Seeking Advice from Anyone Who's Overcome Sleep Deprevation!

Hi G.,
I feel your pain and frustration! When my two oldest were younger I had a calendar in the then 4 year old's room and we marked days when she didn't get up to wake me up. so many days equaled some type of reward. Start small so that the reward is fast coming. Did your kids share a room at the old house? Do you think your 2.5 year old would sleep better in a big boy bed. My middle child didn't sleep through the night until we took her out of her crib and put her in a big bed. Could you put them each in their own room?
Also, I took a parenting class when my kids were 4 and 2. One suggesstions was for mommy and daddy to have quiet time (15 minutes or so) alone without interruption sometime when the children could see you and know what you were doing. "couch time" is what it was called. The theory was if the kids know mommy and daddy are okay, good relationship, etc., then they feel safe, don't need to see them together in the middle of the night. I really think this helped us at the time we were experiencing extreme sleep deprivation.
Good luck! It can be done - I have finally gotten all three of mine sleeping through the night in a new house in the same room! My 1.5 year old when through a nasty waking period but right now we are good!!

for your son, get a crib tent. if he can't climb out he will go to sleep. it's hard but don't let them in your bed, they will never leave and wake your husband up and have him deal with it. you need to rest.

Hi G.,

Where is your husband? You need a network of support.

http://SAHM.meetup.com

http://attachmentparenting.meetup.com

Call the city and find out about your Civic League in your area and talk to the Welcome person.

If you are going to breastfeed, contact the Le leche League.

Good luck. D.

www.lllusa.org/VA/WebTidewaterVA

Have you watched the super nanny show? Maybe some of the techniques that she is doing might help. Also there's the sleep lady Kim West who has a newsletter at the sleeplady.com. She also has sessions that you can pay for over the phone to give you a little advice. I thinkg the 4 year old needs a little tough love and lots of reassurance afterwards. When you figure this out, tell me how to do it ;). Hope these are of help to you!
A.

Kellye is right- you and your husband need to be consistent. Kids are smart. If the first time your daughter got out of bed, you comforted her or let her sleep in your bed, she will look to get that same attention the next time. If you hold out longer the next time, tell her no several times and then give in, that just tells her she needs to work at it even longer. So she learns that keeping up the protest gets results! I know it's hard when your little ones are upset, but being inconsistent with the rules only makes it harder to get the problem under control. A rule is a rule, right?

Sometimes kids need a little change in their routine and night if they're having trouble getting to sleep. WIth your two year old, do you have a calming nighttime routine- bath? quiet story? Then just keep plopping him back in bed- no words! This can work and you will be so happy when it does! BUT, it's definitely difficult in the beginning! Just stick to it and stay strong. You need your sleep!

G.,
I really sympathize with you. There are lots of tips for dealing with your kids waking you but i want to focus first on you. You are in a very compromised position. You have the demands of two kids and you are very pregnant.

I had terrible insomnia with my 2nd pregnancy and on and off for the last six years since he was born. I can't even blame it on the kids most of the time, though if i get up with them at night I cannot fall back asleep. We adopted a toddler last year and she did not sleep through the night for 7 mons. I became a basketcase, very depressed, irritable, not coping at all.

Please hire a nanny, a doula, someone p/t who can help you during the day so you can get a break then. Break them in now, and you can have them during the early mos. of having a newborn. I look back and wish I had taken $ out of savings to do so at those times in my life. I was very cheap, but looking back it would have been a good investment.

I guess you don't have close family to spare you a break. If you need to, ask a friend if you can go sleep in their spare room once in a while at night or during the day. Sometimes I couldn't relax in my own house, b/c I could hear everything.

I know I am rambling. Lots of sources will tell you how to get the kids sleeping better so I really wanted to focus on you. If you fall apart, it all falls apart. Nanny 911 has good advice for sleep issues, there are lots of things at the library that can help with consistency and reinforcing sleep habits, but with the kids in a room together it will be hard. Please get some help so you can get some rest. I also took very low doses of ambien (pres. sleep med) while I was pregnant w/drs. approval. Also, look into that if insomnia is an issue beyond the kids waking you. Some of the sleepy herbal teas can help too and calms forte by Hylands is a great homeopathic.

Anyway, I wish you luck, please put yourself first and then you will be better able to deal with all the other issues. Your unborn child need you to be well.

