking back from my 8 year old son also and after talking with some of my friends that have older boys I am starting to see that it is just something that they all go through and it is just him testing you out to see how far he can push you. I know how you feel when you say you think you need anger management because I use to yell until I was blue in the face for his talking back to me and his attitude but I recently just started sending him to his room with no tv or any thing but a book for an hour and after that hour if he can control himself and talk to me the way that he should then he can go play with his friends but if he can't the he goes right back up into his room for another hour. That seems to be working and I hope that something like this also works for you.

1) I like the book The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically-Inflexible Children, by Dr. Ross Green.

2) I like the books published by the Gesell Institute. They address developmental and personality issues in children for each year. Your Eight-Year-Old, by Louise Bates Ames, says this about eight-year-olds:

However, eight is also a time when the child begins to do a great deal of analyzing and evaluating, finding fault in himself and others--especially Mother. How do parents help an eight-year-old through this up-and-down age? What should parents expect in their relationships with the child and how can life in the family be made easier? What will the child's relationship with friends and siblings be like? In the successful tradition of the Gesell institute series, Your Eight-Year-Old is a well-researched, highly accessible guide.

3) In other words, you have a child suffering from ADHD/OCD/ODD, but he's also an eight-year-old boy, who gets to be evaluated on his own terms, with all the highs and lows his age-mates go through. Sometimes the phases kids go through are just normal -- but when a child has the disorders yours does, there might be an exaggerated quality to them. Or not.

Your son probably finds the world unpredictable, because his ADHD means that he doesn't act appropriately. He doesn't know if he's going to have a good day or a bad day, if he's going to do the right thing or say the right thing. He doesn't know of people will understand, or blame him. Most of the interactions with other people -- including you -- are full of negative emotions, through no one's fault. He might have the OCD symptoms -- and the ODD -- because they are ways to control a world that is otherwise unpredictable. I wonder if there are ways that you could give him a little more control -- in ways that are consistent with your parenting values. I'm not talking about letting him be disrespectful to you or others, that's not fair to you or to him. Because you love him, you have to help teach him how to act appropriately, so he won't be miserable. But I'm talking about little things -- like letting him choose how to redecorate his room, even if you hate the colors and you don't like Star Wars or superheroes or whatever. Let him choose one thing at each meal -- "pick a vegetable," "pick how you want the potatoes cooked," "do you want Shake and Bake chicken, or tacos for dinner?"

Some kids really do want to do the right thing, but they're so frustrated with the constant sense of failure they give up. Quick, immediate rewards for good behavior will help. With my older child -- my husband got a dollar's worth of foreign coins. Every time my son did something right, no matter how small, he got one. The dollar's worth of coins lasted us a week. So for four dollars a month....

I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL -- just a mother who has two boys who suffered through some of the same issues. My children seem to have grown out of them, but when my youngest was three, when he got mad he would spread feces all through his room, on himself, on the walls, etc.

Good LUCK!

I also have a daughter who can be very challanging at times, I would call your child's therapist and tell him or her how you are feeling, my best advice is telling the child exactly what you expect and the rules..then you must be very consistent, I know with my daughter the more "chances" you give her, the more she tests... you might want to consisder contacting a specialist in Applied Behavior Analysis...I really think you shoudl contact a professional and let them know your thoughts right now...and remember what you're feeling can be normal in your situation, it doesn't mean you're a bad mother, you just need a little extra help right now...Good Luck.

I'm 46, married 24yrs, 3 kids with ADHD, ODD, OCD, and some symptoms of Tourettes.
For you, you need to treat yourself to some support groups like NAMI-CAN (ask at your local public assistance offices) AND get involved with a group which makes YOU feel supported in ANY way, even if its a knitting grp. You need emotional release and support in addition to a therapist. Your public asistance office can help with anger mngt grps as well, and has programs to help your child in school. Find out about & use the resources that the gov't supplies- that's what they're there for! Look in the Blue pages of your phone book, or ask your son's teacher.

I'm sorry I misread your question at first and had to come back in & edit my reponse... I thought you were asking about your son & anger mngt. Maybe it'll help someone else though, so I'll leave in the following...

