Seeking Advice on a Preschooler That's Only Bad at School

From what you described, my almost 4 year old son exhibits the same behaviors but maybe to a lesser intensity (I'm a stay at home mom who used to be a teacher). We just added baby #2 to the mix 6 months ago too. What I can tell you is that in do time, hopefully with the help of the teacher and your consistent expectations, limits and consequences at home, the behaviors will lessen until the extinguish. One thing I started doing with my son is involving him in other activities outside the home that I was present for (i.e. library time, music, gymnastics, swimming). This way, he was responsible for following someone else's rules/structure/etc. but when he was disruptive I could intervene. He had always been good for me and respected my authority, so when I had to intervene it helped. His preschool teacher says that his behavior is much better on the days when I volunteer to help in the class. I guess my presence helps keep him in check. While I know this is very difficult, please remember that she is only 4 and this will not be her behavior forever. Maybe you and the teacher can pick several behaviors (1-3) to work on. The teacher can give her 3 warning and then a strike if she does not comply. If she has a good day the teacher can give her a sticker (you can help out by supplying them). Then, you can reinforce her good day/bad days at home with something as well. It sounds as though she may be bright. If you know that she responds to you telling her things you can get books from the library about these behaviors and read them to her. You can then role play these things at home. Lastly, my son and I "talk" about the expectations of his behavior on his way to school.

Sorry to be so wordy... hope some of these suggestions help. And just remember, you're a great mom, you have a great child and this is just a tiny blip on the radar.

Hello A. S.

I hope this doesn't sound like things you have already heard. Do you think your daugther is so used to the one on one attention at home that she thinks she should get it at school? Or maybe she just feels all that energy coming from the other kids and isn't sure what to do with it. Either way, I think a good ideas would be to get her involved in a group like Kindermusik where you would interact with her in a group setting. You wjould see and be more aware of how to handle this kind of situation. I hope this helps...

My children are just a bit older and we have been through many problems and situations. As they get older and we gain success over the 5year old problems, they turn 16 and 20 and have a new set of problems all together! Have a wonderful day!

A., when my daughter started kindergarten at almost 5, she started exhibiting some undesirable behaviors, plus she had a million new things to remember. At the time my husband and I were seeing a therapist to make our relationship stronger, and we brought up our daughter. The therapist was kind enough to go out of her way to give us a technique and accompanying reading/worksheets to help our daughter. The technique is a rewards based program. I bought plastic poker chips and put them in a drawer. Then I got a cool bag for my daughter to put these chips in. If she came home that day without a sad face from her teacher, she'd get a poker chip. If she remembered to give me her communication folder or bring home schoolwork (or really whatever behaviors I wanted to change), she would get another poker chip. At the end of the week (5 day week, not 7), she'd count her chips and could use them for a predetermined reward(s). We ended up coming up with a small chart on paper showing a reward and how much it cost, like going to a movie that weekend or being able to have a friend come over or whatever you can come up with that you know will motivate your child, going to the park, mall, out to lunch. My daughter's behavior improved immediately, it was such a success. She's now 8 and in 3rd grade, does homework on her own, is the teacher's pet, only occasionally forgets stuff and is a straight A student. More interesting is, she sometimes asks us to start the poker chip program up again... she actually enjoyed it.

I absolutely agree with her teacher, but life is as it is. Maybe if possible have daddy call or her call daddy everyday for a while just to ask if she got a smiley face on her folder. My youngest daughter now 7 is really a daddy's girl and same thing he was never home when she was, and once we started making a big deal about her school work it seemed to improve, so maybe she just needs that sort of attention from daddy hopefully that may be something that will work.

Hi A.... I do not know what school your child goes to, but is it possible that the school structure is just not a good match for her specific needs? My son is 4 and we went through 2 other schools before we ended up at Trinity and we hit the jackpot there... for him. It was the right environment to meet his personality needs. L.

Hello, I have three old twin boys and they are well behaved children but they are also three. I was a single mom for awhile so I was worried they would start misbehaving and I would lose control. But something I learned is like my boys, your daughter is prob going through a phaze. The most inportant this is to stay consistent with how you react to her behavior. Let her know it is unacceptable to act a certain way and whatever form of discipline you choose, make sure it is consistent, even when she gets home from school. If I received a bad report from the boys daycare, the boys would have to go on time out for 4 mins as soon as they got home. It let them know that even though they were acting up at school their punishment would be continued at home..I hope this helps and just keep telling your daughter you love her, reward good behavior and be consistent with discipline with bad behavior...