Seeking Advice from Other Moms

I have an 8 year old ADHD/OCD son and it has been a tough battle for us too. After many months of debate and watching him fail in school I decided to start him on a daily medication for school time only. We have also started seeing a counselor along with his regular doctor and that has been a tremendous help. He has really improved in school and we have been pleased with the notes sent home from his teacher and the difference we see in him. We can actually go to dinner and enjoy a movie without having to leave him with a babysitter to keep us sane. I was very hesitant about the meds but once I saw that it was the only thing that would help him I have calmed some. I still do research on ADHD and I am continuing to look for other ways to help him focus. A.

Hello A.. I feel your pain. I have a son that was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD and ODD at the age of 3. I didn't put him on meds until he started kindergarten. Only because he was disturbing the class. And if I knew then what I know now I never would have thrown more kids in the mix. I have 2 other children that are younger than him.

My son would fall out in the store and in the beginning I would just keep walking and ignore him OR most of the time I wouldn't take him. I would do my shopping when my exhubby was at home. The other thing I started doing was making him responsible for his actions and I never used his condition as a crutch. I would tell him you are responsible for your actions (even though I know he couldn't control hisself sometimes) and you need to control yourself or there will be consequences. I would take him in the bathroom and whip him and he usually would scream his head off and then when he was done we would go back out and shop. He would be ok. Now I tell them all before we go in the store, "you will be punished if you act up in this store"...after a couple of whippings they got the hint and are for the most part great kids in the stores.

It is very difficult though because when you are scolding them about what they just did they are already doing something else and not listening. On top of that he wouldn't know what he did 5 minutes ago to get in trouble. I would make Camron look me in the eye and say what I had to say. When he didn't pay attention I would get his attention again and again and again until he heard what I had to say. He would usually listen after he realized he wasn't going to be able to do what he wanted until he did listen.

It is all about consistancy. And as for your other child that is not ADHD, DO NOT LET HIM GET AWAY WITH WHAT YOUR ADHD CHILD GETS AWAY WITH. Do not feel guilty for punishing the younger one apporpriately. In some years you will regret it.

Gurl, I have read all the books, went to the psycologist, and psychiatrist and none of it prepared me for being a mother of an ADHD child. If I could bold the H for Hyperactivity I would. They try to teach you how to deal with the child but don't teach you how to control your anger. They just say be patient and consistant. I should of taken an Anger Managment classes first then went to the psycologist...LOL

Oh, I didn't realize this was so long. I was on a role. LOL

You can send me a personal message if you would like. I have alot of first hand experience with this.

Hi, I'm A. and I have a 6 year old with ADHD. He was diagnoised when he was 4 years old and we have gone to behavior modification therapy ever since. The 1st thing you HAVE to do is set house rules. On of my house rules is to always be on our best behavior when we go in public. You must make sure your child understands what you expect of him. You also must give him a reward system, so when he does follow the house rules he is rewarded. At our house, we use poker chips and they are worth 25 cents a peice or he can trade them in for special privilges(picking out dinner, staying up 20 min later, ect). This system has worked out great for us. E-mail me if you have any questions. Believe me, we have totally been in your boat!!
A.

I have to agree with everything Melanie R said...very well written. I also have an ADHD child myself. She is my neice, but I have had custody of her for over a year. The only thing that I have to add is that a lot of the time children throw these fits to get attention, even if it is bad attention to them at least it is attention. When you are at home and he does this put him in his room and let him scream and cry and carry on all he wants and just try your best to ignore it (try your very best to not go into the room). When he realizes that he isn't getting your attention (if this is the problem sometimes) then he will stop. Also another form of punishment I have found to work (with my neice spanking her doesn't work at all) is taking something away that she loves. Whether it's her favorite toy or not getting to go somewhere I take the other kids. One other thing when your child is having a fit let him know that you hear him...for example if he's screaming that he wants a certain toy tell him I know that you want (insert name of particular toy here) when you are good and don't have any fits for a week then we will talk about getting you that toy. Sometimes it helps just for them to know that they are being heard. Then if he does start to have a fit then remind him of your agreement.

