Seeking Advice for a Screaming Toddler!

Updated on April 14, 2007
J.L. asks from Barneveld, WI
18 answers

My middle child will be two in May and he hardly does any talking. He seems to use the phrase "daaaaaaaa" and point whenever he wants something. The worst part is that he screams if you don't understand what it is that he wants. By that point I don't feel like I should give him any attention for his screaming! I am especially wondering if anyone has ever tried the baby sign language and if it is effective. I also have another little boy that will be one in May, so it wouldn't be a waste of time to learn it myself!

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So What Happened?

I just had a specialist from my county's Birth to 3 program come out. After a couple of hours of playing on the floor with my son she told me that she thought that he was completely normal and was more or less just way more interested in his motor skills than communicating! The signs that he has learned so far are helping him to tell us what he wants and he is also saying the words with the signs! So, as of right now we are learning some more signs (which he loves!) and really trying to communicate directly with him. The specialst will be back in July and I will talk to his pediatrician in May! All looks well!

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I add my support for sign language for pre-verbal and early verbal kids. My son is a very strong personality with strong opinions and his frustration level was so much lower when he was able to use sign language. We concentrated on basic signs first (more, water, milk, hungry). If those go well you can always add more. My son is 3 now and highly verbal but his preschool still teaches a lot of signing and we are going to start using certain signs (like the sign for "help") with him because he is hesitant to use words in certain situations and his teacher thinks the signs will help.

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B.

answers from Minneapolis on

J., I would definitely teach him to sign. We started our daughter on signing when she was seven months old. She was signing by nine months and knew over 50 signs by the time she was sixteen months old. Rather than "Baby Sign" teach him American Sign Language. It is something he will always be able to use. You can learn to sign off the Internet on the ASL Browser. Good Luck.

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K.V.

answers from Wausau on

Yes, signing with your child does work! In fact, my husband & I used it with our two boys to prevent them from screaming (they have no hearing impairments), but also to give them a leg up on communication before their verbal skills can really be put into full use. We mainly have/had them use "please" (a pat on the chest) and "more" (both sets of fingers together, touching each other). We would have liked to have them learn "thank you" (hand to chin, then out), but they started learning to use words, so we stopped signing and taught them the words instead. The transition was smooth. I found that using the sign language with my kids helped them effectively use their bodies to tell us what they wanted in a civil and clear way, especially without the screaming, and then everyone is happier in the end!

Check out www.signingbaby.com or www.signingtime.com. There are very helpful websites out there. I hope this helps you and your toddler(s)!

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J.X.

answers from Minneapolis on

Check out www.signwithme.com for videos of basic signs.

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B.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

He screams because that's his way of communicating.

I was very leary of sign language. But my daughter's daycare did it so I was like ok whatever. I now and am very greatful she was taught signlanguage. I couldn't believe how fast she picked it up and how fast I did too so I could keep up with her. It was amazing she was signing before the age of 1. She was so good when we were in public other assumed she was deaf. I never went crazy with it and never pushed it. She picked up sign language 10x easier than she has picked up spanish which I'm trying to push. I believe because she learned how to "communicate" earlier on it started the actual speach earlier and better. Now my daughter is a girl which supposedly they talk earlier but she's now 5 and has atleast a 7 year old's vocabulary she was just tested by a speech specialist at her school. I say go for the sign language. I heard there is some new dvd out there by baby einstein or one of those that does sign language. I know if they can communicate any way sign language, talking it will eliminate alot of behavior probelms such as temper tantrums, screaming, biting other kids etc. I would encourage him to use words. Like talk to him kinda monotone " J o h n n y d o y o u w a n t m i l k ? " "T h i s i s MILK " Or give him a choice, bring him to the fridge and point to the milk and then the juice and say do you want milk? Point to it, then say or would you like Juice and point to it.

I do think it's a bit odd he's 2 and not talking at all. I would also bring this up with his pediatrician. I'm trying to remember our home videos and I believe my daughter was talking in sentences and telling me crazy stories and answering questions at that age. I remember she would sit on her step stool and talk or sing and I'd ask her on camera what her favorite food was or who she loved, or where we lived stuff like that and she didn't talk the clearest but she definately answered back and was quite a little comedian. I'm a single mom so sometimes I have noone else to talk to so we have a very verbal house. I've always asked her alot of questions because I'm curious and because I like to know her likes/dislikes and opinions.

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A.

answers from Madison on

Your child has so many things to say and isn't developmentally able to speak the correct sounds yet, so he's frustrated!! Baby sign language is fairly easy to learn, you can make it fun, and it would probably help ease his frustration. I got a great book from the One Step Ahead catalog--I think they still carry it and a few new ones.

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J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

We learned a few signs for my son when he was around 9 months, he just turned two and still uses them sometimes, but adds the word with the sign. He speaks in sentences and can pretty much carry on a conversation at 2 years.

I would start now with your 1 year old, and try to get your 2 year old to join in as well.

I also agree that at his 2 year appointment you should talk to you pediatrician about his language development. Most 2 year olds I know speak more than what you described, or use signs to get their needs across.

J.
SAHM to 2 year old Charlie and 4 month old Joey.

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M.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

Go for the sing language. I wished I would have stated earlier with my son now 15 months. Well, I did start but I got lazy...don't do that! Get your one year old involved and all your children in fact. There are some really good videos out there, baby einsteing just came out with a new one. We have begun enforcing the sign language with our son who now knows a mere three signs but those three signs makes a big difference, he screams, grunts, or points to everything and he just assumes we know what he needs or wants. There are a ton of books, but utilize the web since its free and print out some sheets, stick with the common words, just a basic set of sign language will be great for him.
more
eat
please
thank you
mama, dada,
all done
milk
etc. Have fun with it.