First of all, congrats on the new home. I know how frustrating it is to move and have the kids be all out of whack in the new house. We moved when my son was 9 months and my daughter was not quite 3. It took a few weeks for them to adjust. We arranged their rooms the same way they were at the other house and we have the same bed time routine, but it stil took some adjusting. The ony thing i can recommend is don't force it on them, but try to get them in a good routine and don't be afraid to wake hubby up. You need your sleep more than he does with being pregnant and a SAHM. We would take turns when my son would wake up or we would switch kids every night. One night he would have Peyton and I would have Mackenzie then we would switch the next night. Maybe you should get your daughter a special flash light for her to have in bed if she wakes up, one that is easy to turn on and leave it some where she can find it. Or try adding another night light or one that is brighter. Good luck

My son was a crib jumper at about 16 months. I was afraid he was going to hurt himself leaping out of the crib. I purchased a crib tent and it was great! In fact, when he was just shy of three and I moved him into a twin bed (we skipped the whole toddler bed thing), I got a bed tent to help him with the transition. He loves it. It looks like a train and he still has it up (He's 5.5 now but he still loves his bed tent). When his friends come over, they all want to climb in the tent and pretend to camp.
I got the crib tent at Babys R Us and the bed tent at Target.com.

Everyone is saying that you need to split the kids up, but I have a 4 year old son and a 3 year old daughter who share a room and they have no problem. The only issue we had was that my son would wake up a little earlier than my daughter and he would wake her up, too. That was at 7 a.m. so they were still getting sleep. We finally convinced my son that if he left his room quietly, he would get some alone time with Mom or Dad before Sissy woke up and he hasn't gotten her up again since. I'm sure its just the adjustment of the new house, new room, etc. For your 4 yo, it could also be the anticipation of another baby at home. When I put my kids in their room together, I made a big deal about the "theme" for each of them. I painted the room all one color, but on one wall, split it up and put a grey colored box on one side for my son and a pink box on the other side for my daughter. I got them wall stickies in their theme and put them in the box. I used wallpaper letters and put each of their names over their colored boxes and basically split the room in half so each of them had their own stuff on their own side. Of course they play together and they share the whole room. Your son may be ready for a toddler bed. Maybe letting him pick one out will help in stay in. Let him pick his theme, etc. Make it a special place for them to want to stay in. Then, just be firm! No matter how often they get up, do not respond to them with words...just bring them back to bed. And PLEASE make your husband do this chore since you are so pregnant. Just keep being consistent on not giving in to them with the bedtime and it WILL get better. We also put our younger child to bed first, so when bedtime rolls around we spend a little one on one time with our youngest, put her to bed and then give our oldest some one on one time. They need that special time. When the new baby comes, they may have to share their one on one time with the baby or trade nights between mom and dad, but that helps too. Sorry to ramble, but having been through the issue, I wanted to tell you everything that has worked for us!

I think Shoshawna's suggestion on the flash light for your daughter is a great one. You might make a big deal about going shopping for it with her and have her pick it out at a toy store.

As far as your son, the bed tent idea sounds like a winner.

I also concur that they need their own rooms-I understand the moving problem. I am having house buying nightmares myself and we are currently moved for the second time in 30-days, living in an apartment while we wait to try and successfully close on another home (sellers defaulted on the last house we moved into and had to move out). Anyway back to you. If they don't have their own room because of needed renovations, seek help to get them done quickly. We were renovating our kitchen and a bath in our previous house getting the house ready for rent upon my daughters arrival. We recruited my in-laws to help out with watching the baby and even some of the renovations (painting, etc.) so that we could get it done in less time.

I can't wait to get into our new (used)house that does not need any immediate work and hope to get my daughter adjusted quickly and settled Finally into where she will be growing for at least the next 10 years.

There won't be a magic solution to your kid's sleep problems. I think it will just take you and your hubby being consistent. Develop a bedtime routine and stick with it. Everytime your son gets out of bed, put him right back in without giving him a lot of attention. Don't hold a conversation about it and don't bring him into your bed. It will just give him reinforcement to continue his behavior. Same thing with your daughter- don't feed into her night time fears. If she cries out to you in the middle of the night, you can check on her, but don't stay in her room for long. Maybe you could discuss exactly what she is afraid of (sometime during the day). Is it the dark, does she hear noises, are there scary shadows on the walls? Then, once you identify what it is, you could come up with a way to resolve the scary issue. For example, if it's shadows that scare her, you could look at the shadows together right before she goes to bed and go over what it is that's casting the shadows. If it's something that can be removed, remove it. If not, identify what object it is that's making the shadow, so she'll know and remember what it is when she wakes in the middle of the night.

