Seeking Advice for Emotionally Sensitive 3 Year Old Boy

let M. know when you find out and i will tell my emotionally sensitive 5 year old girl that an emotionanly sensitive 3 yo in WI conquered his being sad so she should too! =)
Honestly I think some kids are J. thinkers and overthink sittuations. For instance some kids when asked not to play a game will shrug their shoulders and go find someone else, my daughter will take it as something is wrong with her and she will be hurt they didnt want to include her. I think talking and keeping communication open works. Ussually if I try explain why they might not want to play with her and give examples of sometimes when she doesnt want to lpay with someone it works. As soon as she can fully understand them she feels better
maybe Jo will reply, she's helped M. a lot in regards to Emmy with this

Hug him and validate his feelings but don't stay there ....direct him and give him some assertiveness tools to make friends and ask other kids to play with him~ Boost his confidence and praise him when he shows initiative with other kids. Ignore the crying when he doesn't get his way or others don't include him.

Briefly sympathize with him and then ignore the tears. By doing this you're accepting his feelings without giving him extra attention for them. You are giving him the message that he can deal with his feelings. By empathizing with him you're giving him the message it's OK to feel sad and cry.

Crying can be a way of expressing helplessness in a situation in which other children would express frustration and anger. I would try to help him express his feelings in such a way that helps him get what he wants. For example when the other children do not include him, help them all play together. Try saying, that would make me upset when so and so won't play with me. Let's find a way to play.

By describing possible emotions and showing a way to manage the situation you are giving him tools to use instead of tears.

Crying can become a way to get attention. Be sure to give him attention at other times, helping him understand ways of being that will lessen the need to cry.

Try to help him by saying 'I'm sorry you are hurt but this isn't something to cry about. Let's go find so and so to play with while the others play ....' Something to that affect so you help him find the alternative to what upset him. On the other hand maybe say you are sorry he feels bad so he knows you do care about his feelings. He should learn to not cry when told to do or not do something though and some kids use that crying to make you feel badly. I doubt he is but just be aware they do it. In this world today he can't be overly sensitive and yet so few care about each other he needs to do that too so it's hard to find the middle.

Ok, so what if you were to reframe and think of what he's doing as a passive aggressive/controlling behavior? I mean, think about it, he doesn't get his way and so he cries. This is not the same thing as having your feelings hurt because someone calls you a name or takes your toy or getting hurt.

He's got some control issues, it seems, and he's dealing with them in a very maladaptive way...in other words, he's having a tantrum just not the kind you traditionally think of as being a tantrum. He's smart and he's learned he will most likely get what he wants or get a cuddle or attention and any one of those 3 things will probably satisfy him in the moment.

If it were me, I'd get an emotions chart (maybe from the teachers store, they have them in their resources area) and I'd talk to him about how he feels in various situations (when not included with other children at day care, and when he is told to do or not to so something). If he doesn't identify "angry" or "frustrated" on his own, I'd guide him towards those faces on the chart and see if he can relate. I'd talk through these things with him and tell him that tears are ok sometimes (give examples), but when he's being told to not do something it's for his safety, he needs to listen even if he's (angry, frustrated) about it and when he feels left out or whatever give him some ways to include himself because crying won't help.

Then, I would explain to him that he needs to use feeling words instead of tears and if he resorts to crying I'd dispassionately place him on time out. I do this with my son and it is not an "in trouble" time out, I explain this to him...but a "pull yourself together" time out. I tell him as soon as he is done crying/tantruming whatever he can come talk to me or return to playing. I put him in the other room and usually he stops within a minute. It's great because now he will even put himself on a time out if he finds himself getting out of control sometimes.

It's really important, in my opinion, to not coddle him or reinforce this behavior in any way. I have a friend who's son does this (he's 4) and it is by far the most obnoxious behavior in the playgroup, it's upsetting to other kids, and it causes the 4 year old to be quite socially isolated.

Tantrums can come in many forms and for some kids, crying is one of them. My son is like this. He is almost 4 and fortunately, he doesn't do this much anymore. The way I handled it is that I would ask him what happened, reflect his feelings back to him so he felt understood. Then I would give him a big hug and redirect him. If he carried on I would give him till the count of 10 to get it together. If not, he would have to leave the fun and go sit on my lap away from everyone until he stopped crying. I also find books to be really useful as well. There is a Busytown book that has a section of the different types of pests. One was the "crybaby". That really resonated with my son.

I would like to add another perspective. My son was similar and never had temper tantrums. I thought it was because he was just a gentle person. Fast forward to today. He is 6 1/2 and for the past year we have had him working with a play therapist because what he was really doing was suppressing his emotions. Because he is so sensitive he is afraid of emotional intensity and losing control which happens naturally when a child has a tantrum. This emotional suppression was severe enough that it has impaired his ability to play with other children. I'm not saying your son is headed down this road but the therapist did say a child not throwing temper tantrums when they are toddlers is a red flag that something is up. Some children have a harder time with emotional development I'll share with you what we have learned which many others have also discussed. It's extremely important to validate his feelings. At this point don't try to fix the problem by giving him suggestions. Just say to him, "You sound really frustrated or angry. That would make me angry too". Then encourage him to get mad, stomp, punch a pillow. While playing with him encourage his cars or action figures to get angry. You can act this out as well. You will know he is trying out the anger emotion when he starts expressing it in his play(maybe he is already doing this). He will then start expressing it a bit with you in the safety of his home. He will build up to it slowly because he needs to know he is safe (that you will still love him if he's angry) and that he will return to normal after the blowup. My son had his first tantrum this past month and it was fantastic to see him come from this place of power and strength. A great book to read is Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. It can give you ideas on how to help your child develop emotionally through play. Another thing I'd like to mention is if your child is easily frustrated there might be something more to that as well. If he is also sensitive to sound, touch visual stimulation he may have sensory issues. This was also the case with my son.Good luck!