Seeking Advice - Atlanta,GA

Oh good grief, this is a perfect time of year to be skinny! Tell them to mind their own beezwaks. Fudge anyone?

You likely know the answer to this. Whether you want to face it or not is the question.

I have struggled with an eating disorder for over 25 years. I don't know if this is an issue for you or not. I do know that unless a doctor is looking for the problem, most doctors won't recognize the problem until it's life-threatening. At least that has been my experience. Even blood work won't be too far off until it's critical that you get help. I hid my problem from everyone until last spring when I got down to 80 pounds. Until then my husband, friends, and doctor expressed concern, but it was just, "You need to eat more. You're too thin. I wish I could lose weight like you." No one knew that I was controlling my weight because other areas of my life seemed so out of control. Like you, I don't eat when I'm stressed. I nearly died last spring, and was hospitalized for six weeks. Up until the day I was hospitalized, though, my doctor kept saying I needed to eat more; my blood work looked a little off, but was basically fine. Then I collapsed one day and that was that. It's a dangerous game.

I'm not saying that you have the same issues that I have, but if you do you probably know it (even if no one else does). Please take care of yourself. Seek help if you need to. Eat healthy foods even if you aren't eating very much. I'm so distressed because of what I put my husband and children through. That's what keeps me eating now. The media makes us think that anorexia is a problem just for teens and women in their 20s, but the problem doesn't just go away as we age. When I was in the hospital I entered a treatment program after they stabilized my health, and there were women there from the age of 19 to 79, and most of us were in our 40s. It was heartbreaking. We all have so much going on in our lives - taking care of children and aging parents, and most of us had gone through some sort of trauma. Controlling food gave us back some sort of control.

I'm sorry to ramble on. I hope you get help if you need it. If you don't, just ignore me. :)

Are your sure your doctor says you're fine?
Your BMI is 17.5 - which is underweight.
Lowest healthy level for your height is about 118 lbs.
I think it shouldn't be too difficult to gain 8 lbs and then hold it there.
Anorexia and looking like you've just come from a major famine zone is not an attractive look.
In this case your friends are right.

Find a nutritionist to help you eat healthy.

Your doctor may "think" everything is fine. Did he/she do a blood work up on you? Are you deficient in any thing?? If so, work on those.

Your friends are concerned about you and are seeing things the doctor is not. Let them know you are working on it and will not do anything to further jeopardize your health.

T., I lost 25 lbs around the time I divorced my ex. It' wasn't a conscious "not eating to control things", just a lot of stress.

I'd say, be very honest with yourself. Make sure you are sitting down and eating with the kids. And keep an eye on things... if you continue to see weight loss, then yes, there's probably something deeper going on. Do your best to take care of yourself. It's hard with three kids, I know, still- make sure they see you sitting down to meals with them and enjoying a variety of foods.

I did end up gaining the weight back, by the way... and over the years, a bit more. (It was 13 years ago... I'm a very different person). So, no, it's not uncommon to lose weight during a stressful time, but do keep an eye on it.

If your doctor says you're at a healthy weight then you likely are. Is there some reason to not trust your doctor you didn't mention?

Hi there. Way to be strong. Unfortunately, I seem to be the opposite (especially over the past few years) and DO eat when I'm stressed. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts; I actually think I read that somewhere and I stole it, but for me it works to laugh at myself a little-I'm your same height, but definitely not your same weight. That does seem slim for your height, but everyone has a different body type. If your doctor says A-okay and you truly feel okay, then all is well. If you become aware or realize that you tend to skip meals and snacks and are not getting the appropriate nutrition and excercise you need, then that is a different story. Everyone, friends and family included are always going to have their opinion. You know deep down what you need to do for you, so trust your gut instinct and if you need more food, protein, to eat more...then don't deprive yourself. You need to be a healthy Mama for your kids AND You. All The Best...

Your friends probably are coming from a place of concern and are trying to be helpful. I'm sure the loss of weight is from stress. They'll at likely are aware of this, and so are you. Just ensure that you are healthy physically and mentally. Be good to yourself.

If you feel fine and your doctor says you're fine - they you are fine! Your friends are probably just jealous since you are so thin! Most of us eat when stressed. I guess you're just the opposite. And yes, we all hate you for it! :) Have an extra slice of pie at Thanksgiving! :)

You probably lost weight because you were stressed. I am the same way. However, 5'7" and 110 is very thin, so you should probably supplement your diet with some weight gain shakes or something. I'm your height, and I would be thin at 125, and positively skeletal if I weighed 110.

Did the doctor do bloodwork? If yes, and no thyroid issue was found (that was my first thought), then I'd guess it's from stress.

