Seeking Advice About My Nearly 6 Year Old Boy Who Hates Haircuts

Hello A.,
I understand what you are going through. I have 4 sons, 2 of them have hated getting their hair cut. One thing i suggest is you find a barber in a barbershop that is good with litttle ones. My boys responded better in the babershop then the salon, they also did better when they went with Dad, Grandpa or and Uncle. They always put on a show when Mom was there so I stopped taking them. IF that is an option for you try it and see what happens. Good Luck!

my son was the same way until I took him to castle cuts on Hall Blvd in Tigard. They have a huge playroom, tv with kid shows on at haircutting stations, kids sit in Jeeps, racecars, airplanes, AND at the end they have lollipops. Now my son asks to go for a haircut! He still is not a huge fan of the cut itself but sits quietly while it was happening and all the stylist work extremely quickly to minimize the time in the chair. Good Luck.

Good grief! Sounds all too familiar. My son threw up! But you shouldn't feel bad about forcing him. After all who is in charge! You are the parent! Next time just take privileges away, and stick to them. He will run all over you if you don't take control now. Lay down the ground rules now, and DON'T wimp out, or he will always be a problem!

My boys didn't ever want a hair cut and still don't. They would cry etc.. My husband and I bought a set of hair clippers and began giving them buzz cuts. While we clipped their hair we would let the a movie on our portable dvd player. They would still complain, but at least they would sit there. They both now go to a barber to get it cut and do well. Good luck

Why not let his hair grow? I don't know where you live, or whether no boys there have long hair. It seems to me that since you're homeschooling, he wouldn't have the problem of kids at school making fun of him. (Obviously I live where lots of boys have long hair and it's no big deal). Or are you concerned about what your friends will think of you? I think it's worth taking some time to really think about why it matters so much to you. It is after all his body, and his having long hair doesn't hurt you. I'm not sure how to express this - but I think it's really important, as much as possible, to let children be in control of their own bodies and set their own boundaries, as long as whatever they're doing doesn't hurt anyone else. I think it's an important life lesson about respect. Another thought - my daughter went through a stage (around age 4-5 I think) where she wanted to stay in her pajamas all day and didn't want me to brush her hair. I think it was at least partly because there were other parts of her life where she had no control and was hurting (her father and I were arguing) - so it was especially important for her to be able to control something so close to her own being. Maybe something like that is going on with your son. And like other people have said, I think it's better to let kids have control over as much as you can, since there are so many things that are much more important, where you can't let them have control. But if for some reason you think it is really important for him to have his hair cut, maybe some way in which you could involve him in the process would help. Like choosing when and where to do it, looking at pictures of hairstyles to choose between etc. And of course the obvious, I assume you have asked him why he doesn't want his hair cut (although he may not be aware of or able to articulate the real reason). I suspect there is something underlying this, or else it's just that he loves his hair and likes having it long.

I mean no disprespect whatsoever, but does he really need his hair cut? Maybe it's okay to just let his hair grow and he'll ask to have it cut when he's ready. There's probably some deeper issue here in which he would like to be able to make this choice (or more) about how he lives his life and maybe this is the one to start with. With everything I do for my son, I try to think about what the purpose is. If I'm making a choice just to make myself feel better and not for his safety or health or happiness, then I try to rethink and do things differently. It may seem permissive, but it's healthy for him to start making certain choices for himself and it's not as if longer hair will endanger him in any way (that I can think of). Good luck!

Try salons geared toward kids. (Castle cuts, Pigtails & Crewcuts, etc) They have fun cars or other chairs instead of the traditional seat, plus they have other fun things to keep kids busy and distracted like bubbles or movies.
If nothing else, see if your son would like to help choose his hairstyle. He may also wish to feel like he has the choice between scissors or electric clippers.