Also, make sure your hubby knows how sleep-deprived you are and discuss ways that he can help. Maybe you two can divide the nights up- you get up with kids 2 nights, then your husband takes the next 2 nights, or whatever schedule works best for you. Just some suggestions- hope this helps!

I know you say the children need to be in the same room. If you ever want to sleep again, you need to split them up NOW! Children need their own space to relax. It doesn't sound relaxing to have a little brother in your room. I think part of your daughter's sleeping problem is her brother. She's overtired and can't stay asleep.

We have 2 kids who will do ANYTHING to avoid sleep. Having been a bit of an insomniac myself as a child, and having had night terrors, they have my sympathies. That said, I can only be so supportive of my kids because the do actually have to sleep sometime in order to survive and function :) !
We put a child-proof device on the door of my 3-yr-olds bedroom, so he cannot get out at night and wander around. His room has no toys, but it does have a CD player he can work, and a flashlight. When he wakes up scared, we will go in and reassure him, find the flashlight for him, and then leave him be. He knows he can play a CD to help soothe himself, and he has his flashlight (just a kids plastic one) and the nightlight to help too.
The other one - the 1-yr-old - goes to sleep really well, but wakes up multiple times a night (STILL!) because he's hungry. I should mention here that he is a big boy! Not obese or anything, but he is wearing 2T already and is off the charts for height, so he may actually be legitimately hungry growing as fast as he is. He also has a CD player and I will get up and give him some milk and turn his CD on for him and leave.
The music helps comfort and soothe both of them. It really works wonders for my kids. Plus, we put a cd on for them at bedtime so it helps establish a routine (and a pavlovian response, lol).

I hope this helps! My 1-yr-old did not sleep more than an hour at a time until about 4 months ago, so my memories of sleep deprivation torture are very vivid! You have my sympathies and prayers!

It has been a long time since I was a mom to a small child but when sd used to go to bed, I'd leave a small light on for her. The issue with the kids in the roon together may be a problem too. Your daughter may be awoken by her brother who is the sleep deprived one. Try not giving him naps during the day and your daughter too if she still gets them and see how they do. The lught really helped my daughter.Then she had no excuses. She had her favorite blanket and toy, and slept well after that. They MUST stay in their own room though...not in your room, or you'll never get them out of your room! sd always had her own room so I didn't have a problem with this. Good luck and God Bless. He is AWESOME!

My magic book is by Suzy Giordano, called 'Twelve Hours Sleep by Twelve weeks' and it really worked, for both my children 20 months and 6 months and they share a room.

i am not claiming to know it all, but my children are about the same age as yours, and when we moved to our new house this same thing happened. NOTHING worked for us, so i had to listen to the husband and do what he suggested.
DONT get up for him. Let him cry, with my youngest who is 2.5 just like your son, it took a few weeks of screaming and crying EVERY night, she would wake up her sister all the time (who is 5) she is the reason i would get up and try to make the baby stop crying, this is what i found out. the older one will get tired of being woken up by the baby, and will put her foot down for quiet. my oldest told the baby to go to bed, you are bothering me she would say, and now i am happy to report that we are again, sleeping through the night. As much as it hurt me to listen to the little one scream at night, she realised it wasnt working, and she stopped. it was harder on me then it was on her i promise.
good luck, and i hope i could help

Try melatonin its natural and works wonders. I use it to help myself and mid kids as needed. Good luck!

Oh can I relate!!! My daughter was not a great sleeper after she stopped using the crib when she started climbing out at about 15 months! NIGHTMARE!

I have used the flashlight and rewards...I also used "Monster spray" to address her fears. I took a spray bottle and filled it with water and food coloring to make it pink...We would have a ritual where we "sprayed" areas where she thought there was monsters to keep them away...under the bed, in the closet...this helped with that fear! I also had to use gates in her doorway to keep her in her room once she moved to a bed...I have pictures of her asleep on the threshold of her bedroom because she was "NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE HER ROOM!"...very funny...We moved last summer from MA and I talked non-stop about her "New room" at our new home...I can say that at 6...she finally started sleeping regularly in her new room after the move! Thank God! Hang in there...Good luck!

D.