2 of my 3 kids (18 & 13) are both on Adderall XR and Prozac, with the addition of my youngest on Risperdal as well. Read Dr. Peter Breggin's books, "Talking Back to Ritalin", "...Prozac", and "Your Drug Could Be Your Problem" before you decide to medicate your child, or try to take them off any medications- especially if they've been on them a long time, like mine. You can reserve and have any book in the PA library system sent to your branch if its in print or audio or DVD/vcr form. There are TONS of alternative therapies and treatments avail out there (but you shouldn't use anything without consulting a specialist in herbs, homeopathy etc. and while still on meds since you could be doubling-up on the RX effects unknowingly. Use the library lookup system for ADD etc. My prob is trying to find a Psychiatrist who is willing to work WITH me at reducing them SLOWLY off all the meds (eventually). The withdrawal symptoms (and "rebound" effects) of these meds tend to accentuate the origional symptoms and generally make it all worse than the child was without the RX to begin with! Did your Dr. recently make any changes in dosage or type of RX? Did you accidently miss even a small part of your child's regular dose of RX? Also ask yourself & DR. if it could be a "rebound effect" from taking a non-extended dose of Ritalin, Adderall or the like, (which is the same as a withdrawal? When is the behavior the worst- in the A.M. right before getting his meds? At the end of the night? All the time? (Or in-between the daily doses?) I know now that tracking medication (and diet/nutrition) reactions & changes is key to getting answers. That's another possibility... your child could be steady on the Rx, but it could be something in his environment (like allergies- food and/or other antagonists causing him to act out!) Do your research. YOU know your child best- don't let the doctors talk down to you. Therapy is always a good idea, but don't stop there. There's ALWAYS options/answers you just have to start looking!

C.- where are you? If I can help with any suggestions, I would be glad to. I understand what you are going through. You are NOT alone!!!

C.,
Sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. I agree that you should get support for yourself. Also, I would suggest a Therapuetic Staff Support(TSS) worker. The TSS can work in the home or school to provide additional support for the child. The TSS is not a babysitter but can be present during the days, evenings and weekends to help manage your son's behavior. I would suggest you talk to your son's therapist about this option.
Good Luck!
Barbara

Hi C.,

I am a mother of two, but before I had kids I worked in social services with kids from age 6 to 18 who had all the diagnosis that your son has, (there were 24 kids in the cottage) so I know exactly what you are going through, and how difficult it can be. Trust me, you won't hurt him. If you have gone this long, you are OK. You may need some time to yourself, so you may want to look into some of the social services for respite care to give yourself time off.
As far as his diagnosis and behaviors, I will first give you a suggestion to try, and I will give you the system we had in place at our cottage.
1. Does your son snore? This may seem like a bizarre question, but there have been many studies that show ADHD is actually caused by large adnoids (the gland near the tonsils) that inhibit a good nights sleep. The children snore so loud, or they have apnea that wakes them up repeatedly during the night, causing them to be overly tired. Add in a stimulant like Ritalin and you have the behaviors that you see. It is like you not sleeping, then having coffee, you are awake, but aggitated, tired, and on a short fuse. If he is indeed snoring, discuss this with the therapist or his PCP and schedule a sleep study. This may eliminate many of his behaviors. (If you need the study, e-mail me at ____@____.com and I will find and forward to you.)
2. In the mean time, set up a reward program for him. Section the day into four parts. If he is good during the section of the day, he gets a token (ex. a token quarter or if you can sqing it a real quarter). He can then saves up his token's or his real money to purchase things like candy, a trip to McDonalds, etc. It's called a token economy system if you want to search it online.
I still suggest you watch him sleep to see if he does snore. I have seen the kids after the removal of the adnoids, and they are like completely different children, with behaviors almost eliminated. Don't forget, therapists and doctors can make mistakes, it is not wrong to get a second opinion.
Stay strong, and get yourself some respite care.
If you need anything feel free to e-mail.
L.

HI,

Speak to your son's therapist or psychologist. I am sure of them would be able to recommend some one for you to see.

Hi, there. I have a 7 year old son that has ADHD & depression. We also take him every week to the therapist, and even took him for a psyciatric evaluation which the doctor put him on Adderall & Risperdal, an anti-pyscotic drug. I ran across this website called Native Remedy, and ordered this organic treatment for ADHD called Focus. So far, it is doing the same thing as the other meds were doing, and the meds have so many scary side effects. They have other remedies for ADD, depression, etc. It might be worth your while to try it out. The big test is when David goes back to school- so if you want to forward me your email address I can let you know how that is going. I am also on zoloft, and I'm glad I did. But I am thinking about switching to one of the natural rememdies that this website provides for adults. It is very challenging with a child that has these issues- I fully understand the anger- but it does sound like you need to talk to someone- please at least look over the website- if you put in Native Remedy in your browser, this will pop up.