Do be careful, though. You know you loose weight from stress, but you don't want to have it affect your health. Talk to your doc and ask what you can do to stay healthy while you're stressed and losing weight as a result. That way, you can tell your friends that your doc is working with you to make sure you stay healthy through the stress.

Impossible to tell without seeing you. 110 may be a perfectly reasonable weight for your body type/frame, or not. Usually your friends know you best, so if they feel you are looking pale, sallow, poor skin tone, etc. then maybe they have a reason to be concerned.

What has happened is that you carry your weight in such a way as to when you weigh what you should you look "sick" or very thin. Your bone structure if it is medium to large will also make you look extra thin.

Just so long as you are healthy and your doctor is on board with your weight level then let your friends' comments go by the way side. I know easier said than done. Remember when things settle down, you might put some of that weight back on so be careful.

I can carry an extra 20 pounds and look good but get to my correct weight I look ill or thin. It is called genetics.

Have a great holiday season.

the other S.

Doctor notwithstanding, friends not withstanding. You should find a way to make sure that you are getting enough nutrients and are keeping healthy. You've got three kids to parent, figure out how to handle the stress and to ensure your long term health. You will all be better off for it.

Best,
F. B.

Usually if you are not getting enough nutrients, you'll feel it and get sick over time. So. If you are getting a healthy balance of everything you need to eat, and your doctor says you're fine, then yay, you lost unnecessary weight. Humans in general can be very skinny and healthy (Paris, Tokyo, India, Africa, anywhere where most people are skinny). My best friend is a stick figure and always has been. She's naturally like that and is active and eats healthfully, but she looks sort of gaunt and bony. Which I think is chic and lucky.

If you're living on caffeine and forgetting to eat and not getting enough healthy food, then you know it's a problem. And eventually you'll see it in skin problems, tooth aches, brittle nails, dull hair, sugar cravings, sleep problems, mood swings and energy crashes, etc etc etc.

But for now, DO NOT worry about jealous people commenting on the fact that you can wear anything and look cute (aka skinny). But DO be honest with yourself about how well you are taking care of yourself. I'm a single mom of three too and it is hard to make myself eat healthy meals all day every day...but you have to do it.

As someone else said, it's hard to judge without seeing you. It's possible your friends are reacting to the weight loss and not the finished product, if that makes sense. A dramatic change can alarm people even if you are healthy.

If you feel well and have lots of energy (vs. nervous or panicked energy), if your doctor says you have no red flags in your exams or your lab work, if you are eating a balanced diet (and not just a cheese cube, a pistachio and a vitamin every 2 days), if you exhibit no alarming behaviors like binge eating or purging or excessive workouts (as concerns the one poster with an eating disorder - a wise move to alert you to this possibility), and if you are sitting down with the 3 kids for meals to encourage healthy eating habits so that none of you is dealing with stress by failing to eat), then you should be fine. If you are holding at 110 and not continuing to lose, so you think you have leveled off, then it's probably fine.

I think you need to tell your friends that their constant criticism is stressing you out more and driving you away from them, which is not good. Tell them you are eating whole and healthy foods at regular meals with your children and that your doctor says you look good and everything is fine.

As women, we need to get away from "fat shaming" but that doesn't mean we should replace it with "thin shaming" and constantly harping on each other's bodies.

If you are managing well with 3 kids and all are happy despite this huge adjustment in your life, good for you!

Updated

As someone else said, it's hard to judge without seeing you. It's possible your friends are reacting to the weight loss and not the finished product, if that makes sense. A dramatic change can alarm people even if you are healthy.

If you feel well and have lots of energy (vs. nervous or panicked energy), if your doctor says you have no red flags in your exams or your lab work, if you are eating a balanced diet (and not just a cheese cube, a pistachio and a vitamin every 2 days), if you exhibit no alarming behaviors like binge eating or purging or excessive workouts (as concerns the one poster with an eating disorder - a wise move to alert you to this possibility), and if you are sitting down with the 3 kids for meals to encourage healthy eating habits so that none of you is dealing with stress by failing to eat), then you should be fine. If you are holding at 110 and not continuing to lose, so you think you have leveled off, then it's probably fine.

I think you need to tell your friends that their constant criticism is stressing you out more and driving you away from them, which is not good. Tell them you are eating whole and healthy foods at regular meals with your children and that your doctor says you look good and everything is fine.

As women, we need to get away from "fat shaming" but that doesn't mean we should replace it with "thin shaming" and constantly harping on each other's bodies.

If you are managing well with 3 kids and all are happy despite this huge adjustment in your life, good for you!

If your blood work is fine?
Tell your friends that.
Tell them you've lost weight due to stress but otherwise you're healthy.

I guess I don't really get what you're asking for...?