Hi all -
My seven year old threatened another boy on the school bus today. This isn't the first incident like this. He's my problem child (middle child) and has had behavioral issues (along with difficulty paying attention, etc) for some time now. I have had numerous meetings with his teacher, the school counselor and principal. He does get a lot of support from the school which is great. I am looking for any advice from other moms on how to handle this. Please let me know what you've done that works.
Thanks!
Thanks for the advice everyone. You are right in the labeling. I didn't meant to categorize him that way, but to give you all an understanding that out my three children, he is the one that has these types of issues/problems. It of course does not excuse it, but at least helps explain the "why". I have spoken to the school counselor many times, and he is working with my son in a 1:1 capacity. We just moved and have a new pediatrician so I will address it with them as well. I do want him tested for ADD/ADHD, as I think that could be the root of some of this. There are some great resources out there, and I am blessed that the school is doing a lot to help as well. Agree on the comment about the bus. Nothing good does ever happen there!
Thanks again for the support. :)
Hi C.-
Have you had him evaluated to see if there is an underlying cause to his behavioral issues? There are so many possibilities, it's hard to say but I would certainly have a psychologist meet with him to see if there is something.
Good luck,
K.
I have four children, ages 9 though 25. I have an old saying: "Nothing good ever happens on the bus." It is a large pot of unsupervised time, where children can interact with no adult supervision. Get your boy off the bus. I drove all my children to school, and then picked them up, and I and continue to do so. It is really the only way to insure your child's safety. He is impulsive, and you need to protect him from opportunities to single himself out. He will then be a target for everyone to blame for everything.
This is one place where you can have a powerful effect on how he is seen among his peers. Also, you may want to share his behavior with your pediatrician. Good luck and God Bless.
Love, L.
Hello C.,
I'm sorry that you are having a tough time with your son. First, I'd stop labelling him (problem child) or trying to justify (middle child) and get to the root of whatever the problem is, because many schools do not tolerate threats or bullying. It's fine to have meetings, but what about taking some action? If you suspect something isn't right, get a behavioral and medical evaluation for your son, and if there is any diagnosis, get him treatment for that.
Good luck!
My grandson has similar issues to your son. His behavior is related to a sensory processing disorder. The school district is required by Federal Law to provide evaluation and treatment for any child who is having difficulty in school. My granddaughter's teacher and pediatrician suspected that she was ADHD and the school district evaluated her for that and the school provided a tutor for writing. She's now on target, is no longer is taking medication and is having success in school.
The office that does the evaluating is a county entity. You can find them in the phone book under co. name Education School District Office or ask about them at the school. Their services are free. They involve the parents at every step. The parent has the right to accept or reject their recommendations.
My daughter has been pleased with the service they have provided for her and both of her children. My grandson was unable to be in a group when he was 4. The school district put him in a therapeutic preschool and he's now in a special education class. He has more serious issues than those described for your son. He wouldn't have lasted in a regular kindergarten or been passed to first grade. My granddaughter was doing OK in school but obviously having difficulty. Both have an IEP (Individual Education Plan) which has made a great difference in their levels of success. My daughter will most likely not need a special plan in this upcoming year.
So.....I highly recommend that you make an appointment for an evaluation. Then you can go from there in deciding what to do. You can take him to a private person for evaluation. However, he will probably need to be seen by more than one professional person which takes time. The school district has all of these people in one place. The evaluation is completed in a couple of weeks.
Unlike some others, I don't agree with removing your son from the bus. My son is 17 and a Junior in high school. When he was young, K-4th grade, we had behavorial issues that were finally diagnosed as ADHD. He has been on medication ever since. It has helped tremendously! He also was seeing a therapist to help him overcome his negative behavior issues. He now plays soccer on the high school team and his grades are the best of his life. His negative behaviors have been addressed and now he is pretty much a normal teenage boy (albiet lazy). If you remove your son from the bus, he learns that the behavior he exhibited on the bus was acceptable....the only consequense was that now mom gets to drive him to school! He needs behavior modification/treatment, not removal. His actions act out agression built up because of frustration. (He may not even be able to tell you why he's frustrated). It may mean taking him from the bus for a short period of time, but IF he has ADHD, he should be able to perform in any normal situation as long as he learns how to cope with his problems. Also, you didn't mention why he threatened the other boy. Was it a cases of provocation or just a blatent threat on his part? You need to find out because it will give you some idea of how/why he is thinking the way he is. You also said your school is helping.....they will only help so much. Even if they work with him one on one, they have a lot of students to deal with. My son took possible ADHD tests three times with the school and they all said he was within the normal range. I was glad I took him to our pediatrician. Also, go online and look at some of the symptoms of ADHD and honestly apply them to your child. I know firsthand how upsetting unaccepatble behavior by your child can be but know that there truly is help out there for him. Don't delay. Good luck.
i wouls sit down and talk to him and find out why he feels he has to threaten somebody, or act agressively. how does it make him feel when he does it??? what is his feeling RIGHT before he does it?? this may actually clue u in if he has ADD or ADHD sometimes things like this while common, can trigger agression out of frusturation. find out how he feels about himself...then explain to him we need to develop a different way to channel these negative feelings, get him involved in a hobby something for HIMSELF. something he can take real pride in. and let him know that this behavior will result in time in your room by yourself, and groundings, etc. whatever u got. also FYI activities that require alot of concentration like drawing, building things, etc. are proven to calm the body in it's tightest wind. all kids are essentially good, they just run into bumps in the road and require our guidance...good luck :)
To add to what Samantha C said, after you've discussed his feelings and the appropriate way to respond to any given situation, you need to practice with him. The more he does appropriate coping behaviors, the more he is likely to use them.
I also agree to stop the labeling and justification. There is no excuse for hitting someone else. All children can learn appropriate social behaviors despite whatever learning or mental disorders they have. It may take longer and more practice, but it can be done.