Wow, I can really relate to frusteration from a kid not allowing a totally seemingly safe experience to happen without a freak out. I have 3 children, one of which can be extremely sensitive, and haircuts used to be one of the challenges.He's grown out of that one now, but still continues to struggle with others. I really believe that we have to pick our battles with our children, as they have to/we need them to learn to make their own choices eventually. Does he have an opinion about whether his hair is long or short? I've found that really trying to figure out what the issue is, what the options/compromises are, and what the results will likely be for the choice made, and explaining that to my son helps him to feel empowered. This in turn removes the power struggle, which was no fun for anyone anyway. Our children need us to listen to them, and when the issue is not one of safety, we have the opportunity to step back and help guide them to make good choices, not make them for them.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time with this, but please be assured that you're not alone. Often times children react violently to things that they fear or mistrust. Perhaps your son doesn't like the sensation or doesn't trust someone with sharp objects, like scissors! Is there a man in his life that could set an example and talk him through it? That would help tremendously! Most times if we explain what's going to happen and walk through all the possibilites - that relieves the fear. But when comes down to it, sometimes ya just gotta do, whatcha gotta do! Sometimes we have to be tough and push them through their fears!!

I hope this all works out for you - been there, done that!!

Hi A.
It sounds like the ordeal of getting a hair cut is causing both of you stress and trama and drama. Why is it so important that he has his hair cut? What is your hang up around this?
Now days boys with long hair is exceptable. Let it grow and when his pears start putting presure on him he will WANT to do it on his own. Give your son some sort of feeling that he has some control in his life. If a person feels they have no choice or control they act out in all sorts of ways including wetting them selves or unpotty trained.
What is the big deal about ling hair?

Chill and choose your fights that are worth fighting for the bennifet of all.

Someone suggested to me taking him with you when you (and others) get your hair cut, so he can see that A) it doesn't hurt and B) everybody does it. I don't have any experience with this yet personally but it sounded like a good idea. My boy is still so young, I trim around his ears myself while he is sleeping. Perhaps my tune will change when he needs a realy haircut. Good Luck.

Lizz

A., it's just hair. It seems to me that there are much more significant battles to be fought. I don't think it's worth the obvious distress this is causing you and, especially, your little boy. The fact is that, for some kids, even something as innocuous as a haircut is traumatic. Let him have his hair for a while. When you can't stand it any longer, tell him in advance that he has until X time before his hair is cut. It may help a lot to put a calendar in his room with the day of reckoning clearly marked. That will reduce the anxiety. If his hair is clean, does it really matter how long it is? Good luck to you!

have you thought about letting his hair grow? honestly, it's just hair. there are so many other things to fight with your kids about. why make something he is clearly not comfortable with huge when you could make it a solution by choosing to let his hair grow? maybe you could tell him you want to let his hair grow and explain that the only way it will get cut is if he cooperates. tell him he has to keep it clean and combed and out of his eyes and it won't be bad. trust me, once you've had to brush some knots out of his hair he will not enjoy it long and probably volunteer to get it cut.

There are places that specialize in cutting kids' hair and making it fun. I know you're not in seattle but there's a place here called beachcomber. Check out their website and see if you can find a similar place near you. If not, there's a business venture in your future!?

Have you tried getting his haircut at home? I had a friend who was a hairstylist and she would go to peoples houses for haircuts. Another option is get your own set of hair trimmer/buzzer and do it yourself. It comes with pieces of different lengths so he doesnt have to be a buzz. My son hated haircuts too and this is what I did and it made it easier. In my case I kept his hair very short in minimize the amount of haircuts, plus he has very thick hair.
Best of Luck!!

If he doesn't want a hair cut that badly then let his hair grow until he decides that he is ready to have one. Remove yourself from the power struggle over it and then there will no longer be a struggle. Tell him why haircuts are important and then tell him to decide when he is ready.

Maybe he is afraid that the scissors will poke him or hurt him. Have you tried putting him on his dad's lap when dad gets a haircut? He could already have his cape on and when dad was done, say OK, it's your turn. Or take him there to just watch someone else get their hair cut and not even cut his. Can you just trim his bangs at home and just do a section at different times? He is school age. He certainly should be able to be reasoned with by now. Ask him to explain his reasons for not wanting it.