One of my children was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD(oppositional defiant disorder) and when she's older will be tested for a possible mood disorder. It's hard when they act the way they do and sure does run one down emotionally and physcially. I joined a group online called conductdisorders.com for support. I also had the support of her pediatrician, counselor and behavioral doctor. She was diagnosed through the behavioral doctor, which the pediatrican suggested. We tried a couple different meds for her and found one that helped take the edge off...helped her slow down, think and not "react" to everything, but we still struggled. There is hope though. I would talk to your pediatrician about it and see what to do. Medication might help, I also know that people prefer the "natural" route and there are herbs that do help too. It's hard when one does it and the baby follows! You are a terrific mom for asking for advice. And try the reward system stated by Ashley.

I know exactly how you feel as my 8 yr. old has ADHD. Putting him on meds was something I really didn't want to do but it was definitely the right thing!
In addition to the embarassing tantrums, etc. in stores and restauraunts, I was called to a parent-teacher conference just 2 weeks after he started kindergarten! He wouldn't stay in his seat, he wouldn't pay attention, he wouldn't do his work, and he was disrupting the class. His teacher told me that unless something drastically changed, he would not be ready for 1st grade. He was basically failing kindergarten because he wasn't doing his work!
My husband and I agreed that the best thing to do was to put him on meds. The very first day he was on them, his teacher emailed me twice because she just couldn't get over the change in him! Some meds take time...evidentally, Concerta starts working immediately. She said he was not only staying in his seat, paying attention, and doing his work, but he was actually participating in class.
He went from a child to wasn't going to be ready for first grade to a child with ALL S's on his report card and also got Student of the Month the very next month!
He is now in 3rd grade and he's still a straight A student!
I recommend taking him to his pediatrician and getting a referral to at least have him evaluated. It certainly can't hurt!

Hey, i have a 9 yr old that was diagnosed with adhd this past year. He was having behavior problems at school and the only thing that help was putting him on medicine. I know some people are against it but it does help. We also have him seeing a counselor that will help teach him how to control himself so he doesnt have to stay on the medicine for long. I would talk to your doctor and see what they recommend.

MY son has ADHD so i know what a trail it can be. First off is he on meds and what type and dosage? IF not you may want to see ur primary health provider to put him on meds.My son has been on several meds but currently he is off them the side effects were worse then his not paying attention. And when he was younger i use to tape record simple instructions for him that way if he forgot he could play them back. It seemed to help for a short period of time. Are next step is trying to get him on the adhd patchbecause at 11 yrs old he has learned to ditch his meds.The tantrums in public maybe for attention getting. I know its hard to ingore when a store full of people are looking at you. But do try to as best as you can and at 6 yrs old he should be able to understand setting examples. I know its very frustrating for you and your family. If you need to talk you can contact me for my personal email or phone number. Just remember take 1 day at a time.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD in December of 06.We tried 3 different medications untill we got to one that really worked.He is doing 100% better now and he is doing much better in school.I thought I would loose my sanity before we found the answer,so I understand what you are going through.I would love to answer any questions you may have...you can contact me at ____@____.com

I am not a dr. nor do I have children with ADD, ADHD or autism. I have been around kids with these things though. It sounds like your child has a touch of autism. I have researched autism a little bit and there are many different variations and extremes of it. Have you taken your child to a specialist or pshychiatrist? I would just to make sure it isn't the ADHD and something more. I assume he is on meds for the ADHD those may need to be altered also. I hope things work out for you.

Lorn to love them lol i have three with adhd and there all diff in it let me know how thing go

I am not a doctor or a parent with a child with ADD/ADHD but I am a school teacher who often tells parents who are questioning thier child's behaviors to not only go see your DR but maybe a psychologist. They are able to look more into depth as to what might help you and your family. Good luck!

Dear A.
is it your 6 year old son that has adhd. I have a 9 year old grandson with adhd, and he is on concerta.that is the first step, i dont know why he acts that way, if he is on medicine. Maybe it is not the right choice. Check with the dr. Even with adhd, there has got to be dicipline, and he needs to know what he did wrong. Sit him down, talk to him, get his attenton, he needs to know he is loved.

I am a stepmother to a 13yr old girl. I have only been in her life the past 4 years. The one thing I am finding is between the adults there has to be consistancy. If there is a chance to "parent split" its done. consistancy and rules. And make the rules be followed, one time its not, at least with my 13 yr old stepdaughter, she runs with it.
Good luck. S.