M.W.
Dear JS,
I feel for you! I have a daughter, now 3+, and a 14mo son. I returned to work when my daughter was 9mos.
At first it was fine, we had a fabulous nanny, I loved my job & coworkers. Then the nanny moved away. We tried flex time coordination with my husband. That was OK, but not great for career advancement for either of us. We tried a slew of nannies, none of which really worked (our daughter has special dietary needs). I worked until shortly before my sons birth, not realising how truly stressed and harried I was.
I returned to the office, son in tow, when he was a few weeks old. We flexed my daughter's care, juggling office time and work-at-home time. Most people probably thought we had it made.
It was an exhausting nightmare. I have been home for 8 months now. It was an adjustment, emotionally and financially.
Our generation, for the most part, has been raised to feel that our contribution to society and marriage is directly correlated to our education and salary. I am educated, made more than my husband, and felt "successful".
This is a sad plight, because we are truly trading the future for the present. I think people often convince themselves in to believe the opposite.
Your child will never be a newborn, infant, toddler, preschooler, kindergartener, teenager... again. Ever.
You will never regret the lost income spent on seeing your child's firsts. I would do it again even if I had to file bankruptcy.
I didn't think I had missed anything with our daughter, but when our son reached 9 months (age when I returned after daughter), I began to realise I had missed everything.
Listen to your heart. It is the hardest decision you will make. Remember, the hardest things you do in life are also the most rewarding.
The mechanics of how we did it go like this: we downsized to one vehicle. My husband rides his bike or takes the bus to work most days. We limit eating out. We eat less luxurious items. I don't buy any "snack" like food (cookies,crackers)- I make it all. I bought an espresso machine (nespresso, great stuff) and instead of going for coffee I stay in with my friends who are also trying to economize. We haven't gone on a vacation in more than a year, and our next one will probably be using a home exchange program so we won't have hotel expense. We got rid of a cell phone and lowered the minutes on current plan. We re-shopped for our insurance plans and found out we could shave $150 dollars between life, home, auto etc per month! I dont buy new clothes anymore. I can get one pair of summer shoes and one winter new, but my clothes are mostly second hand (find some friends who still work and get their cast-offs). My kids don't care what I look like (fortunately my husband never was and isn't looking for a trophy wife). I haven't been to the salon since I quit my job.
It is interesting that since I quit my job, my husband is much more dedicated to his job (he's always been a hard worker). He's also less stressed because I am less stressed. He is proud to be the sole provider, and while that hurts my feminist pride a bit, I am proud of him for pulling the weight. His boss has noticed, and he's up for promotion.
Educate yourself on what the benefits really are of returning to work. There are great online tools- cnnmoney.com, bankrate.com etc. Chances are that your income is adding to your expenses, not your income. There are some good online calculators that will tell you this!
This is really a long list, and I hope easy to read for you and others.
You may want to set a savings goal, say 3-6 months expenses, before you quit. You may decide to go part-time or find a job that lets you be part time.
Also, I was raised by a single father. I didn't realise what he did to raise me until I had my own children. He stayed home with me, working from home before companies even knew what that was. He gave up med school because of the rigorous schedule. He worked while I slept, and later, while I was in school. I learned a lot by "helping" him as soon as I could walk. I learned by seeing him handle parenthood and professionalism successfully. That is something I will always respect and appreciate.
I wish you luck and hope that you can follow your heart. Childhood is so brief! All you need to do is swing it for the first few years (closer your kids are in age, the shorter the time until they are in school). When they go back to school you'll have some more options. It will be here before you know it! Parenting is about making choices that are selfless for the good of the child. No one is perfect, and no one has a perfect childhood. We all can only do our best. Your children will know if you are doing your best, whether that is staying home, working part time, or full time.
Good Luck!!