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A.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

Sign language makes a big difference both of my children learned it and thats how they communicated to me to tell me what they wanted. Also with and older siblings the younger one does not have the need to talk because the older one does it. So the tend to not talk as soon or as much. However that maybe only in my case with my two kids. Anyway baby sign language is very helpful, Try to teach basic signs, milk ,more, please, help, hungry, food, juice, ect..Those help out alot. Good luck

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C.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi J.,

I did baby sign with my daughter. I think that it definately decreased her frustration with trying to talk. She is completely verbal and it did not delay any of her communication development.

I would start sign language (eat, milk, and favorite things that he likes). I would also suggest getting an evaluation by a speech-language pathologist and having his hearing checked (your doctor can direct you to the right resources). The speech-language pathologist would be able to provide you some home programming suggestions that might reduce your whole family's stress. I am a mom of a little girl who is almost two and I am a speech therapist by profession.

Early intervention, even if there is not a serious issue, makes the length of therapy or having to work on language much less.

I think no matter what the first thing would be to do the sign language (you are absolutely correct in that thought!)

Good luck,

C.

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T.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

My oldest daughter learned some signs at a very young age (Between and year and 18 mths) it truly did make life easier. She still uses the signs but also says the words as well. My mom teaches preschool and they start signing with the kids at 18 months (the youngest the center takes). She says to check out your local library for books and videos. The videos are really neat cause they learn to sign while singing songs. Also, here is a link to a site that she gave me. Hope this helps. Good luck.

http://www.lifeprint.com/asl101/pages-layout/concepts.htm

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K.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

We had a lot of luck with the series by Joseph Garcia called "Sign with your Baby."

It uses most of the ASL (American Sign Language) signs, which was good because we frequently ran into people who knew the signs. I've seen "baby" sign language courses where they made up all their own signs, and it was harder to teach the signs to babysitters, etc.

Essentially, you start with 1-3 signs and use them each time they're appropriate. Once your child starts using them back, you can add one or two more at a time to build up a vocabularly.

If you Google ASL sign language dictionary, you should find some good online resources for signs. They recommended starting with "more," "eat," "drink," and "help." We used "more" and "milk" and "all done." as our starter signs.

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H.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

My son is 14 months old and I know what you are talkin about with the dadadadada. My son seems to use that word the most. He does say other things but not as much. Anyway, I tought my son sign language and it seems to cut down on the tantrums a little bit. I thought him the signs for milk, hungry, more, all done. He learned all of those right before he turned one. I think its really cool for my son to be able to comunicate with me before he develops is talking more. I am really a big fan of sign language and I have been slowly trying to introduce more words through signing to him. Also I have found that saying the word with the sign helps a lot because my son trys to mimic the word while doing the sign. I hope this helps.

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M.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm using baby sign language with my 9-month old and have found it very helpful. He's not doing a lot of signs yet and the ones he knows, he's not consistent in using. But, if he is upset and I show him the sign for something that he wants, he smiles and gets excited. So, I guess in that respect it helps :) This sight has lots of signs and video of signs along with ideas on how to introduce sign to your children http://www.signingbaby.com/main/.
Also, Minnesota and Wisconsin have early childhood educators that will come into your home to do speech therapy with your child. I know Minnesota does it, because I am a teacher :) I think the best way to access it in Minnesota is through ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education). You should be able to find your local center online or by asking your neighborhood school principal. In Wisconsin, there is no ECFE, however they do have ECSE (Early Childhood Special Education). My younger sister was a late talker when we lived in GB, WI and we had a speech pathologist come into our home a few days a week to work with her and teach the family strategies for helping her. I'm not sure if your son will qualify at 2, but it's worth looking into. The earlier a therapy for a delay starts, the more successful it is. Good mamma for looking into it!!!
Best of luck!
M.
Feel free to contact me if you wish (____@____.com)

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C.B.

answers from Janesville-Beloit on

We used sign language at the daycare I worked at. We started around 9 months or so when the children became "mobile" and continued until about about 3. It worked really well and the parents had a lot of success with it as well. I've never tried it with my children as I'd never heard of it when they were little. Have you had your child's hearing tested? They should be saying at least a few words by age two. My son had hearing problems and it took us quite a while to figure out why he wasn't talking. Good luck, I know how stressful it can be! You might want to try contacting someone from the Birth to Three program. They also offer speach therapy and can be a wonderful resource for you.

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J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

If he is almost 2 and not talking have his hearing checked by a specialist.

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M.P.

answers from St. Cloud on

I agree with the others - he is screaming because he is frustrated that he can't communicate. My son just turned 3 and was evaluated by ECSE a year ago. He's been receiving services since last May (in-home until February when he transitioned a little early to center-based). It has been wonderful! We have learned techniques to help his frustrations (including using sign language, which was a huge help in the first few months), and he has blossomed. Here is Minnesota we first contacted our county, which than makes the referral to the ECSE coordinator (it's coordinated between the school district and the county) - your pediatrician should know who to contact where you live.

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R.J.

answers from Wausau on

You have already figured out that he is screaming because his communication is limited

The sign language is good; but words are better.

Read as much as possible to him and when he screams and points at something; say the word 3 times for what the object is that he wants. It will take awhile, but it will get better slowly and he will begin to use words. Also, tell him "no screaming", "use your words!" :)

Hope it gets better; I went through this too. :)
R.

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