Morning. I had a nephew that would totally melt down. Found out it was the buzzing thing they used, and he would be fine if they used just scissors. So would have them use just scissors and then clean up neck with buzzer at the end. Hope this helps.

I feel your pain. Really, I do. I'm a SAHM of four, so I can't afford to go to a salon for my kids. I've been cutting their hair myself sinve they were all litle.

My only solution is to ask him if he wants to have his hair grow long. At his age, it's shouldn't be hard o ask him how he wants his hair. My 8 y/o likes her hair long, but my 5 y/o likes it -very- short (pretty close to the "pixie" cut from when we were kids).

It's not hard to find a good set of hair trimmers at the store, and they'll really pay for themselves over time. I'm still using the $20 pair that I picked up at Wal-Mart 2 years ago.

Find a few magazines with some cool hair styles and see which one he wants. If it's an easy one to do, ask if he wants you to do it or if he wants to the barbershop with his dad and have it done there.

Good luck!
~A.

This is a great topic and you have gotten a lot of great replies! Thank you for posting it.

It has been my experience that most 5 year old boys are "control freaks". They are learning to control their environment, their siblings, their parents, and their stuff. They can get pretty crazy when they feel out of control, so it's good to give them one or two "choices" that YOU can live with (not just carte blanche). Samples: Would you like to wear your green shirt or your blue shirt? (either answer means he's getting a shirt on). Do you want to go up the escalater or the elevator? (either way he is going up). Do you want chicken or lasagna (either way he will get dinner), and so on.

With all the information here, I'm sure you can phrase some simple choices that you can live with. Do you want your hair long or short? Do you want to go to Kids corner or to daddy's baber? etc.

Best of luck, and remember, most important: IT WILL PASS.

Much love to you and yours!

K.

Hi A.,

You must have a billion choices from the advice listed here, I wish you the best in approach! I can only answer this honestly as I would have handled it. Children respond well to reward/consequence choices. Use choices but there needs to be limits to his control over you.

First YOU also need to get a trim, even if it is just your bangs or something for show, and your other kids... then, Make a new tradition for life... Offer an ice cream treat or Happy Meal on HAIR CUT DAY on the way home for a reward. Take the reward out of the picture if he chooses to not behave for a haircut... BUT DO remember to reward yourself and your daughter with one. It will work faster than fire on a marshmallow, I'm telling you.

Let him throw his fits, but ignore it and appear to be enjoying your normal day with your daughter or friends who are along. Ignore the negative attention, reward and smile and speak to him when he is not screaming or kicking around. But never raise your own voice. He can learn calm reactions from you.

Enjoy the icecream and Happy Meals!
Your son will soon learn that a haircut means yummy rewards.

P.S.
If you don't stick with whatever plan you set him with, he will worsen and continue learning how to maniplulate. Children are smarter than most people realize, lol.
When he finally does the right thing... give him a million smiles, hugs and applause.
=)

A.,

This sounds like a power struggle. Until he gets over this fear of the barber, you may have to just let his hair grow. Another option, buy a pair of clippers and do a home haircut. That's what we do for my 4 1/2 year old who hated the sound of the loud barber's clippers at the shop. We got ours at Target for around $30. They've paid for themselves several times over with giving my hubby and son cuts at home.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I have the same problem so I have some one else take him. Daddy or grandpa. The act out more for mom. Also make sure you find a child friendly place. Last time my son did not cry at all because I found the nices lady to do it!
I have also offered a reward if he is good like ice crem.
I think the noise of the buzzer scares them. Also the hair dresser told me if you do not do it right it can hurt!
I was doing it and I think I was hurting him. I would get frustrated but now I feel bad.
My son has such think hair.
I get my sons hair cut real short so I do not have to do it very often.
Good luck!
Lisa

I think it's okay to force him to get a haircut. I'll bet next time he'll know you mean business. Don't feel guilty. It's all part of growing up.

