hi K.;
my 3 yr old boy is very picky and my 16 mo old daughter is not picky at all. my son only just started sleeping through the night about 8 months ago and my daughter does not. both my children are tall, very verbal, are almost never sick, and are really, really happy and healthy.
which is to say this; the only person who will really suffer from "trying everything" to make a child eat or sleep is YOU.
the infant body knows what it needs, period. little children don't have logic and they don't have information and they don't care. what you can do is this; avoid snacks to allow her to build up some hunger, and then offer several different simple things in lots of pretty colored bowls at meal time, and leave it at that. she can try all kinds of fruits and veggies, simple meats like broiled chicken or turkey hot dogs cut up into half moon shaped pieces, cheerios, veggie booty, and plenty of cold water.
if you force her you will create a power struggle, and then you will really have a problem. women grow up with weight problems because our soicety is obsessed with food; your duaghter will not starve herself unless she thinks she has to in order to assert herself with you. i say let the hot air out of this struggle, relax, and stop worrying.
as far as sleep i will tell you this; CIO can actually cause a child to gag, vomit, burst blood vessels, and even go into respiratory arrest. some people may insist that it works but i think this is an extremely dangerous practice, and i belive that the only reason children sleep after crying is because they are exhausted and pass out, and that's not what you want. that's just a child collapsing after yet another power struggle. once again you are setting yourself up for more potential problems down the road.
what is wrong with comforting your child in the middle of the night so she can go back to sleep peacefully? i can't comprehend why hysterical crying in the middle of the night, and guilt and drama and less sleep for you, is ever the answer or any good at all. i think it's not only dangerous and mean, it's just impractical. it's also scary as hell for your child. please don't do this.
why not make things easier on yourself and your child? let go of all these demands that you have, give yourself and your child a break. as she gets older and develops more, she'll sleep through the night when she's able and ready. and she'll eat when she's ready to eat. is she healthy? does she poop and pee? laugh and play? cry tears? then she's fine, she's not dehydrated or underweight, right? she's not lethargic or yellow, right? so relax.
good luck to you.
J.