Hi A.,

I think it was good that you made him get his hair cut. You showed him that you were in charge. I'm not sure if this would help, but make him aware that he will continue to have his hair cut, but maybe give him options. Either at home, salon, etc. Make it fun and ask him to pick the salon. Sometimes children have to feel like they have a say or are in charge, even if we just make them to believe it. Ha ha ...
giving him choices may make it easier on the both of you.

Good luck!
~M.

If the child-friendly salons don't work out, how about sending him to the barber with Dad? My three boys get their haircuts with their father without be even being there and it works out just fine. My hubby took our four year old last month - and we've never had a problem with him. He took our toddlers today - one of them cried for about 20 seconds but was then smiling and giggling after that. (I think there's something about the mom versus dad dynamic. They're our "babies" but they tend to want to be "big boys" for daddy.)

We went through a tough phase with our now 6 yr old son. He was 4 almost 5 when he went through a period of crying and throwing a fit over haircuts. He would scratch, pinch and throw himself around - and we wouldn't even be in the door yet. I can do it when they will sit still, but I'm not good if they are freaking out.

I tried bribing him, coaching him ahead of time and one time he even bit me to get out of the chair...it was awful! That was the point where I was at my end with it. We got home, my husband talked to him about why he didn't want to get his hair cut. Of course, being 4, we got an answer of "I just don't like it". I took away 5 of his favorite toys and put them in a box for 6 weeks (which was his next appt- his hair grows really fast). I told him he would only get them back if he got through the next haircut without throwing a fit. I also told him that if he threw another fit, I would take 5 more toys, and so on. When he started to cry when I put him in the chair, I said the person to just shave his head (it was a trick of course). She played along and started talking about how cold he would get with no hair, etc. It worked! He got back his toys and strangely enough he got over it. I'm not sure if that was what did it, but he gets hair cuts now and earns a balloon for being good.

Best of luck!

Hi A.,
Why don't you just let him have "the control" of his hair cuts? My be your boy just need some control and he just pull it over the hair cut. I would tell him that this is one of the things he NEEDS and let him decide when and how to do it. I'm sure he has some ideas of his own. Let him pick up the day, the time and the place. You can also buy a machine, there are kid-friendly (no cuts and noise) ones and let him do it by him-self in front of the mirror in the bath room and you will finished him. I think I saw one in "One step ahead" last issue. He might not look that good but I'm sure with the time it will work. Bribes doesn't work in situations like that, just makes them worst.

A.,
My oldest son 7yrs doesn't like his hair cut either, but he tolerates it and doesn't fight me anymore. I'm a hairdresser, and I used to cut his hair, but he would get impatient. Now he goes to Kids Castle cuts over by Washington Square. I have had no trouble since then. I don't let the length bother me, but when he can't see and starts to look like a shaggy dog, he agrees that it's time for a cut.
When I read your concerns, I think to myself what is wrong with his hair? Is it so long that it can be braided? Perhaps mom's idea of too long is different than his. Why doesn't he want it cut? Maybe he is more comfortable with it longer. Finally, why is mom forcing him to have it cut?
I put myself in his shoes. If my mom had forced me to get a haircut, especially one that I didn't like, I would be mad too. Picture yourself going to school with a style you don't like. It sucks.(My mom did the tape over the bangs to cut them and I always ended up with nubs because she just kept cutting to get them straight. It was awful.)
My husband shaves his head because he doesn't like hair, but both of our boys hate this look and hate buzzed hair. For them it's not comfortable.
Perhaps your son had a bad experience with one of the haircutters like a clipper burn on his nape or around the ears or even nipped by scissors. Perhaps he was antsy and the cutter was mean because they didn't know how to work with kids.
Try kids Castle. ###-###-####. Take him there to play without having an appointment so that he can see other kids getting their hair cut while they watch movies.
Other suggestions I have heard that work is son going to get haircut with dad or grandpa and by watching them, the anxiety went away.

There is a cool childrens hair place in Beaverton called Kids Castle. They have a small play area for before and after, instead of chairs there are toy cars, carousel horses, etc, to set in. And a tv and dvd at each station. My son loved it.